Cromartie, Poe, Droopy Dog and the Pasta Investigation…

It is Wednesday, verily, the day of the hump and also of the “Modern Family” at 9, 8 Central. Fight the doldrums until then, and the week will be over before you know…In 48 hours or so.

Reports are that Senator Joe Lieberman (gasps) will not run for President in 2012 (awwwwww) according to members of his staff and certain close aides. The 68 year old senator from Connecticut will announce the decision later in the week or by the end of this month, much to the relief of almost no political rivals. The move benefits Democrats chiefly, at least in the minds of several political pundits. Lieberman spent most of his career as an important figure in the Democratic Party, though has spent the last four years in a creepy ex-boyfriend who has slept around with your enemy stigma attached. Lieberman jumped ship, if you will, ahead of the 2008 Presidential campaign, backing John McCain instead of Barack Obama. He will retire from public service when his current term concludes in two years, quietly bowing from the spotlight and enjoying time with his friends and family. Until then, however, Joe will have to skate the slippery slope between a drastically and violently divided Senate, even in the wake of the supposed ‘peace’ of the Tucson shootings.

Joe Lieberman.

A massive 7.2 earthquake rocked a sparsely populated area of Pakistan today, roughly 200 miles from the closest urban center but strong enough to take a few casualties even in the remote regions of the Pakistani desert. Final reports from the closest cities are not finalized or confirmed, but only one woman was said to have died of a heart attack triggered by the quake. A 7.2 earthquake is massive, similar in strength to the one that triggered the tsunami in the Indian ocean five years ago. An added danger in the region is the poor construction of homes; most structures are made or mud-brick and wood and fail almost immediately during a heavy quake. More on this is it is necessary….

Following up on a religion vs. science story from a month back, the University of Kentucky was forced to pay $125,000 to an astronomy professor who recently brought charges of discrimination against the school after being turned down for a job. To be fair, $125,000 is probably what Kentucky spends on a single basketball recruit each summer, but this is harder to swallow because it won’t translate into PPG. The snubbed professor, C. Martin Gaskell, says he was denied a job with the University because he hinted a belief “something close to a creationist” and “potentially evangelical” in e-mails that circulated within the schools department. To note, however, allowing a person whose research and observations are clouded by religion certainly has an impact on how that professor looks at science. To be fair, however, the University of Kentucky failed to handle the situation properly, which, as we all know, is to deny, deny, deny and then counter-sue.

In another twist in the on-going Pasta Investigation of Lance Armstrong (throw everything at him and see what sticks) reports surfaced of more allegations indicating that Armstrong encouraged and even required EPO use on his Motorola team in the 90s. An unnamed teammate from the ‘95 squad said that Armstrong was the “instigator” of doping on the squad, even instructing teammates on how to use EPO and, more importantly, how to hide it. This is not news, however, the Bohunk finds the recurrent claims of the same charges intriguing…Why repeat the same accusations for almost a year? If there is so much evidence, why can’t anyone present tangible evidence of guilt besides nameless teammates casting blame? Even the FBI admits that it has conducted little to no investigative activity in the past three months, showing that they really have nothing to add to the case. Innocent, innocent, innocent…until factually and indisputably proven guilty by hard evidence.

Lance Armstrong as a Motorola rider and World Champion…before the cancer, the Tours and the allegations….

On this very day in 1809, the dark and mysterious and macabre Edgar Allen Poe was born. After being raised by his godfather, John Allan, Poe wrote three volumes of poetry to almost no acclaim or attention. He took a job as an editor of the Southern Literary Messenger in Richmond, Virginia and married his 13 year old cousin, which, though teachers tell you wasn’t uncommon at the time, was, in fact, a touch odd, even by the standards of the day. He drank heavily and lost his job, forcing a move north to Philadelphia where he kept busy with his hands in a few publications as an editor and a critic. His most famous works, including The Tell-Tale Heart, The Murders At the Rue Morgue and The Fall of the House of Usher all were written during this period, which was actually one of the most tranquil and relatively peaceful of Poe’s life. The stories themselves, however, did not reflect stability; they were odd, dark, horrific and dabbled in mystery, giving Poe the title of the father of the detective story. The Poes moved once more to New York City, where Poe penned "The Raven” his most famous poem. His wife died in 1847, driving Poe to even more voluminous drinking, eventually stumbling into a gutter drunk and dying somewhere in Baltimore in 1849. Poe was forty years old. 

The Bohunk casually and without much concern put forth his AFC Championship prediction, in two parts. A) I don’t care, I think both clubs, Thieves and Aeronautical Studies, alike in a uniform thuggery and criminal mind. There are more fines and arrests between these two teams to equal all of the other teams in the NFL. How can anyone root for them? B) That said, I’ll take the Steelers over the Jets by the simple reasoning of choosing, however reluctantly, the lesser of two great evils. It should be a close contest, if it does not devolve into fisticuffs after James Harrison spears Sanchez and Antonio Cromartie leads his Army of Children into battle (though he doesn’t know any of their names) in retaliation.

Jets cornerback Antonio Cromartie and two Baby-Mamas-To-Be…

A short and not so sweet Update today, though my apologies must be accepted due to impossible circumstances; I have a lot of homework and little sleep. Thanks for reading, folks, and enjoy your day in spite of all things and people…

Foxy Friday, Awesome Evolution, Acid and Cells…

It’s Foxy Friday, your favorite day of the week and, I assure you, mine as well. The week is done, you’re still giggling like an drunkard over NBC’s hit Thursday night line-up, and you know there will be a scantily clad but admirable woman nestled on some lucky spot on this page. Get started, and don’t worry, she’s in here somewhere…

Like it or not, we are as certain of evolution in the scientific community as we are of any ‘fact’ you may mention. The scientific method would allow that nothing can be absolutely certain because there is always some fact lagging behind to, potentially, if not foreseeably, falsify it. And this rule goes back billions of years, though we need not venture so far. New research shows that the tyrannosaurus rex gradually evolved from a pint size, adorable little meat-eater called Eodromaeus. It was just four feet long and no more than 15 pounds, but laid a foundation of survival for many branches of later dinos, including the T-Rex everyone imagines. The Eodromaeus was thought also to resemble the raptor, but it evolved from a different very small, four foot long creature as well. Scientists are now leaning toward the theory that all dinosaurs emerged from a species of that size and build and eventually branched off to hundreds and even thousands of species over hundreds of millions of years. And they had enough time; remember, dinosaurs lived for well over a hundred million years while we have only just joined the party, just about 20,000 years ago. If we survive our wars and environmental failures, who knows, we could develop into myriad new potential forms. We could live for a few hundred years, and women could look attractive well into their 100s…Well, we can only hope, for our children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s…..children’s children’s children’s sake….

“Cool, a T-Rex!” said the third grader. And the Bohunk.

It is a match up fans and TV execs are drooling over; Chicago Bears against the Green Bay Packers (imagine Chris Berman’s voice on that one) the oldest rivalry in professional football and undoubtedly the most organic, natural and raw. Unfortunately, both squads have to defeat another foe first; the Green Bowl Packers take on the Hotlanta Dirty Birds Saturday night, in prime time and in the Georgia Dome where Matt Ryan has only lost twice. Ever. A word of warning against the Pack; never doubt a man with two first names. Matt Ryan, a Pro Bowl pick over Green Bay’s Aaron Rodgers despite less gaudy numbers, just wins like Cris Carter used to just catch touchdowns. The Falcons just barely beat the Pack earlier this season, though it was touch and go throughout and the Bohunk was quite convinced Le Bay Verre should have won. Da Bears play the Seattle Seahawks, but that shouldn’t be hard, right? Ask Drew Brees and last year’s Super Bowl Hoisters, who were felled like a white pine just a week ago by the “bad” Seabirds who “shouldn’t be in the playoffs”…They are in, folks, and they won. Some expect a huge let down after overcoming the Martyrs last week, but the Bohunk would advise caution to Jay Cutti (Jay Cutler) and Da Bears; as crooked as Pete Carroll was at USC, imagine what malicious, foul evils he has conjured in the professional ranks. The Bohunk will take Bears over Seahawks, however, because I want to see the NFC North showdown in a week’s time. So, I’ll take Packer over Dirty Birds, Flying Elvii over jets (not capitalizing their nickname anymore; to Rex Ryan, “Yeah, it’s personal.” And the Ravens over the Steelers, because Big Ben is a Huge Ass…

Matt Ryan: Beware a man with two first names.

Time for the Fox of the Week, presented by (Somebody Pay Me For This). This week, the Bohunk presents very, very Danish tennis star Caroline Wozniacki. Caroline is the world #1 and has won twelve WTA singles titles. She comes from good stock; her mother was an Olympic volleyballer and her dad was a professional soccer player. Her parents moved to Denmark when her father, Piotr, signed with a Danish soccer squad, leaving their homeland of Poland. Caroline just began her 2011 season in a series of exhibition matches in Thailand. Go, Caroline, for thou doth have the world in love-love (two points for the easy tennis pun).

The Bohunk would like to congratulate Caroline, but, alas, I don’t speak Danish.

In the social networking world, former giant MySpace is looking to sell out, should the right offer come along. And that offer would be any offer, or so it appears. Owner Mike Jones (who?) says he is ready to part ways with MySpace, the original social networking giant to find widespread popularity before Facebook took over among people from pimply pre-teens to octogenarians. Just this week, MySpace dumped over 500 of its staff, roughly 47% of its employees. No serious offers are in place (one person offered $100, and, supposedly, has not yet been turned down) but the company will change hands soon, but for what price, we can only guess. If you pool your money with some friends, hey, maybe you could buy it! And then forget to check it because you were on Twitter and Facebook…

A massive barge carrying tons of sulfuric acid sunk in the busy Rhine river today in Germany. 2,400 tons of acid are in the river though still contained in the locked and sealed bays of the barge. Two of the crew, a German and a fellow Bohunk are missing, though authorities still have hope of locating the two men who may have been swept downstream. The barge may have struck the rocky bottom of the river, though no official version of the sinking has been proposed by authorities. The Bohunk points out that having 2,400 tons of sulfuric acid in the river, though not devastating, is probably not a safe idea. This opinion will no doubt create some immediate and sweeping response by authorities.

