Sportsperson of the Year, A Crying Republican, and the End of Favre...

It is finally time to name the 2010 Bohunk Sportsperson of the Year…Read on to find out who the lucky SOB is, and what they think of their prestigious honor…

First, a quick introduction to the new Speaker of the House, the very, unabashedly-Republican John Boehner. The person (he has not been elevated to Gentleman status by the Bohunk) from Ohio was once a janitor and has risen to become the second person in line to become President of these United States of America. Boehner is known for his ‘old school’ Republican associations, and being well ingrained with elements of the established GOP, as opposed to the Tea Partiers who recently stormed the polls to join him in next years Congress. Unfortunately for Boehner, he is known not just for his politics, but primarily for his crying. Twice while being interviewed on ABC News he broke down into a stammering incoherence. Fellow politicians, including Nancy Pelosi, claim that Boehner frequently breaks down while discussing proposed bills in committee meetings.For those who watch CSPAN (all four of you) Boehner has cried while giving speeches on numerous occasions, including the video below. It is worth noting that when women cry in politics, it is taken as a sign of weakness; Hilary Clinton dropped a tear in her 2008 primary stop in New Hampshire and was roundly criticized. Men, however, are called compassionate when they let it all come out. This is a double-standard that needs to be looked at, especially when it applies to the Speaker of the House. (Nancy Pelosi, it should be noted, has never cried while in office. She is a hard-ass)

Wants to save the American people from terrorism, but voted against a cancer bill that would make insurance companies pay costs of chemotherapy. Note to Americans…Don’t get cancer.

The Bohunk is honored to present Mr. Ted King the coveted Sportsperson of the Year award in its inaugural edition. Ted King is a rare gem; cyclist, blogger, chef and Tweeter-extraordinaire. As a member of the Coolest Looking Cycling Squad Ever, Cervelo TestTeam, he graced the Italian roads in not one but two Giro d’Italias, and has consistently “rocked the party that rocks the pinata” while offering up some hefty servings of blogging nourishment. While he is a heck of a cyclist, Ted is also a heck of a human being. Ted’s commitment to the Krempels Center, an organization committed to improving the lives of those suffering from a brain injury or damage, is one of the coolest athlete-cause hook-ups in modern times. Along with Cutaway Clothing, all proceeds from iamnottedking stickers and half of the cost of shirts go directly to the Krempels Center. And since none of you are Ted King, the iamnottedking clothing line is essentially personalized. As always, you can see Ted’s blog and Cutaway Clothing by selecting the corresponding link in the right hand column of my blog. Upon being notified of his impending (and awesome) award, Ted said, “It (nearly) brings a tear to my eye… The culmination of so much struggle and strife, I am humbled by such a dubious title.” Head over to Ted’s blog (click here if you are too lazy to look on the right) to see pictures and intriguing commentary from the Tedly from his current stay in Italy with his new squad, Liquigas-Cannondale. Congrats, Ted, and enjoy Italy. Thank you for being such an impeccable Gentleman…

Ah, the life of a professional cyclist…Thanks for being such a swell fella, Ted, and all
the best in 2011…The Bohunk will keep everyone Updated on your adventures…

In a huge blow against a potential national healthcare bill, a Virginia State court ruled that the mandate which requires most of the US population to be covered by some amount of insurance is unconstitutional and must be stricken from any potential bill. The law in Virginia states that no citizens, for any reason, should be forced to buy insurance. The judge on the case stated that the mandate’s stipulation that a citizen being forced to buy insurance is “beyond the historical reach of the US Constitution” and is unlawful. Experts agree that an appeal is imminent and the case will almost certainly end up on the desk of the Supreme Court. Recent research shows that up to 15% of the US population is uninsured, a total that makes up roughly 45 million Americans. The mandate was included to ensure that the number of under or uninsured Americans would drastically decrease, and provide coverage for the poor and poverty-stricken working class. The Bohunk would kindly remind the state of Virginia that only one in four Virginians have employer-sponsored insurance…The rest are either covered by a spouse or purchase their own insurance anyway…

In one last shameless plug, the Bohunk beseeches thee to click here to buy my new short story, West. For a whopping $2 bill, you can get an eBook so awesome your computer screen will actually get a little brighter.

