Foxy Friday, Ron Santo, and Whimpy Dems….

It’s Friday, which means you have survived another week. Celebrate with a strong draft of Update this lovely morning…

After backing down real whimp-like to Republicans earlier in the week, Democrats are now vowing to at least bring their measures of tax cut extensions and lapses to a vote. Aides say that the Democrats are hoping to vote on the middle and richer class tax extensions separately in order to ensure that the cuts for the middle class are extended. Republicans are pushing for all tax cuts to be extended, including those for the richest tax brackets (their friends and cronies) citing that no cuts should be allowed to stop in this economic climate. Reports say that talks are even coming from the White House and top GOP leaders, hoping to find some compromise that will satisfy both parties.

Quick tribute to Chicago Cubs legend and Gentleman Ron Santo, who died of bladder cancer yesterday. He was 70 years of age. Ron is one of the most beloved Cubs among the many legendary players to roam Wrigley field. Santo was an All-Star nine times and holds the dubious distinction of being the best player not in the Hall of Fame. Santo struggled with health issues from most of his life. He was diagnosed with diabetes at 18 and dealt with it for his entire career as a ballplayer, and afterwards, as he worked as a broadcaster for the Cubs beginning in the 1990 season. Santo will always be remembered as that always-smiling, always laughing personality, and he will he in the Hall before too long.

Ron Santo. Manned the hot corner at Wrigley for 13 years…

Jenna Fischer, or, as she is more widely known, Pam from “The Office” is working as a temp in downtown Detroit. Alas, it is but for a short time. Pam is nearly ready to begin filming on “The Giant Mechanical Man”, a movie in which she plays a character who falls in love with some guy who works at a zoo. This film is among many being shot in the Best Peninsula In The Whole World, including projects by Topher Grace (Eric from “That 70’s Show”)  and Bob Odenkirk. Director Sam Levinson’s “The Reasonable One”, filmed in Rochester, is also a contender at the Sundance Film Festival. Detroit is becoming a haven for the film industry…for now.

Well, it is indeed Friday, which means the inevitable announcement of this week’s Fox. The Bohunk is happy to announce Heather Irmiger, already a Bohunk Hall of Fame member, as the Fox of this very week. As one of the best mountain biking women in the world, Heather is the 2009 US National XC Champion, the US National Marathon Champion, the Pro XCT Short Track Champion and the Single Speed World Champion…All in a single year. She lives in Boulder, Colorado with her husband Jeremy Horgan-Kobelski, also a former US National Champion mountain biker. She is also very nice, friendly, and foxy. For her full bio, click your mouse right here.

Heather, in action…and also racing her bike.

In sporting news, LeQueen returned to the Land of the Cleves and put up 38 points while being thoroughly booed, ridiculed and cleverly chanted at. (The best chant was “AK-RON-HATES-YOU *clap-clap-clapclapclap*) The Heat won easily, 118-90, and before long, the few (nameless) players on their team began talking, laughing and smiling with their King James. The home fans were outraged, and poured out their anger well after the game had gotten out of hand. A truly uninspired performance by the Cavs, showing no signs of motivation…One would think LeBron was still actually on their team…

A sad update on the cholera outbreak in Haiti. Over 1,900 people have died of the disease, with untold thousands suffering from it. The very limited health care system in Haiti cannot handle it. One three room clinic in a rural town is treating 120 people, cramming patients in, sometimes simply sitting them on the floor and giving them clean water to drink. The outbreak is now sourced to a UN building that may have flushed its waste into a nearby water supply, contaminating drinking water for thousands in the area. Yes, the UN. However, some doctors say the spread is also a result of rural families making waste in their gardens and then drinking from an unprotected source. One hospital outside Port au Prince is in charge of a population of 60,000 expected to be at very high risk for exposure at the moment with only 2 doctors to treat them.

