Paris-Nice: Tony Martin Wins “Generation Battle”

The Paris-Nice is over with the Race to the Sun ending in clouds and ran after clammy weather for most of the race. Thomas “The Bold Frenchmen” won the final stage in yet another brave and long breakaway effort. The very, very German Tony Martin (HTC) retained the overall lead to win the race’s GC over also German Andreas Kloden of RadioShack.

The very, very German machine that is Tony Martin on his way to the TT win in the Paris-Nice…

Some writers have called the Kloden vs Martin fight for the overall “The Battle of the Generations”, alluding to the youth of Martin against the aged legs of Andreas Kloden. The Bohunk sees the obvious generation, but does not see the importance. There are a lot of older gentlemen in this race, not to mention the oldest man in the professional peloton, Jens Voight. The obvious intent of this juxtaposition is to show the future of cycling as clean and unassociated with the doping of the past. While that is more than fair to say, we run the risk of dragging racers without any history or evidence of doping through the mud. Kloden has ridden on teams with Jan Ulrich, Alberto Contador and Lance Armstrong, a convicted cheat, an exonerated champion and a suspected legend, respectively.  Kloden has had no links to doping at any of these stops, yet is insinuated as being associated with the shadowy professional peloton of the late 90s and early 00s.

The claims are not overt, but definitely present. As much as cycling fans can be thankful for the emphasis on clean and honest riders in the future (and believe me, that is the best thing we can ask for) we cannot write off all the riders of the past just by association or having had ridden with some bad eggs. That would be a terribly unfair way to deal with riders like Voight, Kloden and Leipheimer who have been heroes and outstanding advocates for cycling for over a decade.

Congrats to Tony Martin and his HTC team, and check back in later for the Tirreno-Adriatico stage report, or, as always, follow me on Twitter for Updates.

Paris-Nice: Stage Five

Stage Five of the Paris-Nice dragged the peloton into the high mountains for the first time in 2011, hitting seven categorized climbs including two CAT 2s and a CAT 1. Race leader Thomas de Geent of Rabobank was not expected to hang with the big boys and folding on the last big climb of the day. On the eight kilometer climb, de Muure, the peloton exploded into pieces. Only on the descent did  a group of contenders collect together, drawing together the strongmen of the early 2011 season. RadioShack’s Andreas Kloden won in a sprint on the line over Olympic champ Sammy Sanchez. Tony Martin, the big favorite going into the 27km time trial tomorrow, limited the damage of the last climb in order to keep the overall win within reach. Frank Schleck rode well but did not challenge in the end, still not ready to duel with the best of the peloton. The Bohunk’s favorite Frenchmen, Thomas Voeckler, was dropped on the final climb as well, losing a rather large chunk of time and dropping well behind in the overall classification.

Jewish Football, Showers, Pills and Hades…

It’s Tuesday, which means it is almost surely already been a long week. Take heart, my dear readers, and find within yourself the strength to carry on…And also read for about three minutes.

First, we step onto a cheesy, unprofessional pile of personal interest story. Jews, at least those not in the US, love American football. Israelis have started an amateur football league without prodding, or, indeed, support, from the NFL. Players, ranging in profession from garbage men to doctors and dentists, take off their yarmulkes and replace them with, you guessed it, yarmulkes produced by Under Armor. The league, once only 80 players strong, now has over 400 players, including Jews, Christians and Palestinians. The league itself, the IFL for those who couldn’t guess, is a good indicator of the popularity of the sport across the globe…Though the NFL shouldn’t assume it will work everywhere. The struggling NFL Europe thrives in certain areas, and the forced NFL game in London every season fills the stadium, but is rather quickly out of mind.

As pointed out by a dear reader and pal, Josh “Blues Kluz”, the Bohunk submits the following New York Times article for your perusal. I readily admit that, while I fall humbly short, I hope the Update someday is mentioned with the same respect and in the sentence as The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. This writer has been watching the program for a number of years, and Stewart is consistently the best interviewer on TV, bar none. He is one of the most entertaining people on the planet, and his show still draws huge ratings. His rally with Stephen Colbert this past summer gathered together 250,000 people, not for one particular party or ideology, but for moderation and honest, unsentimental debate. For a look at just how important Stewart was in working toward a health care bill for 9/11 workers, as noted in the Update last week. It’s not everyday the New York Times calls a journalist similar to Walter Cronkite. Especially a cable faux-news anchor…Chapeau, Stewart, chapeau…

The Great Jon Stewart: Fart jokes or foreign policy, he’s game.