Richard "Bulldozer" Holbrook died this morning after undergoing heart surgery to repair his aorta valve. Holbrook was 69 years old. He is best known for his masterful and delicate construction of the Dayton Peace Accords which ended the ethnic turmoil during the dissipation of Yugoslavia. The Accords were signed December 14, 1995. In 2008, Holbrook was brought aboard the Obama Administration's foreign policy team as a special representative to Afghanistan and Pakistan, with the cumbersome task of stabilizing the region and fighting terrorism. His abrasive style (you don't get nicknamed "Bulldozer" for being patient) did not win many friends in the year and a half he worked in Central Asia, but diplomats from all nation's involved were impressed by his tenacity and work ethic. Holbrook has worked as a diplomat for the US government for every administration since John F. Kennedy and has been involved in the Vietnam War and every US conflict till the present day. Holbrook is reported to have discussed tensions in Afghanistan with a Pakistani doctor as he was being sedated for his surgery; his last comment was, "You've got to stop this war in Afghanistan."

For the first time in 18 years and 84 days, Brett Favre did not start for his football team. After suffering a shoulder injury last week, rumors swirled about the "Ol' Gunslinger's" ability to make his 298th consecutive start against the G-Persons. First, he had the luck of the Metrodome's roof collapsing, giving him an extra day to heal up. Second, it is Brett Favre; the guy just heals up. But, alas, it was not to be. Favre was put on the injured reserve just hours before kick-off and was inactive for the game Monday night in Detroit. For some perspective, I draw upon a comment made by a young friend named Riley. He stated, with, I can imagine, a glistening tear upon his cheek, that for the first time in his entire life Brett Favre was not starting a football game during the regular season. The only other times he wasn't playing on Sunday was a result of a playoff loss or a Monday Night game. Favre leads he league in interceptions and inappropriate text messages this season while the Hyperboreans' hopes of the playoffs are essentially non-existent, though mathematically there is still a (very) long shot. It is now time for Favre to limp and hobble off into the sunset, as he should have done three years ago, his legendary name still intact...

That's it for the Bohunk, thanks for reading and have a glorious Tuesday everyone. Congrats, again, to Ted King and stay tuned for the rest of the month for the rest of the Bohunk Awards...

Foxy Friday, Horned Amphibians, and Yearly Awards…

It’s that very time of week that makes our hearts light and jolly. It’s Friday, and a Friday in December means holiday events and shopping, the approach of exams and, of course, Bowl Season. This year, amateur football fans are lucky. The National Title is between two undefeated squads, Auburn and Oregon, the Rose Bowl is going to be a slugfest (Wisconsin vs. TCU). There are scores of other games worth TiVo’ing, and the best will be previewed next week.

The Texas Christian University Horned Amphibians face off against the
“On, Wisconsin” in the Grand Daddy of Them All.

To follow up with the WikiLeaks counterattack internet strikes, experts are warning the United Kingdom to closely monitor activity on its site this weekend. Hackers have threatened to topple the government’s entire network, possibly risking national security and private information of millions of citizens. The threat comes as the UK mulls over the idea of extraditing Julian Assange, the imprisoned founder of WikiLeaks that the British government is holding on sexual assault charges in Sweden. Should the government send off Assange, hackers vow to attack the weakest areas of the government’s network and burrow into more delicate information. Their attack yesterday on Amazon.com ultimately failed, though they successfully froze PayPal and both MasterCard and Visa.

After yesterday’s short piece about the injustices of the Chinese government, the Bohunk did some more digging. After slaving away over a hot computer stove for tens of minutes, I found that China is has the prestigious honor of executing the most people of any government on this fine globe, and almost all of them are killed by hanging. Iran is a second and gets the nod of being the most brutal by killing at least five people by stoning in the past eight years, though it is now illegal in the country. To note, in 2004 a 16 year old girl was executed for “crimes against chastity”, which is a pretty vague charge (and probably title of Lady Gaga’s next album) Heads off to them, eh?

