Shameless Plug

Allendale, Michigan is not known for wide varieties of food choices. If you don't like pizza or Applebees, you are quite screwed. The bastion of flavor is Las Aztecas, a Mexican restaurant replete with a borderline authentic menu and generous portions. The Bohunk has a hidden talent for eating, and even I am occasionally full after a meal. The prices are great for the amount of food you get and you get to see Spanish television via Telemundo at no additional charge. It's heart wrenching to see you middle age waiter toss an old napkin on the floor when Cruz Azul lets in a goal. The Bohunk returns to hard hitting news whenever my classes aren't all on the same due date cycle as they are this week.

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It's Official: Bohunk Becomes Online Certified Scientist

A few weeks back, the Bohunk took an online quiz for Geology class. In the process, I earned an online certificate declaring me an expert in seismic activity. Kind of. While thumbing this post on my phone, I notice that this certificate may not be as credible as I'd like it to be, but that is fine.

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Allegations, Grimaces, and a Good-Bye…

Thursday, folks, but, you already knew that….Let’s get to it…

Hell hath frozen over; if you are buying a coffee from Starbucks, there is now an app for that. Apple unveiled an app made to make the unthinkable a reality; you can now purchase a latte or Frappuccino if you forgot your wallet. The app allows you to put money on an account, then, upon walking to the counter, scan your phone (which briefly displays a barcode) and make your order. How that is in anyway faster than simply swiping your credit or debit card, I have absolutely no idea, but, it is not to the Bohunk to question why. If you want to ooze Starbucks affiliation, this is the app for you….

Researches have spotted a disturbing trend in elevated suicide rates for National Guard or Reserve soldiers, most typically while not deployed. The number of suicides of non-active reservists nearly doubled last year, from 80 to 145. A major contributing factor (besides repeated deployments to a warzone) is the logistical problem of providing access to counseling and post traumatic stress experts in the States. The broken marriages and relationships, lost jobs and difficulties faced by a prolonged absence are contributing factors, but the Army is clueless, especially about the dramatic rise. One commander, a Maj. General Raymond Carpenter says that roughly half of the suicides in his company are attributable to troubled relationships at home. Many experts are hoping that a universal network of counselors will be established, both in theaters of war and in the US, in order to provide expense-paid access to help upon returning home. The war is not only fought afar….

Carla Swaft riding for South Africa at Worlds…

In more sad news (my apologies), the cycling community honors the loss of Carla Swart, a 23 year old cyclist killed yesterday while on a training ride in South Africa. Swart was a promising star for HTC-Highroad entering her first full season with the pro squad. She was a college student who balanced an international racing schedule along with the demands of homework and family life. In the cycling community, any loss is widely mourned as if it were a very close friend, and for many, Carla was. Her alma mater, Lees McRae College is already working to establish a scholarship in her honor, to be awarded to a female cyclist each year. You can donate to this fund by sending a check to Lees-McRae College with a note of ‘Carla Swart Scholarship ‘ in the memo line. Here is the address:

Lees-McRae College Office of Advancement
P.O. Box 128, Banner Elk, NC 28604

A not-so-fond farewell; Juan Pelota faces more charges than ever before….

Ben Swift of Team Sky won the second stage of the Tour Down under while Team RadioShack sprinter took the overall lead, donning the ochre jersey as top man. The sprint finish was marred by a violent high-speed crash in the closing kilometers of the race. One of the most scarred and bloodied riders was the sprint favorite Mark Cavendish, who sustained some ugly cuts and bruises when someone hit some gravel in the road while rounding a tight, congested corner late in the stage which ended in Mannum. With several stages left to go, the sprinters are still at the top of the standings with other contenders lurking back. Still no moves from the likes of Armstrong, Gerrans and Porte in the lack of any real climbs, leaving the likely win to a sprinter or a rider with lots of power. Armstrong is catching flak after rumors and allegations of doping in the early 90s have risen after a Sports Illustrated article was partially leaked two days ago, as reported in the Update yesterday. It documents, or claims to, that Armstrong tested positive for unnatural testosterone to epitestosterone levels of 9:1, 7.6:1 and 6.5:1 over a four years span. It alleges that the Olympic Committee, or members of the Committee, tested athletes in private to avoid public positives and then allowed the drugs to deplete before submitting the rider to public tests. All of this is according to notes taken in the over a decade long span ending around the period of the 2000 Sydney games in Australia. Representatives from Armstrong say they have no comments.

President Obama welcomed our overlord, or landlord, or Chinese President Hu Jintao, or whatever you’d like to know him by, to the White House today to talk currency and trade issues. The talks were ungainly and slow due to translation delays, but Obama says he made frank remarks about the poor human rights record China is infamous for, and also the lack of effort to strengthen China’s currency, the yuan. The Chinese leader repeatedly failed to reply to certain questions and statements, claiming at times not to understand the translator (he brought his own, mind you) and declined to divulge any detailed plans of bringing about more freedoms in his country. Conversely, Obama acknowledges that the US is neck-deep in debt to the diminutive Hu, and the aloofness of the visiting diplomat is uncannily similar to someone stopping by to see if his tenant will be able to make rent by the end of the month. (Obama: “Check’s in the mail, bro, promise.”)

