Meltdown Now Official

A day after the Japanese government downplayed the dangers of the damaged nuclear reactors, radiation levels have surpassed those at the Three Mile Island disaster, the second worst nuclear incident in history.

Tweet from Cody Sovis (theflyingbohunk)

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Japan’s Nuclear Crisis

The first reactor explodes in Japan, but more threats remain….

The Japanese government says that a second explosion at a nuclear facility is very possible after hydrogen gases are said the have built up to dangerous levels. In the aftermath of the earthquake, tsunami and over a hundred aftershocks, the Japanese people still face the threat of nuclear meltdown and widespread radiation dangers.

The explosion that rocked the first reactor in the Fukishima plan gave the world a scare, but the threat for another such event strains the already fatigued and mourning population in the country. The third reactor is likely the explode though operators have worked to release the built up hydrogen gases that caused explosions. The danger is that such a blast would break the concrete structure housing the main reactor itself, which would cause the leak of dangerous radioactive materials.

In an effort to conserve energy, the Japanese government has called for three hour blackouts in order to confront the roughly 10 million kilowatt shortage faced by the shutdown nuclear facilities.

The government has repeatedly promised that no radiation dangers currently exist, though other sources claim that radiation levels around the plant have been higher in a single hour than in an entire year. Nine people have been tested for high radiation levels but doctors have no yet released their findings. Roughly 200, 000 people live within twelve miles of the plant.

To help the victims of the earthquake and tsunami, please visit http://www.redcross.org/ .

Check back with the Update throughout the day for more…

Japanese Tsunami

As always, the Bohunk waits a day on major news story so that more actual information can be included in the post. By waiting these 24 hours, the events in Japan have only gotten worse and more complicated.

Tsunami wave crashes almost six miles inland over the Japanese coastline…

As an ‘virtual’ seismologist (dedicated readers will remember the online documentation) the Bohunk would like to give a quick analysis of a tsunami. In a subduction zone, the lighter, less dense continental plate ‘floats’ on top of the thicker, more dense ocean plate. As the ocean plate is subducted under the continental plate, it catches and is dragged down as well, though not far. Because the plate is far enough away from the molten mantle layer underneath the crust, it remains brittle but retains some aspects of elasticity. At some point, at a certain degree of stress, it snaps back up to its former position. We cannot say just how power this action is. The crust affected by this movement could be miles thick of rock; the amount of force needed to move anything this rigid and heavy in unthinkable. The force is so strong that it moves the ocean above it, causing a ripple with a surge of water high than the actual sea level. The result is a tsnami, which travels over 500mph toward show. The amount of force in the weight of this water is equally astounding.

The tsunami reached as far away as Chile in South America…

The effect on Japan has been unbelievable as well. Estimates are now at over 1,000 dead with over 10,000 officially listed as missing, 9,500 of them in one small coastal town. Traffic is completely stopped though some limited railways have reopened away from the coast. Cars have been deemed useless, with bike shops selling out of bikes, bought by people desperately trying to get home, if they have a home left. The USGS has measured over 89 aftershocks over a magnitude of 5 in the past 21 hours, making the rescue efforts even more dangerous. Fires still burn from broken gas lines and nuclear power plants are beginning to overheat, one already reportedly giving off radiation levels in an hour equal to that given off in an entire year. The additional aftershocks are continuing to damage and weaken the buildings still standing, causing delayed failures in buildings thought to be safe by survivors.

The wave carried cars, houses, boats and everything else it met for miles inland, dumping them far from the coastline before retreating…

Overseas, thousands of miles from the epicenter, little damage has been reported. Hawaii and Midway survived a 3-6 foot wave and the surge never quite reached the North American coast the way it was expected, measuring under two feet in height. South America fared just as well, with negligible damage. Tsunami alert systems were tested by the event and experts are impressed with the effectiveness of the systems from the US, Canada and South America as well. Buoys miles off shore measure tsunami surges and relay that information to the coast, giving warning to residents near the sea. All tsunami warnings have been cancelled in North and South America.

The tsunami rising over the coast and sweeping inland…

The 8.9 magnitude that triggered the tsunami is the fifth largest earthquake in recorded history. The epicenter was less roughly 100 miles off the coast of Japan, closest to the Sendai region onshore. The Bohunk counted 39 aftershocks over 5.0 magnitude in the first three hours after the initial quake. Much, much more on this as news comes out, with a special focus on the nuclear reactor, currently believed to be in danger of a meltdown and already leaking massive amounts of radiation relative to normal emissions…

Skull Cups

Scientists recently unearthed well-worked and ritually cleaned skull cups. Skull cups are exactly what you are thinking, used to sip hallucinatory beverages during tribal ceremonies. The skulls, one of a man and two from male adolescents or children, were found in Somerset, England and studied heavily by anthropologists from around Great Britain. The skulls are believed to be expertly carved and chipped by skilled craftsman that specialized in the ritual creation of the product. These skulls date back to roughly 14,700 years ago, relatively early in what anthropologists believe to be a formative period in man's formation of religion and mythology. Its gives rise to the possibility that these aspects of mankind are much older than we had every thought before....

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How Many Planets Do You Know Of?

Quick, how many planets do you know of? Eight? Are you way behind the astro-times and are counting Pluto, the disgraced loser on the edge of our solar system, as the ninth? Well, you’d still be off by about 1,242 if you were. As far back as 1995, (ancient days when you’re a spritely twenty-two like the Bohunk) astronomers began detecting some anomalous wobbles in the orbits of distant stars. The cause, they supposed, and quite intelligently, too, was gigantic, Jupiter sized “exo-planets”  too far for us to see. The Kepler satellite, or space based super telescope, was launched in March of 2009 and is now being used to discover these invisible behemoths deep in space. The device has found roughly 1,235 potential planets in a particular segment of the Milky Way. The satellite is only focused on an area that makes up only about one-four hundredth of the sky. Scientists believe that, should the satellite have the capacity to adjust its focus, it could discover other planets, even some we don’t expect to find based on gravitational anomalies. That could be up to 400,000 planets, according to researches involved with the project. Of even the supposed planets, 54 would be in an inhabitable zone, like earth- just far enough away from the star to not be scorched, but close enough to ensure water would remain in liquid form on the planet’s surface.

A not-very-clear drawing of the wobble effect of exoplanets.

However, even if we could answer these questions, and even if we could somehow find out if life was developing on that planet (and we can’t, not even close; we can’t even see these planets yet) it would still take over 300,000 years of space travel to get there. To note, differing species of man, including both homo sapiens and homo erectus only have fossil records dating back roughly the same amount of time, 300,000 years. Could there be life on these far off rocks? We don’t know everything, we know almost nothing'. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.     

Egypt: Protest, Marches and Oil

The Egyptian military has vowed not to fire on protestors as the largest march in these seven days of protests takes shape. Tens, if not hundreds, of thousands of people are in the streets and gathering near Liberation Square and calling for the ousting of President Mubarack as soon as, well, immediately. For the first time, the military has voiced its outright refusal to fire on protestors, regardless of their actions, as the government is beginning to show signs of collapse. More and more Egyptians are leaving their jobs and homes and flocking to the city centers of Cairo and Alexandria. Alexandria, in particular, is essentially run by protestors, who have constructed road blocks and armed check points to monitor traffic and to search for fleeing government officials, at times with the assistance with the local police and security forces. Cairo is under similar strain, with pockets and gangs of protestors roaming the streets on their way to the Liberation Square to add their voices to a revolution.

Crowds protest Mubarack and the Egyptian government…

In a testament to the foresight of these protests, a human wall has grown up around the city’s most important items and institutions, including the National Museum in Cairo, which houses much of the world’s artifacts from the days of ancient Egypt and Africa. For the most part, looting has not affected these national treasures.

Mubarack has not made any statements so far that differ in anyway from prior comments. He flatly refused to remove himself from power and replaced a handful of government officials in an attempt to appease the thousands of protestors outside his door. He has not replaced important figures such as foreign secretary or of the interior. The economy has suffered, and international firms with interests in the offshore oil operations run by Egypt have voiced concerns about their partnerships, while international embassies are assisting their citizens in leaving the turbulent country.  

Jail-Break: Egypt

Riots in prisons in Egypt have left dozens dead as Army and security forces try to quell escaped prisoners. Outside the capital of Cairo, police and military forces are spraying machine gun fire and marching into crowds with bayonets fixed, reporters say. Bodies are strewn about the streets and sidewalks leading up to the prison. Thousands of convicts within the prison are flocking from the fences and walls, making a run for it amid the chaos enveloping the nation as it rallies for democracy and change.

Protestors in Cairo rally for their freedom and to depose of Mubarack.

The detained prisoners and their families have long cried foul of torture tactics and inhumane treatment within the Egyptian penal system, and as tensions and protests rose, more and more political inmates were abused or even killed outright. Now, as protests and marches dominate the country and the capital in particular, the inmates and convicts are roaming the grounds and working on mass exits from the prison as guards flee for their lives, many joining the protests themselves.

Muslim Brotherhood leaders, some only recently detained, claim to have walked from the prison without resistance, saying nearby residents and neighbors came and freed them. At least 34 Muslim Brotherhood members are out of prison and returning to support their organization and the protests for freedom. The group, among many others, has called for embattled President Mubarack to leave the government today or face dire consequences.

Cromartie, Poe, Droopy Dog and the Pasta Investigation…

It is Wednesday, verily, the day of the hump and also of the “Modern Family” at 9, 8 Central. Fight the doldrums until then, and the week will be over before you know…In 48 hours or so.