A quick plug for an outstanding book, The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot. It is the story of the famous HeLa cells, integral in numerous medical breakthroughs from cancer to AIDs, and the woman they belong to. Skloot takes us through the life and death of Henrietta Lacks, the woman responsible for the most prolific ‘immortal’ cells in history. From her humble beginnings, her childhood and adult life, we see the woman that gave science one of the most important gifts in the history of mankind. But Skloot shows us that Henrietta hardly knew what she gave, let alone what her treatment consisted over. Her family gained no financial compensation though Henrietta’s cells sold for $25-50 a vial. Skloot is an great writer and an honest participate in a story that is still unfolding. If you’d like to pick it up, check out Barnes and Noble here.

Thanks for reading, folks! The Bohunk will repost the week’s Top Post tomorrow and return Monday morning refreshed and invigorated. Enjoy the football, and read a book, too.

Thanks for all who supported and helped the BoScoots this week when she really need it. A sad tribute to the Bohunk’s trusted sedan, Stratty, a.k.a Stratina, Monday morning…

Denard Robinson: Transfer?, Mudslides, and Mormons…

Welcome to Thursday, and folks, it’s all down hill from here…Let’s just get started…

In the thundering emptiness that once was the Metropolis of Detroit, a serial rapist runs rampant (two points for alliteration) stalking women and forcing them at gunpoint into his car, taking them elsewhere to rape them. The targeted women are usually walking alone late and night or early in the morning when they are accosted, easy prey for sick SOBs like this guy. Some women were actually driving when the man stopped them at gunpoint and demanded they get out of their vehicle or be shot. Police have declined to announce how many women have come forward but the number is substantial enough to warrant a concentrated effort by the Detroit police (who usual lack effort of any kind, especially the concentrated sort) to find the man. Witnesses say he is late thirties, African-American and very thin with a mustache. So, for your safety, don’t walk around Detroit. Period.

Authorities compiled this sketch of the man. Looks a lot like
Antonio Cromartie, if you ask me….

Massive floods and mudslides claimed at least 270 people in Brazil yesterday after torrential rains and over flowing rivers and streams caused massive chucks of earth to dislodge from mountainsides. Over 250 were killed outside of Rio de Janeiro and 13 more outside of Sao Paolo. As much rain as Brazil averages in a month fell in just twenty four hours, breaking apart hills and over flowing the banks of nearly every body of water in the region. At least 60 are still missing, and the death toll is continuing to rise. Rescuers are focusing on locating and helping stranded survivors in the region before any attempt at retrieving bodies is attempted. Your thoughts are appreciated, and much more on this as news spreads. Same goes for the Australians suffering under floods around Brisbane, where many are dead and rescuers are still trying to locate the roughly 90 or so people still unaccounted for in the region….

Riots and protests (the Bohunk includes both, for it depends on your viewpoint; I prefer protests cause I prefer freedom) are raging in Tunisia, especially in the uninspired-named capital of Tunis. Lopping off the last part of your country’s name to name the capital is just lazy. Maybe that is why, in some small part, thousands are protesting against the Arab government in the country, similar to the protests in Sudan. Even the US is critical of the lack of freedom found in Tunisia, a very rare critique of the Arab-yet-pro-America government. It said that its attempted control of media, especially the Internet, endangers the freedoms of its citizens and the benefits of the Internet as a whole. Tunisian protesters have layered Tunis with spray painted “Freedom From 404”, a tagline playing on the 404, File Not Found response triggered by blocked or restricted sites. Bloggers and Internet journalists are piling on the Freedom Freeway, railing against the Tunisian government and have reposted images and videos from the protests, including the bodies of men shot and killed during protests just this very morning. Freedom, my friends, is not free; we need to hold it at all costs. More power to the Tunisian people, and we can only hope that they can find a more peaceful way of gaining their freedom of speech and expression…

Here are some depressing headlines I would include in the Update, but have chosen not to in order to prevent depression:

~Train shooting adds to Christian fears in Egypt
~Flood affects 1 million in Sri Lanka
~Mexico’s Grim Toll of Death In Drug War Hits New High

If you like the Mormons, and I know you don’t, today is the day they really got it started. In the wake of the Panic of 1837, Joseph Smith, yes, that Joseph Smith, led his little band of Latter Day Saints out of Ohio…fleeing from arrest. Smith claimed in 1823 that an angel visited him and told he was a prophet. In 1827, he happened upon some gold tablets (way cooler than Moses’ stone tablets, but not as cool as the Android Tablets) which he claimed was a new gospel. He released 5,000 copies of “The Book of Mormon”, outraging nearly everyone. Americans, historical easy to fool in religious matters (yep, looking right at you, Ghost of Billy Graham) and many flocked to the radical new make-believe story. After being driven out of New York, Ohio and Missouri, the Mormons ended up in Utah, though after Joseph Smith’s death. For an excellent look at the sheer balls of the man Smith, and of the incredible and literally unbelievable tale of the origin of a still thriving religion, check out Jon Krakauer’s “Under The Banner of Heaven”.

Denard Robinson takes flight; hopefully, he doth not fly too close to the sun…of Florida.

Quite quickly, the Bohunk’s Most Exciting Person of College Football, Denard Robinson, appears to be returning to the University of Michigan after his coach, Rich Rodriguez, was fired and then replaced by San Diego State coach Brady Hoke. Some speculated that the extremely gifted athlete would bolt to either Florida of the University of Central Florida if Rodriguez was fired, but the Dreadlocked Dodger says he would much prefer to stay in Ann Arbor. The new offensive coordinator, Al Borges, is reportedly very capable of adapting a spread offense to fit Robinson’s skillset, and that a meeting this morning between Robinson and Hoke would go a long way in determining Robinson’s future. The Bohunk thought RichRod should have been given one more year on the condition that he fired everyone even remotely related to the defensive side of the ball. Michigan’s defense, as the Bohonk has carefully and repeatedly noted, was just inconvenient to opposing offenses. They made scoring easy, and teams like Mississippi State hardly broke a bead while gallivanting up and down the field. But with Hoke, Michigan faces another 3 years of adjustment and tough times. And now, they have to play Nebraska….

A future Christmas celebration in Wisconsin…But remember, this
would be a bad thing environmentally…Don’t start trying to raise
the world’s temperature.

You should care about the environment. It is all around you and those you care about, and driving your Escalade to the river to dump out your used oil is no way to treat the most enveloping aspect of the nature world; again, it is all around all of us. Those who don’t believe in global warming, or, as it is more commonly and accurately known now, climate change, are flatly ignorant. And despite our knowledge of its effects, causes and potential consequences, the Global Community (that’s all of us, man) have failed to make any significant commitment to the future of our only planet. 2010 was the warmest year on record at 58.12 degrees on average, which is 1.12 degrees above the established average of the twentieth century. The idiot (or Republican) out there will say, “Yes, but that is but one degree! I shall retain my 12-cylinder Lamborghini!” The Bohunk will point out that, a few hundred years ago, the planet’s average temperature rose one degree after massive amounts of volcanic ash caused widespread greenhouse gases and heat retention. The result? It reversed a millions-of-years-old ice age, melting most glaciers, even one in North America that stretched from Hudson’s Bay in Canada, west to the Rockies, east to New York and south to Iowa…and was three miles thick. The world, as they say, has never been the same. And the change of temperature in that cause took a thousand years, not one hundred, which is essentially the 20th century till today. Can the earth shrug off out impact? Yes, absolutely. But it might shrug us off in the process, even if we survive wars over resources and water. 

Thanks for reading, see you again tomorrow for Foxy Friday, which might just feature the Oregon Ducks’ cheerleaders again, just for fun. Chapeau! 

Starbucks, Rich Rod, Holes and the N~Word…

It’s Thursday, you may notice, which is one day before Friday and then the weekend. The problem, or blessing depending on your view, is that upon the completion of the weekend, this cycle begins anew. Stave off the inevitable with the Update…

Jumping straight to the good stuff, we find ourselves in the heated debate of black holes. One of the most mysterious aspects of our universe is the black hole, long believed to be exaggerated by high speed collisions. The black hole devours all matter around it, and then, over the course of a few billion years, reemerges and develops, over a few more billion years, into a new galaxy or star system. Some black holes develop an inconstant rates, accelerating quickly at random intervals before slowing again. Many scientists had believed that this was a by product of cosmic collisions, celestial entities slamming at thousand of light years’ speed into the black hole and making its size ‘jump’. However, recent studies show that, over the past 8 billion years, collisions of this type have no influence on the size of a black hole, or its rate of growth. Then how does the gravitational force of a black hole change? How can it go against all the laws of physics and change its rate of growth and shift in overall size. We haven’t the foggiest. We don’t know everything, we know almost nothing. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.

Artist rendering of a black hole; if it was really this color, it would be called a ‘Trippy
Hole’.

