Whorrior of the Week, Sartre and Dusty Baker...

The #1 Oregon Ducks ended the streak of top teams falling by scoring many, many points more than UCLA could muster. 60-12 is no close game, and as BCS officials mull the inclusion of figure skating judges to assess "style points", big victories over conference opponents sparkle like a bedazzled unitard.

Brett Favre refused to comment on his meeting with NFL representatives about accusations about his inappropriate text messages with former Jets employee (and total babe)Jenn Sterger. He was asked three times about the meeting by reporters and what was discussed, to which he replied "These things will play out." Hasn't he learned anything from Alberto Contador? Deny, deny and deny. Blame someone or something else. Say that it was somebody else's tainted man meat in the photos. Say someone stole your phone. At least he is trying to let the story die down...This is better than saying he did do it, then he didn't do it, then he wasn't sure if he did it, until Ryan Longwell and some teammates fly to his locker tell him to shut up.

In Haiti, over 138 people are dead after an outbreak of cholera. The country, which is still reeling from a massive earthquake, decades of poverty and political strife, has taken steps to combat the disease from spreading. Will this garner any attention in the U.S? Probably not, as news channels have mid term elections to cover. Christine O'Donnell: Witch or No Witch will take up four or five hours of coverage in the U.S., but 138 dead will only be covered on the ticker. How quickly we lose interest.

In naval news, a U.K. nuclear class sub ran aground off of Scotland. The captain was quoted as saying, "Son of a bitch, I've scuffed the hull." While the Royal Navy points out the sub was not armed with any nuclear warheads, the potential disaster just off the coast would still be a public relations nightmare should any contamination have taken place due to a breached hull. This is what happens when the British learn naval tactics by watching repeats of the A&E hit series, "Horatio Hornblower".

Did you notice all that baseball still being played? It's the playoffs! The Yankees and Phillies, heavy favorites heading into the postseason, are both trying to come back from early series deficits to the Rangers and the Giants, respectively. Somewhere, Darth Vader is not pleased, as the Yankees struggle and the Evil Empire looks vulnerable. The Giants, in the NLCS, have squeezed out hits against the vaunted starters of the Phils, making Halladay and Hamels look frustrated and uncharacterstically out of sync. The Bohunks call? Giants in 7 and Rangers in 6...and you can take that to Subway.

On this day in 1964, Jean-Paul Sartre won the Nobel Prize for literature, only to decline the award, which was the most French thing he could think to do. Sartre, who popularized existentialism, did not explain his reasoning with the public, though many French citizens were outraged that he would not accept the honor. Sartre was supporter of Communism, a student of other French masters such as Baudelaire, and an excellent writer of both philisophial works and literature. The existentialism movement, which subscribed to the idea that man had to create meaning for his life because existence does not have some innate meaning itself, was a popular topic of philosophy for decades and still is the most famous theory of being from Europe still discussed by intellectuals.

Somewhere, Dusty Baker just woke up and realized the Reds were out of the playoffs...He stood, wiped the drool from his chin, and walked alone from the dugout, his heavy footsteps echoing forlornly in the emptied stadium.

It's Thursday, and that means its time for the Whorrior of the Week. This morning, we honor the skanky, tirelessly self-demeaning antics of Short-Skirt Peacoat. Yes, this blonde with particles of vomit and bottlecaps in her hair strode with the aching strides of the repeatedly pounded skank-tastic champion her father wishes she was not. In the frosty morning darkness, the wind whipped her peacoat open to reveal a long t-shirt stained with God-knows-whose wasted seed. You, Short-Skirt, deserve fully the title of Whorrior of the Week.

Thanks for a great week, tell your friends to read again on Monday. Enjoy "Pirates of the Carribean" tonight on ABC Family...

The Pope and Sexuality, Witches and Ducks....

When they say at Jude's Barbershop that it is where men get their haircut they are serious. I just saw them scold an eleven year old out of the building, telling him to come back when "His balls drop and his voice changes". Seemed a bit harsh to me.

Delaware Senate candidate and "Wicked Witch of the Northeast" Christine O'Donnell says that she regrets the television ad in witch (<--that's funny) she denied being a...witch. Campaign experts chortled 'round the country, saying "No shit, Christine." The ad was made after some opponents of O'Donnell claimed she was a magical sorceress. O'Donnell, a Republican (if the witch claims didn't give that away) felt threatened enough to by the allegations to spend a few hundred thousand dollars to defend her position (or cover?) as a right-wing Christian conservative who has even queried where in the Constition is seperation of church and state listed. We are on to you, O'Donnell....