Reports are that Senator Joe Lieberman (gasps) will not run for President in 2012 (awwwwww) according to members of his staff and certain close aides. The 68 year old senator from Connecticut will announce the decision later in the week or by the end of this month, much to the relief of almost no political rivals. The move benefits Democrats chiefly, at least in the minds of several political pundits. Lieberman spent most of his career as an important figure in the Democratic Party, though has spent the last four years in a creepy ex-boyfriend who has slept around with your enemy stigma attached. Lieberman jumped ship, if you will, ahead of the 2008 Presidential campaign, backing John McCain instead of Barack Obama. He will retire from public service when his current term concludes in two years, quietly bowing from the spotlight and enjoying time with his friends and family. Until then, however, Joe will have to skate the slippery slope between a drastically and violently divided Senate, even in the wake of the supposed ‘peace’ of the Tucson shootings.

Joe Lieberman.

A massive 7.2 earthquake rocked a sparsely populated area of Pakistan today, roughly 200 miles from the closest urban center but strong enough to take a few casualties even in the remote regions of the Pakistani desert. Final reports from the closest cities are not finalized or confirmed, but only one woman was said to have died of a heart attack triggered by the quake. A 7.2 earthquake is massive, similar in strength to the one that triggered the tsunami in the Indian ocean five years ago. An added danger in the region is the poor construction of homes; most structures are made or mud-brick and wood and fail almost immediately during a heavy quake. More on this is it is necessary….

Following up on a religion vs. science story from a month back, the University of Kentucky was forced to pay $125,000 to an astronomy professor who recently brought charges of discrimination against the school after being turned down for a job. To be fair, $125,000 is probably what Kentucky spends on a single basketball recruit each summer, but this is harder to swallow because it won’t translate into PPG. The snubbed professor, C. Martin Gaskell, says he was denied a job with the University because he hinted a belief “something close to a creationist” and “potentially evangelical” in e-mails that circulated within the schools department. To note, however, allowing a person whose research and observations are clouded by religion certainly has an impact on how that professor looks at science. To be fair, however, the University of Kentucky failed to handle the situation properly, which, as we all know, is to deny, deny, deny and then counter-sue.

In another twist in the on-going Pasta Investigation of Lance Armstrong (throw everything at him and see what sticks) reports surfaced of more allegations indicating that Armstrong encouraged and even required EPO use on his Motorola team in the 90s. An unnamed teammate from the ‘95 squad said that Armstrong was the “instigator” of doping on the squad, even instructing teammates on how to use EPO and, more importantly, how to hide it. This is not news, however, the Bohunk finds the recurrent claims of the same charges intriguing…Why repeat the same accusations for almost a year? If there is so much evidence, why can’t anyone present tangible evidence of guilt besides nameless teammates casting blame? Even the FBI admits that it has conducted little to no investigative activity in the past three months, showing that they really have nothing to add to the case. Innocent, innocent, innocent…until factually and indisputably proven guilty by hard evidence.

Lance Armstrong as a Motorola rider and World Champion…before the cancer, the Tours and the allegations….

On this very day in 1809, the dark and mysterious and macabre Edgar Allen Poe was born. After being raised by his godfather, John Allan, Poe wrote three volumes of poetry to almost no acclaim or attention. He took a job as an editor of the Southern Literary Messenger in Richmond, Virginia and married his 13 year old cousin, which, though teachers tell you wasn’t uncommon at the time, was, in fact, a touch odd, even by the standards of the day. He drank heavily and lost his job, forcing a move north to Philadelphia where he kept busy with his hands in a few publications as an editor and a critic. His most famous works, including The Tell-Tale Heart, The Murders At the Rue Morgue and The Fall of the House of Usher all were written during this period, which was actually one of the most tranquil and relatively peaceful of Poe’s life. The stories themselves, however, did not reflect stability; they were odd, dark, horrific and dabbled in mystery, giving Poe the title of the father of the detective story. The Poes moved once more to New York City, where Poe penned "The Raven” his most famous poem. His wife died in 1847, driving Poe to even more voluminous drinking, eventually stumbling into a gutter drunk and dying somewhere in Baltimore in 1849. Poe was forty years old. 

The Bohunk casually and without much concern put forth his AFC Championship prediction, in two parts. A) I don’t care, I think both clubs, Thieves and Aeronautical Studies, alike in a uniform thuggery and criminal mind. There are more fines and arrests between these two teams to equal all of the other teams in the NFL. How can anyone root for them? B) That said, I’ll take the Steelers over the Jets by the simple reasoning of choosing, however reluctantly, the lesser of two great evils. It should be a close contest, if it does not devolve into fisticuffs after James Harrison spears Sanchez and Antonio Cromartie leads his Army of Children into battle (though he doesn’t know any of their names) in retaliation.

Jets cornerback Antonio Cromartie and two Baby-Mamas-To-Be…

A short and not so sweet Update today, though my apologies must be accepted due to impossible circumstances; I have a lot of homework and little sleep. Thanks for reading, folks, and enjoy your day in spite of all things and people…

NFL Play-offs, Cheer-Babe Professionalism, and the Tunisian Devil…

Back to the start, Monday to Friday, and folks, it will not stop so neither should you. Carry hope in thy heart and the weight of the world on your shoulders, as no one else but you can live your life. Enough cheesy crap, let’s dig deeper into this burrito and get to the meat of it…

This weekend saw some excellent professional football play offs, first with the Pittsburgh Steelers (quarterbacked by a rapist) against the Baltimore Nevermores (linebacked by a murderer) beginning the festivities. The Bohunk is not much of a supporter of either team; in fact, I flipped a coin to decide who to pick as a winner because I didn’t want any reason to really cheer for either squad. In one of the ugliest games, with late hits, trash talking and rather embarrassing post-play theatrics, including a fifteen second Hines Ward display of crossed arms that I grew a touch nauseous, neither team acted like a Super Bowl squad. For the Steelers, that is puzzling; most of the team has two rings. But they played down to Baltimore most of the first half, trailing 21-7. Cory Redding, a defensive end for the Nevermores, scooped up a fumble that lay untouched and unnoticed for some time, and sauntered into the end zone, flanked by some teammates, without the Steelers ever taking notice. Aside from that, Ray Rice, the Ravens running back, was invisible except for a fumble. Flacco, the quarterback of the Ravens, one the Bohunk believes is over-hyped, choked. He took bad sacks, ran out of bounds for a loss of four when he could have tossed it away, and barely got off passes when the Nevermores needed a come-from-behind drive. The game turned when All-Pro, All-Everything wide receiver Anquan Boldin dropped a pass in the end zone late that would have given the Ravens a seven point lead late. Granted, the way Pittsburgh was playing, they still would have had to stop the Steelers about three more times which would have very tough. However, the Ravens never truly threatened again, and their booting from the playoffs was certain.

In the night cap, the Green Bay Packers beat the Atlanta Falcons soundly. The Dirty Birds couldn’t run (Michael Turner had just 10 carries for 39 yards) and couldn’t pass either. Matt Ryan, a.k.a The Man With Two First Names, was sacked five times and hit numerous times as he threw.   His receivers were blanketed all night by Tramon Williams and Charles Woodson, and linebackers Clay Matthews and A.J. Hawk (yes, that A.J Hawk) stormed the walls like it was the shores of Tripoli. The Bohunk, in all his knowledge, has pinpointed, for your benefit, the exact moment the game turned. After a Packers score, the Atlanta Falcons kick returner Eric Weems returned a kick 102 yards for a touchdown, the longest play in the history of the playoffs. Celebrate, you Falcons fans! Cheer, rejoice, for the football gods are for ye! But soft! What distraction on the sidelines! The Cheer-Babes of the Falcons are, yes, most certainly, gyrating and hooping-and-hollering, but not in unison! The blonde is doing a hip thing, and the brunette on the end isn’t even facing forward! What heresy is this, that the Cheer-Babes, professionals, cannot stay in unison! Upon viewing this spectacle with vigorous intensity, the Bohunk said to the room at large, “Game Over.” No one can respond after poor Cheer-Babing, least of all the Falcons without a run game. Soon, it was 35-14 and the Packers were in cruise mode. The Bohunk Super Bowl prediction, Packers vs. Flying Elvii, is still alive. And let this be a lesson to Cheer-Babes everywhere: When you tell the players to “Go” make sure you do so together and with smiles; the football gods will punish ye. 

Spirits were high before the Unthinkable; here, the Cheer-Babes are in unison. It was not
to last, however.

The Tour Down Under, the first major cycling race of the season, begins tomorrow, and the cycling community (and This Guy) are relieved to have the Best Sport In The World back to discuss and over analyze. While the turn out among pros has been the best in the history of the event, inevitably, all eyes with be on Lance Armstrong, who attends the race in what will be his last international race of his career. He will probably end up in a few US races, but as far as big European races, this little jaunt in Australia will have to do as a fare-thee-well. He is joined by the very, very Australian Robbie McEwan and one of the best sprinting fields assembled, including Andre Greipel, Gerald Ciolek, Mark Cavendish and Tylar Farrar. As McEwan says, the presence of so many sprinters could result in a “Mexican stand-off” situation, meaning a breakaway could get a big lead and hold it while the teams refuse to chase in the peloton. The Bohunk’s prediction: Greipel takes the first meeting against Cavendish in a massive, testy field sprint. Cavendish typically starts the season slow, though I can also see him being motivated and ready to tear the legs off anyone looking to challenge him. Lance will go on a forlorn but heroic attack at some point, but to no avail. All the best to him, though, and thanks for almost two decades of great racing.

Lance Armstrong modeling the new 2011 RadioShack kit. Best of luck, Juan Pelota.