This week’s Fox is the beautiful and talented Michelle Williams. The 30 year old actress of Dawson’s Creek fame is now the lead in Blue Valentine, a film that received the dreaded NC-17 rating when it was reviewed some months ago. After some wheeling-and-dealing, the movie’s producers got the flick down to just R. She stars with Ryan Gosling in this chilling examination of life, love, and relationship. It is pointedly dark at at time disturbing, and has some very dirty scenes as well.

Michelle Williams: Fox since the mid-90’s.

Always worth a second look….

First, we have, my dear readers, other matters with which we must contend. To start, the Bohunk must invite you to submit, in any form you choose, your favorites of this past year. Name your Top:

~ Sportsperson
~ Movie
~ Book
~ Personality
~ Politician
~ Fox

All of your input will be taken into serious consideration when the Bohunk announces the Top (Fill In Blank) of the Year. Also, the Bohunk will select one award of his very own. Each year, excellent writer and columnist Gregg Easterbrook selects an NFL player as MVP, with the longest award title in the business. The Bohunk breaks his long standing record with this little number (in presentation form): The Flying Bohunk is delighted to announce the 2010 “Most Overrated Sports Personality Not-Affiliated With The Yankees And Who Did Not Win A Title Of Any Kind Last Year But Still Makes Over $100 Million Dollars”. Top that, Easterbrook.

Last, the Bohunk must shamelessly plug his newest and only book for sale. Recently published as an eBook by Barnes and Noble, West is a stunning look at a father and son who share name, appearance and a terrible sin. It deals not only with the experience of one family but a universal undertaking of life on earth, and the burden of being a father with a history. You can purchase it here, for a whole $2, at Barnes and Noble.

Thanks for reading, enjoy Foxy Friday and have a great weekend. Tomorrow the Top Post will be throw back up for a second go….Back on Monday with much better effort.

Murder Most Foul, Hall of Fame, and NFL Stuff….

Welcome to the Week before Thanksgiving, where many a teenage girl begins to starve herself before the gluttonous bounty that is Turkey Day itself….

A quick gesticulation to the –> right of your screen to bring your attention to the All-New Flying Bohunk Hall of Fame, chronicling famous folk who have made a visit to the blog since its meteoric rise to mediocrity. Illustrious names like Ted King, Todd Wells and Heather Irmiger grace the Hall, and the Bohunk will be bothering other Big Names to add to those ranks.

The fan favorite herself, Heather Irmiger. Note the number of riders
behind her….All of them. New HoF inductee.

The Detroit Lions lost to the heretofore winless Buffalo Ballcap Brims in a close but ugly, ugly football contest. The unsightly 12-14 score was indicative of the game itself. Detroit offered up 11 penalties to Ryan “I Graduate From Harvard, Pip, Pip” Fitzpatrick and the now 1-7 Bills. Fitzpatrick, an undrafted free agent who is now, statistically, one of the top ten quarterbacks in the league is this year’s Bohunk Breakout Player of the First Portion of the Season.

“A true Harvard chap will celebrate all wins by
investing in a long term CD and uttering a rousing,
’Pip, pip.’”

The Cowboys (not, mind you, cow-gentlemen) beat the New York Football Players Of Large Stature. They are now 2-7, but, as the head coach would point out, 1-0 under their new head coach, Jason Garrett. The Pokes overcame some ugly penalties and took advantage of Eli Manning’s distracted play (thinking about Oreos) to return a TD 101 yards off an interception. A good record for the remainder of the season might just allow the Red-Headed Garrett keep the job into next year, especially if a prolonged negotiation takes place as a new labor deal is discussed for the NFL.