Those aren’t smiles; these men despise each other so much a grimace is all they can
manage for the cameras. The Bohunk wonders what they are muttering under their
breaths…

  Another short and sweet Update, enjoy NBC’s Thursday night line-up, all new, and don’t panic; 30 Rock has moved to 10. Don’t have a cow. Thanks for reading, now you can go back and check Facebook again….

Denard Robinson: Transfer?, Mudslides, and Mormons…

Welcome to Thursday, and folks, it’s all down hill from here…Let’s just get started…

In the thundering emptiness that once was the Metropolis of Detroit, a serial rapist runs rampant (two points for alliteration) stalking women and forcing them at gunpoint into his car, taking them elsewhere to rape them. The targeted women are usually walking alone late and night or early in the morning when they are accosted, easy prey for sick SOBs like this guy. Some women were actually driving when the man stopped them at gunpoint and demanded they get out of their vehicle or be shot. Police have declined to announce how many women have come forward but the number is substantial enough to warrant a concentrated effort by the Detroit police (who usual lack effort of any kind, especially the concentrated sort) to find the man. Witnesses say he is late thirties, African-American and very thin with a mustache. So, for your safety, don’t walk around Detroit. Period.

Authorities compiled this sketch of the man. Looks a lot like
Antonio Cromartie, if you ask me….

Massive floods and mudslides claimed at least 270 people in Brazil yesterday after torrential rains and over flowing rivers and streams caused massive chucks of earth to dislodge from mountainsides. Over 250 were killed outside of Rio de Janeiro and 13 more outside of Sao Paolo. As much rain as Brazil averages in a month fell in just twenty four hours, breaking apart hills and over flowing the banks of nearly every body of water in the region. At least 60 are still missing, and the death toll is continuing to rise. Rescuers are focusing on locating and helping stranded survivors in the region before any attempt at retrieving bodies is attempted. Your thoughts are appreciated, and much more on this as news spreads. Same goes for the Australians suffering under floods around Brisbane, where many are dead and rescuers are still trying to locate the roughly 90 or so people still unaccounted for in the region….

Riots and protests (the Bohunk includes both, for it depends on your viewpoint; I prefer protests cause I prefer freedom) are raging in Tunisia, especially in the uninspired-named capital of Tunis. Lopping off the last part of your country’s name to name the capital is just lazy. Maybe that is why, in some small part, thousands are protesting against the Arab government in the country, similar to the protests in Sudan. Even the US is critical of the lack of freedom found in Tunisia, a very rare critique of the Arab-yet-pro-America government. It said that its attempted control of media, especially the Internet, endangers the freedoms of its citizens and the benefits of the Internet as a whole. Tunisian protesters have layered Tunis with spray painted “Freedom From 404”, a tagline playing on the 404, File Not Found response triggered by blocked or restricted sites. Bloggers and Internet journalists are piling on the Freedom Freeway, railing against the Tunisian government and have reposted images and videos from the protests, including the bodies of men shot and killed during protests just this very morning. Freedom, my friends, is not free; we need to hold it at all costs. More power to the Tunisian people, and we can only hope that they can find a more peaceful way of gaining their freedom of speech and expression…

Here are some depressing headlines I would include in the Update, but have chosen not to in order to prevent depression:

~Train shooting adds to Christian fears in Egypt
~Flood affects 1 million in Sri Lanka
~Mexico’s Grim Toll of Death In Drug War Hits New High

If you like the Mormons, and I know you don’t, today is the day they really got it started. In the wake of the Panic of 1837, Joseph Smith, yes, that Joseph Smith, led his little band of Latter Day Saints out of Ohio…fleeing from arrest. Smith claimed in 1823 that an angel visited him and told he was a prophet. In 1827, he happened upon some gold tablets (way cooler than Moses’ stone tablets, but not as cool as the Android Tablets) which he claimed was a new gospel. He released 5,000 copies of “The Book of Mormon”, outraging nearly everyone. Americans, historical easy to fool in religious matters (yep, looking right at you, Ghost of Billy Graham) and many flocked to the radical new make-believe story. After being driven out of New York, Ohio and Missouri, the Mormons ended up in Utah, though after Joseph Smith’s death. For an excellent look at the sheer balls of the man Smith, and of the incredible and literally unbelievable tale of the origin of a still thriving religion, check out Jon Krakauer’s “Under The Banner of Heaven”.

Denard Robinson takes flight; hopefully, he doth not fly too close to the sun…of Florida.