In cycling news, Lance Armstrong says he is not concerned or bothered by the on-going federal investigation into his career. In an interview with the Sydney Morning Herald Lance says he has many concerns involving the future of the sport, but refused to speak at length on the US and Food and Drug Administration’s long investigation the United States Postal Service Cycling squad of the late ‘90s, Armstrong’s sponsor for six of his seven Tour de France wins.A grand jury in Los Angeles has been presented with evidence and testimonies for months after doper Floyd Landis presented a case against Armstrong. Armstrong’s final international cycling event will be in Australia’s Tour Down under this spring. Frankly, this is ruining the sport, especially in conjunction with Alberto Contador’s Case of the Tainted Spanish Beef still being deliberated in a Spanish court. The Bohunk smells something fishy in both situations…but that is relatively normal in cycling, unfortunately.

Lance Armstong vs Jan Ullrich: A battle for the ages. Both are suspected of being doped
to the gills throughout their Tour wins. (Ullrich won in 1997; Armstong 1999-2005)

Starbucks, the Best Smelling Store Around, changed it logo to celebrate its 40th anniversary, highlighting their traditional green siren but dropping the circle that heretofore surrounded her. People with nothing better to do commenced directly to bitching, saying it was dumb to remove the name of the company from the logo. Right, because no one knows who the Swish, Golden Arches or Eagle belong to…(Nike, McDonald’s and American Eagle, just in case) Obviously it is not a huge deal, and the Bohunk wonders if half the people complaining would have even noticed the difference if they weren’t told of it. You can decide for yourself, below.

The first three are obviously Starbucks cups, but the last one, I have no idea what it
is used for or what corporation to associate it with. If only it said what do to with it somewhere…

Rich Rodriguez was fired by the University of Michigan. Anyone want the job?

(Crickets)

In another contribution to World Going To Hell Via Hand Basket, a new edition of “Adventures of Huckleberry Finn” will lack the word “nigger” and be replaced by the word “slave” which, in context, with neither make sense or illustrate the inhuman status African-Americans held during Twain’s time, an important lesson for youngsters to learn, appreciate and detest. All 219 uses of “nigger” are removed after Alan Gribben, a professor at Auburn University, said he felt uncomfortable saying the word aloud in class. The Bohunk kindly instructs him to grow up. The initial print of the sanitized version ran at 7,500 copies and should be finished by February. No schools have expressed interest in teaching with the new version. Kudos for taking the opportunity of the harsh, terrible language as a way to show the youth of America just how ugly man can be in the hopes of making a better society. Any high school student would argue that they hear worse language in the hallway at school on any given day than that found in “Huck Finn” or “Tom Sawyer” and a quick listen to rap music would show that 219 uses of the n-word would be the equivalent of two or three songs nowadays.

In the on-going check in on Haiti, which the Bohunk regrets has been lacking in recent weeks, we unfortunately find little positive. The new problem (as if existing ones were not completely and inhumanely sufficient) is rape. Amnesty International is reporting to news outlets that gangs of armed men are prowling the countryside and urban streets alike, attacking, molesting, raping and kidnapping women. The problem is especially rife in the squalid camps around Port-au-Prince, the nation’s beleaguered capital which has suffered from political strife, a massive earthquake and an outbreak of cholera, just to name the major plagues. Amnesty International claims that security in these refugee camps is completely invisible except near food drops, which, with tens of thousands of starving citizens close by, need constant guarding. The women have almost no protection; even in their dwellings, many are raped after men simply cut through the side of the tent with a knife or push the entire shack over. According to an official in Haiti, a Mr. Ducos, “most of these crimes go unpunished” because there is not enough police influence to track or prosecute a suspected rapist, even if he was seen in broad daylight by hundreds of people. Haiti is a terrible place for everyone, but the women and children of that country are experiencing a life that is riddled with loss, hate and misery. Be grateful for your own lot in this world, because you could be living in Haiti.

Sorry to end the Update on such a sour note. Quickly, note that the Schleck Brothers will be announcing their sponsor and kit this evening, 8 pm Paris time. The boys will finally have a name to the Best Team Ever Without A Name…Also, be sure to follow me on Twitter, @theflyingbohunk for quick Update access every morning and news throughout the day. Like what Snooki is up to…

Thanks for reading, enjoy NBC’s Thursday night line-up, it should be quite good. Chapeau!

Brett Favre’s Flames, Steve Jobs and Bankruptcies….

It is Tuesday, the very first one of 2011 and the last time you will have written 1/4/11 unless you are postdating something. Some stuff happened, so we will take a moment to reflect on the day that was and what shall come…

First, the techie nerd in me is ‘totally stoked’ for the Consumers Electrics Show which runs this week in Vegas. As is the custom, Apple and Steve Jobs will not attend the event, leaving a gaping hole in the show’s intrigue for some. But to others, it offers a great look at the stuff others have made, usually as imitations of iThings. The biggest area is tablets, namely, fake iPads. Competitors to the iPad, like the Samsung Galaxy, are capitalizing on a massive market that Apple essentially created. Over 126,000 retailers will attend the show looking for alternative to Apple products, and most specifically for the tablets being released by electronics heavy weights like Sony, Motorola and Vizio. For the Bohunk, the most attractive tablet to emerge will be the Windows 7 mobile edition being unveiled by Top Banana Steve Ballmer. A tablet with a working and mobile version of Media Center, iTunes and even Microsoft Office could be absolutely brilliant, especially with the Cloud external storage system gaining popularity. An external software system means you don’t have to worry about overloading the storage on the device, and means manufacturers can keep prices a bit lower. To note, the tablet this year accounted for roughly $300 million and this before all the powerhouses of the electronics companies joined battle…

Fear the Turtle-Necked Behemoth: Steve Jobs throwing around an iPad.

There will be some terribly depressing numbers popping up over the next few weeks as financial reports finish up detailing the dismal economic year that was 2010. For instance, we bring to the fore this cheery little tale: Over 1.5 million Americans filed for bankruptcy this past orbit, with this past December being one of the worst financial months in history. November was close to the worst in history, and then bankruptcy filings went up another 3%. And experts expect filings to continue to rise over the coming months as well…

When the Bohunk finishes an especially good book, like A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson, I cannot help but be obliged to let you all, dear readers, of my experience. Bill Bryson, if you have not read him, is, flatly, an amazing writer. In infromative texts, you will not find a better author who can easily bounce from genetics to astronomy, anthropology to geology, evolution and physics. And as you are reading, you are hardly aware that you have made these same transitions, so seamless is his book’s construction. You cover, as the title indicts, just a bit of everything, but together, you see how we know what little we really do. And that, I point out, is a fact I share with you three or four times a week. For example, as Bryson points out near the end of the 450 page leisure read, if your family is from Europe over the past 2,000 years, you share the same genes as 95% of the world. And all of those people are descended from some 10,000 Africans who ventured north to Europe just 25,000 years ago. Amazing stuff. (Note: 25,000 years is not even a blink, another point Bryson drives home. In a world 4.2 billion nears old, and a universe a few dozen billion years older, you must remember that man has lived but 0.0001% of the life of this earth) You can pick up the read here at Barnes and Noble. 

Google is unveiling a virtual newsstand to compete with Apple’s news application for iPad. Google is shopping around for content providers such as Time Warner in preparations for creating an Android-only application to provide up-to-the-minute news, eerily similar and obviously in direct competition with Apple. Other devices, like the nook for Barnes and Noble and the Kindle for Amazon, offer electronic versions of copy like The New York Times and USA Today. This is an unabashed tech-version of the Update, so save this or ask a question should you have one.

Brett Favre, though done for the season, is again in the headlines. After sitting out and watching the Hyperboreans lose to the Lions (the Lions being 4-0 in 4 weeks, mind you) two women have filed sexual harassment charges against Favre, this just a week after the NFL fined him $50,000 for the Jenn Sterger incident of 2008. Christina Scavo and Shannon O’Toole say that Favre treated them “like slabs of meat” (Scavo’s words) and asked them to engage in three-way sex with him. They claim he repeatedly texted them while with the Jets, say he was lonely and he had “bad intentions.” For fans, these types of charges cannot come as a surprise after the Jenn Sterger incident and this past season’s allegations of taunting and harassment by Jets players toward Mexican TV reporter Ines Sainz. Both Scavo and O’Toole were let go from from the Jets organization shortly after this time period, with both women claiming that Favre had a role in the decision.

Obviously, ‘hostesses’ like Jenn Sterger are integral parts of an organization,
and reflect the professional environment that they work in. Come on, Jets,
you’re going to lose these types of arguments.

Over 500 homes have been evacuated in northern Australian as flood waters there spread. Heavy rains over the course of several days have given way to flooding in 20 towns in the Queensland area, submerging 20 or so towns under varying depths of water. Ten people have been killed with over 200,000 people very much affected. And in a very Australian turn, rescue and emergency teams are warning residents of another factor with which they must contend: wild-life. Exotic snakes, alligators and other misplaced, starving and panicked creatures are especially dangerous in these situations. The waters may not recede for some weeks, and may take decades in some areas to return to normal. Chin up, my under water readers…

On a personal note, the Bohunk recently journeyed deep into nature on snowshoes. Northern Michigan is a year-round, perpetually beautiful place. The woods of Interlochen, are, if you will allow me to wax poetic, hold snow softly like the hand of a beautiful maiden, branches sagging in the weight of soft pillows of virgin powder. Below are some pictures of my adventure, including one of an abandoned pontoon that drifted south in the wind and wedged itself on the shore next to the mouth of a small creek. Sort of like an eerie, ghost ship except for the cup holders.

Derelict Pontoon….

Thanks for reading the Update, come on back tomorrow for more cool things that will distract you from Facebook for 2-4 minutes…Have a terrific afternoon as well.