In astronomy news, one of the largest meteor showers is coming quickly upon us. The Quadrantid meteor shower is an annual event for astronomers, presenting itself typical during the first week of January. This year, the shower will peak at roughy 8 pm est. on January 3rd. Though the Quadrantid is one of the largest showers, you will need to position yourself some distance away from bright city lights if at all possible. Don’t worry about a telescope; you won’t need it, as these meteors will be plenty bright.The Quadrantid is thought to be the remnants of a dead comet, which has broken up over millions of years and orbits as bits of dust, gases, ice and other debris. It was first recognized as an annual meteor shower in 1839. Check it out, cosmic events are some of the most fascinating events of our planet, and unlike The King’s Speech at your local movie house, they are free. Imagine; bits of rock and metal and ice flying through our solar system at thousands of miles an hour for millions of years, and with such regularity we know what time they will scrape across our atmosphere on a particular day of the year. But what caused the dead comet to break up? Will this body of meteors last forever? At some point, will enough be caught by our atmosphere or the gravities of other planets to make this event cease? We don’t know everything, we know almost nothing. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.

The number of dead in a Christmas Eve explosion rises to 80. A bomb in the northern region of Nigeria, in the town of Plateau State, killed at least 80 and police say over 100 are injured. The number of dead continues to rise as victims succumb to the wounds they received days ago. This past March over 100 people were killed in a similar blast in the same city, as members of Muslim and Christian factions battled each other, each bombing the other in “revenge killings”. To note, Muslims, Christians and Jews, along with nearly every religion have killed and died for their belief. An atheist, however, has never killed anyone over religion…Get it? The Bohunk can respect the religious, but killing and fighting over your God is like arguing over who has the toughest, coolest imaginary best friend….

In Monday Night Football action, the New Orleans Saints beat the Atlanta Dirty Birds by a tight score of 17-14. The Saints are not the dominate team that stormed through the regular season and play-offs to win the Super Bowl a season ago, but, very quietly, the Aint’s are 11-4 and just beat Hotlanta in  Hotlanta, something only one team has done in twenty tries. They beat the Steelers Week 8 and went to OT against the Falcons in the first game, so it is safe for you or I to say they remain a threat, especially with Pierre Thomas and Reggie Bush back on form. And, of course, it always helps to have Drew Brees….

“Go Deep!” ~ Drew Brees

A new study has found that placebos have a positive effect for patients, even when the patient knows its not a real drug. In the study, all patients were warmly and gently cared for, and some were given pills from a bottle that had “Placebo” clearly printed on it over the course of several visits. Those who received the sugar pill, which, if you should like to sound scientific, is sometimes called an inert substance, said they had much higher pain relief and a decrease in their symptoms.  The authors of the study claim that the most important aspect of the positive outcome for patients was a reassuring and informative doctor who was kind and encouraging; the pill only reinforced their belief in the doctors efforts. Again, the Bohunk begs of you to imagine; your body, composed of millions of atoms and particles, that have existed in different forms since the Big Bang, can be somehow manipulated by your mind to work together better, somehow, by sheer will. The thousands of daily chemical and electrical reactions and impulses can be altered by the ultimate device, your brain. Again, to reiterate a point I cannot help but drive home; We don’t know everything, we know almost nothing. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.

Late in the Monday Night game, the Falcons punted from their own 43-yard line with just under 3 minutes to play. According to Briand Burke, football nerd and math genius, the average punt nets 37 yard which would set up the Saints at their own 20. Burke says this would give Hotlanta a 0.15% of winning. That’s a rather small amount. Burke goes on to say that a 4th and 6 outside the red zone is a 44% chance of happening…So why didn’t the Falcons go for it? They had two time outs left, and with solid defense, which they got most of the night, could have tried to get the Saints to go three and out without giving up a field goal. The odds are with you going for it! The Bohunk believes in the Theory of Blame Deflection; coaches play it safely and conservatively, and if things don’t work out, it was the players’ fault. If the coach makes a daring and heroic decision, and fails, it is his fault for trying to win. An excellent example is the Patriots last season, on the infamous 4th and 2 against Indianapolis. Belichick was lambasted all season for the call, though, in his defense, 4th and 2 is fifty-fifty, and over time is fifty-fifty. By punting, the team facing forth and short is giving themselves one-in-four odds of winning, while the bold coach either wins or loses in regulation. And as we all know, fortune favors the bold…and affluent….