Quite quickly, the Bohunk’s Most Exciting Person of College Football, Denard Robinson, appears to be returning to the University of Michigan after his coach, Rich Rodriguez, was fired and then replaced by San Diego State coach Brady Hoke. Some speculated that the extremely gifted athlete would bolt to either Florida of the University of Central Florida if Rodriguez was fired, but the Dreadlocked Dodger says he would much prefer to stay in Ann Arbor. The new offensive coordinator, Al Borges, is reportedly very capable of adapting a spread offense to fit Robinson’s skillset, and that a meeting this morning between Robinson and Hoke would go a long way in determining Robinson’s future. The Bohunk thought RichRod should have been given one more year on the condition that he fired everyone even remotely related to the defensive side of the ball. Michigan’s defense, as the Bohonk has carefully and repeatedly noted, was just inconvenient to opposing offenses. They made scoring easy, and teams like Mississippi State hardly broke a bead while gallivanting up and down the field. But with Hoke, Michigan faces another 3 years of adjustment and tough times. And now, they have to play Nebraska….

A future Christmas celebration in Wisconsin…But remember, this
would be a bad thing environmentally…Don’t start trying to raise
the world’s temperature.

You should care about the environment. It is all around you and those you care about, and driving your Escalade to the river to dump out your used oil is no way to treat the most enveloping aspect of the nature world; again, it is all around all of us. Those who don’t believe in global warming, or, as it is more commonly and accurately known now, climate change, are flatly ignorant. And despite our knowledge of its effects, causes and potential consequences, the Global Community (that’s all of us, man) have failed to make any significant commitment to the future of our only planet. 2010 was the warmest year on record at 58.12 degrees on average, which is 1.12 degrees above the established average of the twentieth century. The idiot (or Republican) out there will say, “Yes, but that is but one degree! I shall retain my 12-cylinder Lamborghini!” The Bohunk will point out that, a few hundred years ago, the planet’s average temperature rose one degree after massive amounts of volcanic ash caused widespread greenhouse gases and heat retention. The result? It reversed a millions-of-years-old ice age, melting most glaciers, even one in North America that stretched from Hudson’s Bay in Canada, west to the Rockies, east to New York and south to Iowa…and was three miles thick. The world, as they say, has never been the same. And the change of temperature in that cause took a thousand years, not one hundred, which is essentially the 20th century till today. Can the earth shrug off out impact? Yes, absolutely. But it might shrug us off in the process, even if we survive wars over resources and water. 

Thanks for reading, see you again tomorrow for Foxy Friday, which might just feature the Oregon Ducks’ cheerleaders again, just for fun. Chapeau! 

Starbucks, Rich Rod, Holes and the N~Word…

It’s Thursday, you may notice, which is one day before Friday and then the weekend. The problem, or blessing depending on your view, is that upon the completion of the weekend, this cycle begins anew. Stave off the inevitable with the Update…

Jumping straight to the good stuff, we find ourselves in the heated debate of black holes. One of the most mysterious aspects of our universe is the black hole, long believed to be exaggerated by high speed collisions. The black hole devours all matter around it, and then, over the course of a few billion years, reemerges and develops, over a few more billion years, into a new galaxy or star system. Some black holes develop an inconstant rates, accelerating quickly at random intervals before slowing again. Many scientists had believed that this was a by product of cosmic collisions, celestial entities slamming at thousand of light years’ speed into the black hole and making its size ‘jump’. However, recent studies show that, over the past 8 billion years, collisions of this type have no influence on the size of a black hole, or its rate of growth. Then how does the gravitational force of a black hole change? How can it go against all the laws of physics and change its rate of growth and shift in overall size. We haven’t the foggiest. We don’t know everything, we know almost nothing. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.

Artist rendering of a black hole; if it was really this color, it would be called a ‘Trippy
Hole’.

In cycling news, Lance Armstrong says he is not concerned or bothered by the on-going federal investigation into his career. In an interview with the Sydney Morning Herald Lance says he has many concerns involving the future of the sport, but refused to speak at length on the US and Food and Drug Administration’s long investigation the United States Postal Service Cycling squad of the late ‘90s, Armstrong’s sponsor for six of his seven Tour de France wins.A grand jury in Los Angeles has been presented with evidence and testimonies for months after doper Floyd Landis presented a case against Armstrong. Armstrong’s final international cycling event will be in Australia’s Tour Down under this spring. Frankly, this is ruining the sport, especially in conjunction with Alberto Contador’s Case of the Tainted Spanish Beef still being deliberated in a Spanish court. The Bohunk smells something fishy in both situations…but that is relatively normal in cycling, unfortunately.

Lance Armstong vs Jan Ullrich: A battle for the ages. Both are suspected of being doped
to the gills throughout their Tour wins. (Ullrich won in 1997; Armstong 1999-2005)

Starbucks, the Best Smelling Store Around, changed it logo to celebrate its 40th anniversary, highlighting their traditional green siren but dropping the circle that heretofore surrounded her. People with nothing better to do commenced directly to bitching, saying it was dumb to remove the name of the company from the logo. Right, because no one knows who the Swish, Golden Arches or Eagle belong to…(Nike, McDonald’s and American Eagle, just in case) Obviously it is not a huge deal, and the Bohunk wonders if half the people complaining would have even noticed the difference if they weren’t told of it. You can decide for yourself, below.

The first three are obviously Starbucks cups, but the last one, I have no idea what it
is used for or what corporation to associate it with. If only it said what do to with it somewhere…

Rich Rodriguez was fired by the University of Michigan. Anyone want the job?

