Saturnalia, Devin Hester and Science Knocks Down Religion…

This just in: The Chicago Bears are very quietly a decent football squad. They beat the struggling but still borderline-respectable Minnesota Hyperboreans last evening, and now can win the NFC North by winning out, including the regular season finale against the Packers…In two weeks, we shall have a match-up of timeless glory; Packers and Bears at the very end of December, at Lambeau Field in the snow for the division title.

Ready-made James Bond villain and WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange says that he will not return to Sweden to face questions over an alleged sexual assault case. Assange was arrested and detained two weeks ago before being released from prison on bail. He says he does not feel obliged to be at the “beck and call” of those accusing him of crimes. Assange was arrested just after the release of thousands of diplomatic cables that embarrassed hundreds of international diplomats, worrying US officials that their partners would resent US involvement. The Bohunk suspects they, perhaps, resent two wars, a massive trade advantage, the largest military in the world and the tendency to embargo any one who does not fall in line. But the cables could also be embarrassing, too. More news on Assange throughout the week…

Bond villain and WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange…He ain’t going
nowhere….

In the on-going battle between science and religion, the University of Kentucky is facing a sizable lawsuit from C. Martin Gaskell, a professor who applied for the gig but was denied because of his belief in God. University board members pointed to a paper written by Gaskell that pointed out some ‘weak points’ in evolution, though many of these points had been explained and are accepted as the likely method for our becoming up-right. Board members believed that Gaskell’s belief in an old man in the sky with a long white beard may inhibit his views and research. His views, especially in his now infamous research paper, show that he holds certain beliefs that have been refuted by available evidence. Does anyone really win this battle? Religion and science seems to be getting only more divisive, though at least no one is getting burned at the stake anymore… At least in the US. Saudi Arabia and other Middle Eastern states still have blasphemy laws on the books, and have executed people for blasphemy (usually Christians) in the past five years. It’s a very, very backwards world…

Did you rise at 2 am last night to enjoy the lunar eclipse? The Bohunk slept comfortably through it, but many stargazers jumped at the chance to see the last lunar eclipse of 2010, and the first such eclipse to occur on the winter solstice since 1638. Another lunar eclipse will not be viewable in the US until April 15, 2014.

A Lunar Eclipse. Now you can say you saw it…

In another contribution to the Bohunk’s on-going series, the World Is Going to Hell Via Handbasket, Southerners from South Carolina met in Charleston to ‘celebrate’ the 150 year anniversary of the political beginning of the Civil War, the conflict which killed or wounded over a million Americans. Crazy rich folk met in expensive and ornate period dress to reenact South Carolina’s decision to secede from the Union. Though nearly all historians agree that the South’s secession was based almost entirely on the belief that individual states held the right to decide on the legality of holding slaves, and having the economic power that resulted in holding millions of slaves, many claimed the night, or the war itself, had anything to do with slavery. They said the shin-dig was to celebrate the bravery of people defending their homes…If they hadn’t seceded, there would have been no war. That is just plainly ignorant. And what would people think of German Americans having a party to remember the ‘bravery’ of Germany during the Holocaust? Or Japanese Americans celebrating Pearl Harbor? Same deal, and saying it isn’t is very unintelligent.

In the on-going piece on the development of the Christmas we now know, we have reached Roman influence. The Romans changed the pagan Solstice festival to coincide with their own feast, Saturnalia, in honor of the god Saturn. Saturn was a symbol of agriculture and the redistribution of food and wealth from the rich to poor, which made December and January the months of giving, feasting and having a good time. The rich held massive banquets to help feed the poor over the winter months, especially those who had a rough, unproductive harvest….

Apple has pulled the WikiLeaks app from its market, thought Android has let the app stay. The app only came online five days ago after struggling to stay on the Internet after being booted from many servers and being blocked by some governments. Apple gave no reason for pulling the app, which was selling for $1.99, half of which went to fund WikiLeaks. The app is still downloadable for Android, but even that site says the app ‘boarders legality’ though it is still quite popular. Some have said that this could make hackers go after Apple, though probably to little effect. No consumer boy-cot would do very much to hurt Apple and none is likely to be organized. Many experts believe this is just a part of the US plan to weaken Assange and eventually extradite him to face myriad charges in the States….