The Detroit Lions are 3-0 in the past three games…In the event of Hades freezing over, please dress accordingly…Your down jacket and mittens should be appropriate…

Thanks for reading, enjoy the bowl games this evening as well as the postponed Hyberboreans vs. Egg Salad match-up. Back tomorrow, as always, with better effort….

Foxes, Bush, Mbagbo and Two Immaculate Occasions…

Never before and most certainly never again shall we rise and face this day…Please behave accordingly.

Violence in the Ivory Coast has killed as many as 200 people. The country is in the midst of a violent and bloody disputed presidential election, where ex-President Mbagbo is refusing all calls and pressures to relinquish the office he lost in last months election. Mbagbo has been in office for ten years, and only holding election twice in the past six. Reports of kidnappings, torture and beatings have prompted France to urge all of its citizens to leave the country, while US representatives are trying to cajole the UN into taking some security measures to protect the innocent. More on this as it develops…

A car crashed onto ex-President George W. Bush’s front lawn. A single car was forced off the road and bounced onto the property of DubYah, causing security agents to overreact and surround the vehicle. It did not come close to the home, nor is any damage being reported, but the security officer in charge was quick to point out the potential danger. The Bohunk is quick to point out the obvious; it was just bad luck. The poor bastard driving the car, however, is being detained by the Secret Service. Happy Holidays, bub.

In amateur football news, the Boise State Broncos defeated the Utah Utes 26-3 in the best match-up of the first week of this very merry bowl season. What a disappointing bowl for Boise, however; until November 26th, when they lost on not one but two missed field goals against Nevada, they entertained hopes of not just a BCS bowl but a possible national championship. They spent the most of the 2010 season comfortably in third of fourth spot in the Robotic Poll, hoping for either Auburn or Oregon to slip up. That, of course, never happened, and it was the Broncos who fell. They went from a multi-million dollar bowl possibility (oh, and the prestige and whatnot) to the MAACO Las Vegas Bowl, a week from Christmas playing against a conference foe. For football enthusiasts, however, getting a match-up between two Top 20 squads three days before Christmas is a tastefully early birthday present.

The game was unspectacular, but the amateur Cheer-Babes looked professional.

In worrying new from Israel and Palestine, the two are continuing their commitment of being total jerks. Israel is celebrating Hanukkah by preparing a ground force to Gaza. Palestinians are reporting a heavier-than-usual prescience of Israeli forces and has confirmed that 2 Palestinians were killed by small arms fire. As is typical, the Israeli government has claimed that any operations undertaken by its military in Gaza is a direct and strong response to rockets being launched into Israel from the location. Just two years ago Israel attacked Gaza, leveling resistance and routing a small, fanatical band of Palestinians who stayed to fight. Roughly 1,400 Palestinians were killed. It also drove thousands from their homes and killed citizens caught in the crossfire. Again, Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukah.

In that shining bastion of hope and democracy in the Middle East, Iraq, church leaders around the nation are cancelling or altering holiday festivals after being threatened. Go FREEDOM! In many churches around Iraq, Christian churches have announced that Christmas Eve masses will not be held, and decorations, especially the uber-Western Santa Claus, will be left in storage. A pastor in Baghdad says that only a small minority of Christian groups are continuing with Christmas Day masses after receiving numerous threats from the extremist Muslim community. This past October a siege at Our Lady of Salvation Catholic Church killed 70 people, most of them Christians. A pastor in the city was quoted as, “When you have lost everything, you have only Jesus left.” Perhaps you can have Jesus in the safety of your own home. As much as the Bohunk dislikes organized religion, it is a shame people are killed for their beliefs, or forced to practice them under constant threat. Here’s a big, “Good luck, you’re gonna need it,” wish to the Christians in Iraq.

Barack Obama has left the building. The current President arrived in Hawaii for the holidays (though many crazy Republicans say he is only pretending to observe Christmas because he is a diabolical Muslim fanatic) to celebrate with family and rest up for the next year, where he will be surrounded and outnumbered by Bible-thumping right wingers. Word on the street is that Obama is very much intent on nothing in Hawaii; he is taking a much needed break after five weeks of lame duck Congressing and signing such landmarks as the START treaty and the repeal of ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’. It was a very tired looking President that arrived in Hawaii last evening, offering only a weary wave as he accepted a lei and crumpled into the awaiting car. He’s going to need the break…He has a long road ahead.

