Super-Moon: Closest Orbit In 18 Years

It has been, my Dear Readers, a touch too long since I’ve given you some good, ol’ fashioned astronomy news. And it’s practical stuff, too…

The moon will not be dangerous, but they way it is peaking over those hills, it may be a little creepy
the night of the 18th…

On March 18th, the moon will make its closest approach to earth in eighteen years, coming to the close orbiting distance of 356,777 kilometers from earth’s surface. It may not appear all that much brighter or larger to the naked eye (and most of our eyes are just that) but through a telescope the moon will appear to be seven percent larger than on a normal evening. Scientists and nerdy amateur astronomers refer to this event as the rare “supermoon” phenomenon which only occurs a handful of times a century.

The close proximity of the moon will have some massive and potentially dangerous impacts on the tides. Experts warn that tidal changes will be much faster and severe, and expect that tidal flooding could be a problem in some areas. Fisherman and port workers in the early morning are especially at risk.

Earths Are One-In-Four…

As a planet with liquid water in abundance, just the right temperatures and a moving, fluctuating internal structure of rock, earth is pretty darn lucky. But it is our placement in relation to the sun that makes life possible. We had always assumed we were a rare occurrence, lucky beyond the odds of the universe. But now, we’ve found that we are not so special after all. Scientists now believe we are but a statistical minority, not an impossible rarity. Of the sun-like stars we know of, they claim, roughly 23 in 100 have planets in the same area and of the same basic dimensions of earth. Masses ranging from one-half to two times the size of earth are relatively common, present near roughly one in four stars systems similar to the sun. Much of this research is the result of extensive study of stars 166 G and K, just 80 light years away and very similar to our own sun in most respects. They found that there is almost a sort of formula, with planets sized similar to those found in our own system at relatively the same locations. For example, there is a planet roughly the size of Jupiter within a few thousand miles of where it is located in our own solar system.

Scientists found 156,000 stars that fit this formula, and the Keck telescope being used for the project will be able to detect roughly 120-260 possible planets in the next two months. What does this matter? We are not the mathematical anomaly we always imagined ourselves. There are planets with the same opportunities for life that we have had over the last 4.2 billion years, some of which have existed for a similar period of time. Is there life out there? Could we find it in the next 100 years? Or 200? Or ever. We don’t know everything. We know almost nothing. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.

Amateur Astronomer Picture

Rob Bullen, an amateur astronomer in England took this shot of the space shuttled nearing the International Space Station on its resupply mission which began last week. The shuttle is carrying supplies, new instruments and a human-like robot designed to do day-to-day tasks aboard the ISS. Bullen took the shot with a nine inch telescope in his backyard on a somewhat cloudy evening Monday night. This is the second to last mission from the shuttle department of NASA, which we shut down after its last launch which is currently slated for April. To note, the shuttle and station are orbiting the earth at thousands of miles per hour and manipulating the docking instruments on a scale of inches or centimeters. That is skillfully done, we can assume.

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Planets That May Have Life (If They Exist At All)

When scientists announced on September 29th that they had discovered a planet that could be inhabitable by living things, the Bohunk took it as a two-day early cosmic birthday present; I enjoy this stuff. Gliese 581g and Gliese 581f are both roughly 20 light years away from our own rock in the universe and are rare, like us, in that they occupy a space close enough but far enough away from their star to have liquid water. The discovery of these two planets was, frankly huge. Heretofore, only four known planets in the universe were known to exist in this “habitable zone”, and adding two more in a single study was, to science nerds, a startlingly big deal. Using radial velocity they studied the wobble of the nearby star produced by planets close by, something that utilizes the HARPS telescope in Chile and the HIRES spectrograph in Hawaii. Dr. Vogt, the discoverer, became one of the Bohunk’s heroes.

Until now. A team led by Rene Andrae, a very, very German scientist, is now claiming the planets do not exist and that other scientists have found no reliable evidence that these two planets even exist. They charge that Vogt made an incorrect assumption; Vogt’s calculations and research was based on the star having six planets with a circular orbit. In fact, the other scientists have essentially proven that the orbits are elliptical and that, because of the change in degrees, the gravitational wobble experienced by the star is the product of only these four planes on separate planes, not six on a predictable, even orbital path.