A quick note: Last night, Devin Hester of the Chicago Bears returned a punt to break the record for return touchdowns in NFL history, breaking the long-held record by Redskin Brian Mitchell. Mitchell took 223 games and over 1,000 returns to hit 13 TDs, while 74 games and 286 games to hit the mark. Hats off, Devin, one of the Bohunk’s favorite players in the league. A second kudos for teamsmanship; Hester’s first words were to thank the 10 other gentlemen who blocked for him, not just last night but throughout his career. What a stand-up character…

To the house and into the record books, the Gentlemanly Devin Hester…

Finally, a last plug for books this holiday season. Fall of Giants by Ken Follett is sure to be a classic, already a fixture on the NY Times Bestseller list and the first installment in the Century Trilogy following five interrelated families in their immigration to and settling in of America. If you’ve read other Follett masterpieces, like Pillars of the Earth, you know there are few authors who master characters and stories like Ken. Fall of Giants is still only available as a hardcover, but it is good enough to buy even at hard cover price, $18.36.

Thanks for reading and have a terrific Tuesday, the Bohunk shall return tomorrow. Chapeau, dear reader, chapeau.

Foxy Friday, Horned Amphibians, and Yearly Awards…

It’s that very time of week that makes our hearts light and jolly. It’s Friday, and a Friday in December means holiday events and shopping, the approach of exams and, of course, Bowl Season. This year, amateur football fans are lucky. The National Title is between two undefeated squads, Auburn and Oregon, the Rose Bowl is going to be a slugfest (Wisconsin vs. TCU). There are scores of other games worth TiVo’ing, and the best will be previewed next week.

The Texas Christian University Horned Amphibians face off against the
“On, Wisconsin” in the Grand Daddy of Them All.

To follow up with the WikiLeaks counterattack internet strikes, experts are warning the United Kingdom to closely monitor activity on its site this weekend. Hackers have threatened to topple the government’s entire network, possibly risking national security and private information of millions of citizens. The threat comes as the UK mulls over the idea of extraditing Julian Assange, the imprisoned founder of WikiLeaks that the British government is holding on sexual assault charges in Sweden. Should the government send off Assange, hackers vow to attack the weakest areas of the government’s network and burrow into more delicate information. Their attack yesterday on Amazon.com ultimately failed, though they successfully froze PayPal and both MasterCard and Visa.

After yesterday’s short piece about the injustices of the Chinese government, the Bohunk did some more digging. After slaving away over a hot computer stove for tens of minutes, I found that China is has the prestigious honor of executing the most people of any government on this fine globe, and almost all of them are killed by hanging. Iran is a second and gets the nod of being the most brutal by killing at least five people by stoning in the past eight years, though it is now illegal in the country. To note, in 2004 a 16 year old girl was executed for “crimes against chastity”, which is a pretty vague charge (and probably title of Lady Gaga’s next album) Heads off to them, eh?

This week’s Fox is the beautiful and talented Michelle Williams. The 30 year old actress of Dawson’s Creek fame is now the lead in Blue Valentine, a film that received the dreaded NC-17 rating when it was reviewed some months ago. After some wheeling-and-dealing, the movie’s producers got the flick down to just R. She stars with Ryan Gosling in this chilling examination of life, love, and relationship. It is pointedly dark at at time disturbing, and has some very dirty scenes as well.

Michelle Williams: Fox since the mid-90’s.

Always worth a second look….

First, we have, my dear readers, other matters with which we must contend. To start, the Bohunk must invite you to submit, in any form you choose, your favorites of this past year. Name your Top:

~ Sportsperson
~ Movie
~ Book
~ Personality
~ Politician
~ Fox

All of your input will be taken into serious consideration when the Bohunk announces the Top (Fill In Blank) of the Year. Also, the Bohunk will select one award of his very own. Each year, excellent writer and columnist Gregg Easterbrook selects an NFL player as MVP, with the longest award title in the business. The Bohunk breaks his long standing record with this little number (in presentation form): The Flying Bohunk is delighted to announce the 2010 “Most Overrated Sports Personality Not-Affiliated With The Yankees And Who Did Not Win A Title Of Any Kind Last Year But Still Makes Over $100 Million Dollars”. Top that, Easterbrook.