START Treaty, CIA Sexual Assault and a Ballet…

It’s Hump Day, and the last one before The Redeemer of Mankind’s birthday. What better way to celebrate the Savior’s immaculate conception then subsequent vaginal delivery than by reading the Update? I can think of no other…

The redesigned and reconfigured START Treaty between the US and Russia will now be signed by Barack. The treaty hit some major snags last week because of Republicans (eager to do nothing before the end of session) dragged their feet and refused to vote on the measure, calling it ‘too rushed.’ The treaty has been under construction since its original draft in 2002, and this version has been under negotiations for almost two years. New stipulations that were agreed upon say that both countries will limit their stocks of warheads to 1550, down 30% from the amount agreed upon in 2002. Each nation is allowed only 800 nuclear capable subs, and only 700 of them can be armed at once. 700 nuclear warheads is enough to level every city from London to Moscow, frankly, and though the measure is a great effort, still allows for unspeakable damage. A major drawback that riled politicians for both nations was the lack of limitations or regulations on building missile shields, a major goal for the US. Obama said the treaty would not stop or limit in anyway the US’s plan to help build and fund a missile shield over Europe….

Obama loves to open negotiations by breaking out the ol’ coloring book….

Another shining Republican moment as the Elephants waver on the commitment to ensure free health care for the surviving responders, mainly New York Fire Department workers. Republicans, who certainly made the most of 9/11 (Afghanistan, Iraq, the Patriot Act, George W. Bush in a second term) are now voting against giving roughly 343 first responders health coverage. Due to the prolonged exposure (they were pulling out bodies, folks, come on) to toxic fumes and materials at Ground Zero, many of these responders are suffering with breathing, heart and cancer issues as a result. Democrats believed they have gathered enough support to pass the $6.2 benefits package, though Republicans are entrenched against it…Why? They claim it costs too much. A three trillion dollar war (Iraq) costs too much. Health care for these firefighters should be already covered by a national health care system. But that is, of course, a whole other Update entirely…

A bomb was found in outside of Rome yesterday in a busy train station. Italian security responded but found that, due to the bombs poor construction, it could not have been detonated. Let this be a chilling reminder of how routine terror is becoming…We now wave off bombs if they don’t explode…

WikiLeaks founder, and Bond-villain-to-be Julian Assange appeared on BBC’s Today program to be interviewed by John Humphrys. In the interview, Assange said he believed the sexual assault charges awaiting him in Sweden were baseless and obviously contrived to make him look like a villain (the white hair already does, Julian) while he is making an effort not to let the distraction of legal charges interfere with his WikiLeaks mission. Even international figures admit that the sexual assault charges were probably organized and set-up by the American CIA after WikiLeaks released thousands of cables some weeks ago. There is even irony in this amusing little aside; the charges of sexual assault against Assange were ‘leaked’ by top authorities in the Swedish police force days before enough evidence was gathered to merit an office warrant. The Bohunk can readily admit that Assange is, an all likelihood, a shady character, especially with women. He has claimed quite grandiose success with them, but this proclamation only makes the charges against him more understandable. But to have two women just-so-happen to file charges against Assange a few days after the cable leaks is a bit too convenient…

For NFL news, we turn to Washington, home of the Native Americans. They traded for Donovan McNabb, gave him a fat contract, then pulled him that very week because he was too chubby to run a two minute offense. At that point, the Bohunk was forced to declare, “Bullshit.” Head coach Mike Shanahan billed himself as a genius, though he was only a genius with John Elway back in Denver, and, lest ye forgot, Elway is going to be remembered as one of the greatest quarterbacks in history. Now, after losing games because of poor coaching and poor play, the scapegoat is Donovan McNabb. Was the Chunky Soup Eater playing Pro-Bowl football? No. But was anyone else playing well either? His team was bad, on both sides of the ball, and even on special teams. Shanahan was consistently outcoached (by Andy Reid, especially) and shifted blame to Albert Haynesworth and the new signing, McNabb. Soon, people will see that Shanahan is a mediocre coach with a sub-par team, and likely fire him accordingly.

Natalie Portman as the Black Swan…It ain’t Queen Amidala, but still pretty good…

If you are looking for a holiday movie, might I recommend Black Swan starring Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis. Why, you ask, would the Bohunk, a throbbingly attractive manly-man, suggest I go see a movie about ballet? And I would answer you like this: It stars Natalie Portman as a crazy, whigged-out ballerina battling another startling attractive ballerina. It is a dark, psychotic look at how insane ballerinas really are. And, again, it stars Natalie Portman.

In the on-going piece on the evolution of Christmas (that was carefully selected, evolution of…) we come to another Roman holiday, the feast of Mithras, the god of light, which, not-so-coincidentally, fell on December 25th. The festival was based on the theme of renewing hope, and was celebrated by lighting candles and eating. Christians adopted this date as the birth of Christ in the 4th century, roughly 400 years after Jesus died and pointedly ignoring suggested dates of his birth that even now range from September to February. Christians selected a well-liked and well-entrenched holiday as the birth so that Gentiles would be more likely to accept the holiday as Christian if they could be converted to the new faith. But hey, if you can convince people that bread and wine is the body and blood of the Savior, and then get them to ingest said ‘blood and wine’, I think convincing them a certain day was the Messiah’s birthday shouldn’t be an issue.

It’s nearly Christmas, so your sleigh better be stacked high. Tie down the hatch of your Ford Fiesta and fit in, amongst your roasted chestnuts and Lady Gaga posters, a final gift. The Bohunk, a steady ready, has been tempted by The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson ever since it was a huge hit at the local movie house. It was a #1 National Bestseller and a phenomena in Europe, and Larsson’s native Sweden, in particular, long before it was even known in the US. Larsson died of a heart attack before his work became famous, adding even more mystery and intrigue to what is said be a thrilling mystery in the trilogy. Now, all three novels are available in paperback, meaning you can get all three (the others are The Girl Who Played With Fire and The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet’s Nest) for less than the cost of a single hardcover copy. You can pick them up here, or head in to your local bookseller.

Thanks for reading, get a book for someone you love this holiday season, and here’s to hoping you had an excellent pagan Winter Solstice this week. Back tomorrow, enjoy Modern Family at 9 tonight. (As always, that’s Eastern Standard)

Our Lady Of Fatima, Obama Goes to Court, and TIME Lays Down…

It’s Thursday, and of course, the very last day of exams at the Grandest Valley State Funded University in Allendale, MI. As of this afternoon, roughly 4pm, the Bohunk will be neck-deep in Linguistic mire and strife, but, dear readers, fear not; the Bohunk has lightly studied. Now, to the column…

The Bohunk is a sensible man, but with an insatiable thirst for the unexplainable (because I very much would like to see it explained). On this note, the Bohunk presents the following event in history. Flashback to Fatima, Portugal, 1917; just a few months ago, three shepherd boys claim to have met the Virgin Mary, Our Lady of Fatima (a local saint) and Jesus, on separate occasions. First off, these guys must be pretty cool to attract all of this Holy Attention. The Virgin Mary vowed to make herself known to the people of Fatima, and said that on 13 October she would make any doubt of her existence impossible. A crowd of 30,000 to 100,000 (pure estimates by the locals) showed up in the fields outside of town. The sun was pale and thin looking that day, they claim, and suddenly, it came racing toward earth, zigging and “dancing” toward the believers. The wet clothes of the crowd (it had rained all morning) dried in a matter of seconds, the wet and muddy ground became almost powder by its dryness.

"The sun's disc did not remain immobile. This was not the sparkling of a heavenly body, for it spun round on itself in a mad whirl, when suddenly a clamor was heard from all the people. The sun, whirling, seemed to loosen itself from the firmament and advance threateningly upon the earth as if to crush us with its huge fiery weight. The sensation during those moments was terrible." — Dr. Almeida Garrett, Professor of Natural Sciences at Coimbra University

Scientists at the time and even now maintain that the phenomena was a by-product of the children urging the believers to stare into the sun for hours, causing a proven ‘sun-madness’ that can be measured and predicted by modern science. However, eye witnesses up to eleven miles away claim to have seen the event and described it almost exactly the same as those gathered in the field. An act of some divinity? A hoax? A sign of the Virgin Herself? The Bohunk is, as always, skeptical…But what do you think?

The House of Representatives has passed a repeal of the ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ policy that prohibits gays from openly serving in the military. The measure passed by a vote of 250 to 175, essentially following partisan lines. The measure will return to the Senate where Republicans have vowed to filibuster the vote until the Senate breaks for the holidays. Staying to this “Avoid the will of the Representatives of the People Until We Can Claim to Be The Majority of the People” is the Republicans last ditch attempt to avoid the responsibility of listening to the American People, and the will of the Armed Forces. As reported in an earlier Update, 70% of the military personnel polled said they did not think having openly gay soldiers, sailors and marines would in any way negatively affect their work environment. The most outspoken politician against repealing the bill is Sen. John “Lost And Is Now Pissy” McCain, who even went as far as to ignore the recent polls that showed military support. He then proposed asking the troops what they thought, forgetting that the poll had just been taken and released. Senility aside, it is time to pass the repeal….The Bohunk is tired of rewriting this piece every other week for the past 17 years or so…Kinda…

The Obama (Yo Mama) Administration has officially filed a lawsuit against BP and four other companies for its violation of the Clean Water Act. As you may recall, BP’s rig in the Gulf of Mexico exploded, dumping roughly 4.9 million barrels, and the US government is seeking anywhere from $1,300 to $4,300 per barrel from BP and the other companies. The Justice Department stated that the government is suing for this amount of money solely for the clean-up effort, because the damages of the spill, to environment, business, exportation, and tourism, will not be fully known for years to come.