Merry Christmas, creep-middle-aged-women-who-find-Obama-handsome, there will be more photos like this one next week.

DNA from a 30,000 year old finger returned to show researchers that it belonged to neither early man nor Neanderthal. The species, heretofore unknown by scientists, is now referred to as Denisovan. Scientists believe that the Denisovans bred with early humans and that their genetic material is still apparent in the Melanesians, or the populations that inhabit Papa New Guinea. While this still does not present a ‘Missing Link’ that many creationists would like in order to ‘prove’ evolution, it shows that even our own development was a product of many competing species and eventually, the strongest and most efficient merged to create man as we know him today. (As an aside, the creationists who are looking for a ‘link’ won’t find one; the idea that evolution was a series of clean, distinct beings linked together is entirely opposed to the reality of evolution. Many things lived in competition with each other, and a small few survived. No intermediary need exist to connect one to another.)

On this very day in 1972, Franco Harris made the ‘Immaculate Reception’ to defeat the Oakland Raiders and put the Steelers into the AFC Conference. One of the most famous plays in NFL history, it almost didn’t count. The ball was tipped by Raiders safety Jack Tatum, officially, though many claimed it hit Steelers running back Frenchy “Named After A Grease Character” Fuqua. Had the latter been the case, Harris’ catch would have been illegal by the regulations of the day. The old rules stated that no two receivers can touch the ball on the same play; since the ball hit Tatum, Harris was eligible to catch the deflected pass and scoot along into the end zone. The Steelers went onto be roundly trounced by the team of destiny, the perfect undefeated Miami Dolphins. Alas, ye gods….

Tomorrow will be day; the Bohunk will dub the 2010 Fox of the Year. All 2 nominations came flooding in, and the Bohunk will continue to accept nominations until 8 pm tonight, cause I’ll probably be enjoying some football this evening, in addition to replays of the Best Night of Televison on NBC. (Do not, if you have any time to spare, miss the Community Claymation holiday episode. It is stupendous) The current nominees for Fox of the Year include Megan Fox (aptly named) Sienna Miller, Heather Irmiger, Gemma Arterton, and many more. Giada de Laurentiis and Natalie Portman are not eligible, because to include two immaculate angels amongst a bevy of mortal beauties would be unjust for both factions. As a treat, below is a photo of one of them.

Oh Giada, always cooking up something steamy…

Thanks for reading, and enjoy your Thursday. Do not stress yourself in any way over the coming holidays; they shall pass. Remember, you are celebrating family and kindness, not capitalism and social standing. It was the vaginal delivery of an immaculately conceived Messiah to a portion of the world; the rest could not give a rat’s ass. Bohunk out.

Tooting, A Miracle Pill, Marijuana and Death Squads…

It is, as you know, very much against the Nature of the Bohunk to toot, if you will, mine very own horn. But, for the sake of an article, and for the deserved glory to reward unrivalled foresight, my I offer only this: Toot, Toot…

Yes, I toot because of my prediction yesterday that The Best Team In The NFL, the Patriots, would beat the Jets. And beat them they did. But I call you valuable attention to the manner in which they beat them. The Jets under Rex Ryan have a terrible habit of blitzing when they other teams are driving against them. Their reasoning is simple; the opposition is in a rhythm, we must knock them from it. And at times, this works. They got to Tom “Bieber” Brady a few times, notably with a sack early in the first quarter to force a punt. But the majority of the time, Biebs simple found the blitz and threw at it; if they blitz from the spot, it must be vacated. That “big” play to Danny Woodhead in the first quarter? A blitz, which left a defensive end chasing the Diminutive Danny down the field, the usual linebacker standing next to Brady. Good quarterbacks like being blitzed! And Tom Brady might just be the best…

“Hey buttwipe…Yeah you, Rex…Suck on this one!”
(Not an actual quote)