Last, the Bohunk must shamelessly plug his newest and only book for sale. Recently published as an eBook by Barnes and Noble, West is a stunning look at a father and son who share name, appearance and a terrible sin. It deals not only with the experience of one family but a universal undertaking of life on earth, and the burden of being a father with a history. You can purchase it here, for a whole $2, at Barnes and Noble.

Thanks for reading, enjoy Foxy Friday and have a great weekend. Tomorrow the Top Post will be throw back up for a second go….Back on Monday with much better effort.

Brett Favre, Fat Albert, Cyber Warriors and a Panda…

It’s Hump Day, a holiday actually first celebrated after the infamous Mutiny of the mid 1800’s wherein Indian forces rose up against Imperial British soldiers across India, from Peshawar to Mumbai. (Not really…)

A very quick nod to the memory of a very strong woman, Elizabeth Edwards. Edwards, 61, finally lost her battle to breast cancer after a long six-year fight. Her death comes just a day after her family announced that she would stop receiving chemotherapy and other treatments, deciding instead to spend her time at home with her family. Elizabeth was separated from her husband of thirty years, John Edwards, the former Democratic candidate nominee, after it was found that he had had an affair with a filmmaker during his campaign. The couple split in January of last year, with Elizabeth taking responsibility of the couples’ 12 and 10 year old children. Doctors say Elizabeth was never in pain in her last hours, nor did she lose consciousness. She was a strong woman, an entirely amazing mother, and a personality that will be sorely missed.

On February 27, 2009, the Washington Native Americans made Albert Haynesworth the most affluent person employed in professional football. Yesterday, they suspended this same player for the remainder of the season, without pay, after some embarrassing incidents in Sunday’s game against, including telling coaches that he preferred, should they find it feasible, to play only in passing situations, and to take running situations off. This was not going to sit well with Coach Shannahan, so he decided to remove the distraction. Haynesworth will appeal the suspension with the league; should it stand, Fat Albert will lose $847,059 in pay, though, fear not, he has already received roughly $35 million this season. He will be traded in the offseason, or released, with no cost to the Native Americans.

It must have been a passing down…

Hackers around the globe have vowed vengeance on those persecuting WikiLeaks, the online group responsible for numerous releases of sensitive or secret documents. Most recently, as noted last week, WikiLeaks released hundreds of thousands of diplomatic cables, highlighting the negotiations and impressions of diplomats around the globe, and embarrassing most of them. Computer nerds have launched a counterstrike of sorts, hacking MasterCard and freezing much its functions. MasterCard had just announced that it would refuse requests by its cardholders if they tried to donate to WikiLeaks, which is run almost entirely by the contributions of conspiracy nuts like you. According to many reports, the site is essentially paralyzed and employees of the company are refusing to comment.

Favre handing off to AP: An event so rare a computer simulation was needed to
show just what it might look like…

In the Minnesota Hyperboreans’ win against Buffalo Sunday, Brett Favre was knocked out of the game on his first pass attempt, which, the Bohunk notes, was intercepted. Tavaris Jackson stepped on to hand the ball of to Adrian Peterson, the Best Back In Football; Brett Favre does not do this. With the “Ol’ Gunslinger” in the game, coaches call plays that involve the forward pass much more frequently. The job of the coaching staff, and this includes coordinators, is to give the team the chance to win. Having Brett throw a league leading 18 interceptions is not the best way to get the all important ‘W’. Giving the ball to AP, however, is conducive to that end. But Favre, with his injury, will sound a hero in taking the field Sunday, and he will play very mediocrely, and he will get his 297th start. And (write this down) they will lose. As will always happen when the coaches put one player before the entire squad’s best interest.

   And to lose any respectability, I submit the following:

 

Much credit due to John ‘Chode’ for this little number…

Thanks for reading, much better effort tomorrow, enjoy Modern Family on ABC this evening, and, should you have the time, read a book, too.

Murder Most Foul, Hall of Fame, and NFL Stuff….

Welcome to the Week before Thanksgiving, where many a teenage girl begins to starve herself before the gluttonous bounty that is Turkey Day itself….