The Michigan Department of Energy reported that the unemployment rate in Michigan "dipped" to 13.1% last month, the best since September 2009. The unemployment rate is still much higher than the national average, which was confirmed to be 9.2% as of August. The Michigan government needs to work on its wording; saying unemployment "dipped" to 13% is like saying the Detroit Lions' win total "peaked" to one this season. It serves to trivialize the dire situation our state is in and makes light of its future. I voted for Granholm, and I am convinced that on her last day in office she will jump from the capital building, throwing money to everyone saying, "Haha, I was just kidding! I have all the answers and solutions right here! Peace out bitches!" or something to that effect.

The number one Oregon Ducks play this evening against the UCLA Bruins. It is the third straight week the top ranked team has played a ranked opponent, with the last two #1s losing. Should the Ducks lose, college football fans will have their fourth top team in as many weeks, which, according to my fabricated research department, is a record.

"Sexuality is a gift from the Creator" a recent letter from the Pope read, according to the website of the Vatican. He went on to say that "it is also a task which relates to a person's growth towards human maturity. When it is not integrated within the person, sexuality becomes banal and destructive." Statements such as these show the Pontiff as open to connecting with modern culture and society, and accepting certain aspects of the human condition as natural. The Pope went on the condemn the priests who abused their postion to molest children and also the mishandling of these cases by Cardinals and other Church administrators. These are the types of efforts the Universal Church must constantly make to stay relevant and respected. That, and explain the how bread "magically" turns into the body of Christ. The mystic portions of the religion, while traditional, need modernity as much as the Church's figures.

So, we've covered just about everything today. There will be a short quiz Friday, but don't miss Community and 30 Rock on NBC tonight. Enjoy Jim making faces at the camera...

NFL Hypocrisy, Snooki (again?), and "Free Bird"....

Remember when the NFL vowed to crack down on helmet-to-helmet hits, promising flags, fines and suspensions? That it would work to end the culture of malicious, cruel victimization of unprotected wide receivers and running backs exposed in the process of making a catch? Well, that began and ended yesterday. Seems like forever ago, as analysts and league officials are already backing down. Talking heads on ESPN, for example, now say that the regulations take away from the game and make "big hits illegal". No, these regulations, which had always been in place but rarely enforced, make head-hunting a point of examination by officials. These are not new rules; these are rules that, supposedly, will now actually be followed. ESPNers are already saying these make the game "softer"... please go tell that to your teammates who spent much of Sunday twitching on the field and being carted off to the hospital. This culture of violence and misplaced machoism is hurting not the owners or officials but the PLAYERS who are getting injured and suffered major neurological damage.

In technology, scientists have found a way to end Lou Holtz's incessant slurring of words and pointless stammering...Not really....

However, Steve Jobs has declared the Nerdiest War Ever on Google, saying the search engine giant is "disingenuous" and puts volume in front of customer service and quality. Jobs vowed, hand on the Service Agreement from iTunes, to continue to beat Google (haha, saying Google a lot is fun, how can you hate this company?) in smart phones and tablets, which Google has slowly creeped into selling via the Google Nexus One and an unreleased tablet. Why does this matter? Cause they will fight, and we, the consumer, will reap the benefits! This will make products better and prices lower for all! Exclamation point! Now, if we apply this theory to Megan Fox and Angelina Jolie, neither would wear clothes and would continue to jump on wet trampolines until the other admitted defeat. That should be a movie...

On this day in 1977, three members of the Southern rock group Lynard Skynard were killed in a plane crash. Strike up "Free Bird" today in their honor, just stop screaming for bands to play it at EVERY live concert you've been to (I'm looking at you, everyone in Grawn).

The Tour de France route has been announced, and it's a climbers Tour to win. It features only ten flat stages, which, I would contest, is roughly ten too many. Make those chaps climb every day! This isn't likely, but it's the most entertaining. The French riders would have none of it, riding off in the opposite direction the moment Jens Voight headed towrd Paris. Get it? Cause the French run from the Germans? It's a common theme...Expect the Schlecks' "We Swear We Have A Team Made, Honest!" squad tto dominate the last two weeks, with numerous Alpine stage and no Alberto Contador in the race. The 2 or 3 time Tour champ is still awaiting a ruling in his doping case from a positive test July 24th. It seems as though he will be suspended at least one year, and Contador has hinted he may retire if he receives any ban. If you can't take your punishment, dont't eat the tainted Spanish meat, Al.

Word has it the number one custom for Halloween is "Snooki", followed by Dora the Explorer for kids... Which supports my claim that Snooki is, in fact, a cartoon, which would explain the orange coloring...


Thanks, enjoy "Modern Family" tonight on ABC, I'm going to go buy photos of the illegal hit on Josh Cribbs that the NFL, who fined James Harrison for the hit, is selling on their website. Go HYPOCRISY!

The French Being French, Small Moon or Space Station, and Taylor "Swift"....

Thanks, Jaguars, now the Bohunk looks like a "noob". At least put up some fight....