The Bohunk hopes you haven’t noticed this, but there has been a bit of a freak out after astronomers noticed that the constellations have shifted due to the wobble of the earth’s rotation. The 26,000 year cycle means that, every so often, the constellations shift as the earth moves along its axis. This equates to a shift of roughly 50 seconds every year, so the distance the axis ‘moves’ is tiny. However, those looking to the heavens knew and even predicted this movement as far back as 7,000 years ago in Ancient Greece. People who believe in astrology, which, it should be noted, attributes certain behaviors and influences completely superficially to contrived shapes in the sky, have been panicked to see how the change will ‘affect’ their personality. It won’t; in fact, if you work by degrees, and the geologic shift of time, you were probably born under a different sign than that which you attribute to yourself, anyway. In fact, most signs shift every 2,160 years, but we haven’t adjusted until now. So if you believe in this mularky…

"Astrologers look beyond the five senses into the sixth and seven sense that transcend material boundaries.” ~The Epoch Times

…I am sure you can allow for some basic misinformation anyway….

It is, folks, a revolution in Tunisia. The army drove through the capital of Tunis this weekend, ousting all remnants of militia and security forces loyal to overthrown President Zine el Abidine ben Ali. Arrests around the country have rounded up much of the former regime, including former Interior Minister Rafik Belhaj Kassim in his hometown of Beja. Kassim headed both the main security force of the country and the state TV broadcast station, both, citizens claim, serving as instruments of oppression and stifling political and social freedoms. A new Cabinet comprised of various political parties is being assembled to take provisional control of the country until elections and other preparations can be made to establish a long term political structure. The working officials say they hope to hold free elections in 60 days and that they may rely on international help to ensure that peace is established before those elections can take place. Makeshift militias have created roadblocks around major cities to stop the exodus of former government officials and to maintain order, calling in army or new government security forces to keep the peace. The international community should cheer the urge for freedom and try to discourage any more loss of life in this nation’s future developments.

The Seahawks went to a frozen Soldier Field and looked exactly like the Seahawks we had all expected to see. After playing the Martyrs and winning against some long odds, they sauntered into Chicago against a much better team contented with simply winning one game and going home. They slowly lost ground as the offense did nothing; their first scoring drive was only 18 yards for a field goal. It happened while down 28-0 with a minute left in the third quarter. You are down by four touchdowns, it’s the playoffs; what does three points do for you? Nothing. Pete Carroll took the field goal because 28-0 sounds worse than 28-3, though it is the same thing in the end, a loss. Carroll was scared and playing not to lose. In the first quarter, fourth and one in Chicago territory (the 41, to be exact) Pete had the chance to take the momentum by the balls. Get a first, quiet the stirred, freezing crowd and get on the board; fear took over, and the punt unit jogged on. The Bohunk said, “Game Over.” The Bears will take on the Packers in the Coolest NFC Championship Game In A Long Time next week. Picks and predictions to come…

The best return man in the history of the game; Packers, be warned…

The Flying Elvii fell 28-21 to the New York Jets. Frankly, the Bohunk is torn for the AFC Championship; a rapist (Big Ben) against a loud mouth (Rex Ryan), the worst example of fatherhood in America (Antonio Cromartie) and the organization with the most NFL investigations since the 2008 Bengals. I’m going to have to go with the Thieves for the simple fact that they have less players likely to be arraigned this week. Tom “Bieber” Brady tossed for 300 yards, 2 TDs and a pick and will be blamed for the loss. That is the price for being the face of a dynasty; all the blame and the obligation to share the glory. The Jets did just enough to win; and they will not do so again this year.

Thanks for reading folks, back tomorrow and with results from the Tour Down Under and the arrest reports from Rex Ryan robbing a FootLocker store…

Foxes, Bush, Mbagbo and Two Immaculate Occasions…

Never before and most certainly never again shall we rise and face this day…Please behave accordingly.

Violence in the Ivory Coast has killed as many as 200 people. The country is in the midst of a violent and bloody disputed presidential election, where ex-President Mbagbo is refusing all calls and pressures to relinquish the office he lost in last months election. Mbagbo has been in office for ten years, and only holding election twice in the past six. Reports of kidnappings, torture and beatings have prompted France to urge all of its citizens to leave the country, while US representatives are trying to cajole the UN into taking some security measures to protect the innocent. More on this as it develops…

A car crashed onto ex-President George W. Bush’s front lawn. A single car was forced off the road and bounced onto the property of DubYah, causing security agents to overreact and surround the vehicle. It did not come close to the home, nor is any damage being reported, but the security officer in charge was quick to point out the potential danger. The Bohunk is quick to point out the obvious; it was just bad luck. The poor bastard driving the car, however, is being detained by the Secret Service. Happy Holidays, bub.

In amateur football news, the Boise State Broncos defeated the Utah Utes 26-3 in the best match-up of the first week of this very merry bowl season. What a disappointing bowl for Boise, however; until November 26th, when they lost on not one but two missed field goals against Nevada, they entertained hopes of not just a BCS bowl but a possible national championship. They spent the most of the 2010 season comfortably in third of fourth spot in the Robotic Poll, hoping for either Auburn or Oregon to slip up. That, of course, never happened, and it was the Broncos who fell. They went from a multi-million dollar bowl possibility (oh, and the prestige and whatnot) to the MAACO Las Vegas Bowl, a week from Christmas playing against a conference foe. For football enthusiasts, however, getting a match-up between two Top 20 squads three days before Christmas is a tastefully early birthday present.

The game was unspectacular, but the amateur Cheer-Babes looked professional.

In worrying new from Israel and Palestine, the two are continuing their commitment of being total jerks. Israel is celebrating Hanukkah by preparing a ground force to Gaza. Palestinians are reporting a heavier-than-usual prescience of Israeli forces and has confirmed that 2 Palestinians were killed by small arms fire. As is typical, the Israeli government has claimed that any operations undertaken by its military in Gaza is a direct and strong response to rockets being launched into Israel from the location. Just two years ago Israel attacked Gaza, leveling resistance and routing a small, fanatical band of Palestinians who stayed to fight. Roughly 1,400 Palestinians were killed. It also drove thousands from their homes and killed citizens caught in the crossfire. Again, Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukah.

In that shining bastion of hope and democracy in the Middle East, Iraq, church leaders around the nation are cancelling or altering holiday festivals after being threatened. Go FREEDOM! In many churches around Iraq, Christian churches have announced that Christmas Eve masses will not be held, and decorations, especially the uber-Western Santa Claus, will be left in storage. A pastor in Baghdad says that only a small minority of Christian groups are continuing with Christmas Day masses after receiving numerous threats from the extremist Muslim community. This past October a siege at Our Lady of Salvation Catholic Church killed 70 people, most of them Christians. A pastor in the city was quoted as, “When you have lost everything, you have only Jesus left.” Perhaps you can have Jesus in the safety of your own home. As much as the Bohunk dislikes organized religion, it is a shame people are killed for their beliefs, or forced to practice them under constant threat. Here’s a big, “Good luck, you’re gonna need it,” wish to the Christians in Iraq.

Barack Obama has left the building. The current President arrived in Hawaii for the holidays (though many crazy Republicans say he is only pretending to observe Christmas because he is a diabolical Muslim fanatic) to celebrate with family and rest up for the next year, where he will be surrounded and outnumbered by Bible-thumping right wingers. Word on the street is that Obama is very much intent on nothing in Hawaii; he is taking a much needed break after five weeks of lame duck Congressing and signing such landmarks as the START treaty and the repeal of ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’. It was a very tired looking President that arrived in Hawaii last evening, offering only a weary wave as he accepted a lei and crumpled into the awaiting car. He’s going to need the break…He has a long road ahead.

Merry Christmas, creep-middle-aged-women-who-find-Obama-handsome, there will be more photos like this one next week.

DNA from a 30,000 year old finger returned to show researchers that it belonged to neither early man nor Neanderthal. The species, heretofore unknown by scientists, is now referred to as Denisovan. Scientists believe that the Denisovans bred with early humans and that their genetic material is still apparent in the Melanesians, or the populations that inhabit Papa New Guinea. While this still does not present a ‘Missing Link’ that many creationists would like in order to ‘prove’ evolution, it shows that even our own development was a product of many competing species and eventually, the strongest and most efficient merged to create man as we know him today. (As an aside, the creationists who are looking for a ‘link’ won’t find one; the idea that evolution was a series of clean, distinct beings linked together is entirely opposed to the reality of evolution. Many things lived in competition with each other, and a small few survived. No intermediary need exist to connect one to another.)

On this very day in 1972, Franco Harris made the ‘Immaculate Reception’ to defeat the Oakland Raiders and put the Steelers into the AFC Conference. One of the most famous plays in NFL history, it almost didn’t count. The ball was tipped by Raiders safety Jack Tatum, officially, though many claimed it hit Steelers running back Frenchy “Named After A Grease Character” Fuqua. Had the latter been the case, Harris’ catch would have been illegal by the regulations of the day. The old rules stated that no two receivers can touch the ball on the same play; since the ball hit Tatum, Harris was eligible to catch the deflected pass and scoot along into the end zone. The Steelers went onto be roundly trounced by the team of destiny, the perfect undefeated Miami Dolphins. Alas, ye gods….

Tomorrow will be day; the Bohunk will dub the 2010 Fox of the Year. All 2 nominations came flooding in, and the Bohunk will continue to accept nominations until 8 pm tonight, cause I’ll probably be enjoying some football this evening, in addition to replays of the Best Night of Televison on NBC. (Do not, if you have any time to spare, miss the Community Claymation holiday episode. It is stupendous) The current nominees for Fox of the Year include Megan Fox (aptly named) Sienna Miller, Heather Irmiger, Gemma Arterton, and many more. Giada de Laurentiis and Natalie Portman are not eligible, because to include two immaculate angels amongst a bevy of mortal beauties would be unjust for both factions. As a treat, below is a photo of one of them.