Obama hopes the lawsuit against BP will be a slam dunk. Obama is pictured
here in high school, seated, front, middle, center…(If you couldn’t pick him out)

On a short follow-up from a previous piece, the Bohunk is happy to report that Aretha Franklin, the Queen of Soul, is back in her Detroit home after recovering from an invasive surgery to fight her growing pancreatic cancer. Doctors quickly dubbed the procedure as “highly successful” and are optimistic that Franklin will outlast the typically dismal survival rate for pancreatic cancer patients. Franklin is at home with friends and family, and even hopes to see the great Sam Cooke perform over the holidays. She will also attend a showing of “Dream Girls” at the Fox Theatre in one of its last showings before the historic building closes.

The Happy Meal offered by McDonald’s is again drawing criticism. The plaintiffs in a lawsuit against the Golden Arches claim that the fast food giant offers only fatty choices and specifically targets children by offering them toys, causing them to make poor dietary choices. From afar, I can hear Wes say, “No shit, sir.” A company that uses a clown and cartoon characters is quite obviously attracting children, just like any pedophile would (bringing us again to the timeless question, who used clowns first, the pedophile or the fast food giant?) in order to entice unsuspecting kids. It is the parents of these children, however, who open their wallets and shove greasy food down the throats of kids (avoiding the pedophile imagery now) that should be blamed, not the third graders. Fast food targeting children, in a health capacity, little different than tobacco companies using cartoons to achieve the same result.

Ronald likes them young and curious…and greasy….

Yesterday, the Bohunk noted that TIME named Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg Person of the Year. It has recently come to light, however, that in the true tally, Julian Assange, the founder of WikiLeaks, won the most votes, but TIME decided to select Zuckerberg to avoid controversy. And in this view, TIME obviously avoids a lot of criticism, especially from the US government and international diplomats who were ‘outed’, if you will, by the leaked cables over the past month. However, any respect and professionalism must be swept away by this move. It is the journalistic duty of organizations like TIME to create controversy, reward news-worthy efforts and freedom of information. To back down in the face of any pressure in naming what is simply an award is cowardly and embarrassing to the publication.

Come on back tomorrow for the naming of an even more prestigious award, the Flying Bohunk Politician of the Year, in addition to Foxy Fridays and my last Update written in the frozen hellscape of Allendale for three glorious weeks. There is still time to nominate the politcian you think was the most influential, for good or evil, this past year.

Again, apologies for the late post…The Bohunk needs a new computer for the holidays…That is an unabashed hint, Santa…

Thanks for reading, enjoy Thursday Night TV on NBC, starting with Community at 8. Come on back real soon, tomorrow, if possible….

Sleep and Obesity, Rich Ginger, and Narnia…

Whew! With any luck, and a bit of bed rest, you’ve had time to recover from the excitement that was the ceremonial naming of Sportsperson of the Year…Relax, this time, nothing as colossal as that happens. But read anyway…

Time recently named Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg “Person of the Year” and received a lot more attention than the Bohunk with such an award. Zuckerberg created the largest social networking medium in the history of the world. Nearly 500 million people around the globe log in to update their status and stalk each other’s pictures, all on the most complex and integrated network on the face of the earth. Facebookers represent one-twelfth of the world population, and though one may not recognize it, Facebook is a world phenomena. If Facebook’s users were a country, it would be the third largest in the world, only behind China and India. And though users may not realize it, but 70% of Facebook users live outside the US. Zuckerberg definitely reaped the benefits of his network’s popularity; his estimated net worth is around $6.9 Billion (that’s a B, you’ll be sure to note) at the ripe old age of 26. Not bad for a guy with red hair and partial color blindness (he can see blue the best, which is why it’s Facebook’s dominant color) and a Harvard drop-out. Congrats on being named Person of the Year, Mark….Perhaps one day you’ll earn the more prestigious award of the same name given by the Bohunk….Don’t lose sleep waiting for it, either….

Creepy soulless ginger Mark Zuckerberg…

Techies who claim to know such things have stuck the proverbial fork in Microsoft for being almost completely absent in the tablet market. While Apple has hit it big with its iPad, and mobile phone manufacturers like Samsung have introduced their own tablets, none run using Microsoft operating systems and many have adopted the Android OS because Microsoft has no viable contribution to the emerging market. Intel is also lacking a platform for a tablet, though many claim that Microsoft’s failure is more alarming because the company had always been well ahead of the competition in anticipating market trends. With new tablets soon to emerge, including efforts by Google, Samsung, and a new iPad 2 by Apple, many manufacturers are making a second model before Microsoft has even made one platform. Some have claimed it will the end of Microsoft; the Bohunk says, “No, sir, not quite so very fast.” Microsoft is too smart and too big to go quietly. Tablets are still a relatively TINY market compared to notebooks, laptops and even desktops, and Microsoft still dominates in those areas.

Would you like to be a more attractive person? Two separate studies have contributed some obvious but reaffirming information. Young adults, ages 19-30, who are active and at a healthy weight level can avoid gaining the average weight gain of their mid to late 30’s by staying active and staying below obesity rates. The study showed that people who were obese as a young adult became morbidly obese in their thirties, while those at a healthy BMI (Body Mass Index) only gained negligible weight even into their forties. The study suggests that as little as 4% of obese people at the age of 25 will ever return to a healthy weight over the course of the rest of their life. In the second study, researchers found that people who get at least 8 hours of sleep and do so at regular intervals (go to bed and wake at roughly the same time) have a remarkably better look. The study followed young adults and also parents to monitor the effect their sleeping habits had on their appearance and personality. People who stayed up past 11 o’clock and slept in past 10 am were irritable, grouchy and looked like Hell, (trust me, those pictures were alarming) while those who slept regular hours, usually 10 pm to 8 am, looked better and had a more positive outlook. One researcher claimed regular sleeping patterns might even make a person age much more slowly. So the next time you pull an all-nighter, think, perhaps, of the future and GO TO BED!

Sofia Vergara: She must sleep constantly. Congrats on the Golden Globes
nomination, Fox.

A suicide bomber killed 39 worshippers in Iran yesterday at a mourning ceremony outside a mosque in southeastern Iran. The Iranian government quickly announced that it believes the US is responsible for the attack, citing the use of advanced techonolgy and intelligence. The mourning ceremony was in honor of the death of Imam Hussein, supposedly the descendent of the Muslim prophet Muhammad who lived in the 7th century. Most of the worshippers were Shiite, and no claims for responsibility for the attack have been heard, though many suspect that the large Sunni population in the area could also be suspected. The US government, at the time of my hitting “Publish” on this baby, had made no comment to confirm or deny their involvement in the incident.

For a quick review of the recently Bohunk-ed Candide by Voltaire, I offer this book as the best read ever in a span of 137 pages. The story of a young man, Candide, who by trial and strife is forced from his home and to cross the globe in search of his love. His teacher, the philosopher Pangloss, tells him that his home of Westphalia is “the best of all possible worlds.” Candide and Pangloss live by the mantra of “everything is for the best” though they are hanged, kicked from their country, whipped, flogged, abandoned, robbed, burned and beaten. Voltaire repeatedly mentions some of his own sneering critics in the book, labeling them liars and thieves. The adventures of Candide are hilarious and cruel and equally so. It is an absurdist work, and contrary to what many claim, it is not an examination of the origin of evil or the immorality of mankind. Instead, Voltaire looks at how the individual reacts to injustice; each character or member of Candide’s band has fair claim to being the most mistreated by the world, but Candide and Pangloss seem to bear all with a positive heart and learn to live life for the very admirable reason of living. You can get it at Barnes and Noble here.

 
Jesus, shoot, I mean Aslan, the most easily identifiable Christ allegory. 

The new Chronicles of Narnia flick is in theaters and is atop the Box Office earnings list. The Bohunk is quite interested in how many of the books will actually be made into the film. For those who have not finished all of the books, the series ends SPOILER ALERT DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE INTENTION OF READING THE BOOKS with all the children dying while battling an army of what C.S. Lewis allegorically represented extremists Islamic soldiers. Way back in the day, Lewis already was quite sure that Muslims would begin to start trouble in the new millennium. The dead kids are then brought to what Lewis presents as Heaven, which is a version of Narnia ruled over by Jesus, I mean Aslan. The king of the Muslims is also there, however, and Jesus, dang it, sorry, I mean Aslan, says that the Supreme Being doesn’t care what religion you follow as long as you have a true and noble heart. Can the American public accept this type of ending? They would never accept a Muslim in “Heaven” (ruled, again, by a talking lion) let alone all the hero children being slain in a violent but bloodless (look at their swords in the last two movies; no blood, even when they stab an enemy combatant) battle scene.

In the on-going case of Alberto Contador and the Tainted Spanish Beef case, WADA officials have leveled quite frankly that the minute amount of clenbuterol found in Contador’s positive test July 21st is enough to be banned and punished for. Any amount of the drug found is reason enough to suspend Contador, the two-or-three time champ of the Tour de France. Contador’s blood revealed just 50 picograms (that is less than ‘trace’ amounts in other blood tests) that would probably not been found in most laboratories in the world. That would be written numerically as 0.00000000050 grams. The WADA spokesperson charged with dealing with the Spanish Sports Agency in charge ruling on Contador’s case was quoted as saying, “Just because it’s small doesn’t mean it’s not doping.” Many experts believe Contador mistakenly used transfused blood that was contaminated during the Tour de Swiss. Plasticizers found in the blood sample also serve to confirm this suspicion. The Bohunk’s take: Congrats on your default 2010 win, Andy Schleck, and you won’t be race El Pistolero in the next two years….

Thanks for reading everyone, and sorry for the late post. Some serious technical difficulties. Enjoy Modern Family on ABC tonight!