A quick gesticulation to the –> right of your screen to bring your attention to the All-New Flying Bohunk Hall of Fame, chronicling famous folk who have made a visit to the blog since its meteoric rise to mediocrity. Illustrious names like Ted King, Todd Wells and Heather Irmiger grace the Hall, and the Bohunk will be bothering other Big Names to add to those ranks.

The fan favorite herself, Heather Irmiger. Note the number of riders
behind her….All of them. New HoF inductee.

The Detroit Lions lost to the heretofore winless Buffalo Ballcap Brims in a close but ugly, ugly football contest. The unsightly 12-14 score was indicative of the game itself. Detroit offered up 11 penalties to Ryan “I Graduate From Harvard, Pip, Pip” Fitzpatrick and the now 1-7 Bills. Fitzpatrick, an undrafted free agent who is now, statistically, one of the top ten quarterbacks in the league is this year’s Bohunk Breakout Player of the First Portion of the Season.

“A true Harvard chap will celebrate all wins by
investing in a long term CD and uttering a rousing,
’Pip, pip.’”

The Cowboys (not, mind you, cow-gentlemen) beat the New York Football Players Of Large Stature. They are now 2-7, but, as the head coach would point out, 1-0 under their new head coach, Jason Garrett. The Pokes overcame some ugly penalties and took advantage of Eli Manning’s distracted play (thinking about Oreos) to return a TD 101 yards off an interception. A good record for the remainder of the season might just allow the Red-Headed Garrett keep the job into next year, especially if a prolonged negotiation takes place as a new labor deal is discussed for the NFL.

In not-officially-paid-football, Auburn, Oregon, My Oregon and Boise State frolicked amongst the tulips, pushing aside some competition to remain undefeated. The truly interesting team at this point of the season is LSU; should the Purple Tigers (as I call them) win out, they just might have enough points to jump over either Boise or TCU to get into a BCS game. If that should happen, it would offer Boise and TCU opportunities to beat teams from automatic qualifier conferences and prove a point the Bohunk has repeatedly hammered into critics; if these non-automatic qualifier teams aren’t really any good, then why not let them play the Big Boys? The BCS has conveniently matched up the non-automatic qualifiers whenever possible since Boise upset Oklahoma in 2007. In the immortal words of Bobby Z., “I ain’t sayin’ nothin’, I’m just sayin’.”

Sad news from Haiti; the recent outbreak of cholera, which has since spread and thousands in the beleaguered nation, has claimed over 900 lives. Of the nation’s 10 provinces, 6 have confirmed deaths from cholera. Estimates place the number of people hospitalized at 14,000 since the outbreak began last month. The UN is now asking for $164 million to combat the disease. 121 people have died of cholera since Friday.

In technological news, Facebook has vowed to create a “Gmail-killer” with its new integrated email service. Reports of Facebook’s plan to create an email service have long been rumored though more concrete indications of the move surfaced last week. The Bohunk was going to include it, but, I was checking my Facebook. The company already has roughly 500 millions members (only 800 of which are are my friends (makes sad face and slumps shoulders)) that would be quick to adopt the new service. Quote from Gmail, Yahoo! and Hotmail: “Bring it on, bitches.”

Scientists from around the globe are exhuming the grave of famed astronomer Tycho Brahe, a Danish gentleman born in 1546 and who died in 1601 under mysterious circumstances. After a 1901 exhumation, scientists back then thought he died of a bladder infection; now, in a much cooler theory, some believe Brahe had abnormally and even lethal amounts of mercury in his blood system at the time of his death, leading some to believe he died of murder…murder most foul. Brahe died while in the Motherland (Prague, in what is now Czech Republic but has been and always will be the land of my people) at the invitation of Holy Roman Emperor Rudolph II after the Brahe’s dispute with the Danish king. Brahe is credited with collected the most accurate data of celestial bodies of any person in his lifetime

**Bonus Fact: Brahe was in a duel at some point in his life. The sword of a fellow nobleman reportedly cut off the end of his nose, which was replaced by a piece of metal. Scientists are hoping to find this piece of metal to determine what it was made of and if it could have been a reason for Brahe’s elevated mercury levels. 