Oh Giada, always cooking up something steamy…

Thanks for reading, and enjoy your Thursday. Do not stress yourself in any way over the coming holidays; they shall pass. Remember, you are celebrating family and kindness, not capitalism and social standing. It was the vaginal delivery of an immaculately conceived Messiah to a portion of the world; the rest could not give a rat’s ass. Bohunk out.

North Korea, Crazy Pills, and the Best NFL Game in Years…

The Bohunk returns on this wonderful Monday, safely entrenched in a big, soft couch. The location may have temporarily changed, but of course, the mission hasn’t. Now, let us press on to that very noble mission…

North Korea has voiced its decision not to follow through on threats to retaliate should South Korea do live fire drills on a small island off the Korean Coast. Two weeks ago, North Korea returned fire during a similar artillery drill, killing South Korean troops and nearly returning the simmering 50+ year conflict to a full boil. South Korea prepared extra defense along the demarcation line that separates the two nations, which has the dubious honor of being the most armed border in the world. Tensions rose again yesterday after South Korea ended its drill and waited for some reaction by North Korea, which thankfully came in a smug, overconfident announcement and not mortar fire. Some experts believe that should the two Koreas war again, over a million people would die in the first hour or so. The South Korean capital, Seoul, is just a few dozen miles from the demarcation line, and artillery and rocket fire would level the city in an hour. There is no more dangerous place in the world right now, although that is (depressingly) debatable…

The Pope, Benedict XVI, went to the press to push priests and other church officials to “reflect” on the failures of the Catholic religion and its inexcusable sexual abuse scandals. He also expressed intent to make sure pedophiles do not become ordained. (Thanks, Pope, for trying to weed out pedophiles now about 2,000 years after you’ve let men represent God on earth) But the damage has been done. In 2010, abuse cases from Ireland, Germany, the US, and other countries around the world surfaced, and with even more evidence reinforcing the common theory that these abuses persisted and were almost allowed by the church hierarchy in an effort to cover them up. The structure of the church worked to suppress any in the ‘flock’ who spoke out, and few worked for the punishment of sexually abusive priests. However, the Pope has a relatively credible history of fighting abuse by priests, as evident in a 1988 letter demanding punishment of known pedophiles by Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, the very man who now wears the pointy white hat as Benedict. These charges will never be forgotten, but the church can save some dignity by preventing similar cases in the future.

Nice cap, Benedict..

Over in America’s oldest war, Afghanistan, Vice President Joe “It’s A Big Fuckin’ Deal” Biden claims that, according to the US spy agencies, Bin Laden and Al-Qaeda lack the funds and freedom to be of any real concern to US forces on either side of the Afghan/Pakistani border. Biden points to evidence of new, smaller scale attacks that are becoming all that is possible, a major step back from their 9/11 attacks and abilities. Now, Al-Qaeda operatives are using small arms and shoulder fired rockets to harass US troops, but lack the structure, sophistication and ability to coordinate world wide attacks. The CIA now believes that Yemen, a small country on the Arabian Peninsula, is the most dangerous terrorist threat in the Middle East, even ahead of Iran. Some critics claim that by pinching them out in Afghanistan has only allowed factions of terrorists to grow unchecked in other areas of the globe. The Bohunk believes this is, unfortunately, the more likely case, though efforts to snuff out any group usually create more evil, hateful groups.

In professional football news, one of the most amazing finishes in NFL history occurred yesterday, and I do not mean to imply the Lions-over-City of Tampa in that sentence, though the Lions did win in OT. The Philadelphia Egg Salads were down 34-10 to the New York G-Persons with seven minutes to go. Game over. No comeback possible. Even when Mike “Who Let the Dogs Out?” Vick threw two touchdowns, the Bohunk said, “Yes, but what of it?” He then scrambled Barry Sanders-like (and I don’t throw that comparison around lightly) for touchdown, and it was very much a tie game. The G-Persons failed to travel ten yards and were forced to punt with 14 seconds left. Giants coach Tom Coughlin to punter Matt Dodge: “Punt it out of bounds.” The G-Person’s faithful to Matt Dodge: “Punt it out of bounds.” The Bohunk to Matt Dodge: “Punt the damn thing to Manhattan, just do not let it land in the arms of DeSean Jackson.” DeSean Jackson to Matt Dodge: “Didn’t you hear them all tell you not to give it to me?” The ball was almost squarely in the middle of the field. Dodge claims to have slipped, and the ball pulled to stay in bounds. Jackson dropped it, picked it up, and returned it for a walk-off punt return for a touchdown, and one of the most amazing comebacks in NFL history. The loss could keep the Giants out of the play-offs, though the Flying Elvii helped them out by beating Green Bay, and a Bears loss this evening would keep the Packers alive for the division win as well. This was an incredible game…(Almost as thrilling as a Lions OT win)

Flying like an Eagle…Two points for a Steve Miller
Band reference…

Are you in college? Have you noticed that everyone seems borderline insane? Research shows that nearly one half of college students who meet with a counselor or psychiatric professional are suffering from serious mental health issues or instabilities. The primary reasons for this high number, according to experts, is the heavy use of alcohol and drugs, a history of mental illness and self-injury habits. Many of these students with a mental illness history have already been prescribed psychiatric drugs (like Wellbutrin, Adderall, etc.) and who, by social and cognitive limitations, probably would not have been enrolled in college twenty years ago. 44% of those seeking counseling have serious mental health issues, up from 21% just last year. So, if people seem off, give them a smile and watch for patterns of harmful behavior. Look at your dorm or college for who to notify if you think someone may be a danger to themselves or others….

It is the holiday season, and holi-days are different for most people around the globe. The roots of the Christian celebrations for the birth of Jesus Christ are dug deep into Celtic and Roman holidays celebrating a sort of Festival of Lights. Celebrated on the solstice, usually the 21st of December, Yule was a Scandinavian, Celtic and Norse tradition to honor light on the shortest and darkest day of the year. Check back tomorrow for the entire chronology of Christmas.

Thanks for reading, as always, much better effort on a Tuesday. Only a few more days to Chirstmas, or, if you’re not into that, until Saturday…

Ducks, Hitler AND Stalin, and the First Day of Christmas…

Welcome back! Hoping you enjoyed your Thanksgiving and holiday weekend. It is a big weekend for a lot of people and a lot of families for a lot of reasons, not the least of which being eating. The Bohunk is happy to report that the amount of pumpkin pie devoured over the past five days may have surpassed all in history; at least two pies combined, in addition to an unknown number of cakes, iced creams, lattes, pumpkin bars and fudge conglomerates. The caloric intake must easily match that of a small Botswanian village over the course of a month. The result was expected; there is a little bit more Bohunk to love this week.

Let us go back, way back, in time to revisit the Thanksgiving tradition the Bohunk values just as much as eating mashed potatoes with a roll serving as an edible fork. The Detroit Lions hosted the New England Flying Elvii, huge favorites and declared (by me) The Best Team In The NFL. Tom “Bieber” Brady tossed for 341 yards and four (count ‘em) touchdowns while strolling away from the Detroit defense. “Shotgun” Shaun Hill made another start for the Lions, and played in typical just-enough-effort-and-yardage-not-to-get-benched fashion that has always been his trademark. Jahvid Best barely touched the field with a nagging turf toe injury, and Calvin Johnson had four catches for 81 yards and six points. This makes 7 straight losses on Thanksgiving for the Lions….The Bohunk does not mind if they lose the next 7 to 10 games, the tradition, which began in 1934, should continue regardless….

Oregon, My Oregon survived a tough game from Arizona, who seemed at least to be equal to the Ducks until the second half. As a partial bystander, I’d say Oregon is: A) The best dressed squad in the country B) The fastest group of 80 gentlemen outside of a federal prison C) Going to win the national title against whoever ends up playing them. If it is Auburn, who barely survived Alabama on Friday, the Bohunk sees a game in which Oregon flies while Cam “I’m So Paid” Newton plods and plugs along. Auburn has survived some scares this season because of their tremendous comebacks in the second half; Oregon, according to my made-up sources, is the only team more dangerous in the third and final quarters of a foot ball contest. Auburn will not be able to comeback against LeMichael James and Co.

(Mighty Ducks Style) “Quack, quack, quack, quack quack…”

On the other end of the football sammach, the professionals played Sunday with some great college games tucked between. What a weekend for pigskin; we saw great games involving almost every Top Ten school (LSU, Auburn, Oregon, Nebraska, Oklahoma vs Oklahoma State, Michigan State, Wisconsin and Ohio State) and were then treated to games that may decide divisions and wild card slots (Packers, Bears, Giant, Colts and Vikings). Just another thing to be thankful for…(It’s Monday, there’s gonna be some cheese in here)

Unfortunately, outside the football world, political life went on. The eerily plugged-in WikiLinks website gained access to what might amount to a quarter million cables concerning intimate conversations and insights on diplomatic negotiations from around the world. The cables span the past three years, include some from just this past February. The first batch were released on Sunday, with more to come soon. Ambassadors and American diplomats across the globe have been reaching out to their counterparts to forewarn the impeding explosion. Many intelligence officials in the government claim the information endangers the efforts of diplomats and infringes on the personal rights of government employees. Frankly, there is a ton of information to sift through, but already news agencies have found some shocking exchanges between nations. Cables show that the US has been secretly (and very unsuccessfully) attempting to steal nuclear weapons and materials from Iran since late 2007. It has also revealed the wheeling and dealing involved with trying to close the Guantanamo Prison in Cuba by trying to entice other nations with cash, trading rights and photo-ops if they would take terrorists into their country. (Slovenia was told they would get a meeting with President Obama if they would house a detainee) Other cables revealed that the American government warned Germany against punishing or even trying to prosecute US CIA agents who arrested an innocent German citizen and held him in Afghanistan for months. Much more on this later in the week…

The holidays are not, officially, commenced; while the Bohunk loves Christmas just as much as the next Bohunk, the ever-earlier creep of Christmas itself infringed on the gift-less, pressure-less joy that is Thanksgiving. Watch the Macy’s Parade? See anything Thanksgiving related? While I will admit I did not watch the parade in its entirety, I counted three (3) Thanksgiving-themed floats, while nearly every other was bedecked hall-like with fake snow, elves, dancing Santa girls or bows of holly. With Turkey Day passed, now Christmas songs and movies are acceptable, though the November 16th airing of The Grinch did not go unnoticed.