Foxy Friday, Horned Amphibians, and Yearly Awards…

It’s that very time of week that makes our hearts light and jolly. It’s Friday, and a Friday in December means holiday events and shopping, the approach of exams and, of course, Bowl Season. This year, amateur football fans are lucky. The National Title is between two undefeated squads, Auburn and Oregon, the Rose Bowl is going to be a slugfest (Wisconsin vs. TCU). There are scores of other games worth TiVo’ing, and the best will be previewed next week.

The Texas Christian University Horned Amphibians face off against the
“On, Wisconsin” in the Grand Daddy of Them All.

To follow up with the WikiLeaks counterattack internet strikes, experts are warning the United Kingdom to closely monitor activity on its site this weekend. Hackers have threatened to topple the government’s entire network, possibly risking national security and private information of millions of citizens. The threat comes as the UK mulls over the idea of extraditing Julian Assange, the imprisoned founder of WikiLeaks that the British government is holding on sexual assault charges in Sweden. Should the government send off Assange, hackers vow to attack the weakest areas of the government’s network and burrow into more delicate information. Their attack yesterday on Amazon.com ultimately failed, though they successfully froze PayPal and both MasterCard and Visa.

After yesterday’s short piece about the injustices of the Chinese government, the Bohunk did some more digging. After slaving away over a hot computer stove for tens of minutes, I found that China is has the prestigious honor of executing the most people of any government on this fine globe, and almost all of them are killed by hanging. Iran is a second and gets the nod of being the most brutal by killing at least five people by stoning in the past eight years, though it is now illegal in the country. To note, in 2004 a 16 year old girl was executed for “crimes against chastity”, which is a pretty vague charge (and probably title of Lady Gaga’s next album) Heads off to them, eh?

This week’s Fox is the beautiful and talented Michelle Williams. The 30 year old actress of Dawson’s Creek fame is now the lead in Blue Valentine, a film that received the dreaded NC-17 rating when it was reviewed some months ago. After some wheeling-and-dealing, the movie’s producers got the flick down to just R. She stars with Ryan Gosling in this chilling examination of life, love, and relationship. It is pointedly dark at at time disturbing, and has some very dirty scenes as well.

Michelle Williams: Fox since the mid-90’s.

Always worth a second look….

First, we have, my dear readers, other matters with which we must contend. To start, the Bohunk must invite you to submit, in any form you choose, your favorites of this past year. Name your Top:

~ Sportsperson
~ Movie
~ Book
~ Personality
~ Politician
~ Fox

All of your input will be taken into serious consideration when the Bohunk announces the Top (Fill In Blank) of the Year. Also, the Bohunk will select one award of his very own. Each year, excellent writer and columnist Gregg Easterbrook selects an NFL player as MVP, with the longest award title in the business. The Bohunk breaks his long standing record with this little number (in presentation form): The Flying Bohunk is delighted to announce the 2010 “Most Overrated Sports Personality Not-Affiliated With The Yankees And Who Did Not Win A Title Of Any Kind Last Year But Still Makes Over $100 Million Dollars”. Top that, Easterbrook.

Last, the Bohunk must shamelessly plug his newest and only book for sale. Recently published as an eBook by Barnes and Noble, West is a stunning look at a father and son who share name, appearance and a terrible sin. It deals not only with the experience of one family but a universal undertaking of life on earth, and the burden of being a father with a history. You can purchase it here, for a whole $2, at Barnes and Noble.

Thanks for reading, enjoy Foxy Friday and have a great weekend. Tomorrow the Top Post will be throw back up for a second go….Back on Monday with much better effort.

Assange, the Queen of Soul, and China’s ‘Crackdown’ on AIDS Support Groups…

What a day, what a day. The past 24 hours have been very eventful around the globe and YOU need to be Updated about these events. Come along, on a fantastic voyage…

Those hackers that paralyzed MasterCard’s website yesterday were joined by scores of other middle-aged men in their campaign in support of WikiLeaks. Shortly after I pressed “Publish” yesterday, credit giant Visa was attacked, crippling its website as well. Amazon.com, PayPal and the Swedish government’s site have all been assaulted as well. The coordination and expertise of these attacks show that some of the best hackers in the biz are well at it in the defense of WikiLeaks and its now imprisoned founder (and James Bond-villain-looking personality) Julian Assange. Assange was arrested on sexual misconduct charges last week, though his lawyers presented copious proofs of his innocence. He will likely be forced to face espionage charges in the US, who are obviously involved in his arrest. The two women supposedly molested by Assange have refused to be involved in the case against him, and he is going to be held as long as authorities see it as beneficial. The attacks will continue as well.

Julian Assange: The perfect Bond villain. Even has a backstory ready!

You might recall that the world had some qualms about going to China for the Olympics a few years back. The country is one of the worst human rights violators on the planet, imprisoners more reporters than any other nation, and has been responsible for more ‘disappearances’ than any country since Stalin. Now, they are doing it in an even more pointed fashion. Hundreds of Chinese citizens associated with imprisoned writer and activist Liu Xiaobo have been taken into government custody, jailed, put under house arrest or followed. It is all a part of the effort by the Chinese government to make sure that no one goes to Oslo, Norway to accept Liu Xiabo’s recently won Nobel Peace Prize. The writer is still in a Chinese prison, and his wife has been under house arrest since Xiaobo won the prize. She is not allowed to speak with anyone from the international community (she was not even allowed to decline an invitation) and makes no contact outside of her immediate family. Xiaobo’s two brothers are under the same orders, and have been tailed by security forces day and night. As reported in the New York Times, this Friday will mark the first time since Nazi Germany forbade Carl von Ossietzky from accepting the award that no person will be at the ceremony to represent its recipient.  Only one friend of Xiaobo’s has a chance to attend the ceremony; Wan Yanhai, an activist, has been in the US from some months after fleeing Chinese police for his founding of an AIDS support group. Yes, AIDS support groups are illegal in China. If he goes to Oslo, Chinese officials will refuse his return to China.

In the ongoing look at cancer, the great Aretha Franklin is in the fight for her life. Family members announced that the great soul singer is battling pancreatic cancer, canceling all her public appearances and undergoing surgery Monday. Reports are that the surgery was successful, though that does not ensure health. Pancreatic cancer patients typically receive a 6% chance of surviving 5 years. There have been a number of prayer vigils in Detroit, where “The Queen of Soul” is still in hospital. With any luck, this is just a link in the chain-chain-chain of her incredible life. All the best, Aretha.

One classy lady, a legend, and, in her day, a Fox.

In mid-week amateur football news, Urban Meyer has stepped down as head coach of the University of Florida football outfit. Meyer, 46, says he will pursue his interests off the field and spend more time with his family. Meyer pulled this same stunt last season, citing health reasons for stepping down only to return for spring practices. Meyer has won two National Championships during his tenure at Florida, and also, it should be noted, a ton of games and SEC titles. Will he stay gone? This time around, the Bohunk gets the feeling he will call it quits. Former Florida assistant Charlie Strong is the top candidate for the job, but there are many others who would toss their name in the ring. Meanwhile, Nebraska board members have given head coach Bo Pelini permission to talk with University of Miami, Florida officials about the job there. Pelini’s sideline conduct this season has been suspect; Miami’s conduct in all areas over the last two decades has been rough, too. Could be a fit….And a train wreck.

“A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in
no other way.” Mark Twain

Finally, in the Cheap Gifts category, I highlight for your amusement the stunning work of Mark Twain’s Autobiography of Mark Twain, which is a volume of stories and accounts dictated by Twain from his death bed. A team of editors worked on the text, giving the dictation some background and undoing some prior editing that had smoothed over some of Twain’s more scalding criticisms. It is a book of stories, many stories, of the life and doings of one of the best American authors in our history. If you’d like to pick it up, go to Barnes and Noble.

Thanks for reading, join the Bohunk tomorrow for Foxy Friday and some week-in-review material.  As you know, Friday is always a best effort of mine. Enjoy today and a happy tomorrow.

Tooting, A Miracle Pill, Marijuana and Death Squads…

It is, as you know, very much against the Nature of the Bohunk to toot, if you will, mine very own horn. But, for the sake of an article, and for the deserved glory to reward unrivalled foresight, my I offer only this: Toot, Toot…

Yes, I toot because of my prediction yesterday that The Best Team In The NFL, the Patriots, would beat the Jets. And beat them they did. But I call you valuable attention to the manner in which they beat them. The Jets under Rex Ryan have a terrible habit of blitzing when they other teams are driving against them. Their reasoning is simple; the opposition is in a rhythm, we must knock them from it. And at times, this works. They got to Tom “Bieber” Brady a few times, notably with a sack early in the first quarter to force a punt. But the majority of the time, Biebs simple found the blitz and threw at it; if they blitz from the spot, it must be vacated. That “big” play to Danny Woodhead in the first quarter? A blitz, which left a defensive end chasing the Diminutive Danny down the field, the usual linebacker standing next to Brady. Good quarterbacks like being blitzed! And Tom Brady might just be the best…

“Hey buttwipe…Yeah you, Rex…Suck on this one!”
(Not an actual quote)

There is, you know, a miracle pill. Large pharmaceutical companies did not release it with fanfare, nor did trumpets sound to hail the coming of a medical miracle that could forever change how humans deal with cancer…Yes, there is a cancer pill available, clinically proven to stop or prevent up to 20% of cancer deaths. It is aspirin. A pill a day, for five years, lowers your chance of cancer by up to 20%, and that percent is an average that threw out cases in which the pill stopped or reversed cancer already present in patients. Aspirin was even responsible for preventing certain types of cancer, such as gastrointestinal, by over 50%. Aspirin is already well-proven to help cardiovascular disease and obviously certain types of pain, but this new research highlights yet another way the inexpensive drug can change your life. So, why have you never heard of this research, that is now a few years old? Because aspirin is cheap, and its manufacturers cannot make an embarrassing amount of money from its production. This should be a part of your vitamin regimen, especially if your family has a history of, frankly, any ailment.

