Ducks, Hitler AND Stalin, and the First Day of Christmas…

Welcome back! Hoping you enjoyed your Thanksgiving and holiday weekend. It is a big weekend for a lot of people and a lot of families for a lot of reasons, not the least of which being eating. The Bohunk is happy to report that the amount of pumpkin pie devoured over the past five days may have surpassed all in history; at least two pies combined, in addition to an unknown number of cakes, iced creams, lattes, pumpkin bars and fudge conglomerates. The caloric intake must easily match that of a small Botswanian village over the course of a month. The result was expected; there is a little bit more Bohunk to love this week.

Let us go back, way back, in time to revisit the Thanksgiving tradition the Bohunk values just as much as eating mashed potatoes with a roll serving as an edible fork. The Detroit Lions hosted the New England Flying Elvii, huge favorites and declared (by me) The Best Team In The NFL. Tom “Bieber” Brady tossed for 341 yards and four (count ‘em) touchdowns while strolling away from the Detroit defense. “Shotgun” Shaun Hill made another start for the Lions, and played in typical just-enough-effort-and-yardage-not-to-get-benched fashion that has always been his trademark. Jahvid Best barely touched the field with a nagging turf toe injury, and Calvin Johnson had four catches for 81 yards and six points. This makes 7 straight losses on Thanksgiving for the Lions….The Bohunk does not mind if they lose the next 7 to 10 games, the tradition, which began in 1934, should continue regardless….

Oregon, My Oregon survived a tough game from Arizona, who seemed at least to be equal to the Ducks until the second half. As a partial bystander, I’d say Oregon is: A) The best dressed squad in the country B) The fastest group of 80 gentlemen outside of a federal prison C) Going to win the national title against whoever ends up playing them. If it is Auburn, who barely survived Alabama on Friday, the Bohunk sees a game in which Oregon flies while Cam “I’m So Paid” Newton plods and plugs along. Auburn has survived some scares this season because of their tremendous comebacks in the second half; Oregon, according to my made-up sources, is the only team more dangerous in the third and final quarters of a foot ball contest. Auburn will not be able to comeback against LeMichael James and Co.

(Mighty Ducks Style) “Quack, quack, quack, quack quack…”

On the other end of the football sammach, the professionals played Sunday with some great college games tucked between. What a weekend for pigskin; we saw great games involving almost every Top Ten school (LSU, Auburn, Oregon, Nebraska, Oklahoma vs Oklahoma State, Michigan State, Wisconsin and Ohio State) and were then treated to games that may decide divisions and wild card slots (Packers, Bears, Giant, Colts and Vikings). Just another thing to be thankful for…(It’s Monday, there’s gonna be some cheese in here)

Unfortunately, outside the football world, political life went on. The eerily plugged-in WikiLinks website gained access to what might amount to a quarter million cables concerning intimate conversations and insights on diplomatic negotiations from around the world. The cables span the past three years, include some from just this past February. The first batch were released on Sunday, with more to come soon. Ambassadors and American diplomats across the globe have been reaching out to their counterparts to forewarn the impeding explosion. Many intelligence officials in the government claim the information endangers the efforts of diplomats and infringes on the personal rights of government employees. Frankly, there is a ton of information to sift through, but already news agencies have found some shocking exchanges between nations. Cables show that the US has been secretly (and very unsuccessfully) attempting to steal nuclear weapons and materials from Iran since late 2007. It has also revealed the wheeling and dealing involved with trying to close the Guantanamo Prison in Cuba by trying to entice other nations with cash, trading rights and photo-ops if they would take terrorists into their country. (Slovenia was told they would get a meeting with President Obama if they would house a detainee) Other cables revealed that the American government warned Germany against punishing or even trying to prosecute US CIA agents who arrested an innocent German citizen and held him in Afghanistan for months. Much more on this later in the week…

The holidays are not, officially, commenced; while the Bohunk loves Christmas just as much as the next Bohunk, the ever-earlier creep of Christmas itself infringed on the gift-less, pressure-less joy that is Thanksgiving. Watch the Macy’s Parade? See anything Thanksgiving related? While I will admit I did not watch the parade in its entirety, I counted three (3) Thanksgiving-themed floats, while nearly every other was bedecked hall-like with fake snow, elves, dancing Santa girls or bows of holly. With Turkey Day passed, now Christmas songs and movies are acceptable, though the November 16th airing of The Grinch did not go unnoticed.