The Official Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade Poster; Please point out
any aspect that indicates this parade honors the holiday of Thanks-
giving. (And if you say “Buzz Lightyear”, you’re wrong and a jerk)

To aid you in your gift searching, the Bohunk will be featuring one CHEAP item at random until Christmas Eve. Do not let the commercials fool you; you will not receive a Mercedes, an iPad and a flawless diamond this Christmas (unless you’re rich, you tax-dodging bastards) and no one expects those things from you (see above if you actually do expect those things). This inaugural gift is simple, inexpensive but intelligent. Bloodlands: Europe Between Hitler and Stalin by Timothy Snyder ($17.99, if you buy at Barnes and Noble) is a nice, thick history piece focused on the nations between Germany and Russia who spent the middle portion of the 20th century being either ruled and massacred by the Nazis during WWII or being ruled and massacred by Stalin and Soviet Russia. Most of this region was taken over in the ‘30’s by Stalin, who pushed the peasants from the ancestral farms and forced them onto commercials farms or to industrial zones. Ukrainians claimed that 3 million men were killed during this period before WWII; a 1937 census by the Soviet government found that over 8 million people had “disappeared.” Stalin was shocked; he then killed the demographers who were responsible for conducting the census. Snyder, an excellent writer and a brilliant historian, found that in 12 years over 14 million civilians were killed in Poland, the Baltic nations and Ukraine. It’s a great book for the history buff on your list. (Yours Truly)

Thanks for reading, and please take a moment to check out Livestrong.org to check out their gear. They are offering 28% off for the holiday season in honor of the 28 million living with cancer this year. Enjoy Monday Night Football, the San Francisco Squared Sevens vs. the Arizona Red Birds.

Itchy Kardashian, Unintelliegent Design and a Bananahammock…

In a nation where divorce is commonplace and the new trend of prolonged cohabitation is widely accepted, it is no real surprise to hear that 40% of Americans believe marriage is obsolete. Things, if you have not been paying attention, have changed; women do not need marriage to support themselves or their children, both sexes are more likely to put marriage off in order to pursue a career, and the stigma of children born out of wedlock has greatly dissipated. This has actually brought out what we might view as a positive; women are more likely to cite “true love” as their deciding factor to wed or not, roughly 78% saying this was the most important part of a marriage. Just 30 years ago, in the late 1970’s, just 28% of women cited love as the deciding factor. 57% of women, at that time, claimed that “monetary” issues would decide who they would marry. So, contrary to what we might think, women are more likely to marry for love than money in the new century. (Some gold digging hussy DID NOT pay me to write this)

The question was posed last evening on Facebook, which read as follows: In the 70's, Richard Nixon's chief campaign advisor proposed buying yachts to serve as "floating brothels" to lure and blackmail Democrats who would be attending that election year's DNC. This was while he was a member of a sitting President's staff. And paid by tax dollars. Can you name this crooked son of a gun? If you guessed Gordon G. Liddy, you’re right! and probably at least 45 years of age. That’s right. Liddy also proposed murdering several writers of The Washington Post, kidnapping the children of Congressmen, and breaking into the…oh, well, he actually did that one.

G. Gordon Liddy…Facist, Republican, and Closeted….

Troubling news for the American servicemen and women stationed in South Korea this morning, as reports indicated that North and South Korean troops have exchanged hundreds of artillery rounds over S. Korea’s Yeonpyeong Island. Two S. Korean soldiers were killed with others injured. North Korean casualties are unknown. North Korea’s state news program stated it began firing on the island in response to South Korea’s weapons firing, a regularly scheduled drill where rounds fell harmlessly into the ocean.

In the ongoing battle for Top Sexually Transmitted Disease, gonorrhea has dropped in popularity. Make way for the new King of STDs…(drum roll)….Chlamydia! The nasty disease afflicts roughly 2.8 million Americans (2.5 if you take into account that Kim Kardashian gets it over and over and over again) which makes up a large portion of those who claim to be sexually active. Cases of syphilis are up 39% (gross) since 2006, primarily in homosexual couples, though almost 20 times more likely to be found in African American circles than any other race. It all boils down to a very simple fact; 1 in 4 sexually active Americans has or has had a STD. So get tested.

In the eternal words of the Broheim, “You just KNOW that
she’s itchy….” One imagines so, yes.

The tragic death toll in Cambodia has risen to at least 378. Citizens celebrating a local water festival stampeded over a narrow bridge spanning the Bassac River, crushing bodies underneath and pushing others off into the river below. State television cameras caught the entire repulsive scene on tape- both the living and the dead being twisted and mashed under a mass of bodies screaming and searching for escape. No one is certain what caused the panic; some claim hearing police sirens, and still others say the stampede began as people realized the size of the mass around them. Police say this is not the end count of deaths; many believe more bodies will be found in the river, and the 755 wounded are still being treated in several area hospitals.

In another installment in my ongoing series, the World Is Going to Hell Via Hand Basket, a poll released from 2006 states that 68% of Republican voters do not believe “in any aspect” the FACT of evolution. The Bohunk doe not like saying the “theory” of evolution, because its modern form has been essentially confirmed in all explorations. Yet, over two thirds of adult, somewhat educated Americans do not believe in FACT. Calling evolution “theory” is just as insulting to evolution as calling “intelligent design” science is to science; one is proven, well studied explanation of human history, and the other is the moronic (and dumb) statement of, “This all powerful being did it, duh!” which negates all the rules of science, physics and biology. And we just elected dozens of Republicans who claim to believe in “intelligent design” to Congress. (Note: They believe in intelliegent design, but not climate change)

Simple can, at times, just be plain stupid.

On this day in 1859, William H. Bonney, though much better know by the ultimate bad-ass nickname, “Billy the Kid”, was born in  a squalid Irish immigrant neighborhood in New York City. The outlaw killed 27 men in the American West, the most famous being Sheriff Bill Brady, who okayed the murder of the Kid’s boss, John Tunstall. In 1881, Sheriff Garrett, a friend of Billy’s before he was a lawman, snuck into a house near Fort Sumner, New Mexico. While Billy was asleep next to a girlfriend of his, Garrett fired a bullet into his chest and killed him. The Kid was 21 years old. And if you want to see a freakin’ awesome movie about Billy the Kid and his band of regulators, check out Young Guns. It’s got the coach from Mighty Ducks in it. (Emilio Estevez)

That’s it, thanks for reading. There may or may not be an Update tomorrow, so check in anyway. Have a great Thanksgiving, nonetheless.

Exorcism, Four Loko Fallout and No Tainted Spanish Meat….

Usually, the sentence “I don’t want to insult religion” is followed by a derogatory and inflammatory comment that insults religion. I’ll skip that (but see how I didn’t really skip that?). A recent article in THE New York Times (I have been told the capitalize the ‘T’, so I’m going to take that a step further) stated that, for Catholics, interest in the practice in of exorcism has risen. While only a few priests in the US are trained (or, more accurately, '”trained”) in the exorcism arts, they are being overwhelmed by calls and pleas from believers who think they are being possessed by the Devil. Exorcism is as old as the Christian religion itself; it is cited as one of the proofs of Jesus’ divinity, with stories of the Son of Man casting out demons from those stricken with disease or madness. Exorcism is even present in the guiding text of the Catholic faith (no, not the Bible, silly) the catechism, so to say it is an integral part of the Catholic religion is no exaggeration. In fact, the Bohunk believes the Vatican, mired in rumor and guilt over its sexual abuse cases, might even be stressing this aspect of the religion to show how it differs from more secular institutions, the point of it stating, “We are don’t mess with little boys, we deal with angels and demons.” One supposes that it matters not what one thinks; only what one fears. Faith is a powerful force against reason. This emphasis on exorcism is really unsurprising when you consider that 57% of grown US citizens believe in ghosts. Also not hard to see why we know have a Republican House of Reps….

“Be gone, ye tool of Satan…Seriously, Ted Nugent, leave”

If the power of Christ didn’t compel you thus far, this should: Experts in Afghanistan warn that the planned withdrawal of NATO troops in 2014 could result in '”eye-watering” violence. Architects of the proposed plan admit that the transition could be messy, and that pockets of “residual insurgency” (the REALLY pissed off folks) could continue for many years after foreign armies punch their ticket home. Just as the violence in Iraq has not abated with a lessened US presence, so will the Afghan turmoil persist long after we “Bring Our Boys Home”.

In base ball, (I tend to use its original spelling) the NL Cy Young went to Roy “Doc” Halladay. The Phillies ace won the award unanimously after a stellar season in which he tossed both a perfect game and a no-hitter. And that just may be the last baseball mention until next August….