You may recall that the Nobel Prize was awarded to imprisoned Chinese dissident Liu Xiabo, author of several explosive documents on government especially critical of the human rights violations of the Chinese government. Xiabo was thrown into the slammer in December 2009 to serve eleven years (so he’s still a decade from freedom, unless he is tunneling) in prison after the release of his “Charter 8”, a paper which called for the immediate end of China’s one-party system. The paper was signed online by thousands of citizens, including a handful of Communist officials. Now, however, scores of countries are declining invitations to the award ceremony. The Norwegian Nobel Committee is becoming well known as a political advocate, especially after awarding US President the Peace Prize for his “intended” efforts in pursuing peace in the Middle East. The  Committee has often awarded it Literature Prize to activists, though very often for groundbreaking works, oftentimes decades after their completion and release. Some of the nations now refusing to attend Xiabo’s award are Ukraine, Egypt, Pakistan, Iraq, Venezuela…Yeah, it’s pretty much a list of theocracies and dictatorships that obviously have the same strict laws as China. For this reason alone, I say, “Go Xiabo!”…(however you say that name)….

Protestors march for Xiabo’s release…But are careful not to show their faces as to avoid the Chinese death squads.

Yesterday, the City of Wyoming, in Michigan, announced a city-wide ban of medical marijuana, citing the lack of resources to prevent the illicit sale of the drug even by card-carrying patients with every right to use it. Earlier this year, a appellate judge said that the law to allow medical marijuana, was badly worded and urged state legislators to rewrite the law. Cities like Wyoming are finding it impossible to regulate marijuana trafficking when dispensaries are not forced by law to document who they sell to, or even if the person was registered. Patients with a card can also grow a small amount of marijuana in their home, and can obviously traffic it in their own home. Many police officials have been called to homes suspected of drug sales, only to stumble upon a legal grower smoking with four or five others who paid to smoke with them. The answer is to mandate more regulations to track who is growing, selling and buying. Otherwise, its basically just like a Detroit public school; everybody has drugs.

In alternative energy news, Gov. Granholm announced the seductive luring of Northern Power Systems, based in Vermont, to build a wind turbine factory in Saginaw. The plant will help automotive factories a chance to diversify and perhaps even open more factories. This is the type of direction Granholm always promised but never delivered until she was, as now, the lamest of ducks.

As announced last week, its that time of year when red kettles pop up in front of stores to raise money for the Salvation Army. Not the US Army, the Army, if read reverse, of Salvation, usually a pretty positive military action, albeit a rare one. So far, donations are 15% down from last year, and Giant Stores, Inc., has warned that it will not tolerate “loud bell ringing” at its locations. The kettles can, for now, stay, but with little to no bell ringing. First off, poor form Giant Stores. It’s a damn charity. Let them ring as loudly as the volunteer’s elderly wrists may allow. Last year, the Salvation Army raised over $667,000 in front of Giant Stores. Second, Giant Stores now has reduced the Salvation Army from being in front of its stores two one week in November and one week in December. In it’s first week, Salvation Army raised just $68,000, and even with a tripled result in its second week, will raise less than a quarter of last year’s total. Boycott Giant Stores, please.

 

Thanks for reading folks, enjoy 25 Days of Christmas on ABC Family…And let me know if Rudolph is on. Back tomorrow, as usual…

Cam Newton, Pluto, Gay Marriage and Tom “Bieber” Brady…

Monday, and a Monday which brings us unrivalled clarity in the BCS, NFL and even some other aspects of life, which, should you read on, may help you extraordinarily…

In the last big weekend of amateur football, the Auburn Tigers matched up against the South Carolina Gamecocks. The ‘Cocks, led by Darth Visor himself, Sir Steven Spurrier, were obvious underdogs against Cam “So Paid” Newton and Auburn, and unfortunately for Good and Justice, the ‘Cocks played like underdogs. The defense played in fear of Cam Newton, the safeties, at times, lurking far from the line of scrimmage and allowing the dinks and dunks of runs and short passes. Urged and cajoled forward, they then gave up a long TD pass, a long TD run, and were down by three scores going into the fourth quarter. For those who watched on CBS, the cameras were squarely on Newton for the last 15 minutes of play. It was unprofessional, one-sided, and revolting. Commentators spoke of Newton as though some divine bronzen Greek god, capable of anything and the delight of everyone. The camera almost missed plays while zooming in on Newton, who acted like a giddy third grader, even writing his name on a water bottle, dubbing it “Cammy Cam Juice.” First off, that is the stupidest thing ever witnessed since Jersey Shore. Second, the sideline reporter (whom I will leave nameless, because it was the most embarrassing thing her producer has ever made her do) took up the bottle and threw back a swig. She commented that it was a mixture of gatorade and water, but she “didn’t know exactly what was in it.” It’s Gatorade and water. You just said it. Unless Newton has some gin and vodka on the sideline (don’t put it past him) I hardly think it could be a martini. In a month or so, Auburn will probably have won a national championship only to have it taken away, along with all their wins, a Heisman for Newton, and the SEC Championship it won. Mark these very words…

And she thought her old job was the most degrading thing she’d ever put things in her mouth for… Poor form, CBS.

This is going to be embarrassing in a few months…Enjoy it while it
lasts…

In the Big 12, Nebraska turned over the ball 4 times in the first three quarters to politely bow out to rival Oklahoma, giving up a BCS bowl berth and to slink into the Big Ten next season. Up by 17, Taylor Martinez threw an interception in the end zone, and the Bohunk stated “Game Over” to the room at large. Martinez loses all confidence after a turnover; he threw scared and inaccurately for the remainder of the game. The back up, Cody Green, should have entered in the third quarter. The Huskers reliance on the Wild Cat, with Rex Burkhead at the helm, showed only that Martinez was ineffective on his bum ankle, and that his passing was not enough to keep him a threat on the field. A fourth quarter fumble by Burkhead handing off the Roy Helu, Jr. (who fumbled twice in addition to this) sealed the doom. Congrats to the Sooners, who now play TCU in the Fiesta Bowl.

A suicide bomb attack killed 50 and injured upwards on 120 people in a hotly disputed area of Pakistan. The region of Mohmand borders Afghanistan and serves as a hotbed of Taliban activity. Two bombers working in unison attacked a meeting of tribal elders who were working against Taliban influence in the region. Almost 300 people were inside the room as the one of the bombers detonated amongst them; his partner was being checked at the door. The second bomber detonated within seconds of the first explosion. The Mohmand region is one of several hideouts for Al-Qaeda and Taliban insurgents in Pakistan.

The gay marriage ban in California head back to the courts in San Francisco. Proposal 8, which passed on the ballot just over two years ago, was ruled as a violation of rights and has been bouncing around the legal system ever since. It is now up as high as a federal court, with a very likely chance of reaching the Supreme Court in some months, should they elect to hear it. Lower courts have ruled that marriage is a constitutional right and that banning it from any demographic of the American people violates that right. Voters in favor of the ban claim that this attitude neglects real intent of the Constitution and that gay marriage should not be protected. The Bohunk says to this, frankly, bull-feces. Taking away rights to any group is wrong, regardless of what others may (prejudicially) think of that demographic. To say gays cannot marry is no different, from a Constitutional vantage point, than saying woman cannot vote or that African-Americans cannot own land. And from a moral standpoint, it is unfair to ask others to suffer from your beliefs if they do not believe in it. For those saying that the Bible is against homosexuality, great; if that is what you believe, go for it, Bubbba. But if others do not share this belief, do not force it upon them. With any luck, this case will make the Supreme Court, and the ruling against the ban upheld.

The proposed buyout of Barnes and Noble by Borders is gaining steam. Mega-rich hedge fund manager and Slick Rick Bill Ackman says he will pull together the $900 million needed for the Borders, the smaller company of the two, to take control of Barnes and Noble Booksellers. Stocks of both companies soared, both up by roughly 16%. Both have reported losses for three consecutive quarters, though both expect much better business over the holiday season. Why is this important? Because the two combined create the largest book behemoth ever before seen to man; they would control more of the print market than any other seller, and could have a massive influence on the price of books for good or ill. That text book you need? They have it cheaper than the university bookstore. But will they sell it at the competitive price with much less competition? Time will invariably tell….   

All this says is your Friday nights are lonely…

Are you, like the Bohunk, still a bit miffed by the unceremonious exit of Pluto from our solar system? I have been nearly sleepless since 2006 when Pluto was official voted out of our very select club, reducing the solar system from nine planets to eight, though it makes pick-up basketball easier, 4 on 4. However, the composition of our Club has changed dramatically. Like the universe and its known composition, our solar system changes frequently. A scientific journal from 1837 claims the existence of 11 planets, while by 1851 fifteen more were added to that total. The Kuiper Belt, the murky recesses where Pluto and these other pseudo-plants orbit, is home to uncountable entities of vastly varied size and composition. According to Mike Brown, author of How I Killed Pluto and Why It Had It Coming, scientists could either include other bodies from this region, get rid of Pluto, or do nothing at all. According to the Bohunk, the jackals obviously had nothing else to do, so they debated and eventually removed Pluto.

Tonight, on Monday Night Football, the New England Flying Elvii take on the New York Sonic Aviators. The winner takes the AFC East, and likely home field advantage for the play-offs. The loser should still get in on the wildcard road, but titles always are preferred, no doubt. Talking Heads on sports media are declaring the deciding factor will be the Jets’ ability to pressure Tom “Bieber” Brady. Thank you for stating that the Jets will try to tackle the quarterback on each down. They propose complicated blitzes and coverage schemes…Ah, but here they fall into a trap. Good quarterbacks love being blitzed! It makes their reads and throws easier, and makes for big plays! As the Best Team In The NFL, by my own declaration, the Pats will beat the Jets BECAUSE they try to blitz Brady, not in spite of it. Tune it to see….