Thanks for reading, hope you had an excellent weekend. Enjoy Monday Night Football this evening, Washington Native Americans against the Philadelphia “Boos When A Player Might Be Paralyzed” Eagles….Haven’t forgot about you, Colts WR Austin Collie… Stay strong, brother…

The Day After Election Day: Results Recap, Political Extravaaagaaannzaaa, Part I

Yesterday, the country spoke. At least, those of us who had time to vote did. (The Bohunk believes that any and all election days should be national holidays, so that everyone can get to the polls, regardless of the hours they work) Republicans retook the House of Representatives as expected and the Democrats held onto the Senate, which was very much in doubt as polls opened and some early Republican candidates won in Eastern states. As results came in from California and other Western states, Democrats opened one eye, lessened the pronounced grimace on their collective faces, and began to breathe again. Following are some key races, some of which have been covered by the Bohunk in weeks past:

Chris Coons (D) defeated reported “witch” Christine O’Donnell (R) in Delaware. O’Donnell was, perhaps, the most noted Tea Party candidate to emerge in this election cycle, but a poorly mishandled campaign ad, which denied witchcraft and which insisted “I’m you”, may have cost her votes even in her party. (count how many times I used ‘which’ or ‘witch right there)

In Kentucky, Rand Paul (R) beat Jack Conway (D) in hotly contested election for the Senate seat. The campaign ads for both sides were some of the dirtiest in the country, so bad that Rand had stated before Election Day that he would refuse to shake Conway’s hand in the event he lost. Not a problem; Rand won convincingly considering the the state’s long history of very closely contested races in both Senate, House and Governator elections. (All elections for the post of Governor should be changed to Governator, henceforth)

Out there in Nevada, Harry Reid (D) pulled out with a win over Tea Party-backed Republican Sherry Angle to retain his seat in the Senate. This was a big one, so much so that President Obama himself campaigned in weeks past to help Reid keep his spot.

Barbara “I Legislate Like A” Boxer won her seat in California, making sure that order and balance remained in the universe. Many had predicted that her close association with Pelosi would seriously hinder her campaign; enough Pelosii cannot be stopped.

The House of Republicans, which it can now safely be referred to as, will see many more expensive, foreign cars in the parking lot. Six states switched from blue to red (North Dakota, Wisconsin, Illinois, Indiana, Pennsylvania) with Republicans now holding 239 seats to the Dems 185. This means the following conversation will take place for the next two years…

House: Hey, we’ve got a bill.

Senate: Shove it up your ass, House of Republicans.

Obama: I’d veto that crap anyway.

So, we’ve essentially frozen all legislation until the 2012 Presidential election. There is some hope that the very one-sided House will present the very one-sided Senate with more moderate, satisfactory proposals on certain issues which would be very beneficial in producing some bipartisan effort. However, issues of High Importance, namely health care, tax reform, or morality judgments, will have almost no chance of major change until the next election.

In the Governator race in Michigan, “The Nerd” Rick Snyder won handedly over Virg “Worst First Name Ever” Bernero. Snyder was quick to point out that, “<He> da man.” He then turned to each reporter in the room with the same query, “Who da man?” and would not stop pestering until they answered the question by indicating that he was, in fact, “Da man.” Slick Rick (may it be shown the Bohunk first called him that) is going to lower taxes and (magically, mind you, because this is literally impossible while lowering taxes) balance the state budget. He will also create jobs. How? He doesn’t really say, but, trust him, he’ll do it. The very sour taste left by Granholm put Bernero in the hole from the beginning of the campaign. No doubt the frustration of undecided voters around the US was subsequently attributed to Democrats at all levels the rocky start and slow progress of President Obama himself.

The California Governator race (simply not as fun without Arnold, is it?) pitted swashbuckling and issue dodging Democrat Jerry Brown against former eBay CEO Meg Whitman. Brown was a college trustee, mayor and former governor; Whitman was friggin’ loaded. Seriously. She spent over $140 million (MILLION) of her own funds…and lost. Her stance on illegal immigrants cost her the Latino (and African-American) vote but the real kicker was the skeleton in her closet. Or, to be more specific, the illegal immigrant who, for over ten years, cleaned the skeletons in her closet. Nicky Santillan, the former housekeeper and very illegal migrant worker, claimed that Whitman had tried to erase her, saying “You don’t know me, and I don’t know you.” Whitman also claimed not to know Santillan was not a documented, legal citizen of ‘Merica. This is the Republicans favorite application of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”, because then you get to keep servants around.  Classy, Meg. Way to connect to the very people whose vote you needed in order to win.