The Official Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade Poster; Please point out
any aspect that indicates this parade honors the holiday of Thanks-
giving. (And if you say “Buzz Lightyear”, you’re wrong and a jerk)

To aid you in your gift searching, the Bohunk will be featuring one CHEAP item at random until Christmas Eve. Do not let the commercials fool you; you will not receive a Mercedes, an iPad and a flawless diamond this Christmas (unless you’re rich, you tax-dodging bastards) and no one expects those things from you (see above if you actually do expect those things). This inaugural gift is simple, inexpensive but intelligent. Bloodlands: Europe Between Hitler and Stalin by Timothy Snyder ($17.99, if you buy at Barnes and Noble) is a nice, thick history piece focused on the nations between Germany and Russia who spent the middle portion of the 20th century being either ruled and massacred by the Nazis during WWII or being ruled and massacred by Stalin and Soviet Russia. Most of this region was taken over in the ‘30’s by Stalin, who pushed the peasants from the ancestral farms and forced them onto commercials farms or to industrial zones. Ukrainians claimed that 3 million men were killed during this period before WWII; a 1937 census by the Soviet government found that over 8 million people had “disappeared.” Stalin was shocked; he then killed the demographers who were responsible for conducting the census. Snyder, an excellent writer and a brilliant historian, found that in 12 years over 14 million civilians were killed in Poland, the Baltic nations and Ukraine. It’s a great book for the history buff on your list. (Yours Truly)

Thanks for reading, and please take a moment to check out Livestrong.org to check out their gear. They are offering 28% off for the holiday season in honor of the 28 million living with cancer this year. Enjoy Monday Night Football, the San Francisco Squared Sevens vs. the Arizona Red Birds.

Thanksgiving, iThings and Red Kettles…

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone, and may you celebrate what you have by waking uncomfortably early, braving the weather and swirling snow and spending more than you have to purchase more things to be thankful for. The Bohunk has always thought the presence of Black Friday so insultingly close was a most insensitive juxtaposition of American values: Be thankful, then consume.

But more importantly, Turkey Day is the annual occurrence of the Detroit Lions playing on national television. Many Talking Heads have proposed that the honor of playing on Thanksgiving be taken away from Detroit, who has been playing in front of folks eating pies since 1934. To them, I say boldly; “How dare you, sir?” The Lions, and the city of Detroit, have very little to hang their hats upon. This game, every year, is one of the strongest and most dearly held traditions in sports. The game is a very large reason why Detroit has a massive parade and running event downtown, an important bump to the obviously struggling economy. In the light of ex-mayor Kwame “Crooked as a Tree Limb” Kilpatrick’s many scandals, a political embarrassment still drawing convictions, and the repeatedly persecuted automotive industry, Detroit needs something to point to with pride.

This gyration and gesticulation is the stuff 2-win teams should avoid….

In the game, however, the Lions played with their typical fervor until roughly half time, at which point the overwhelming scent of turkey legs and stuffing was craftily wafted into their dressing room by Tom Brady hair. The Lions played right up to the Flying Elvii, going blow for blow with The Best Team In The NFL for over two quarters. Then, the Lions realized what jerseys they were and began playing to that tune. A 79-yard touchdown to Deion Brach from Brady had cornerback Alphonso Smith turning around three times on the play after scooting 15 yards to close the gap. Safety CC Brown jogged for 40 yards on the play, only coming into the television’s frame on the 5 yard line. Then, “Shotgun” Shaun Hill began playing like the perennial back-up he SHOULD be by throwing some ugly balls, including missing a wide open Nate Burleson on a 3rd and short near the end of the third quarter. Detroit receivers replied, in turn, by dropping some easy passes, including Burleson’s drop in the end zone late in the fourth. On that play, with 6 minutes left in the game, the Bohunk put down the fork, belched slightly, and said, “Game Over.”

‘Tis the season, folks, the season of giving. And now, you can give with plastic. Those little red kettles, a stalwart fixture outside of so many department stores, are now accepting credit cards in some high-traffic locations. The kettles will still be setup for change and bills, but one can assume the plastic will be of use in higher income areas. In the words of one Pompous Ass, “Cash is for gangstas.”