In not-officially-paid-football, Auburn, Oregon, My Oregon and Boise State frolicked amongst the tulips, pushing aside some competition to remain undefeated. The truly interesting team at this point of the season is LSU; should the Purple Tigers (as I call them) win out, they just might have enough points to jump over either Boise or TCU to get into a BCS game. If that should happen, it would offer Boise and TCU opportunities to beat teams from automatic qualifier conferences and prove a point the Bohunk has repeatedly hammered into critics; if these non-automatic qualifier teams aren’t really any good, then why not let them play the Big Boys? The BCS has conveniently matched up the non-automatic qualifiers whenever possible since Boise upset Oklahoma in 2007. In the immortal words of Bobby Z., “I ain’t sayin’ nothin’, I’m just sayin’.”

Sad news from Haiti; the recent outbreak of cholera, which has since spread and thousands in the beleaguered nation, has claimed over 900 lives. Of the nation’s 10 provinces, 6 have confirmed deaths from cholera. Estimates place the number of people hospitalized at 14,000 since the outbreak began last month. The UN is now asking for $164 million to combat the disease. 121 people have died of cholera since Friday.

In technological news, Facebook has vowed to create a “Gmail-killer” with its new integrated email service. Reports of Facebook’s plan to create an email service have long been rumored though more concrete indications of the move surfaced last week. The Bohunk was going to include it, but, I was checking my Facebook. The company already has roughly 500 millions members (only 800 of which are are my friends (makes sad face and slumps shoulders)) that would be quick to adopt the new service. Quote from Gmail, Yahoo! and Hotmail: “Bring it on, bitches.”

Scientists from around the globe are exhuming the grave of famed astronomer Tycho Brahe, a Danish gentleman born in 1546 and who died in 1601 under mysterious circumstances. After a 1901 exhumation, scientists back then thought he died of a bladder infection; now, in a much cooler theory, some believe Brahe had abnormally and even lethal amounts of mercury in his blood system at the time of his death, leading some to believe he died of murder…murder most foul. Brahe died while in the Motherland (Prague, in what is now Czech Republic but has been and always will be the land of my people) at the invitation of Holy Roman Emperor Rudolph II after the Brahe’s dispute with the Danish king. Brahe is credited with collected the most accurate data of celestial bodies of any person in his lifetime

**Bonus Fact: Brahe was in a duel at some point in his life. The sword of a fellow nobleman reportedly cut off the end of his nose, which was replaced by a piece of metal. Scientists are hoping to find this piece of metal to determine what it was made of and if it could have been a reason for Brahe’s elevated mercury levels. 

Thanks for reading, hope you had an excellent weekend. Enjoy Monday Night Football this evening, Washington Native Americans against the Philadelphia “Boos When A Player Might Be Paralyzed” Eagles….Haven’t forgot about you, Colts WR Austin Collie… Stay strong, brother…

Foxy Fridays, Ted King, Comas and The Secret To Happiness…

Thank goodness, friends, for it is Friday! While I am assured you will miss the Update for the next two days, I have news to lift your sorrowful spirits. On Saturday, the post with the most page views will be put up for a second glorious running, giving everyone (and most importantly, YOU) a chance to check it out all over again.

Regular readers may have noticed the Bohunk’s deliberate and obvious lack of US political news recently. This was a decision based on the long, dirty and depressing campaign season and the subsequent Election Day hangover. I hope you have vomited that noxious sickness from your system, because there is big news. A noticeably greyed and haggard looking President Obama announced that his top priority is to extend a set of tax cuts for the middle class, vowing to work with Republicans and Democrats on negotiations to find a middle ground on the issue. Obama went on to say that to permanently extend the tax cuts to wealthier Americans, those making $200,000 or more a year, would be a “mistake.”

Republicans argue that no Americans should face more taxes, especially in a bad economy; the Bohunk argues that they are not facing more taxes, just the amount they paid before Dubyah took office. Republicans argue that having more wealthy people creates jobs; the Bohunk argues that the majority of people making just around or slightly more than $200,000 have no impact on hiring more employees, only buying things at stores that typically pay minimum wage, like Target. Republicans argue, “Yes-uhn,”; the Bohunk argues, “Nu-uh.”