Happy Birthday, Joseph Conrad. Born in Poland under the really wild-looking name Josezf Teodor Konrad Korzeniowski in 1857, the Polish author and poet went on to be one of the best writers of a generation. He worked as hand on a freighter, travelling primarily to Britain where he would eventually gain citizenship. He worked on a barge that sailed into the Congo in the 1880’s, which would become the basis of his masterpiece, Heart of Darkness. Conrad did not write until the 1890’s, when he penned Almayor’s Folly, Nostromo and The Secret Agent. Conrad was a great writer who explored morality and personality in his characters to superb effect. You can find Heart of Darkness at Barnes and Noble.

That is, as they say, all. Thanks for reading this week, and check out the Top Post tomorrow. Enjoy amateur and professional football this weekend, and the Bohunk will be back on Monday.

Exorcism, Four Loko Fallout and No Tainted Spanish Meat….

Usually, the sentence “I don’t want to insult religion” is followed by a derogatory and inflammatory comment that insults religion. I’ll skip that (but see how I didn’t really skip that?). A recent article in THE New York Times (I have been told the capitalize the ‘T’, so I’m going to take that a step further) stated that, for Catholics, interest in the practice in of exorcism has risen. While only a few priests in the US are trained (or, more accurately, '”trained”) in the exorcism arts, they are being overwhelmed by calls and pleas from believers who think they are being possessed by the Devil. Exorcism is as old as the Christian religion itself; it is cited as one of the proofs of Jesus’ divinity, with stories of the Son of Man casting out demons from those stricken with disease or madness. Exorcism is even present in the guiding text of the Catholic faith (no, not the Bible, silly) the catechism, so to say it is an integral part of the Catholic religion is no exaggeration. In fact, the Bohunk believes the Vatican, mired in rumor and guilt over its sexual abuse cases, might even be stressing this aspect of the religion to show how it differs from more secular institutions, the point of it stating, “We are don’t mess with little boys, we deal with angels and demons.” One supposes that it matters not what one thinks; only what one fears. Faith is a powerful force against reason. This emphasis on exorcism is really unsurprising when you consider that 57% of grown US citizens believe in ghosts. Also not hard to see why we know have a Republican House of Reps….

“Be gone, ye tool of Satan…Seriously, Ted Nugent, leave”

If the power of Christ didn’t compel you thus far, this should: Experts in Afghanistan warn that the planned withdrawal of NATO troops in 2014 could result in '”eye-watering” violence. Architects of the proposed plan admit that the transition could be messy, and that pockets of “residual insurgency” (the REALLY pissed off folks) could continue for many years after foreign armies punch their ticket home. Just as the violence in Iraq has not abated with a lessened US presence, so will the Afghan turmoil persist long after we “Bring Our Boys Home”.

In base ball, (I tend to use its original spelling) the NL Cy Young went to Roy “Doc” Halladay. The Phillies ace won the award unanimously after a stellar season in which he tossed both a perfect game and a no-hitter. And that just may be the last baseball mention until next August….

In the ongoing Case of Alberto Contador and the Tainted Spanish Meat, authorities have found not even a little shred of evidence to support El Pistolero’s story that his positive test in the Tour de France was a result of ingesting tainted Spanish meat. WADA (World Anti-Doping Agency) tested and probed into the Spanish meat industry to find any cases of contamination from the drug clenbuterol, the drug Contador was found to have in his system during the last rest day of this past Tour de France. Alberto also was found to have trace levels of plasticizers in his blood, which could and, now almost certainly, indicate illegal blood transfusions. If convicted of treachery, and doping, Contador would serve a two year ban and be stripped of his TdF title, becoming the second to sully the name of cycling’s biggest prize after American Floyd Landis’ positive test in 2006.

Say it ain’t so, Alberto. And also, say you’ll give my your wheels…

On this very date in 1869, well, you already know what happened…No? Really? Not off the top of your head? The Suez Canal opened! That is all.

As evidence that the World Is Going To Hell Via A Hand-basket, I submit the following article. A Connecticut man convicted of manslaughter is suing the aggrieved parents of the 14 year old boy he struck and killed while cruising along at over 80 mph in a 45 mph zone. The Bohunk puts forth the following solution; put the bastard on a ten speed and, should he be able to evade the child’s parents armed with a car speeding at 80 mph on the open road, let him walk. However, in no case should his argument be heard in court.