On this Black Friday, Apple is running some rare deals in hopes of attracting some buyers. Apple and its iThings (iPhones, touches, pods, macs and TVs) are almost never offered at reduced pricing. The rough economy and raised interest in sales this season have prompted the TechnoGiant to take a little bit off some of its more popular items to stimulate sales. For example, its 8gb iPod Touch, usually $230.00, is down to a low, low $199.99. iPod Shuffles are a whopping $2 off…if that lures you off the couch today.

There is big-doin’s this afternoon in college football, folks. Last night, Texas A&M (my favorite use of the ampersand) defeated archrival Texas to make the Longhorns bowl ineligible. Today, however, is the final match up of the Nebraska Cornhuskers and the Colorado Buffaloes. Nebraska can take the Big 12 North title with a win, and secure a cozy lil’ spot in the Big 12 title game. But it also assures itself a strong end to its run as a Big 12 team, a conference it helped create out of the Big South and Big Eight divisions back in the 60’s and early 70’s. Next season, the Huskers will be in the Big Ten, playing the strange likes of Minnesota, Wisconsin and Michigan. Godspeed, Huskers, please run the ball the length of the field and place the oblong sphere across the imagined plane highlighted at it base by a white stripe.

Taylor “Swift” Martinez will get his first and only shot against Colorado today.

Also today, Auburn plays Alabama, the last chance for the forces of good (Bama) to defeat the Army of Dark and Shadows (Auburn) before the season is over. Auburn is already guaranteed a spot in the SEC Championship against South Carolina, win or lose, but a loss to ‘Bama would knock them from the #2 spot in the BCS and allow the likes of a Boise State/TCU squad to face Oregon, My Oregon for the National Title. The Bohunk’s prediction; Auburn 14, Cam Newton 14, Alabama 35. Roll, Tide, Roll. Please.

Finally, in the Case of Alberto Contador and the Tainted Spanish Meat, “El Pistolero” and his lawyers will present their defense this Friday against doping charges stemming from in July 24th positive test for clenbuterol. Contador and his team with make a formal presentation to attempt to convince a Spanish court of his innocence. As reportedly in an early Update, Spanish authorities have debunked Contador’s claim that he ingested tainted beef the evening before his positive test. Others claim that the positive is the result of a blood transfusion of less tired blood that contained the clenbuterol and also plasticizers from the transfusion bag. Contador is going to be banned; the 2010 title will be given to a reluctant Andy Schleck, and the Saxo-Bank-Sungard squad will probably be defunct as a result. Way to go, Alberto. Ruin your sport, squad and the livelihoods of your teammates.

Thanks for reading, enjoy the leftovers today, and of course, the football. See you next week, folks, and don’t be forget to be thankful.

Manning, the Pope/Condoms, and the End of Brett Favre…

Thank you, Green Bay Packers organization, for sending Brett Favre off into the last third of his last NFL season just a few games out of last place in the division. The Bohunk smelled upset, or at least a let down'; but the shellacking in Minnesota Sunday afternoon cemented the vault on the Vikings’ tomb* and Brett Favre’s career. He cried in a post game interview, waxed poetic over what-might-have-beens and finally admitted that the season was a bust. Mr. Favre, when you ask for all the attention and adulation, you get all the down side too. Thank you for 16 years of excellent Packers football, and may NFL fans and the Football Gods forgive these last three.

How bad was Favre against the Pack? Well, frustration, like an over boiled, possibly sexually frustrated and oft-intercepted pot of water, Favre blew his lid. Favre is a player above coaching while being very much in need of it. After tossing his league leading 17th interception, the Vikings offensive coordinator tried to have a word with the Aged Wonder; Favre had nothing to do with it. If this was any other player, Childress would have benched him a month ago.

The Flying Elvii, let by the Bieber-esque Tom Brady, beat the Indianapolis Lucky Charms by 3, nearly squandering a three score lead late in the fourth quarter. Led by the lesbian looking Bill Belicheck, the Pats are very quietly the best team in the NFL, a sentiment voiced by the Bohunk a month ago. Peyton Manning tossed some ugly interceptions, including one with under a minute to go with the Young Horses well within field goal range. A curious mistake in a game that was otherwise pressure-free for the Elder Oreo Eater.

Perhaps, Peyton, you should leave the licking to Eli and return to MVP
form. I will, of course, have a cookie, however.