(Crickets)

In another contribution to World Going To Hell Via Hand Basket, a new edition of “Adventures of Huckleberry Finn” will lack the word “nigger” and be replaced by the word “slave” which, in context, with neither make sense or illustrate the inhuman status African-Americans held during Twain’s time, an important lesson for youngsters to learn, appreciate and detest. All 219 uses of “nigger” are removed after Alan Gribben, a professor at Auburn University, said he felt uncomfortable saying the word aloud in class. The Bohunk kindly instructs him to grow up. The initial print of the sanitized version ran at 7,500 copies and should be finished by February. No schools have expressed interest in teaching with the new version. Kudos for taking the opportunity of the harsh, terrible language as a way to show the youth of America just how ugly man can be in the hopes of making a better society. Any high school student would argue that they hear worse language in the hallway at school on any given day than that found in “Huck Finn” or “Tom Sawyer” and a quick listen to rap music would show that 219 uses of the n-word would be the equivalent of two or three songs nowadays.

In the on-going check in on Haiti, which the Bohunk regrets has been lacking in recent weeks, we unfortunately find little positive. The new problem (as if existing ones were not completely and inhumanely sufficient) is rape. Amnesty International is reporting to news outlets that gangs of armed men are prowling the countryside and urban streets alike, attacking, molesting, raping and kidnapping women. The problem is especially rife in the squalid camps around Port-au-Prince, the nation’s beleaguered capital which has suffered from political strife, a massive earthquake and an outbreak of cholera, just to name the major plagues. Amnesty International claims that security in these refugee camps is completely invisible except near food drops, which, with tens of thousands of starving citizens close by, need constant guarding. The women have almost no protection; even in their dwellings, many are raped after men simply cut through the side of the tent with a knife or push the entire shack over. According to an official in Haiti, a Mr. Ducos, “most of these crimes go unpunished” because there is not enough police influence to track or prosecute a suspected rapist, even if he was seen in broad daylight by hundreds of people. Haiti is a terrible place for everyone, but the women and children of that country are experiencing a life that is riddled with loss, hate and misery. Be grateful for your own lot in this world, because you could be living in Haiti.

Sorry to end the Update on such a sour note. Quickly, note that the Schleck Brothers will be announcing their sponsor and kit this evening, 8 pm Paris time. The boys will finally have a name to the Best Team Ever Without A Name…Also, be sure to follow me on Twitter, @theflyingbohunk for quick Update access every morning and news throughout the day. Like what Snooki is up to…

Thanks for reading, enjoy NBC’s Thursday night line-up, it should be quite good. Chapeau!

Manning, the Pope/Condoms, and the End of Brett Favre…

Thank you, Green Bay Packers organization, for sending Brett Favre off into the last third of his last NFL season just a few games out of last place in the division. The Bohunk smelled upset, or at least a let down'; but the shellacking in Minnesota Sunday afternoon cemented the vault on the Vikings’ tomb* and Brett Favre’s career. He cried in a post game interview, waxed poetic over what-might-have-beens and finally admitted that the season was a bust. Mr. Favre, when you ask for all the attention and adulation, you get all the down side too. Thank you for 16 years of excellent Packers football, and may NFL fans and the Football Gods forgive these last three.

How bad was Favre against the Pack? Well, frustration, like an over boiled, possibly sexually frustrated and oft-intercepted pot of water, Favre blew his lid. Favre is a player above coaching while being very much in need of it. After tossing his league leading 17th interception, the Vikings offensive coordinator tried to have a word with the Aged Wonder; Favre had nothing to do with it. If this was any other player, Childress would have benched him a month ago.

The Flying Elvii, let by the Bieber-esque Tom Brady, beat the Indianapolis Lucky Charms by 3, nearly squandering a three score lead late in the fourth quarter. Led by the lesbian looking Bill Belicheck, the Pats are very quietly the best team in the NFL, a sentiment voiced by the Bohunk a month ago. Peyton Manning tossed some ugly interceptions, including one with under a minute to go with the Young Horses well within field goal range. A curious mistake in a game that was otherwise pressure-free for the Elder Oreo Eater.

Perhaps, Peyton, you should leave the licking to Eli and return to MVP
form. I will, of course, have a cookie, however.

In amateur football, Nebraska lost to Texas A&M (note the legitimate use of the ampersand there) to end all BCS hopes, the designs of which the Bohunk had been dissecting for the past two weeks. Now, the play their final post-Turkey Dinner game against Colorado, a personal favorite of mine for both of my decades alive on earth. With a win, they earn the right to play in the Big 12 Title game. With a loss, they shall slink into the Big 10 without hardware in their last season out west. (Editor’s Note: Watch your respective asses, Michigan State, Michigan and Ohio State)

TCU and Boise State won to remain undefeated while Oregon and Auburn were off for Saturday, preparing for games this Friday afternoon. Auburn plays #11 Alabama, which could be the last opponent with a legitimate shot at defeating Cam “I’m Getting Paid!” Newton and the Tigers. We can only hope…

On the college note, the Bohunk would like to thank an all-too-often-forgot tradition in collegiate foot ball…The baton girl. Yes, the baton girl, the quaint, smiling and heavily rouged youth who, bedecked in a dazzling, sparkling one-piece bathing suit, delights crowds of all ages (but mostly males ranging in age from puberty to creepily near the grace) with their, well, twirling. Thank you for your excellence, Baton Girls of America.