A final note on Cali: Proposal 19, the bill to legalize marijuana in the state, was voted down 54% to 46%. The first state to take this measure to the ballot shows that Wacky Tobacky is not yet mainstream enough to be legalized, though, as reported in an Update earlier this week, alcohol is more damaging to the body, families and society. While the Bohunk does not approve of any drug use, the idea that the WORST drug is legal while others are not seems a bit stupid. In the words of so many disappointed stoners across the Golden State, “Come on, man. It comes from the the ground”.

Also intriguing, a quick look at Pew exit polls shows us who really voted Republican this year. The poll shows that voters who backed the GOP were:

90% white
60% were over the age of 50
67% described themselves as “conservative”
30% described themselves as moderate
57% claimed to attend church weekly

So if you are surprised at the number of rich, old, white, right-wing Christians in the House next week, this will at least make sense.

Some quick facts:

-The Republican victories in the South made history. No African'-Americans will serve in the Senate for the next two years.

-Over ten states will shift from Democratic governators to Republican flavors.

-Sixty-two percent of voters made their choice with the economy being the deciding factor.

Reminder: The Update will post a brand-new, follow-up edition of itself this evening after several undecided races finish. Also, I have to write a few papers. Be sure to check your Facebook or Twitter for the new edition, Part Deux, this evening, or whenever it is finished.

Thanks for reading Part One, read again tonight, perhaps as you watch The Daily Show. But pay attention; read during the commercials.

Hot Chileans, the Bucknuts and L'Alpe D'Huez

It's the Thursday before the last race of the Boneyard Calendar; Peak2Peak Mountain Bike Classic. For the Sport riders, it's two laps of roughly 400 feet of climbing per loop in what is expected to be low 40 degree temperatures at the start. So today, it's all about resting while spinning and gawking for about an hour on a short ride around campus. Have to keep fresh, though a few hard efforts will be thrown in for honesty.


Congratulations to the Chilean miners who are now safe and with their families. They are a testament to the human will to persevere and to have faith in others. The time and effort put in by rescue workers was tremendous and they deserve so much credit and thanks.

This weekend matchup of Ohio State (1) and Wisconsin (18) will not only decide how worthy the Bucknuts are of their ranking but also of the depth of the Big Ten. If a team as good as Wisconsin, and as good as they have been at home, being in the thick of a 40-4 run at Camp Randall, can be ranked 18th, then the top ten must be amazing. Besides perhaps LSU or Oklahoma, no team is as unfairly ranked as the Badgers. Michigan State will continue to move up steadily if they win their league games, but it would be great to see more Big Ten pigskinners ranked high...as long as they aren't Ohio State.

Christian Prodhomme, director of the Tour de France, is set to announce the route of the 2011 Tour next Tuesday. Spanish meat is not expected to be featured at the dinner, but contested champ Alberto Contador may not be present either. As he fights doping allegations, which could possibly be ruled on by Tuesday, though likely to be appealled, the 2 or 3 time champ (get it?) was rumored to be uninvited. There is some speculation that he will not be featured in video or photos from last year's race, not an easy thing to do with a rider who, well, won. Concerning the route, expect a stage with two trips up L'Alpe D'huez, an unprecedented novelty on the most storied Alpine climb. It was also the site of a mountain time trial in 2005 in which Lance Armstrong broke the record for the climb's ascent.

For your literary advancment, please read Andrew Marvell's "A Dialougue Between Body and Soul", availble on google books or any number of online sources. It is an intrguing look at the most human of conflicts, the perpetual imbalance between spiritual and temporal pleasure.

Thanks, enojoy your Thursday, and watch Community tonight on NBC at 8. There will not be a quiz but I expect references and quotations from the episode in a summary due next week. Roll on, folks...