In amateur football, Nebraska lost to Texas A&M (note the legitimate use of the ampersand there) to end all BCS hopes, the designs of which the Bohunk had been dissecting for the past two weeks. Now, the play their final post-Turkey Dinner game against Colorado, a personal favorite of mine for both of my decades alive on earth. With a win, they earn the right to play in the Big 12 Title game. With a loss, they shall slink into the Big 10 without hardware in their last season out west. (Editor’s Note: Watch your respective asses, Michigan State, Michigan and Ohio State)

TCU and Boise State won to remain undefeated while Oregon and Auburn were off for Saturday, preparing for games this Friday afternoon. Auburn plays #11 Alabama, which could be the last opponent with a legitimate shot at defeating Cam “I’m Getting Paid!” Newton and the Tigers. We can only hope…

On the college note, the Bohunk would like to thank an all-too-often-forgot tradition in collegiate foot ball…The baton girl. Yes, the baton girl, the quaint, smiling and heavily rouged youth who, bedecked in a dazzling, sparkling one-piece bathing suit, delights crowds of all ages (but mostly males ranging in age from puberty to creepily near the grace) with their, well, twirling. Thank you for your excellence, Baton Girls of America.

You, madam, are on fire.

The Pope is now closer than ever to condoms. The Holy Father said recently that the problem of “Aids cannot be solved only by the distribution of condoms alone,” but hinted that their use in limited contexts could be a vast improvement in countries where sexual transmitted disease is rampant (or, as any medical expert would tell you, everywhere). In Africa, where millions of sexual active individuals are HIV positive and millions are living with AIDS, the Vatican’s insistence that birth control is a form of sin has contributed greatly to the spread of the disease. In fact, the Pope’s committed and antiquated stance is followed by Catholics around the globe (they are the families with 6 kids) and is a contributing factor to the overpopulation of underdeveloped nations like those found in South America. Perhaps the Pope will finally expand the okay-ed use of contraceptives to include all couples. Sooner, rather than later, would be appreciated….

In the Bohunk’s ongoing interest in the country of Haiti, I regret to say that officials are now reporting that roughly 1,250 people have died of the now rampant cholera epidemic that has spread throughout the nation. A further 21,000 people have been stricken with the disease. Roughly 63 of the deaths have come in the capital, Port-au-Prince, which is now home to tens of thousands of refugees seeking shelter after a earthquake last January ruined much of the city. 230,000 people died in that earthquake. If you would like to make a donation, please follow this link to the Clinton Bush Haiti Relief Fund.

For a brave young chap looking for work in the newspaper field (perhaps, you might see, like the Bohunk) the following would be of some interest. Super, uber rich guy Rupert Murdoch, CEO of News Corp may just be in an unholy alliance with Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple. The two are rumored to be either created an online-only newspaper designed for iPad, or they are just showing each other their willys. The cyber newspaper would stream to any Apple 3G-enabled device for about $4.25 a day, cheaper than your print version and you don’t have to go outside to get it (you lazy SOB) in adverse conditions. In slightly related news, the iPad 2 is now expected to be released this coming April.

Thanks for reading, enjoy Denver vs. San Diego this evening on Monday Night Football.

* Vikings were traditionally burned on funeral pyres from the 3rd century on, though some evidence shows nobles or warriors were set out in warships meant to sink, the body surrounded with weapons and treasures piled high about them.

Bikini Protesters, Iraq, and that Badass Gordon Lightfoot…

Good morning, hope you are having a wonderful start to your day. Do you know what you’ve done? You’ve stumbled right into a treasure trove of random knowledge. Join me, as we dive in….

With the Iraq War (supposedly) over, the Bohunk still advises against making vacation plans to the country just yet. In a recent slew of violent murders, (as if there are not-really-all-that violent-murders) Christians are being targeted by extremists in Baghdad. A bombing this very morning claimed the lives of three Iraqi Christians and injured several others. Christian groups in the capital are considering fleeing the country in order to avoid the violence. Let us not forget that this was a war we didn’t need or want, and it will not end as long as these scenes of violence continue, whether we are in the country or not.

You may remember from weeks past snippets of news from the French riots. Students and protestors, in conjunction with strikes around the country that cost millions of euros, marched for nearly three weeks to protest a change in the French pension system. The bill was signed in the National Assembly two weeks ago and just this morning was passed into law by the tres chic pen of Nicholas Sarkozy. The French government was forced to pass the bill as it faces a massive deficit with a shrinking population to repay its debt. The retirement age is now 62, roughly the same as all other European nations.