The Bohunk regrets to inform you of the end of the weekly installment of “Weekend Whorrior”. There have just not been enough walks-of-shame outside my apartment as of late. One theory is that the girls just don’t care enough to leave and salvage some self respect. However, I am happy to introduce the soon-to-be famous Foxy Fridays. Each Friday, feast yours eyes on a lucky lass who is just Foxy enough that she is honored in the Update for said foxiness. Feel free to submit your own candidates…

This week, we honor the eternal foxitude of Gemma Arteton. This Fox first gained recognition as Strawberry Fields in the James Bond film Quantum of Solace, before joining Jake Gyllenhaul in Prince of Persia. (Side note: How the very, very Caucasian Jake Gyllenhaul was cast to play a Persian prince with an english accent is beyond my theorization) She is married to a lucky Spanish gentleman named Stefano, and her bio states that she has a tattoo of an angel behind her left ear. Thank you, m’Lady Arterton, for being such a classy, foxy woman.

Strawberry Fields…Forever. What a classy lady, and very British, too.

Cindy McCain, handsome-looking wife of Arizona Senator and Presidential candidate runner-up John McCain, has recently lent her voice to the NOH8 campaign working to stop bullying and abuse of the gay community. Cindy’s hubby, the cheery old chap, recently led the Republican-led fillibuster of a bill that would repeal Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Senator McCain’s campaign also was very strongly against gay marriage. Cindy is featured in a commercial, that will air  as a part of the campaign, criticizing the government (and, as a result, her husband) for telling members of the LGBT community they are “second-class citizens”. If you think your marriage or partnership can be tense, imagine that dinner table….
         ”Pass the peas, you back-stabbing, gay-hugging trollop!”
         “Why certainly, you hateful, bigoted, wrinkly bastard!”

In the Bohunk’s never-ending attempt to find true happiness, I offer this advice; focus. Resent research has found that a wandering mind leads to sadness. Scientists found that we spend roughly 47% of our time thinking of something unrelated to what we are actually doing. Those who participated in the study said they were most happy while doing physical activities, the most popular being “doing the hippity-dippity.” Other activities, such as running or exercising, triggered the best moods, most likely because they require more focus. Activities that allow the mind to wander, such as working or using a computer, created the saddest moods. So finish reading this blog, email it to a friend, and then go jog. Focus may be the key to happiness; be satisfied and enthusiastic about whatever it is you are doing.

Ariel Sharon, the very Jewish former prime minister of Israel and the face of the Palestinian conflict for more than a decade, has been taken to his home to receive further care and to remain under observation after spending the last five years in a hospital. Sharon has been in a coma for those years after suffering a stroke in January of 2006. He has shown no improvement in years, though now reportedly responds with hand movements to conversation and television. Sharon led the successful repulsion of Egyptian forces in 1973 and later served as Israel’s defense minister before taking the nation’s top job. Sharon is now 72. 

Ted King. He claims to rock the party that rocks the
pinata; and does.

How often does your hero contact you? Well, mine did. Not once, but thrice! in a single day. Ted King, a professional cyclists and One Cool Guy asked me what most people are thinking, “What on earth are you talking about?” The super cool cat read the Update, gave it the raving review of “interesting” and, thusly, made my week. Ted is now a member of the Liquigas-Cannondale squad after spending 2009-2010 with the now defunct Cervelo TestTeam. (Another side note Mr. “The” King regularly updates a blog, which you can access here AFTER you finish mine, and is also a fantastic chef. He also is a big supporter of the Krempels Center, which is dedicated to improving the lives of people with brain injury or damage from strokes. You can buy shirts or frame stickers with the obvious, yet important, distinction that you are not Ted King at Cutaway Clothing. Proceeds go to research at the Krempels Center. Thanks for the read, Ted, and have a great off season!

And thank you, readers, for your time. I hope you enjoyed this week’s slew of Updates. Off for the weekend, and back on Monday with much better stuff. Hopefully. Enjoy Ohio State vs. Penn State tomorrow, and the New England Flying Elvii (look at the logo) vs the Pittsburgh Thieves Sunday night.