In the ongoing Case of Alberto Contador and the Tainted Spanish Meat, authorities have found not even a little shred of evidence to support El Pistolero’s story that his positive test in the Tour de France was a result of ingesting tainted Spanish meat. WADA (World Anti-Doping Agency) tested and probed into the Spanish meat industry to find any cases of contamination from the drug clenbuterol, the drug Contador was found to have in his system during the last rest day of this past Tour de France. Alberto also was found to have trace levels of plasticizers in his blood, which could and, now almost certainly, indicate illegal blood transfusions. If convicted of treachery, and doping, Contador would serve a two year ban and be stripped of his TdF title, becoming the second to sully the name of cycling’s biggest prize after American Floyd Landis’ positive test in 2006.

Say it ain’t so, Alberto. And also, say you’ll give my your wheels…

On this very date in 1869, well, you already know what happened…No? Really? Not off the top of your head? The Suez Canal opened! That is all.

As evidence that the World Is Going To Hell Via A Hand-basket, I submit the following article. A Connecticut man convicted of manslaughter is suing the aggrieved parents of the 14 year old boy he struck and killed while cruising along at over 80 mph in a 45 mph zone. The Bohunk puts forth the following solution; put the bastard on a ten speed and, should he be able to evade the child’s parents armed with a car speeding at 80 mph on the open road, let him walk. However, in no case should his argument be heard in court.

After Michigan and other states passed bans of the popular caffeine and alcohol drink Four Loko, its manufacturers have announced plans to remove the caffeine, citing its commitment to “leaving in the good shit” to make the drink legal. Phusion Projects, Four Lokos’ owner, made the move after being handicapped by, you know, “regulations”. As covered in a previous Update (weeks before Grand Valley State’s newspaper, The Lanthorn, wrote about it) the drink combines a stimulant and depressant, which makes the consumer of the drinnk less aware of their intoxication. One side effect is that drunks are more willing to drive, though they are equally impaired as a person who drank scotch, whiskey or any other source of a-a-a-a-alcohol. Were you one of the sorority girls pissed by the pending ban? Watch this video, and learn a lesson. 

Thanks for reading, enjoy Modern Family tonight at 9 eastern on ABC. Two more days till the weekend, continue to work for it.

The Beatles, A Lobbyist, Todd Wells and a Curious Chaser….

While watching the Egg Salad vs. Native American game on Monday Night, I took my eyes, carelessly, from the screen for 5 minutes and 34 seconds. When these eyes returned, the Egg Salads were winning by 14 points (2 TDs) and were frolicking into the red zone a la Jerome Harrison just moments later. At that point, I said “Game Over” because I tend to like make such predictions when a team is up by 3 TDs. It’s safer that way. Mike Vick, who commentator Ron Jaworski called, (and I’m serious) “dazzling”, does look pretty darn good, especially juxtaposed with Donovan McNabb, he is godawful- what? The ‘Skins just gave him $78 million over 5 years? Seriously? I’d take the guy who was in prison a few years ago…

As a huge Beatles fan, I am happy and relieved to say that Apple will now carry the full catalog of The Greatest Band In The History Of Man, possible as soon as you read this post. The Beatles have consistently been slow to move to new media; they didn’t have any of their albums available on CD until 1987, almost 6 years after the CD became the more popular format. Almost 39 years after the Beatles broke up (Damn you, Yoko) they still were the third best selling group in the US last year, selling 3.3 million copies of various albums and collections. Some other bands, such as AC/DC, Kid Rock and the great Bob Seger have yet to allow Apple have access to their work for sale on iTunes.

The Bohunk has had a Beatles sticker on my car since I was 17.

Bohunk Hall of Famer and “hardass” (my words) Todd Wells is a two time US champ in addition to being a very cool, down-to-earth guy. For these reasons and more, I am hesitant to post this next clip. At the U.S. Grand Prix of Cyclocross in Fort Collins, Colorado, Hot Todd took a tough spill bunny-hopping a barrier. For those not familiar with the sport, most mortals (like this guy ‘me’) can barely human-hop over barriers; only the pros can pull off this move consistently. This was the only race in Todd’s career that he did not finish, and the Bohunk wishes that it remains just that.

Hot Todd Wells’ Bunny Hop: Heal up, Todd. The world needs savin’…

In Michigan politics, Rick “The Nerd” Snyder is changing the way Lansing does business. The former Gateway boss (before the jobs went to China) is doing away with allowing lobbyists to linger around the capital, influencing and essentially buying bills and laws in the State. No, he is appointing them to his staff. This gets cuts down on interference, gives them easier access to state and gubernatorial assets and ensures their invitation to the parties and barbeques. Snyder appointed long-time lobbyist Dennis “I’ll buy Lansing” Muchmore (that really is his last name) as chief of staff yesterday. Muchmore hasn’t worked in a public office since being a Macomb county staffer in the 1970’s. Welcome to Lansing, Mr. Lobbyist!

There is nothing more magical than birth, especially when no one has seen it happen before. Beginning in 1979, astronomers found evidence of a massive explosion of a start believed to be 50 times the mass of our sun. The star, which is 50 million light years away, is thought to have gone super nova and begun to form a black hole-the strange, collapsing celestial entity and an infinite density. Never before have scientists been able to date the beginning of such a process and watch as the black hole develops, ages and, in a few million years, wither away. It is a huge step in understanding how rapidly the universe changes. As I might have said before; we don’t know everything, we know almost nothing. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.

On a rare personal note, I would like to contribute a strange event, witnessed live by the Bohunk just yesterday. While riding my bike, I was passed by the unlikely of creatures. I was making my way (at 15-17 mph, mind you) up a gradual hill just off of Wilson Ave. near Grand Rapids. I saw to my right a large, spacious and immaculately green lawn, perfectly manicured and almost plaited, so picturesque was this landscape. I noted an Invisible Fence flag in the corner of the yard, but seeing no dog, was unconcerned. Out of nowhere, a cat (yes, it’s a cat story) came flying out of nowhere, chasing me along the Invisible Fence. I am not an animal expert, but I did not think a cat was capable of running 15 mph, and it also gave my eye brows a good raisin’ to be chased by a feline. It stopped, the magnificent orange tabby-bastard, just at the flag, so it had obviously done some probing. Anyway, the Bohunk would just like you to be aware of this threat to cyclists.

Thanks for reading, don’t worry, no cats stories next time, and the Bohunk apologizes for it. Enjoy anything but Glee, and read the Update tomorrow.

Murder Most Foul, Hall of Fame, and NFL Stuff….

Welcome to the Week before Thanksgiving, where many a teenage girl begins to starve herself before the gluttonous bounty that is Turkey Day itself….

A quick gesticulation to the –> right of your screen to bring your attention to the All-New Flying Bohunk Hall of Fame, chronicling famous folk who have made a visit to the blog since its meteoric rise to mediocrity. Illustrious names like Ted King, Todd Wells and Heather Irmiger grace the Hall, and the Bohunk will be bothering other Big Names to add to those ranks.

The fan favorite herself, Heather Irmiger. Note the number of riders
behind her….All of them. New HoF inductee.

The Detroit Lions lost to the heretofore winless Buffalo Ballcap Brims in a close but ugly, ugly football contest. The unsightly 12-14 score was indicative of the game itself. Detroit offered up 11 penalties to Ryan “I Graduate From Harvard, Pip, Pip” Fitzpatrick and the now 1-7 Bills. Fitzpatrick, an undrafted free agent who is now, statistically, one of the top ten quarterbacks in the league is this year’s Bohunk Breakout Player of the First Portion of the Season.

“A true Harvard chap will celebrate all wins by
investing in a long term CD and uttering a rousing,
’Pip, pip.’”

The Cowboys (not, mind you, cow-gentlemen) beat the New York Football Players Of Large Stature. They are now 2-7, but, as the head coach would point out, 1-0 under their new head coach, Jason Garrett. The Pokes overcame some ugly penalties and took advantage of Eli Manning’s distracted play (thinking about Oreos) to return a TD 101 yards off an interception. A good record for the remainder of the season might just allow the Red-Headed Garrett keep the job into next year, especially if a prolonged negotiation takes place as a new labor deal is discussed for the NFL.

In not-officially-paid-football, Auburn, Oregon, My Oregon and Boise State frolicked amongst the tulips, pushing aside some competition to remain undefeated. The truly interesting team at this point of the season is LSU; should the Purple Tigers (as I call them) win out, they just might have enough points to jump over either Boise or TCU to get into a BCS game. If that should happen, it would offer Boise and TCU opportunities to beat teams from automatic qualifier conferences and prove a point the Bohunk has repeatedly hammered into critics; if these non-automatic qualifier teams aren’t really any good, then why not let them play the Big Boys? The BCS has conveniently matched up the non-automatic qualifiers whenever possible since Boise upset Oklahoma in 2007. In the immortal words of Bobby Z., “I ain’t sayin’ nothin’, I’m just sayin’.”

Sad news from Haiti; the recent outbreak of cholera, which has since spread and thousands in the beleaguered nation, has claimed over 900 lives. Of the nation’s 10 provinces, 6 have confirmed deaths from cholera. Estimates place the number of people hospitalized at 14,000 since the outbreak began last month. The UN is now asking for $164 million to combat the disease. 121 people have died of cholera since Friday.

In technological news, Facebook has vowed to create a “Gmail-killer” with its new integrated email service. Reports of Facebook’s plan to create an email service have long been rumored though more concrete indications of the move surfaced last week. The Bohunk was going to include it, but, I was checking my Facebook. The company already has roughly 500 millions members (only 800 of which are are my friends (makes sad face and slumps shoulders)) that would be quick to adopt the new service. Quote from Gmail, Yahoo! and Hotmail: “Bring it on, bitches.”