After Michigan and other states passed bans of the popular caffeine and alcohol drink Four Loko, its manufacturers have announced plans to remove the caffeine, citing its commitment to “leaving in the good shit” to make the drink legal. Phusion Projects, Four Lokos’ owner, made the move after being handicapped by, you know, “regulations”. As covered in a previous Update (weeks before Grand Valley State’s newspaper, The Lanthorn, wrote about it) the drink combines a stimulant and depressant, which makes the consumer of the drinnk less aware of their intoxication. One side effect is that drunks are more willing to drive, though they are equally impaired as a person who drank scotch, whiskey or any other source of a-a-a-a-alcohol. Were you one of the sorority girls pissed by the pending ban? Watch this video, and learn a lesson. 

Thanks for reading, enjoy Modern Family tonight at 9 eastern on ABC. Two more days till the weekend, continue to work for it.

Election Day, Lucky Charms and Moss…

Well, the San Francisco Large People won the World Series, defeating the Rangers 4 games to 1. Even the players were excited to be finished, did you see how quickly the Rangers hit the locker room? The team with the best pitcher and the best team won, and since that was not the Yankees this season, I am very happy. Mark it down; the Cubs will make the playoffs next year…if Selig expands the number of teams who make it, as he has said he will. And if he includes teams that were eliminated from the playoffs in June. Then, the Cubs will make the playoffs.

On Monday Night Football, the Indianapolis Lucky Charms casually beat up the Texans. Two things could have told us this before kick off; one, the Colts don’t lose to the Texans twice in one season, and two, they definitely don’t lose to the Texans after coming off a bye week. Even with the third stringers starting, Peyton Manning has the ability to to will his team to victory, similar to his power to make you like him while he is selling you Oreos, TVs, NFL Sunday Ticket and everything else he hawks on the side. These Lucky Charms are looking good, and the Bohunk thinks they are the best AFC team not in the East division, home to the Patriots and Jets…

It’s election day across the country, and millions of voters will spill out to their local polling station to decide the direction of this country for the next handful of years. Personally, I am hoping the Dems hold onto just enough seats in Congress to at least propose and adequately argue bills. Nothing will come of a Senate or House in which only bickering is heard and no real discussion. That is the true waste of our tax money. That, and the largest defense budget in the history of the world. Obama has to be looking out of a window somewhere wondering what in the $@&(@ he is going to do with no support in either house of Congress but all the blame already on his doorstep.

In Michigan, Rick Snyder will end his campaign trip in Ann Arbor as the governor hopeful settles in to await results this evening. Pollsters have “The Nerd” well ahead of Democrat Virg Bernero, who seems content with now driving out Dem voters in a push to prove the dismal predictions wrong. Either candidate will be encumbered with a terrible economy, a shrinking budget and little to no prospects for new jobs. While Granholm must be accountable for some of these failures, to blame her for all of it is just ignorant. Michigan has always had an unemployment rate which hovered close to twice the national average. Under Granholm, this didn’t change; nor had it been any different in eight years under Republican Engler before she took office. Michigan needs a drastic change in direction, attitude and identity. We can keep the auto industry, we just need a very tangible “Something Else” around which to build our future. I propose a green economy, but, that’s just one of many options. So, with that in mind, go vote…

In fact, a record 16 million early ballot voters have already been cast, a good indication of this year’s potentially massive turn-out.

The Minnesota Hyperboreans waived Randy Moss just four weeks after acquiring him from the New England Flying Elvii for a third round pick. If he is not claimed off waivers, the Vikes will be asked (forced) to pick up Moss’ salary for the remainder of the year. They traded a 3rd round pick for, essentially, the 13 catches and 2 touchdowns Randy caught in 3 losses….I’m no GM but that seems wasteful. If it wasn’t for the Cowboys, Minnesota would be ridiculed as the biggest failure in sports this year, and they probably should be named so.