Bikini-clad protesters during the French strikes. Pro-Head Scarve and also,
more importantly, Pro-Foxy.

Researchers claim that hyper-texters (over 120 messages a day) and hyper-networkers (social networking 3.5+ hours a day) are more likely to drink, smoke, do drugs and be skanky. The study was conducted in an urban country in the Midwest. Teens most likely to be categorized as hyper-texters or hyper-networkers were mostly of low economic status, female, minority and lacked a father figure (somewhere Wes Sovis just said, “No shit”) though these tendencies were applicable in nearly every demographic. Among other percentages found in the study, hyper-texters were 69% more likely to binge drink; 84% more likely to use illicit drugs and 60% more likely to have had for or more sexual partners. Hyper-networking shared these figures and was also heavily linked to depression, high stress, suicide, poor sleep and poor academics.

On this day in 1975, the freighter Edmund Fitzgerald sank in a strong storm in the frigid waters of Lake Superior. “The Big Fritz”, as the vessel was nicknamed, was one of the largest vessels in the Great Lakes at 730 feet long. It sank in Canadian waters 17 miles from Whitefish Bay. The sinking was shrouded in mystery, primarily because the ship had issued no distress signal, only radioed that she was in very rough seas. All 29 men aboard died, with no bodies ever found. The ship was broken in two when she was found. The event gave rise to a popular song by the super-hip, jive-talking Gordon Lightfoot in 1976; check that out here.

In my perpetual crusade against concussions and dangerous, stupid football hits, the Bohunk submits the following. In their win over Cincinnati monday evening, the Steelers had three players suffer head injuries (a term that sounds worse than concussion) and all will miss the next week’s game. Two of the injuries were to the Steelers running back corp, Mewelde Moore and Isaac Redman, leaving them short handed. If teams were serious about staying injury free, they would require all players to use the most advanced equipment available. Not encourage it, but mandate it. Both Moore and safety Will Allen were using out-of-date helmets instead of the Schutt, Riddell and other manufacturers that offer improved protection against brain injury. Just one more reason to switch…league-wide.

Modern Family, ABC, 9 eastern…She’s on the show.

Thanks for reading, it’s a short one, use the extra time to look up pictures of Sofia Vergara, star of this evening’s best show “Modern Family”. It’s the best thing on television folks. 

Concussions, Ice-Gentle-men, Myanmar and Ugly Philly

Another week, another string of Updates…Please, hold your thunderous applause until the bottom of the piece, your enthusiasm is appreciated, but probably misplaced, it ain’t ever that good on a Monday.

What a weekend of tackle football. Nebraska squeaked out a win over Iowa State, LSU knocked off Alabama and Michigan State had a surprising (to me) bounce back win over Minnesota. Illinois scored 65 points against Michigan…and lost. It was the most points ever given up by Michigan in a single contest, and they won by two. That is a pretty rare event in sport. The teams combined for more points that the final scores of the past one, two, three! meetings of the school’s basket-ball teams (Basket-ball is roughly 4% as interesting as football, so it gets about 4% of coverage on the Update).

In the BCS, Oregon, My Oregon are number one and are the least likely of the top 5 teams to lose this season. Auburn, at number two, faces a handful of tough SEC games before they would have to play in the SEC Championship game at the end of the regular season. TCU is 3rd after destroying the Utes on the road. The Smurfs of Boise State are 4th, but could be passed by an LSU team at 5 that plays a much tougher slate of games toward the end of the season, and a potential bump by winning the SEC Championship. Nebraska is stuck at the Not-So-Great 8 spot, getting jumped by Wisconsin and Stanford. Shame, robotic computation devices, for letting this happen. May your circuits overheat.

In professional tackle football, the Cleveland Burnt Siennas beat the heretofore best team in the NFL, at least wins-and-losses speaking. The Jets snuck by the Detroit Lions in OT after being, in my very biased opinion, outplayed for 56:23 minutes. The Jets put up 10 points in the last 2:36 of the fourth quarter to force extra time, with a huge help from Lions LB Julian Peterson for ungentleman-like behavior on the game-tying drive. Peterson pushed LaDanian Tomlinson as the running back was stepping spritely out of bounds, which is by every account illegal. 15 yards, a first down and a very easy field goal would ensue.