An artistic guesstimation of the possible planets that may or may
not actually exist.

Vogt has fired back with several papers and more data, and charges that the Bayesian techniques used by Andrae and a pal, Dr. Gregory, are inconsistent and largely unproven. Do these planets exists? Will we ever have the technology to see these planets, let alone visit them or look for life on their surfaces? We don’t know every thing, we know almost nothing. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.

The Oldest Galaxy In The Universe

The Hubble Space Telescope, the lingering tool of NASA as programs and funding are cut or shut down, has found what might be the oldest galaxy ever encountered. The so-far unnamed galaxy (the Bohunk proposes "Bohunkxia 23) is estimated to have originated when the universe was just 480 million years old, a fresh, doe-eyed age when galaxies were forming at amazing rates. The light of the galaxy has been travelling to earth for about 13.2 billion years now, making it oldest known entity we have yet encountered. This discovery is still unconfirmed, but it should be quite soon and dethrone other galaxies as the oldest around. Before this discovery, the oldest galaxies known were formed around 650 millions years after the Big Bang. The discover still leaves some basic questions unanswered. Why is the universe transparent? With all these elements, especially unbound atoms and neutrinos zooming about, why are even waves invisible or elusive in the light of stars and galaxies? Does the universe hold enough heat and light to burn of this 'mist', or is some other aspect of the universe at work? We don't know everything, we know almost nothing. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.

Foxy Friday, Predicting Play-Offs with Cheer-Babes and Lasers….

It is Foxy Friday, ye happy, dear readers, but alas, there are important things to tackle first. The sour first, so that the sweet is found but sweeter…

First, in extremely nerdy but dear news to the Bohunk, the Best Amateur Astronomy images were announced by National Geographic yesterday. The yearly event celebrates the exploits of lonely, intelligent losers who spend their time snapping shots of far off nebulae and star bursts and the like; instead of taking creepy pictures of girls, they snap intimate portraits of far of celestial beauties. The European Southern Observatory holds the contest each year and acknowledge the efforts of the amateurs with prints and publication. This year, ten folks submitted the top twenty shots of various galaxies and objects, especially the Orion Nebula. Igor Chekalin (believe it or not, this is not the first time the Bohunk has heard of Igor; his shots are used regularly by the AP) took a cool, alternative view of Orion by using a lens to capture the cool dust around the center instead of the more popular hydrogen gas in the region, which is burning and actually emits its own light. A few of the top twenty are below;

Igor’s top pic of the Orion Nebula…

Another shot by Igor, different galaxy though…

 

The ‘Wheeled One"’, physicist Stephen Hawkings made his annual trip to Caltech to whip up the troops in the field of physics, saying that, as a youngster, his father had pushed him toward medicine. Hawkings, the author of numerous works, including the groud-breaking-yet-accessible A Brief History of Time, obviously found a different calling in a expanding and dynamic field. Attendees of the conference hailed Hawkings as “the nerd Pope” as he rolled along a red carpet to a standing ovation. The 69 year old is still an exceedingly popular speaker, though, as many may know, he uses a computerized mechanism to do so. He also praised the acceptance and equality in the field of physics, which he says is unbiased based on university or school the scientists works at or went to; the ideas are what prove to be most important.

Lasers are science fiction, usually blasted wildly and with terrible accuracy by incompetent Storm Trooper who couldn’t bulls-eye a wamp rat at two meters, let alone twelve! But in the last science piece of the day, the Bohunk formally announced the existence of lasers for military purpose. And not, mind you, little dinky creations of little to no value. Nay, the Navy announced it has a ‘death ray’ that is nine months ahead of schedule in development. The free electron laser will be used primarily to shoot down incoming missiles and fighters, defending aircraft carriers and support fleet. Operating at right around the speed of sound (remember, nothing can go as fast as light) an electron is isolated and then accelerated by one of the world’s most advanced accelerator toward a target based on optics and radar information. In the future, the Navy is looking to develop more powerful and more efficient FEL (free electron lasers) that are more accurate and even more concise, shortening a beam to just a few feet to allow for repeated firings at multiple targets. Cool? You bet your sweet ass it’s cool!