On this day in 1960, a trial of obscenity over the great novel Lady Chatterley’s Lover by D.H. Lawrence (one of my favorite novels and authors, as well) ended. The ruling came that Penguin Books, the publisher of the novel since its release in 1928, was acquitted of obscenity charges and the book was allowed to stay in circulation in its full version. The novel’s first release in 1928 was an expurgated text and remained so until Penguin released the full version, the one intended for print by Lawrence, in 1958. Lawrence had many amazing novels, including the critically noted Women In Love which was released in 1921. Lawrence died of tuberculosis in 1930. Find more Lawrence books here.

Like Charles Osgood on Sunday Morning, I’ll leave you this morning with a look at some colors…

Thanks for reading, enjoy anything but Glee on Fox tonight, I just don’t see the appeal…Better tomorrow, as always…

Buckyballs, Halloween, Obama and an "Attaboy Babe-ee!"

If you guessed that the pitching duel between Cy Young winners Tim Lincecum and Cliff Lee would result in 18 runs, 10 doubles and Lee's first loss in the post season in his career, well, good guess. The Giants throttled Lee, who gave up 6 earned runs after allowed 2 runs total in his last two starts. Tim "If You're Going to San Franciso, Be Sure to Put Flowers in Your Hair" Lincecum pitched a subpar game by his standards, but they got a win, and they don't have to face Cliff Lee again for at least a week.

Scientists have confirmed the existence of buckyballs (see below, you don't need to know this off the top of your head) around not three but four! dying stars within our very own galaxy. Buckyballs are complex sphere-shaped bundles of carbon and were first created in a lab on earth by scientests and named after designs by a famed architecht, Buckminster Fuller. More importantly, the balls of carbon are located in vast quanitites and in regions of space with confirmed high levels of hyrdogen; scientists had thought that the existence of buckyballs would be impossible in the vicinity of hydrogen, which would compress the carbon and result in a chain structure. Why does this matter to you? It doesn't. It is just a good reminder that we do not know everything, we know almost nothing, and there is nothing wrong with trying to learn more. The universe, my friends, is a profound mystery.

French officials have announced the discovered a video reportedly featuring Osama Bin Laden, threatening the country as a result of its attitude toward America, its Muslim population and Islam in general. The French said, "Eh." France, where protests are winding down after weeks of strikes and demonstrations, recently passed a bill that will raise the retirement age to 62, as covered in a previous Update. The population ignored this tape and its threats throughout the strikes, and only now is the terror threat being taken seriously. When asked on the street, Frenchman Pierre Rousseau said, "We don't care, we are French, nobody attacks us anymore." True, Pierre, true. President Sarkozy will go ahead with plans to withdraw troops from Afghanistan in 2011. Good! We should all get out; we didn't find a single WMD in Iraq, and not one afghan blanket in the whole of Afghanistan.

It's almost Halloween, and a quick, you-probably-already-know-this tip on the origin of the holiday. Many link the holiday to a Roman holiday, but it is more likely descendant of the Celtic holiday Samhain. The Celts believed that on this day each year, the murky boundary between the living and the dead was especially thin, allowing the dead to walk among the living for the night (Mickey Rooney got lost 46 years ago and stayed with us ever since). The Romans converted the Celts, and everyone else they conquered, to Christianity, which meshed well the established relgion of the Celts. So, the holiday of Samhain became the Roman holiday of Pomona, which, as the "Universal" Church gained power, became Christianized as All Saints' Day. However, the tribes refused to give up their customs. They kept October 31st as "All Hallow's Eve", which became shortened to what we know today, and partied in costume and drinking and feasting before having to sit in church all friggin' day the next morning. Just like Christ taught...

Big "Attaway, Babe-ee" to Jon Stewart, who asked the tough questions of President Obama last night on "The Daily Show". Obama stood his ground; what some might have thought to be just a photo-op became one of the most respectable, honest discussions in all of the media interviews with the current President. Stewart, thank you for seizing the opportunity and refusing to pander. We respect you and Obama more for it.