In France, workers in all sectors and industries are organizing strikes to protest the French government's plan to extend the retirement age in the country by two years. The actual retirement age there is 65, though workers can retire five years early and still collect full benefits, a system which allowed new workers to take positions sooner. Now, the age for this same "early retirement" would be 62. However, the French are very French, and they will protest this change and cripple thier economy if need be. And I say...Good for them! Americans have lost most of our rights and unions and now labor has almost no protection. There are no layoffs on the scale in we have seen in the past five years in France, because workers are protected. And when people keep their jobs, they have money and they spend it. It works to reduce the effects of economic downturn before the problem gets out of hand. Now, this retirement issue is tricky; the citizenry will have to give in whether on the age or the tax because they will not be able to fund these same benefits in twenty years. But at least they are trying to preserve their way of life. Americans are too busy watching "Glee" and "Teen Mom" and getting fat of off Taco Bell...

In space news, scientists are using Johannes Kepler's Third Law to estimate accurate proportions of stars. By measuring rate of orbit, distance from the star and other insanely difficult to figure out aspects of the orbiting debris and moons, scientists today can find the mass, diameter and even some aspects of the star' composition. And when did Kepler discover this information? Oh, just back in 1619. Imagine, over 400 years ago the guy figured most of this stuff out with a primitive telescope and his mind. And it took Obi-Wan Kenobi until they were within range of the tractor beam to realize that the Death Star was no moon, but a space station. Incredible, Mr. Kepler, s'marvellous.

In other news, the NFL has vowed to suspend players that engage in helmet-to-helmet hits. Thanks, Comissioner Roger Goodell! You've successfully ignored this issue since taking your position and it took a weekend of 8 suspected concussions and a paralysis (and the bad press that went with it) to address the issue. The culture of head-hunting and violence in football is terrible and creates the same environment in college, high school and peewee leagues. Set a better example, sir, because this league is getting bad.

Nebraska lost to Texas Saturday, ending their undefeated season and Taylor "Swift" Martinez's bid for the Heisman. Martinez was even benched in favor of strong armed back up Cody Green after the Huskers began to fall behind. There is even speculation that Green will see extended action in upcoming games. Poor Martinez, though I hope he does not start penning vengeful, one-sided pop recollections of his time as starter like his namesake.

That's it, that's all, enjoy "The Daily Show", the update will be back and better tomorrow....

Fall of the Bucknuts, Poverty and Snooki's Stomach as Alderaan....

It's Monday, and that means there is a professional football game this evening. Tonight's installment of the Monday Night Football series matches the Tennesee Flaming Thumbtacks and the Jacksonville Spotted Cats in an AFC South divisional matchup. The Bohunk would like to highlight tonight the role of Jaguars tight end Marcedes Lewis, who is very quietly one of the top gentlemen at his position. He consistently grabs a few catches that should have been incomplete and often finds himself in possession of the pigskin while in the endzone. Keep an eye on him this evening.

In cycling news, Team Jenks Boneyard went to Crystal Mountain and walked out with fists stuffed with cookies and their successes being yodeled around the countryside by lederhosen clad Aryans perched on the rocky summit. In a very close race, Yours Truly scampered to fourth place after a broken derailluer kept me from shifting. Wes finished sixth after a similar problem and a crash near the finish. It was a Tour de France like race, with the leaders all very close and playing a game of cat and mouse. The mechanical difficulties effectively spelled D-O-O-M for the Boneyardigans, though with such a strong field, fourth and sixth is nothing to sniffle at.

Also, in mostly unrelated news, Lance Armstrong welcomed his fifth child, Olivia Maria Armstrong, to his ever-increasing peloton of youngsters. She is Armstrong second with girlfriend Anna Hansen, and he has three with his ex-wife Kristin. Expect a Nike contract for these kids soon...

Researchers of society and culture have given new credibility to what had formerly been a taboo topic in the field. The idea of a "Culture of Poerty", as presented in the mid-1960's by Daniel Patrick Moynihan, explains the effects of segregated living, low-income neighborhoods and a lack of familial cohesiveness as the reason to the perpetual poverty of African-Americans. The report, which shocked and awed in 1965 before being pushed to the back of the proverbial stove out of political correctness fears, has resurfaced as reports and new research point to this same reasoning nearly 50 years later. Experts say that poor living conditions and low expectations create a subdued attitude toward law and order, education and self-pride. And with roughly 44 million Americans of all color and creed living under the poverty line, this is a trend that endangers all future generations.

We saw Ohio State get crushed and exposed against the Cheese State's Badgers on Saturday, and the number one team for a single week has crumpled to number 10 in the new and fresh BCS rankings. Look out for Oregon, who has UCLA and USC still on the schedule which will keep their points average high. Michigan State can also move up by beating Big Eleven teams, as the Big Ten should be known. But, as the Great Jim Ooloey used to say, "There is an awful lot of football left...Sovis, move your ass!"

Go Rangers, cause if the Yankees make the World Series, they will be able to rebuild the Death Star and blow up Snooki's fat stomach...On th other hand....