Scientists from around the globe are exhuming the grave of famed astronomer Tycho Brahe, a Danish gentleman born in 1546 and who died in 1601 under mysterious circumstances. After a 1901 exhumation, scientists back then thought he died of a bladder infection; now, in a much cooler theory, some believe Brahe had abnormally and even lethal amounts of mercury in his blood system at the time of his death, leading some to believe he died of murder…murder most foul. Brahe died while in the Motherland (Prague, in what is now Czech Republic but has been and always will be the land of my people) at the invitation of Holy Roman Emperor Rudolph II after the Brahe’s dispute with the Danish king. Brahe is credited with collected the most accurate data of celestial bodies of any person in his lifetime

**Bonus Fact: Brahe was in a duel at some point in his life. The sword of a fellow nobleman reportedly cut off the end of his nose, which was replaced by a piece of metal. Scientists are hoping to find this piece of metal to determine what it was made of and if it could have been a reason for Brahe’s elevated mercury levels. 

Thanks for reading, hope you had an excellent weekend. Enjoy Monday Night Football this evening, Washington Native Americans against the Philadelphia “Boos When A Player Might Be Paralyzed” Eagles….Haven’t forgot about you, Colts WR Austin Collie… Stay strong, brother…

Foxy Fridays, Ted King, Comas and The Secret To Happiness…

Thank goodness, friends, for it is Friday! While I am assured you will miss the Update for the next two days, I have news to lift your sorrowful spirits. On Saturday, the post with the most page views will be put up for a second glorious running, giving everyone (and most importantly, YOU) a chance to check it out all over again.

Regular readers may have noticed the Bohunk’s deliberate and obvious lack of US political news recently. This was a decision based on the long, dirty and depressing campaign season and the subsequent Election Day hangover. I hope you have vomited that noxious sickness from your system, because there is big news. A noticeably greyed and haggard looking President Obama announced that his top priority is to extend a set of tax cuts for the middle class, vowing to work with Republicans and Democrats on negotiations to find a middle ground on the issue. Obama went on to say that to permanently extend the tax cuts to wealthier Americans, those making $200,000 or more a year, would be a “mistake.”

Republicans argue that no Americans should face more taxes, especially in a bad economy; the Bohunk argues that they are not facing more taxes, just the amount they paid before Dubyah took office. Republicans argue that having more wealthy people creates jobs; the Bohunk argues that the majority of people making just around or slightly more than $200,000 have no impact on hiring more employees, only buying things at stores that typically pay minimum wage, like Target. Republicans argue, “Yes-uhn,”; the Bohunk argues, “Nu-uh.”

The Bohunk regrets to inform you of the end of the weekly installment of “Weekend Whorrior”. There have just not been enough walks-of-shame outside my apartment as of late. One theory is that the girls just don’t care enough to leave and salvage some self respect. However, I am happy to introduce the soon-to-be famous Foxy Fridays. Each Friday, feast yours eyes on a lucky lass who is just Foxy enough that she is honored in the Update for said foxiness. Feel free to submit your own candidates…

This week, we honor the eternal foxitude of Gemma Arteton. This Fox first gained recognition as Strawberry Fields in the James Bond film Quantum of Solace, before joining Jake Gyllenhaul in Prince of Persia. (Side note: How the very, very Caucasian Jake Gyllenhaul was cast to play a Persian prince with an english accent is beyond my theorization) She is married to a lucky Spanish gentleman named Stefano, and her bio states that she has a tattoo of an angel behind her left ear. Thank you, m’Lady Arterton, for being such a classy, foxy woman.

Strawberry Fields…Forever. What a classy lady, and very British, too.

Cindy McCain, handsome-looking wife of Arizona Senator and Presidential candidate runner-up John McCain, has recently lent her voice to the NOH8 campaign working to stop bullying and abuse of the gay community. Cindy’s hubby, the cheery old chap, recently led the Republican-led fillibuster of a bill that would repeal Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Senator McCain’s campaign also was very strongly against gay marriage. Cindy is featured in a commercial, that will air  as a part of the campaign, criticizing the government (and, as a result, her husband) for telling members of the LGBT community they are “second-class citizens”. If you think your marriage or partnership can be tense, imagine that dinner table….
         ”Pass the peas, you back-stabbing, gay-hugging trollop!”
         “Why certainly, you hateful, bigoted, wrinkly bastard!”

In the Bohunk’s never-ending attempt to find true happiness, I offer this advice; focus. Resent research has found that a wandering mind leads to sadness. Scientists found that we spend roughly 47% of our time thinking of something unrelated to what we are actually doing. Those who participated in the study said they were most happy while doing physical activities, the most popular being “doing the hippity-dippity.” Other activities, such as running or exercising, triggered the best moods, most likely because they require more focus. Activities that allow the mind to wander, such as working or using a computer, created the saddest moods. So finish reading this blog, email it to a friend, and then go jog. Focus may be the key to happiness; be satisfied and enthusiastic about whatever it is you are doing.

Ariel Sharon, the very Jewish former prime minister of Israel and the face of the Palestinian conflict for more than a decade, has been taken to his home to receive further care and to remain under observation after spending the last five years in a hospital. Sharon has been in a coma for those years after suffering a stroke in January of 2006. He has shown no improvement in years, though now reportedly responds with hand movements to conversation and television. Sharon led the successful repulsion of Egyptian forces in 1973 and later served as Israel’s defense minister before taking the nation’s top job. Sharon is now 72. 

Ted King. He claims to rock the party that rocks the
pinata; and does.

How often does your hero contact you? Well, mine did. Not once, but thrice! in a single day. Ted King, a professional cyclists and One Cool Guy asked me what most people are thinking, “What on earth are you talking about?” The super cool cat read the Update, gave it the raving review of “interesting” and, thusly, made my week. Ted is now a member of the Liquigas-Cannondale squad after spending 2009-2010 with the now defunct Cervelo TestTeam. (Another side note Mr. “The” King regularly updates a blog, which you can access here AFTER you finish mine, and is also a fantastic chef. He also is a big supporter of the Krempels Center, which is dedicated to improving the lives of people with brain injury or damage from strokes. You can buy shirts or frame stickers with the obvious, yet important, distinction that you are not Ted King at Cutaway Clothing. Proceeds go to research at the Krempels Center. Thanks for the read, Ted, and have a great off season!

And thank you, readers, for your time. I hope you enjoyed this week’s slew of Updates. Off for the weekend, and back on Monday with much better stuff. Hopefully. Enjoy Ohio State vs. Penn State tomorrow, and the New England Flying Elvii (look at the logo) vs the Pittsburgh Thieves Sunday night.

Super Bowl Shuffle, Veteran’s Day, the Wiggles and Old Glory…

To begin, I would first like to apologize for closing yesterday’s Update with instructions to enjoy ABC’s “Modern Family”, which, unknown to me, was not on last night. The Greatest Show on Television, its new name as far the Update is concerned, was bumped by the Country Music Awards. I accidently watched about three minutes of it, dry heaving so hard that I needed to excuse myself from the (empty) room. People may like modern country music, fine; but they have to admit that it is now feel-good, smaltzy crap with fake, “loveable” singers who pretend to smile way too much; country music has become Barney, the Teletubbies and the Wiggles.

In “That’s Just Funny” news, the Czech transportation Minister Vit Barta has been banned from driving his car for six months.

In London, students marched and protested a raise in the tuition cost as proposed by Parliament. The protest ended with students storming the headquarters of the Conservative Party, which holds power in the cuntry at the time. 51 students were arrested and 8 or more students were injured. The proposed tuition change would raise the cost of going to college to about $14,500 a year, a hefty increase from the current rate of $4,800. The government claims that this number will serve as a cap and that colleges will not “have to” charge this price; 50,000 protesters and myself quickly responded, “They don’t have to, but they will.” The change would make lower class citizens less likely to go to college, get a good career and earn a comfortable living…Just as the poor in the US have been doing for decades. God speed, ye Limey bastards, may your protests succeed…Pip, pip.

On this day in 1919, “…on the eleventh hour, of the eleventh day, of the eleventh month…” the Great War ended after claiming the lives of over 5,525,000 Allied troops and 4,386,000 Central Power soldiers. Combined, the killed, injured or missing from both sides of the conflict totaled to over 40 million. World War One brought death to young men in whole new, unseen ways. The introduction of the tank, the airplane and the machine gun laid waste to hundreds of thousands of lives in a single afternoon. Antiquated tactics, such as the frontal assault formed in loose ranks, made almost no sense and were meant almost certain death. Soldiers lived for weeks in a muddy, rotting trench, at times so bored yet anxious some simply stood up just the end the waiting and were shot in the skull. Veterans Day is an opportunity to honor soldiers from all conflicts and it is especially poignant as we continue operations in both Iraq and Afghanistan. Take a moment to thank a veteran today, and think about the sacrifices that have been made for us.

Old Glory…And a Flag. Hats off to the Veterans today,
for we know too well freedom is not free.

In another contribution to the case against getting your head struck by a helmet attached to a 300 pound man, I submit the case of former Bears quarterback and Super Bowl Shuffler (you can see that here) Jim McMahon. McMahon says that after his 15 year career, his memory “is pretty much gone,” even stating that he forgets where he is and why he is there upon entering a room. Players in the league now down play and ignore the potential damage they inflict on each other. If millionaires would like to spend their retired days wondering who they are, that is their choice, but their style of play is imitated by the 1 million amateur tackle football players, most of them in high school or younger. The NFL needs to change its reliance on head-hunting and violence to sell tickets. People will still watch if the league enforces its rules on unnecessary roughness and helmet-to-helmet hits. McMahon is now raising funds for brain research to help those with traumatic brain injuries. Jim is 51 years old.