There is, you know, a miracle pill. Large pharmaceutical companies did not release it with fanfare, nor did trumpets sound to hail the coming of a medical miracle that could forever change how humans deal with cancer…Yes, there is a cancer pill available, clinically proven to stop or prevent up to 20% of cancer deaths. It is aspirin. A pill a day, for five years, lowers your chance of cancer by up to 20%, and that percent is an average that threw out cases in which the pill stopped or reversed cancer already present in patients. Aspirin was even responsible for preventing certain types of cancer, such as gastrointestinal, by over 50%. Aspirin is already well-proven to help cardiovascular disease and obviously certain types of pain, but this new research highlights yet another way the inexpensive drug can change your life. So, why have you never heard of this research, that is now a few years old? Because aspirin is cheap, and its manufacturers cannot make an embarrassing amount of money from its production. This should be a part of your vitamin regimen, especially if your family has a history of, frankly, any ailment.

You may recall that the Nobel Prize was awarded to imprisoned Chinese dissident Liu Xiabo, author of several explosive documents on government especially critical of the human rights violations of the Chinese government. Xiabo was thrown into the slammer in December 2009 to serve eleven years (so he’s still a decade from freedom, unless he is tunneling) in prison after the release of his “Charter 8”, a paper which called for the immediate end of China’s one-party system. The paper was signed online by thousands of citizens, including a handful of Communist officials. Now, however, scores of countries are declining invitations to the award ceremony. The Norwegian Nobel Committee is becoming well known as a political advocate, especially after awarding US President the Peace Prize for his “intended” efforts in pursuing peace in the Middle East. The  Committee has often awarded it Literature Prize to activists, though very often for groundbreaking works, oftentimes decades after their completion and release. Some of the nations now refusing to attend Xiabo’s award are Ukraine, Egypt, Pakistan, Iraq, Venezuela…Yeah, it’s pretty much a list of theocracies and dictatorships that obviously have the same strict laws as China. For this reason alone, I say, “Go Xiabo!”…(however you say that name)….

Protestors march for Xiabo’s release…But are careful not to show their faces as to avoid the Chinese death squads.

Yesterday, the City of Wyoming, in Michigan, announced a city-wide ban of medical marijuana, citing the lack of resources to prevent the illicit sale of the drug even by card-carrying patients with every right to use it. Earlier this year, a appellate judge said that the law to allow medical marijuana, was badly worded and urged state legislators to rewrite the law. Cities like Wyoming are finding it impossible to regulate marijuana trafficking when dispensaries are not forced by law to document who they sell to, or even if the person was registered. Patients with a card can also grow a small amount of marijuana in their home, and can obviously traffic it in their own home. Many police officials have been called to homes suspected of drug sales, only to stumble upon a legal grower smoking with four or five others who paid to smoke with them. The answer is to mandate more regulations to track who is growing, selling and buying. Otherwise, its basically just like a Detroit public school; everybody has drugs.

In alternative energy news, Gov. Granholm announced the seductive luring of Northern Power Systems, based in Vermont, to build a wind turbine factory in Saginaw. The plant will help automotive factories a chance to diversify and perhaps even open more factories. This is the type of direction Granholm always promised but never delivered until she was, as now, the lamest of ducks.

As announced last week, its that time of year when red kettles pop up in front of stores to raise money for the Salvation Army. Not the US Army, the Army, if read reverse, of Salvation, usually a pretty positive military action, albeit a rare one. So far, donations are 15% down from last year, and Giant Stores, Inc., has warned that it will not tolerate “loud bell ringing” at its locations. The kettles can, for now, stay, but with little to no bell ringing. First off, poor form Giant Stores. It’s a damn charity. Let them ring as loudly as the volunteer’s elderly wrists may allow. Last year, the Salvation Army raised over $667,000 in front of Giant Stores. Second, Giant Stores now has reduced the Salvation Army from being in front of its stores two one week in November and one week in December. In it’s first week, Salvation Army raised just $68,000, and even with a tripled result in its second week, will raise less than a quarter of last year’s total. Boycott Giant Stores, please.

 

Thanks for reading folks, enjoy 25 Days of Christmas on ABC Family…And let me know if Rudolph is on. Back tomorrow, as usual…

Super Bowl Shuffle, Veteran’s Day, the Wiggles and Old Glory…

To begin, I would first like to apologize for closing yesterday’s Update with instructions to enjoy ABC’s “Modern Family”, which, unknown to me, was not on last night. The Greatest Show on Television, its new name as far the Update is concerned, was bumped by the Country Music Awards. I accidently watched about three minutes of it, dry heaving so hard that I needed to excuse myself from the (empty) room. People may like modern country music, fine; but they have to admit that it is now feel-good, smaltzy crap with fake, “loveable” singers who pretend to smile way too much; country music has become Barney, the Teletubbies and the Wiggles.