You, madam, are on fire.

The Pope is now closer than ever to condoms. The Holy Father said recently that the problem of “Aids cannot be solved only by the distribution of condoms alone,” but hinted that their use in limited contexts could be a vast improvement in countries where sexual transmitted disease is rampant (or, as any medical expert would tell you, everywhere). In Africa, where millions of sexual active individuals are HIV positive and millions are living with AIDS, the Vatican’s insistence that birth control is a form of sin has contributed greatly to the spread of the disease. In fact, the Pope’s committed and antiquated stance is followed by Catholics around the globe (they are the families with 6 kids) and is a contributing factor to the overpopulation of underdeveloped nations like those found in South America. Perhaps the Pope will finally expand the okay-ed use of contraceptives to include all couples. Sooner, rather than later, would be appreciated….

In the Bohunk’s ongoing interest in the country of Haiti, I regret to say that officials are now reporting that roughly 1,250 people have died of the now rampant cholera epidemic that has spread throughout the nation. A further 21,000 people have been stricken with the disease. Roughly 63 of the deaths have come in the capital, Port-au-Prince, which is now home to tens of thousands of refugees seeking shelter after a earthquake last January ruined much of the city. 230,000 people died in that earthquake. If you would like to make a donation, please follow this link to the Clinton Bush Haiti Relief Fund.

For a brave young chap looking for work in the newspaper field (perhaps, you might see, like the Bohunk) the following would be of some interest. Super, uber rich guy Rupert Murdoch, CEO of News Corp may just be in an unholy alliance with Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple. The two are rumored to be either created an online-only newspaper designed for iPad, or they are just showing each other their willys. The cyber newspaper would stream to any Apple 3G-enabled device for about $4.25 a day, cheaper than your print version and you don’t have to go outside to get it (you lazy SOB) in adverse conditions. In slightly related news, the iPad 2 is now expected to be released this coming April.

Thanks for reading, enjoy Denver vs. San Diego this evening on Monday Night Football.

* Vikings were traditionally burned on funeral pyres from the 3rd century on, though some evidence shows nobles or warriors were set out in warships meant to sink, the body surrounded with weapons and treasures piled high about them.

Foxy Fridays, Ted King, Comas and The Secret To Happiness…

Thank goodness, friends, for it is Friday! While I am assured you will miss the Update for the next two days, I have news to lift your sorrowful spirits. On Saturday, the post with the most page views will be put up for a second glorious running, giving everyone (and most importantly, YOU) a chance to check it out all over again.

Regular readers may have noticed the Bohunk’s deliberate and obvious lack of US political news recently. This was a decision based on the long, dirty and depressing campaign season and the subsequent Election Day hangover. I hope you have vomited that noxious sickness from your system, because there is big news. A noticeably greyed and haggard looking President Obama announced that his top priority is to extend a set of tax cuts for the middle class, vowing to work with Republicans and Democrats on negotiations to find a middle ground on the issue. Obama went on to say that to permanently extend the tax cuts to wealthier Americans, those making $200,000 or more a year, would be a “mistake.”

Republicans argue that no Americans should face more taxes, especially in a bad economy; the Bohunk argues that they are not facing more taxes, just the amount they paid before Dubyah took office. Republicans argue that having more wealthy people creates jobs; the Bohunk argues that the majority of people making just around or slightly more than $200,000 have no impact on hiring more employees, only buying things at stores that typically pay minimum wage, like Target. Republicans argue, “Yes-uhn,”; the Bohunk argues, “Nu-uh.”

The Bohunk regrets to inform you of the end of the weekly installment of “Weekend Whorrior”. There have just not been enough walks-of-shame outside my apartment as of late. One theory is that the girls just don’t care enough to leave and salvage some self respect. However, I am happy to introduce the soon-to-be famous Foxy Fridays. Each Friday, feast yours eyes on a lucky lass who is just Foxy enough that she is honored in the Update for said foxiness. Feel free to submit your own candidates…

This week, we honor the eternal foxitude of Gemma Arteton. This Fox first gained recognition as Strawberry Fields in the James Bond film Quantum of Solace, before joining Jake Gyllenhaul in Prince of Persia. (Side note: How the very, very Caucasian Jake Gyllenhaul was cast to play a Persian prince with an english accent is beyond my theorization) She is married to a lucky Spanish gentleman named Stefano, and her bio states that she has a tattoo of an angel behind her left ear. Thank you, m’Lady Arterton, for being such a classy, foxy woman.

Strawberry Fields…Forever. What a classy lady, and very British, too.