Finally, the Bohunk will be travelling up north for a cyclocross race this Saturday. There are only 6 people registered; sign up, and I will ride with you in your Group C race. Just let me know if you'll be there. With no one else signed up in my category, I may be racing myself; my most feared enemy and rival.

Thanks for reading, enjoy the NBC line-up, they have the best Halloween episodes. Don't forget to check out "Blood Meridian" by Cormac McCarthy, there will be a Book Club membership application soon.

Whorrior of the Week, Sartre and Dusty Baker...

The #1 Oregon Ducks ended the streak of top teams falling by scoring many, many points more than UCLA could muster. 60-12 is no close game, and as BCS officials mull the inclusion of figure skating judges to assess "style points", big victories over conference opponents sparkle like a bedazzled unitard.

Brett Favre refused to comment on his meeting with NFL representatives about accusations about his inappropriate text messages with former Jets employee (and total babe)Jenn Sterger. He was asked three times about the meeting by reporters and what was discussed, to which he replied "These things will play out." Hasn't he learned anything from Alberto Contador? Deny, deny and deny. Blame someone or something else. Say that it was somebody else's tainted man meat in the photos. Say someone stole your phone. At least he is trying to let the story die down...This is better than saying he did do it, then he didn't do it, then he wasn't sure if he did it, until Ryan Longwell and some teammates fly to his locker tell him to shut up.

In Haiti, over 138 people are dead after an outbreak of cholera. The country, which is still reeling from a massive earthquake, decades of poverty and political strife, has taken steps to combat the disease from spreading. Will this garner any attention in the U.S? Probably not, as news channels have mid term elections to cover. Christine O'Donnell: Witch or No Witch will take up four or five hours of coverage in the U.S., but 138 dead will only be covered on the ticker. How quickly we lose interest.

In naval news, a U.K. nuclear class sub ran aground off of Scotland. The captain was quoted as saying, "Son of a bitch, I've scuffed the hull." While the Royal Navy points out the sub was not armed with any nuclear warheads, the potential disaster just off the coast would still be a public relations nightmare should any contamination have taken place due to a breached hull. This is what happens when the British learn naval tactics by watching repeats of the A&E hit series, "Horatio Hornblower".

Did you notice all that baseball still being played? It's the playoffs! The Yankees and Phillies, heavy favorites heading into the postseason, are both trying to come back from early series deficits to the Rangers and the Giants, respectively. Somewhere, Darth Vader is not pleased, as the Yankees struggle and the Evil Empire looks vulnerable. The Giants, in the NLCS, have squeezed out hits against the vaunted starters of the Phils, making Halladay and Hamels look frustrated and uncharacterstically out of sync. The Bohunks call? Giants in 7 and Rangers in 6...and you can take that to Subway.

On this day in 1964, Jean-Paul Sartre won the Nobel Prize for literature, only to decline the award, which was the most French thing he could think to do. Sartre, who popularized existentialism, did not explain his reasoning with the public, though many French citizens were outraged that he would not accept the honor. Sartre was supporter of Communism, a student of other French masters such as Baudelaire, and an excellent writer of both philisophial works and literature. The existentialism movement, which subscribed to the idea that man had to create meaning for his life because existence does not have some innate meaning itself, was a popular topic of philosophy for decades and still is the most famous theory of being from Europe still discussed by intellectuals.

Somewhere, Dusty Baker just woke up and realized the Reds were out of the playoffs...He stood, wiped the drool from his chin, and walked alone from the dugout, his heavy footsteps echoing forlornly in the emptied stadium.

It's Thursday, and that means its time for the Whorrior of the Week. This morning, we honor the skanky, tirelessly self-demeaning antics of Short-Skirt Peacoat. Yes, this blonde with particles of vomit and bottlecaps in her hair strode with the aching strides of the repeatedly pounded skank-tastic champion her father wishes she was not. In the frosty morning darkness, the wind whipped her peacoat open to reveal a long t-shirt stained with God-knows-whose wasted seed. You, Short-Skirt, deserve fully the title of Whorrior of the Week.

Thanks for a great week, tell your friends to read again on Monday. Enjoy "Pirates of the Carribean" tonight on ABC Family...