In “That’s Just Funny” news, the Czech transportation Minister Vit Barta has been banned from driving his car for six months.

In London, students marched and protested a raise in the tuition cost as proposed by Parliament. The protest ended with students storming the headquarters of the Conservative Party, which holds power in the cuntry at the time. 51 students were arrested and 8 or more students were injured. The proposed tuition change would raise the cost of going to college to about $14,500 a year, a hefty increase from the current rate of $4,800. The government claims that this number will serve as a cap and that colleges will not “have to” charge this price; 50,000 protesters and myself quickly responded, “They don’t have to, but they will.” The change would make lower class citizens less likely to go to college, get a good career and earn a comfortable living…Just as the poor in the US have been doing for decades. God speed, ye Limey bastards, may your protests succeed…Pip, pip.

On this day in 1919, “…on the eleventh hour, of the eleventh day, of the eleventh month…” the Great War ended after claiming the lives of over 5,525,000 Allied troops and 4,386,000 Central Power soldiers. Combined, the killed, injured or missing from both sides of the conflict totaled to over 40 million. World War One brought death to young men in whole new, unseen ways. The introduction of the tank, the airplane and the machine gun laid waste to hundreds of thousands of lives in a single afternoon. Antiquated tactics, such as the frontal assault formed in loose ranks, made almost no sense and were meant almost certain death. Soldiers lived for weeks in a muddy, rotting trench, at times so bored yet anxious some simply stood up just the end the waiting and were shot in the skull. Veterans Day is an opportunity to honor soldiers from all conflicts and it is especially poignant as we continue operations in both Iraq and Afghanistan. Take a moment to thank a veteran today, and think about the sacrifices that have been made for us.

Old Glory…And a Flag. Hats off to the Veterans today,
for we know too well freedom is not free.

In another contribution to the case against getting your head struck by a helmet attached to a 300 pound man, I submit the case of former Bears quarterback and Super Bowl Shuffler (you can see that here) Jim McMahon. McMahon says that after his 15 year career, his memory “is pretty much gone,” even stating that he forgets where he is and why he is there upon entering a room. Players in the league now down play and ignore the potential damage they inflict on each other. If millionaires would like to spend their retired days wondering who they are, that is their choice, but their style of play is imitated by the 1 million amateur tackle football players, most of them in high school or younger. The NFL needs to change its reliance on head-hunting and violence to sell tickets. People will still watch if the league enforces its rules on unnecessary roughness and helmet-to-helmet hits. McMahon is now raising funds for brain research to help those with traumatic brain injuries. Jim is 51 years old.

“We are the Bears, shufflin’ crew…” Jim is just behind Walter
Payton’s left hand there….

Tonight, the Baltimore Nevermores take on the Atlanta Dirty Birds. Join me in boycotting all NFL Network games, because if people who can’t afford extended cable don’t get to watch, I won’t tune in either. Elitist bastards.

Thanks for reading, enjoy NBC’s Thursday Night line-up…and if it’s bumped off by some crappy award show, I’m just as angry as you are. If you stay up after “The Office” watch “Outsourced” because this new show is really starting to hit its stride.

Bikini Protesters, Iraq, and that Badass Gordon Lightfoot…

Good morning, hope you are having a wonderful start to your day. Do you know what you’ve done? You’ve stumbled right into a treasure trove of random knowledge. Join me, as we dive in….

With the Iraq War (supposedly) over, the Bohunk still advises against making vacation plans to the country just yet. In a recent slew of violent murders, (as if there are not-really-all-that violent-murders) Christians are being targeted by extremists in Baghdad. A bombing this very morning claimed the lives of three Iraqi Christians and injured several others. Christian groups in the capital are considering fleeing the country in order to avoid the violence. Let us not forget that this was a war we didn’t need or want, and it will not end as long as these scenes of violence continue, whether we are in the country or not.