Cindy McCain, handsome-looking wife of Arizona Senator and Presidential candidate runner-up John McCain, has recently lent her voice to the NOH8 campaign working to stop bullying and abuse of the gay community. Cindy’s hubby, the cheery old chap, recently led the Republican-led fillibuster of a bill that would repeal Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Senator McCain’s campaign also was very strongly against gay marriage. Cindy is featured in a commercial, that will air  as a part of the campaign, criticizing the government (and, as a result, her husband) for telling members of the LGBT community they are “second-class citizens”. If you think your marriage or partnership can be tense, imagine that dinner table….
         ”Pass the peas, you back-stabbing, gay-hugging trollop!”
         “Why certainly, you hateful, bigoted, wrinkly bastard!”

In the Bohunk’s never-ending attempt to find true happiness, I offer this advice; focus. Resent research has found that a wandering mind leads to sadness. Scientists found that we spend roughly 47% of our time thinking of something unrelated to what we are actually doing. Those who participated in the study said they were most happy while doing physical activities, the most popular being “doing the hippity-dippity.” Other activities, such as running or exercising, triggered the best moods, most likely because they require more focus. Activities that allow the mind to wander, such as working or using a computer, created the saddest moods. So finish reading this blog, email it to a friend, and then go jog. Focus may be the key to happiness; be satisfied and enthusiastic about whatever it is you are doing.

Ariel Sharon, the very Jewish former prime minister of Israel and the face of the Palestinian conflict for more than a decade, has been taken to his home to receive further care and to remain under observation after spending the last five years in a hospital. Sharon has been in a coma for those years after suffering a stroke in January of 2006. He has shown no improvement in years, though now reportedly responds with hand movements to conversation and television. Sharon led the successful repulsion of Egyptian forces in 1973 and later served as Israel’s defense minister before taking the nation’s top job. Sharon is now 72. 

Ted King. He claims to rock the party that rocks the
pinata; and does.

How often does your hero contact you? Well, mine did. Not once, but thrice! in a single day. Ted King, a professional cyclists and One Cool Guy asked me what most people are thinking, “What on earth are you talking about?” The super cool cat read the Update, gave it the raving review of “interesting” and, thusly, made my week. Ted is now a member of the Liquigas-Cannondale squad after spending 2009-2010 with the now defunct Cervelo TestTeam. (Another side note Mr. “The” King regularly updates a blog, which you can access here AFTER you finish mine, and is also a fantastic chef. He also is a big supporter of the Krempels Center, which is dedicated to improving the lives of people with brain injury or damage from strokes. You can buy shirts or frame stickers with the obvious, yet important, distinction that you are not Ted King at Cutaway Clothing. Proceeds go to research at the Krempels Center. Thanks for the read, Ted, and have a great off season!

And thank you, readers, for your time. I hope you enjoyed this week’s slew of Updates. Off for the weekend, and back on Monday with much better stuff. Hopefully. Enjoy Ohio State vs. Penn State tomorrow, and the New England Flying Elvii (look at the logo) vs the Pittsburgh Thieves Sunday night.

Bikini Protesters, Iraq, and that Badass Gordon Lightfoot…

Good morning, hope you are having a wonderful start to your day. Do you know what you’ve done? You’ve stumbled right into a treasure trove of random knowledge. Join me, as we dive in….

With the Iraq War (supposedly) over, the Bohunk still advises against making vacation plans to the country just yet. In a recent slew of violent murders, (as if there are not-really-all-that violent-murders) Christians are being targeted by extremists in Baghdad. A bombing this very morning claimed the lives of three Iraqi Christians and injured several others. Christian groups in the capital are considering fleeing the country in order to avoid the violence. Let us not forget that this was a war we didn’t need or want, and it will not end as long as these scenes of violence continue, whether we are in the country or not.

You may remember from weeks past snippets of news from the French riots. Students and protestors, in conjunction with strikes around the country that cost millions of euros, marched for nearly three weeks to protest a change in the French pension system. The bill was signed in the National Assembly two weeks ago and just this morning was passed into law by the tres chic pen of Nicholas Sarkozy. The French government was forced to pass the bill as it faces a massive deficit with a shrinking population to repay its debt. The retirement age is now 62, roughly the same as all other European nations.

Bikini-clad protesters during the French strikes. Pro-Head Scarve and also,
more importantly, Pro-Foxy.

Researchers claim that hyper-texters (over 120 messages a day) and hyper-networkers (social networking 3.5+ hours a day) are more likely to drink, smoke, do drugs and be skanky. The study was conducted in an urban country in the Midwest. Teens most likely to be categorized as hyper-texters or hyper-networkers were mostly of low economic status, female, minority and lacked a father figure (somewhere Wes Sovis just said, “No shit”) though these tendencies were applicable in nearly every demographic. Among other percentages found in the study, hyper-texters were 69% more likely to binge drink; 84% more likely to use illicit drugs and 60% more likely to have had for or more sexual partners. Hyper-networking shared these figures and was also heavily linked to depression, high stress, suicide, poor sleep and poor academics.