“We are the Bears, shufflin’ crew…” Jim is just behind Walter
Payton’s left hand there….

Tonight, the Baltimore Nevermores take on the Atlanta Dirty Birds. Join me in boycotting all NFL Network games, because if people who can’t afford extended cable don’t get to watch, I won’t tune in either. Elitist bastards.

Thanks for reading, enjoy NBC’s Thursday Night line-up…and if it’s bumped off by some crappy award show, I’m just as angry as you are. If you stay up after “The Office” watch “Outsourced” because this new show is really starting to hit its stride.

Bikini Protesters, Iraq, and that Badass Gordon Lightfoot…

Good morning, hope you are having a wonderful start to your day. Do you know what you’ve done? You’ve stumbled right into a treasure trove of random knowledge. Join me, as we dive in….

With the Iraq War (supposedly) over, the Bohunk still advises against making vacation plans to the country just yet. In a recent slew of violent murders, (as if there are not-really-all-that violent-murders) Christians are being targeted by extremists in Baghdad. A bombing this very morning claimed the lives of three Iraqi Christians and injured several others. Christian groups in the capital are considering fleeing the country in order to avoid the violence. Let us not forget that this was a war we didn’t need or want, and it will not end as long as these scenes of violence continue, whether we are in the country or not.

You may remember from weeks past snippets of news from the French riots. Students and protestors, in conjunction with strikes around the country that cost millions of euros, marched for nearly three weeks to protest a change in the French pension system. The bill was signed in the National Assembly two weeks ago and just this morning was passed into law by the tres chic pen of Nicholas Sarkozy. The French government was forced to pass the bill as it faces a massive deficit with a shrinking population to repay its debt. The retirement age is now 62, roughly the same as all other European nations.

Bikini-clad protesters during the French strikes. Pro-Head Scarve and also,
more importantly, Pro-Foxy.

Researchers claim that hyper-texters (over 120 messages a day) and hyper-networkers (social networking 3.5+ hours a day) are more likely to drink, smoke, do drugs and be skanky. The study was conducted in an urban country in the Midwest. Teens most likely to be categorized as hyper-texters or hyper-networkers were mostly of low economic status, female, minority and lacked a father figure (somewhere Wes Sovis just said, “No shit”) though these tendencies were applicable in nearly every demographic. Among other percentages found in the study, hyper-texters were 69% more likely to binge drink; 84% more likely to use illicit drugs and 60% more likely to have had for or more sexual partners. Hyper-networking shared these figures and was also heavily linked to depression, high stress, suicide, poor sleep and poor academics.

On this day in 1975, the freighter Edmund Fitzgerald sank in a strong storm in the frigid waters of Lake Superior. “The Big Fritz”, as the vessel was nicknamed, was one of the largest vessels in the Great Lakes at 730 feet long. It sank in Canadian waters 17 miles from Whitefish Bay. The sinking was shrouded in mystery, primarily because the ship had issued no distress signal, only radioed that she was in very rough seas. All 29 men aboard died, with no bodies ever found. The ship was broken in two when she was found. The event gave rise to a popular song by the super-hip, jive-talking Gordon Lightfoot in 1976; check that out here.

In my perpetual crusade against concussions and dangerous, stupid football hits, the Bohunk submits the following. In their win over Cincinnati monday evening, the Steelers had three players suffer head injuries (a term that sounds worse than concussion) and all will miss the next week’s game. Two of the injuries were to the Steelers running back corp, Mewelde Moore and Isaac Redman, leaving them short handed. If teams were serious about staying injury free, they would require all players to use the most advanced equipment available. Not encourage it, but mandate it. Both Moore and safety Will Allen were using out-of-date helmets instead of the Schutt, Riddell and other manufacturers that offer improved protection against brain injury. Just one more reason to switch…league-wide.

Modern Family, ABC, 9 eastern…She’s on the show.

Thanks for reading, it’s a short one, use the extra time to look up pictures of Sofia Vergara, star of this evening’s best show “Modern Family”. It’s the best thing on television folks. 

The Day After Election Day: Results Recap, Political Extravaaagaaannzaaa, Part I

Yesterday, the country spoke. At least, those of us who had time to vote did. (The Bohunk believes that any and all election days should be national holidays, so that everyone can get to the polls, regardless of the hours they work) Republicans retook the House of Representatives as expected and the Democrats held onto the Senate, which was very much in doubt as polls opened and some early Republican candidates won in Eastern states. As results came in from California and other Western states, Democrats opened one eye, lessened the pronounced grimace on their collective faces, and began to breathe again. Following are some key races, some of which have been covered by the Bohunk in weeks past:

Chris Coons (D) defeated reported “witch” Christine O’Donnell (R) in Delaware. O’Donnell was, perhaps, the most noted Tea Party candidate to emerge in this election cycle, but a poorly mishandled campaign ad, which denied witchcraft and which insisted “I’m you”, may have cost her votes even in her party. (count how many times I used ‘which’ or ‘witch right there)

In Kentucky, Rand Paul (R) beat Jack Conway (D) in hotly contested election for the Senate seat. The campaign ads for both sides were some of the dirtiest in the country, so bad that Rand had stated before Election Day that he would refuse to shake Conway’s hand in the event he lost. Not a problem; Rand won convincingly considering the the state’s long history of very closely contested races in both Senate, House and Governator elections. (All elections for the post of Governor should be changed to Governator, henceforth)

Out there in Nevada, Harry Reid (D) pulled out with a win over Tea Party-backed Republican Sherry Angle to retain his seat in the Senate. This was a big one, so much so that President Obama himself campaigned in weeks past to help Reid keep his spot.

Barbara “I Legislate Like A” Boxer won her seat in California, making sure that order and balance remained in the universe. Many had predicted that her close association with Pelosi would seriously hinder her campaign; enough Pelosii cannot be stopped.

The House of Republicans, which it can now safely be referred to as, will see many more expensive, foreign cars in the parking lot. Six states switched from blue to red (North Dakota, Wisconsin, Illinois, Indiana, Pennsylvania) with Republicans now holding 239 seats to the Dems 185. This means the following conversation will take place for the next two years…

House: Hey, we’ve got a bill.

Senate: Shove it up your ass, House of Republicans.

Obama: I’d veto that crap anyway.

So, we’ve essentially frozen all legislation until the 2012 Presidential election. There is some hope that the very one-sided House will present the very one-sided Senate with more moderate, satisfactory proposals on certain issues which would be very beneficial in producing some bipartisan effort. However, issues of High Importance, namely health care, tax reform, or morality judgments, will have almost no chance of major change until the next election.

In the Governator race in Michigan, “The Nerd” Rick Snyder won handedly over Virg “Worst First Name Ever” Bernero. Snyder was quick to point out that, “<He> da man.” He then turned to each reporter in the room with the same query, “Who da man?” and would not stop pestering until they answered the question by indicating that he was, in fact, “Da man.” Slick Rick (may it be shown the Bohunk first called him that) is going to lower taxes and (magically, mind you, because this is literally impossible while lowering taxes) balance the state budget. He will also create jobs. How? He doesn’t really say, but, trust him, he’ll do it. The very sour taste left by Granholm put Bernero in the hole from the beginning of the campaign. No doubt the frustration of undecided voters around the US was subsequently attributed to Democrats at all levels the rocky start and slow progress of President Obama himself.

The California Governator race (simply not as fun without Arnold, is it?) pitted swashbuckling and issue dodging Democrat Jerry Brown against former eBay CEO Meg Whitman. Brown was a college trustee, mayor and former governor; Whitman was friggin’ loaded. Seriously. She spent over $140 million (MILLION) of her own funds…and lost. Her stance on illegal immigrants cost her the Latino (and African-American) vote but the real kicker was the skeleton in her closet. Or, to be more specific, the illegal immigrant who, for over ten years, cleaned the skeletons in her closet. Nicky Santillan, the former housekeeper and very illegal migrant worker, claimed that Whitman had tried to erase her, saying “You don’t know me, and I don’t know you.” Whitman also claimed not to know Santillan was not a documented, legal citizen of ‘Merica. This is the Republicans favorite application of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”, because then you get to keep servants around.  Classy, Meg. Way to connect to the very people whose vote you needed in order to win.

A final note on Cali: Proposal 19, the bill to legalize marijuana in the state, was voted down 54% to 46%. The first state to take this measure to the ballot shows that Wacky Tobacky is not yet mainstream enough to be legalized, though, as reported in an Update earlier this week, alcohol is more damaging to the body, families and society. While the Bohunk does not approve of any drug use, the idea that the WORST drug is legal while others are not seems a bit stupid. In the words of so many disappointed stoners across the Golden State, “Come on, man. It comes from the the ground”.

Also intriguing, a quick look at Pew exit polls shows us who really voted Republican this year. The poll shows that voters who backed the GOP were:

90% white
60% were over the age of 50
67% described themselves as “conservative”
30% described themselves as moderate
57% claimed to attend church weekly

So if you are surprised at the number of rich, old, white, right-wing Christians in the House next week, this will at least make sense.

Some quick facts:

-The Republican victories in the South made history. No African'-Americans will serve in the Senate for the next two years.

-Over ten states will shift from Democratic governators to Republican flavors.

-Sixty-two percent of voters made their choice with the economy being the deciding factor.

Reminder: The Update will post a brand-new, follow-up edition of itself this evening after several undecided races finish. Also, I have to write a few papers. Be sure to check your Facebook or Twitter for the new edition, Part Deux, this evening, or whenever it is finished.

Thanks for reading Part One, read again tonight, perhaps as you watch The Daily Show. But pay attention; read during the commercials.