You may remember from weeks past snippets of news from the French riots. Students and protestors, in conjunction with strikes around the country that cost millions of euros, marched for nearly three weeks to protest a change in the French pension system. The bill was signed in the National Assembly two weeks ago and just this morning was passed into law by the tres chic pen of Nicholas Sarkozy. The French government was forced to pass the bill as it faces a massive deficit with a shrinking population to repay its debt. The retirement age is now 62, roughly the same as all other European nations.

Bikini-clad protesters during the French strikes. Pro-Head Scarve and also,
more importantly, Pro-Foxy.

Researchers claim that hyper-texters (over 120 messages a day) and hyper-networkers (social networking 3.5+ hours a day) are more likely to drink, smoke, do drugs and be skanky. The study was conducted in an urban country in the Midwest. Teens most likely to be categorized as hyper-texters or hyper-networkers were mostly of low economic status, female, minority and lacked a father figure (somewhere Wes Sovis just said, “No shit”) though these tendencies were applicable in nearly every demographic. Among other percentages found in the study, hyper-texters were 69% more likely to binge drink; 84% more likely to use illicit drugs and 60% more likely to have had for or more sexual partners. Hyper-networking shared these figures and was also heavily linked to depression, high stress, suicide, poor sleep and poor academics.

On this day in 1975, the freighter Edmund Fitzgerald sank in a strong storm in the frigid waters of Lake Superior. “The Big Fritz”, as the vessel was nicknamed, was one of the largest vessels in the Great Lakes at 730 feet long. It sank in Canadian waters 17 miles from Whitefish Bay. The sinking was shrouded in mystery, primarily because the ship had issued no distress signal, only radioed that she was in very rough seas. All 29 men aboard died, with no bodies ever found. The ship was broken in two when she was found. The event gave rise to a popular song by the super-hip, jive-talking Gordon Lightfoot in 1976; check that out here.

In my perpetual crusade against concussions and dangerous, stupid football hits, the Bohunk submits the following. In their win over Cincinnati monday evening, the Steelers had three players suffer head injuries (a term that sounds worse than concussion) and all will miss the next week’s game. Two of the injuries were to the Steelers running back corp, Mewelde Moore and Isaac Redman, leaving them short handed. If teams were serious about staying injury free, they would require all players to use the most advanced equipment available. Not encourage it, but mandate it. Both Moore and safety Will Allen were using out-of-date helmets instead of the Schutt, Riddell and other manufacturers that offer improved protection against brain injury. Just one more reason to switch…league-wide.

Modern Family, ABC, 9 eastern…She’s on the show.

Thanks for reading, it’s a short one, use the extra time to look up pictures of Sofia Vergara, star of this evening’s best show “Modern Family”. It’s the best thing on television folks. 

Buckyballs, Halloween, Obama and an "Attaboy Babe-ee!"

If you guessed that the pitching duel between Cy Young winners Tim Lincecum and Cliff Lee would result in 18 runs, 10 doubles and Lee's first loss in the post season in his career, well, good guess. The Giants throttled Lee, who gave up 6 earned runs after allowed 2 runs total in his last two starts. Tim "If You're Going to San Franciso, Be Sure to Put Flowers in Your Hair" Lincecum pitched a subpar game by his standards, but they got a win, and they don't have to face Cliff Lee again for at least a week.

Scientists have confirmed the existence of buckyballs (see below, you don't need to know this off the top of your head) around not three but four! dying stars within our very own galaxy. Buckyballs are complex sphere-shaped bundles of carbon and were first created in a lab on earth by scientests and named after designs by a famed architecht, Buckminster Fuller. More importantly, the balls of carbon are located in vast quanitites and in regions of space with confirmed high levels of hyrdogen; scientists had thought that the existence of buckyballs would be impossible in the vicinity of hydrogen, which would compress the carbon and result in a chain structure. Why does this matter to you? It doesn't. It is just a good reminder that we do not know everything, we know almost nothing, and there is nothing wrong with trying to learn more. The universe, my friends, is a profound mystery.

French officials have announced the discovered a video reportedly featuring Osama Bin Laden, threatening the country as a result of its attitude toward America, its Muslim population and Islam in general. The French said, "Eh." France, where protests are winding down after weeks of strikes and demonstrations, recently passed a bill that will raise the retirement age to 62, as covered in a previous Update. The population ignored this tape and its threats throughout the strikes, and only now is the terror threat being taken seriously. When asked on the street, Frenchman Pierre Rousseau said, "We don't care, we are French, nobody attacks us anymore." True, Pierre, true. President Sarkozy will go ahead with plans to withdraw troops from Afghanistan in 2011. Good! We should all get out; we didn't find a single WMD in Iraq, and not one afghan blanket in the whole of Afghanistan.