On this day in 1975, the freighter Edmund Fitzgerald sank in a strong storm in the frigid waters of Lake Superior. “The Big Fritz”, as the vessel was nicknamed, was one of the largest vessels in the Great Lakes at 730 feet long. It sank in Canadian waters 17 miles from Whitefish Bay. The sinking was shrouded in mystery, primarily because the ship had issued no distress signal, only radioed that she was in very rough seas. All 29 men aboard died, with no bodies ever found. The ship was broken in two when she was found. The event gave rise to a popular song by the super-hip, jive-talking Gordon Lightfoot in 1976; check that out here.

In my perpetual crusade against concussions and dangerous, stupid football hits, the Bohunk submits the following. In their win over Cincinnati monday evening, the Steelers had three players suffer head injuries (a term that sounds worse than concussion) and all will miss the next week’s game. Two of the injuries were to the Steelers running back corp, Mewelde Moore and Isaac Redman, leaving them short handed. If teams were serious about staying injury free, they would require all players to use the most advanced equipment available. Not encourage it, but mandate it. Both Moore and safety Will Allen were using out-of-date helmets instead of the Schutt, Riddell and other manufacturers that offer improved protection against brain injury. Just one more reason to switch…league-wide.

Modern Family, ABC, 9 eastern…She’s on the show.

Thanks for reading, it’s a short one, use the extra time to look up pictures of Sofia Vergara, star of this evening’s best show “Modern Family”. It’s the best thing on television folks. 

Election Day, Lucky Charms and Moss…

Well, the San Francisco Large People won the World Series, defeating the Rangers 4 games to 1. Even the players were excited to be finished, did you see how quickly the Rangers hit the locker room? The team with the best pitcher and the best team won, and since that was not the Yankees this season, I am very happy. Mark it down; the Cubs will make the playoffs next year…if Selig expands the number of teams who make it, as he has said he will. And if he includes teams that were eliminated from the playoffs in June. Then, the Cubs will make the playoffs.

On Monday Night Football, the Indianapolis Lucky Charms casually beat up the Texans. Two things could have told us this before kick off; one, the Colts don’t lose to the Texans twice in one season, and two, they definitely don’t lose to the Texans after coming off a bye week. Even with the third stringers starting, Peyton Manning has the ability to to will his team to victory, similar to his power to make you like him while he is selling you Oreos, TVs, NFL Sunday Ticket and everything else he hawks on the side. These Lucky Charms are looking good, and the Bohunk thinks they are the best AFC team not in the East division, home to the Patriots and Jets…

It’s election day across the country, and millions of voters will spill out to their local polling station to decide the direction of this country for the next handful of years. Personally, I am hoping the Dems hold onto just enough seats in Congress to at least propose and adequately argue bills. Nothing will come of a Senate or House in which only bickering is heard and no real discussion. That is the true waste of our tax money. That, and the largest defense budget in the history of the world. Obama has to be looking out of a window somewhere wondering what in the $@&(@ he is going to do with no support in either house of Congress but all the blame already on his doorstep.

In Michigan, Rick Snyder will end his campaign trip in Ann Arbor as the governor hopeful settles in to await results this evening. Pollsters have “The Nerd” well ahead of Democrat Virg Bernero, who seems content with now driving out Dem voters in a push to prove the dismal predictions wrong. Either candidate will be encumbered with a terrible economy, a shrinking budget and little to no prospects for new jobs. While Granholm must be accountable for some of these failures, to blame her for all of it is just ignorant. Michigan has always had an unemployment rate which hovered close to twice the national average. Under Granholm, this didn’t change; nor had it been any different in eight years under Republican Engler before she took office. Michigan needs a drastic change in direction, attitude and identity. We can keep the auto industry, we just need a very tangible “Something Else” around which to build our future. I propose a green economy, but, that’s just one of many options. So, with that in mind, go vote…

In fact, a record 16 million early ballot voters have already been cast, a good indication of this year’s potentially massive turn-out.

The Minnesota Hyperboreans waived Randy Moss just four weeks after acquiring him from the New England Flying Elvii for a third round pick. If he is not claimed off waivers, the Vikes will be asked (forced) to pick up Moss’ salary for the remainder of the year. They traded a 3rd round pick for, essentially, the 13 catches and 2 touchdowns Randy caught in 3 losses….I’m no GM but that seems wasteful. If it wasn’t for the Cowboys, Minnesota would be ridiculed as the biggest failure in sports this year, and they probably should be named so.

On this day in 1960, a trial of obscenity over the great novel Lady Chatterley’s Lover by D.H. Lawrence (one of my favorite novels and authors, as well) ended. The ruling came that Penguin Books, the publisher of the novel since its release in 1928, was acquitted of obscenity charges and the book was allowed to stay in circulation in its full version. The novel’s first release in 1928 was an expurgated text and remained so until Penguin released the full version, the one intended for print by Lawrence, in 1958. Lawrence had many amazing novels, including the critically noted Women In Love which was released in 1921. Lawrence died of tuberculosis in 1930. Find more Lawrence books here.