In Philadelphia, Colts’ wide receiver Austin Collie went “over the middle” in order to catch a ball thrown deftly by Peyton Manning. This “over the middle” is constantly referred to and mentioned by Talking Ends and players, inferring that in this murky place of danger and adventure, where violent hits are more likely because receivers are defenseless and surrounded on all sounds by defenders. On this occasion, Collie caught the ball between three Eagles, placed a step or two on the ground and turned his upper body slightly to protect himself. The first Eagle hit him cleanly; a hard but legal hit. The second impact came from behind, helmet-to-helmet, with the crown of the Eagles helmet connecting to the rear of the Collie’s. Down went Collie, twitching and shaking, his arms frozen in the air in a sickening and alarming reaction to his brain being literally stirred about it his skull. A helmet-to-helmet hit; out came the flag. And the fans booed; the Eagles’ Kurt Coleman, who delievered the blow, gyrated and screamed in protest while another human being lay potentially paralyzed on the ground at his feet. While Collie was still being placed on a stretcher, unmoving, Eagles fans booed replays that clearly showed a helmet-to-helmet hit and a fellow man, with a family and friends and a life off the field, twitch unconscious at the end of the replay each time. The CBS commentator, Phil Simms, reviewed the play several times, forgetting that it showed a human being injured and focusing soley on whether it was a catch. Simms, Philadelphia and Kurt Coleman, you are all guilty of the single most disgusting act in sports this season…so far.

In Brett Favre news, the “Ol’ Gunslinger” threw for a career high 446 yards to beat the Arizona Cardinals in a game which proved the Vikings are capable of beating the fifth worst team in the league. The Vikings are 3-1 at home and winless on the road this season which is a good stat for the struggling Hyperboreans to hear. They play the Packer and Bears at home after playing at Chicago and getting the Bills and Giants at home as well. They go on the road only four more times, including a trip to Philly and Detroit to end the regular season. Kindly remove the fork from the Vikings…they are not entirely done yet. If they win their next two games, at Chicago and at home to the Cheese Craniums, they could be battling for the division, not just the wild card.

Last night, those very Cheese Craniums embarrassed the Dallas Cowpokes, so much so that Wade Phillips’ perpetual expression of “What the hell is going on?” actual gave way in the third to a pitiable look of, “I wish I still had no idea what was going on, this is terrible.” Seriously, that is what his face said. The ‘Boys (not men, “nothing but cowBOYS, just like the word says,” John Wayne) are now 1-7, tied for the second worst record in paid-football and no hope in sight. Owner Jerry Jones can’t fire Phillips because the potential replacement wouldn’t get to work with players till June, should the NFLPA and owners fail to reach an agreement over winter and spring negotiations.

Winner, winner, chicken dinner: Brian Matter on his
way to victory.

In cycling news, the 2010 Iceman Cometh is in the books, with former winner Brian Matter claiming the men’s title over a field of high-quality professional pedal-turners. Matter jumped away with roughly four miles to go, and the leading pack, containing Todd Wells, Jeremy Horgan-Kobelski, Jerimiah Bishop and Sam Schultz, did not chase him down. Watch a video, taken from a camera taped to Bishop’s fork, of the action here. Over 4,000 cyclists braved freezing temps and mud-soaked trails to complete the 28 mile race, some so tired at the end that fans (myself including) pushed them up the final climb.

Todd Wells, Sam Schultz and Jeremiah Bishop
scramble to the top of the last climb. Todd Wells held
on for second

On Sunday, Myanmar held its first elections in 20 years, though the outcome is already known at many voters forced by the military rulers to vote. A potential boycott, proposed by activists who oppose the nation’s militant government, was decreed to be punishable by the government and voters were prodded out, in some cases by police, to the polling stations. President Obama termed the elections “anything but free and fair” while the country’s League for Democracy voiced its desire any outcome because the results will be chosen the the military anyway. Myanmar also currently holds roughly 2,100 political prisoners at this time.

Thanks for reading, enjoy the Steelers vs. Bungles this evening on Monday Night Football. A better update tomorrow, I promise.

The French Being French, Small Moon or Space Station, and Taylor "Swift"....

Thanks, Jaguars, now the Bohunk looks like a "noob". At least put up some fight....