Thanks for reading, enjoy MNF and come back tomorrow for another Update, still free…Because it is impossible to charge on a blog. Have a good one, folks…

Foxy Friday, Ron Santo, and Whimpy Dems….

It’s Friday, which means you have survived another week. Celebrate with a strong draft of Update this lovely morning…

After backing down real whimp-like to Republicans earlier in the week, Democrats are now vowing to at least bring their measures of tax cut extensions and lapses to a vote. Aides say that the Democrats are hoping to vote on the middle and richer class tax extensions separately in order to ensure that the cuts for the middle class are extended. Republicans are pushing for all tax cuts to be extended, including those for the richest tax brackets (their friends and cronies) citing that no cuts should be allowed to stop in this economic climate. Reports say that talks are even coming from the White House and top GOP leaders, hoping to find some compromise that will satisfy both parties.

Quick tribute to Chicago Cubs legend and Gentleman Ron Santo, who died of bladder cancer yesterday. He was 70 years of age. Ron is one of the most beloved Cubs among the many legendary players to roam Wrigley field. Santo was an All-Star nine times and holds the dubious distinction of being the best player not in the Hall of Fame. Santo struggled with health issues from most of his life. He was diagnosed with diabetes at 18 and dealt with it for his entire career as a ballplayer, and afterwards, as he worked as a broadcaster for the Cubs beginning in the 1990 season. Santo will always be remembered as that always-smiling, always laughing personality, and he will he in the Hall before too long.

Ron Santo. Manned the hot corner at Wrigley for 13 years…

Jenna Fischer, or, as she is more widely known, Pam from “The Office” is working as a temp in downtown Detroit. Alas, it is but for a short time. Pam is nearly ready to begin filming on “The Giant Mechanical Man”, a movie in which she plays a character who falls in love with some guy who works at a zoo. This film is among many being shot in the Best Peninsula In The Whole World, including projects by Topher Grace (Eric from “That 70’s Show”)  and Bob Odenkirk. Director Sam Levinson’s “The Reasonable One”, filmed in Rochester, is also a contender at the Sundance Film Festival. Detroit is becoming a haven for the film industry…for now.

Well, it is indeed Friday, which means the inevitable announcement of this week’s Fox. The Bohunk is happy to announce Heather Irmiger, already a Bohunk Hall of Fame member, as the Fox of this very week. As one of the best mountain biking women in the world, Heather is the 2009 US National XC Champion, the US National Marathon Champion, the Pro XCT Short Track Champion and the Single Speed World Champion…All in a single year. She lives in Boulder, Colorado with her husband Jeremy Horgan-Kobelski, also a former US National Champion mountain biker. She is also very nice, friendly, and foxy. For her full bio, click your mouse right here.

Heather, in action…and also racing her bike.

In sporting news, LeQueen returned to the Land of the Cleves and put up 38 points while being thoroughly booed, ridiculed and cleverly chanted at. (The best chant was “AK-RON-HATES-YOU *clap-clap-clapclapclap*) The Heat won easily, 118-90, and before long, the few (nameless) players on their team began talking, laughing and smiling with their King James. The home fans were outraged, and poured out their anger well after the game had gotten out of hand. A truly uninspired performance by the Cavs, showing no signs of motivation…One would think LeBron was still actually on their team…

A sad update on the cholera outbreak in Haiti. Over 1,900 people have died of the disease, with untold thousands suffering from it. The very limited health care system in Haiti cannot handle it. One three room clinic in a rural town is treating 120 people, cramming patients in, sometimes simply sitting them on the floor and giving them clean water to drink. The outbreak is now sourced to a UN building that may have flushed its waste into a nearby water supply, contaminating drinking water for thousands in the area. Yes, the UN. However, some doctors say the spread is also a result of rural families making waste in their gardens and then drinking from an unprotected source. One hospital outside Port au Prince is in charge of a population of 60,000 expected to be at very high risk for exposure at the moment with only 2 doctors to treat them.

Happy Birthday, Joseph Conrad. Born in Poland under the really wild-looking name Josezf Teodor Konrad Korzeniowski in 1857, the Polish author and poet went on to be one of the best writers of a generation. He worked as hand on a freighter, travelling primarily to Britain where he would eventually gain citizenship. He worked on a barge that sailed into the Congo in the 1880’s, which would become the basis of his masterpiece, Heart of Darkness. Conrad did not write until the 1890’s, when he penned Almayor’s Folly, Nostromo and The Secret Agent. Conrad was a great writer who explored morality and personality in his characters to superb effect. You can find Heart of Darkness at Barnes and Noble.

That is, as they say, all. Thanks for reading this week, and check out the Top Post tomorrow. Enjoy amateur and professional football this weekend, and the Bohunk will be back on Monday.

Drilling, Obese People, Taxes and The Boy Wizard….

Welcome back to the Update, and many thanks for your attention. In thanks, the Bohunk is offering up free blogs for the rest of the year. Dig in, chaps…

Congress (and as you read this remember we elected it) looks to be intent on extending tax cuts according to aides affiliated with both Democrats and Republicans. Democrats had been pushing hard to allow the tax cut for the richer tax brackets lapse, restoring the tax percentage to that of pre-Dubya levels. Republicans argued that ‘raising’ taxes during a recession (that Bush caused) would be economically ‘unadvisable.’ The Bohunk counters with a jab, saying a war in Iraq costing hundreds of thousands of lives and tens of trillions of dollars was also unadvisable. The Republicans came back by saying that it would make social programs less fundable by keeping federal income low; the Bohunk replied, ‘Why yes, that is why Elephants are blocking a bill to extend unemployment benefits.’ (As reported yesterday, 2 million Americans will lose their benefits today; with the tax revenue of the richer class, this would not have happened) The Republicans said, ‘Screw you. The Bohunk said, ‘Screw you harder.’

Yes, please, drill right there. Not offshore.

Remember that oil spill? That was pretty bad; even oilmongers (<---claiming that one) cried foul on Obama for ‘letting this happen’ though it was Bush who okayed BP and other off shore oil companies in the Gulf. Obama banned offshore drilling on the Atlantic coast last night in a bill that will not allow any oil extraction for the next seven years. Hint to BP: Spend the money you’d have spent drilling and research alterative energy. The oil left won’t last too long…You spilled an awful lot of it.

In news that proves the World Is Going To Hell Via Handbasket, the NCAA ruled Auburn quarterback Cam Newton eligible, claiming the convicted burglar had no knowledge of his father’s pay-to-play scheme. Yeah, right. And when Newton stole computers from his University of Florida dorm, he didn’t know they weren’t his. To say that he was unaware of his father’s communications with college boosters is to cite naivity to the extreme; given Newton’s less than sparkling history, the cleansed name is a move by the NCAA to avoid a big mess. Find out that Newton is a fraud in 6 months, and they may have to wipe away an SEC title, a national championship and a Heisman trophy; exonerate him before he actually is labeled guilty, and they need only watch the TV ratings soar. (Admit it, you don’t want to see Oregon vs. TCU; neither does the NCAA)

Some astronomy news is long overdue; scientists now believe that there are roughly 300 sextillion stars in the universe, but hey, who’s really counting? Charlie Conroy (the guy actually counting) of Harvard-Smithsonian, claims that estimates on the number of stars in the universe have been grossly underestimated. The confusion came when scientists realized the importance of white dwarf stars, which are roughly a third the size of our own sun and very difficult to locate outside our galaxy. Including as many white dwarfs as we know of, and assuming a 3 to 1 ratio of white dwarfs to normal or hotter suns, scientists now believe there are some 300 sextillion stars. This is important, because it dictates many aspects of how we look at the formation of galaxies, stars, solar systems and the break down of particles. Who knows, the answer to our problems of energy might be burning up in some distant region of space (and the Bohunk argues in a portion of time, as well) just waiting to be discovered. We don’t know everything, we know almost nothing. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.

“Let me fix something up, you boys look famished.”

It may come as no great surprise, but new research from the UK shows that obesity does not have a correlative effect on some diseases, such as cancer or heart disease. Obesity is now believed to be the a contributing cause to all diseases, right down to the common cold. The best indicator of your body’s fat level is your BMI, or body mass index. An index of 25-30 means you’re a bit fluffy, and over 30 means you will be troubled to fit through doors. The researchers found that people over a score of 25 were 19% more likely to die of any and all causes. Certain ethnicities, such as African Americans and Native Americans, had a higher percentage than whites. Obese patients were also quicker to report depression, lack of energy, moodiness and irritability, and claim to lead a ‘lower quality life’ than they expected in healthier people. In an unrelated study, scientists found that obese people lived, on average, 10 years less than a person with a BMI under 25, depending on many health issues and how long they were obese. So, go to the gym today, everyone. If you need a workout plan, ask the Bohunk.

Finally, I submit the following as the holiday CHEAP gift of the day. While this is a bit over the $20 limit, it is well worth the investment. If you are buying for nearly anyone on your list, why not get them the Harry Potter boxed paperback set? It is currently marked at 41% off, comes in a super cool box to keep them all safe, and best of all, it’s Harry Potter. The Bohunk grew up spending Friday and Saturday evenings (including high school) joining Harry, Hermione and Ron on their adventures around Hogwarts. It is the best book series of all time, in more than one way. Check it out at Barnes and Nobles.

Thanks for reading, enjoy NBC’s Thursday night line up this evening, including a Claymation Community that is going to be quite entertaining.