Like Charles Osgood on Sunday Morning, I’ll leave you this morning with a look at some colors…

Thanks for reading, enjoy anything but Glee on Fox tonight, I just don’t see the appeal…Better tomorrow, as always…

Weekend Whorriors and a Nobel Prize

It's Friday, which means the Walks of Shame from last nights Thirsty Thursday parties have begun to stumble across the apartment complexes in yesterdays much-too-short-skirt and Ugg boots. An experienced observer can tell you which of these Late Night Whorriors are veterans of the march; they have a larger bag with necessities, and they walk with their faces scanning the sidewalk. The noobs still try to hold their heads high and fein having self-respect/pride. But that is just my news for the morning, believe or not, other things of note have happened....

Peruvian author Mario Llosa won the Nobel Prize in literature. A member of the South American literary boom of the 1960's and 70's, the author is famous for in-depth works on the sociopolitical structure of his native country and those equally mired conflict, injustice and strife. Llosa is a contemporary of the famous Gabriel Garcia Marquez, who was the last South American author to win the award in 1992. Both writers have been noted political advocates and critics, and Llosa even ran for President of Peru in 1990 as an advocate of privitization. Yours truly is a big fan of this literary style and "magical realism", which finds itself featured in many pieces from the culture.

As the recent focus in media on teen suicides grows, four teens in Ohio took their own lives. All four were from the same school. You can read a full article here. This is inexcusable. From one school, regardless of ethnic differences, spending or training shortcomings or any other excuse, there must be at least a handful of competent adults who can recognize this behavior and defend those who are the victims. There is no reason to tolerate this, from a faculty or student standpoint. Students must also police themselves; the reason this behavior continues is that bystanders allow bullies to debase and demean their classmates without consequences.

Sports Reference of the Day

"Much respect, dog" to Taylor Martinez of my very own University of Nebraska. Last night, the most famous Taylor not named "Swift" ran for a school record 241 yards in a decidedly one-sided blow out over Kansas State, 48-13. To grab firmly ahold of a record in a storied school like Nebraska, who has seen the likes of Eric Crouch, Tommie Frazier, Scott Frost and Turner Gill, this is no record to be sneezed at. In fact, his 80-yard run last night was oddly similar to Eric Crouch's 99 yard jaunt against Missouri in 2001, the year he went on to win the Heisman and take Nebraska the the National Championship game. If there is Denard Robinson Heisman talk, Taylor Martinez should be in the same discussion.

Roll on, people, roll on....

UofM vs. MSU, Contador and Pusan

Good morning all! Today marks the 60th anniversary of a too-often-forgotten date in history. In 1950, the U.S. crossed the 38th parallel in Korea, storming into the northern portion of the peninsula after hanging by a thread for months near Pusan, South Korea. This attack pushed the war to the very borders of China, provoking a Chinese soldiers to join the North Koreans and push back the U.S. and International forces. The war would rage for two more years, costing many men, women and children their lives and solving nothing. The treaty reached that halted armed conflict was signed, but today, the border between North and South Korea is one of the most armed and tense in the world. U.S soldiers and other peace-keeping troops have been stationed there for the past 60 years. Please take a moment to remember this conflict...and promise never to allow these wars to happen again.

I would also like to make a reading recommendation. Folks, I like to read. It's good for you, it makes you smarter and it sure beats the hell out of watching bad TV (and yes, I mean GLEE with this reference). So, go to your local library and check out To The Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf. Her prose is amazing, poignant and mimicks reality and our own experience in the world that it is easy to connect to. Go be literate!

In cycling news, The New York Times reports that testing in the Cologne, Germany lab which found Alberto Contador's "tainted beef" positive has also claimed that tests reveal an elevated level of plasticizers, which indicate IV use. The IV bags used for blood transfusions do not immediately incriminate the 3-time TDF champ, but boy oh boy it sure don't look good. Contador has not responded to these allegations directly, a very different reaction than his protest of innocence to the clenbuterol charges earlier this month. Cycling fans can see the Contador issue as one of two scenarios; it is either a terrible misunderstanding and the fault of WADA(World Anti-Doping Agency) for being too meticulous, or we can see this asas the system is working! The sport is cleaning up in ways that other drug beleagured sports like baseball and football can only dream (or pretend) of because unlike those sports, cheaters in cycling are being caught! The five (count'em) positive tests from the Vuelta show that the war on doping is being won.

Finally, THE FLYING BOHUNK would like to invite you (yes you, right there) to pick the winner of the U of M vs MSU game this Saturday. With both teams undefeated and both rising in the Top 25, this has the potential to be one of THE GREATEST GAMES IN THE HISTORY OF SPORT, and I only claim that once or twice a month. It's Denard Robinson and his dreadlocks (which are his closest ally, let's admit it, he has no supporting talent) against Eric "Cody Tackled Me in High School" Gordon and a very strong MSU defense. Oh, and their offense it pretty good too. This game could easily see 80 points scored between them. If I was a betting man, and I'm not because I'm poor, I would take the OVER and put $100 on it. Leave a comment with your pick and the score, and the winner gets to point to themselves and say "I win, take that, ex-girlfriend." Thanks folks, enjoy the day!