In France, workers in all sectors and industries are organizing strikes to protest the French government's plan to extend the retirement age in the country by two years. The actual retirement age there is 65, though workers can retire five years early and still collect full benefits, a system which allowed new workers to take positions sooner. Now, the age for this same "early retirement" would be 62. However, the French are very French, and they will protest this change and cripple thier economy if need be. And I say...Good for them! Americans have lost most of our rights and unions and now labor has almost no protection. There are no layoffs on the scale in we have seen in the past five years in France, because workers are protected. And when people keep their jobs, they have money and they spend it. It works to reduce the effects of economic downturn before the problem gets out of hand. Now, this retirement issue is tricky; the citizenry will have to give in whether on the age or the tax because they will not be able to fund these same benefits in twenty years. But at least they are trying to preserve their way of life. Americans are too busy watching "Glee" and "Teen Mom" and getting fat of off Taco Bell...

In space news, scientists are using Johannes Kepler's Third Law to estimate accurate proportions of stars. By measuring rate of orbit, distance from the star and other insanely difficult to figure out aspects of the orbiting debris and moons, scientists today can find the mass, diameter and even some aspects of the star' composition. And when did Kepler discover this information? Oh, just back in 1619. Imagine, over 400 years ago the guy figured most of this stuff out with a primitive telescope and his mind. And it took Obi-Wan Kenobi until they were within range of the tractor beam to realize that the Death Star was no moon, but a space station. Incredible, Mr. Kepler, s'marvellous.

In other news, the NFL has vowed to suspend players that engage in helmet-to-helmet hits. Thanks, Comissioner Roger Goodell! You've successfully ignored this issue since taking your position and it took a weekend of 8 suspected concussions and a paralysis (and the bad press that went with it) to address the issue. The culture of head-hunting and violence in football is terrible and creates the same environment in college, high school and peewee leagues. Set a better example, sir, because this league is getting bad.

Nebraska lost to Texas Saturday, ending their undefeated season and Taylor "Swift" Martinez's bid for the Heisman. Martinez was even benched in favor of strong armed back up Cody Green after the Huskers began to fall behind. There is even speculation that Green will see extended action in upcoming games. Poor Martinez, though I hope he does not start penning vengeful, one-sided pop recollections of his time as starter like his namesake.

That's it, that's all, enjoy "The Daily Show", the update will be back and better tomorrow....

Weekend Whorriors and a Nobel Prize

It's Friday, which means the Walks of Shame from last nights Thirsty Thursday parties have begun to stumble across the apartment complexes in yesterdays much-too-short-skirt and Ugg boots. An experienced observer can tell you which of these Late Night Whorriors are veterans of the march; they have a larger bag with necessities, and they walk with their faces scanning the sidewalk. The noobs still try to hold their heads high and fein having self-respect/pride. But that is just my news for the morning, believe or not, other things of note have happened....

Peruvian author Mario Llosa won the Nobel Prize in literature. A member of the South American literary boom of the 1960's and 70's, the author is famous for in-depth works on the sociopolitical structure of his native country and those equally mired conflict, injustice and strife. Llosa is a contemporary of the famous Gabriel Garcia Marquez, who was the last South American author to win the award in 1992. Both writers have been noted political advocates and critics, and Llosa even ran for President of Peru in 1990 as an advocate of privitization. Yours truly is a big fan of this literary style and "magical realism", which finds itself featured in many pieces from the culture.

As the recent focus in media on teen suicides grows, four teens in Ohio took their own lives. All four were from the same school. You can read a full article here. This is inexcusable. From one school, regardless of ethnic differences, spending or training shortcomings or any other excuse, there must be at least a handful of competent adults who can recognize this behavior and defend those who are the victims. There is no reason to tolerate this, from a faculty or student standpoint. Students must also police themselves; the reason this behavior continues is that bystanders allow bullies to debase and demean their classmates without consequences.

Sports Reference of the Day

"Much respect, dog" to Taylor Martinez of my very own University of Nebraska. Last night, the most famous Taylor not named "Swift" ran for a school record 241 yards in a decidedly one-sided blow out over Kansas State, 48-13. To grab firmly ahold of a record in a storied school like Nebraska, who has seen the likes of Eric Crouch, Tommie Frazier, Scott Frost and Turner Gill, this is no record to be sneezed at. In fact, his 80-yard run last night was oddly similar to Eric Crouch's 99 yard jaunt against Missouri in 2001, the year he went on to win the Heisman and take Nebraska the the National Championship game. If there is Denard Robinson Heisman talk, Taylor Martinez should be in the same discussion.

Roll on, people, roll on....