It's almost Halloween, and a quick, you-probably-already-know-this tip on the origin of the holiday. Many link the holiday to a Roman holiday, but it is more likely descendant of the Celtic holiday Samhain. The Celts believed that on this day each year, the murky boundary between the living and the dead was especially thin, allowing the dead to walk among the living for the night (Mickey Rooney got lost 46 years ago and stayed with us ever since). The Romans converted the Celts, and everyone else they conquered, to Christianity, which meshed well the established relgion of the Celts. So, the holiday of Samhain became the Roman holiday of Pomona, which, as the "Universal" Church gained power, became Christianized as All Saints' Day. However, the tribes refused to give up their customs. They kept October 31st as "All Hallow's Eve", which became shortened to what we know today, and partied in costume and drinking and feasting before having to sit in church all friggin' day the next morning. Just like Christ taught...

Big "Attaway, Babe-ee" to Jon Stewart, who asked the tough questions of President Obama last night on "The Daily Show". Obama stood his ground; what some might have thought to be just a photo-op became one of the most respectable, honest discussions in all of the media interviews with the current President. Stewart, thank you for seizing the opportunity and refusing to pander. We respect you and Obama more for it.

Finally, the Bohunk will be travelling up north for a cyclocross race this Saturday. There are only 6 people registered; sign up, and I will ride with you in your Group C race. Just let me know if you'll be there. With no one else signed up in my category, I may be racing myself; my most feared enemy and rival.

Thanks for reading, enjoy the NBC line-up, they have the best Halloween episodes. Don't forget to check out "Blood Meridian" by Cormac McCarthy, there will be a Book Club membership application soon.

The French Being French, Small Moon or Space Station, and Taylor "Swift"....

Thanks, Jaguars, now the Bohunk looks like a "noob". At least put up some fight....

In France, workers in all sectors and industries are organizing strikes to protest the French government's plan to extend the retirement age in the country by two years. The actual retirement age there is 65, though workers can retire five years early and still collect full benefits, a system which allowed new workers to take positions sooner. Now, the age for this same "early retirement" would be 62. However, the French are very French, and they will protest this change and cripple thier economy if need be. And I say...Good for them! Americans have lost most of our rights and unions and now labor has almost no protection. There are no layoffs on the scale in we have seen in the past five years in France, because workers are protected. And when people keep their jobs, they have money and they spend it. It works to reduce the effects of economic downturn before the problem gets out of hand. Now, this retirement issue is tricky; the citizenry will have to give in whether on the age or the tax because they will not be able to fund these same benefits in twenty years. But at least they are trying to preserve their way of life. Americans are too busy watching "Glee" and "Teen Mom" and getting fat of off Taco Bell...

In space news, scientists are using Johannes Kepler's Third Law to estimate accurate proportions of stars. By measuring rate of orbit, distance from the star and other insanely difficult to figure out aspects of the orbiting debris and moons, scientists today can find the mass, diameter and even some aspects of the star' composition. And when did Kepler discover this information? Oh, just back in 1619. Imagine, over 400 years ago the guy figured most of this stuff out with a primitive telescope and his mind. And it took Obi-Wan Kenobi until they were within range of the tractor beam to realize that the Death Star was no moon, but a space station. Incredible, Mr. Kepler, s'marvellous.

In other news, the NFL has vowed to suspend players that engage in helmet-to-helmet hits. Thanks, Comissioner Roger Goodell! You've successfully ignored this issue since taking your position and it took a weekend of 8 suspected concussions and a paralysis (and the bad press that went with it) to address the issue. The culture of head-hunting and violence in football is terrible and creates the same environment in college, high school and peewee leagues. Set a better example, sir, because this league is getting bad.

Nebraska lost to Texas Saturday, ending their undefeated season and Taylor "Swift" Martinez's bid for the Heisman. Martinez was even benched in favor of strong armed back up Cody Green after the Huskers began to fall behind. There is even speculation that Green will see extended action in upcoming games. Poor Martinez, though I hope he does not start penning vengeful, one-sided pop recollections of his time as starter like his namesake.

That's it, that's all, enjoy "The Daily Show", the update will be back and better tomorrow....