In Tour Down Under news, Michael Matthews of Rabobank took Stage 3 to continue Australian dominance of the home tour. Fellow Aussie Robbie McEwen started the day in the ochre jersey, but lost it to Matt Goss, its former wearer. Last year’s winner and this year’s favorite Andre Greipel sits two seconds back from Goss by two seconds ahead of Robbie McEwen of Team RadioShack. A personal favorite, Ben Swift the winner of Stage 2, is comfortably within striking distance in fifth…I ain’t sayin’ nothin’, I’m just sayin’…

Looking ahead to the AFC and NFC Championships, the Bohunk was looking for a way to select a winner in each game. If you, Dear Readers, have been paying attention, the Bohunk’s hoped-for Super Bowl will not come to fruition. The Flying Elvii were bounced, but the Packers of the Bay Verre are still alive. My loathing of both the Steelers and Jets is well-documented; if the Bohunk sees Rex Ryan hoist the Lombardi Trophy, I may never tune in to a Super Bowl, because Ryan is proof that it can be one while being simply arrogant and brash, not super at all. So, the Bohunk is reverting to what the Bohunk knows best, and that, my friends, is Cheer-Babes. By closely examining the level of Cheer-Babe professionalism of each squad, the Bohunk can usually determine a winner. First, we look at the Bears and Packers (below):

Bears are one of only 3 teams without Cheer-Babes…

 

And the Packers are another!

What the hell? Neither team has Cheer-Babes…No one wins…Moving on…What? What the deuce? The Steelers are the third team without cheerleaders! All three teams without Cheer-Babes have a shot at the Really Good Bowl this year. Is the earth off axis? Hath Hell, as I have claimed, frozen over? Yes, yes it has. The Bohunk picks the Jets to win, on the sole reasoning that Cheer-Babe professionalism is a vital support system when a team needs to play De-de-de-defense…Here is a picture of them…

Finally, we come to the Fox of the Week. This one is a bit of a plug for a crappy Adam Sandler movie due out soon, Just Go With It. In a sort-of remake of Big Daddy, Sandler has to deal with kids and eventually ends up with the girl. This Fox, however, is the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition fixture Brooklyn Decker. Brooklyn is also the wife of tennis star Andy Roddick, to note. Enjoy!

Can’t come up with anything remotely clever with this on my screen….

Enjoy the NFL this weekend, folks, because it is almost gone and done with. Just four more football games will be played before the season ends, and one of those is the loaf-fest that is the Pro Bowl. Lap it all up, waft the scents of pigskin joy, for it will be but a happy memory by the second weekend of the next month….

Back on Monday, probably; due to high homework demands and middling post views these past weeks, the Update may become a weekly instead of a daily. But that is to be decided. Enjoy the weekend and, as always, thanks for reading….

Cromartie, Poe, Droopy Dog and the Pasta Investigation…

It is Wednesday, verily, the day of the hump and also of the “Modern Family” at 9, 8 Central. Fight the doldrums until then, and the week will be over before you know…In 48 hours or so.

Reports are that Senator Joe Lieberman (gasps) will not run for President in 2012 (awwwwww) according to members of his staff and certain close aides. The 68 year old senator from Connecticut will announce the decision later in the week or by the end of this month, much to the relief of almost no political rivals. The move benefits Democrats chiefly, at least in the minds of several political pundits. Lieberman spent most of his career as an important figure in the Democratic Party, though has spent the last four years in a creepy ex-boyfriend who has slept around with your enemy stigma attached. Lieberman jumped ship, if you will, ahead of the 2008 Presidential campaign, backing John McCain instead of Barack Obama. He will retire from public service when his current term concludes in two years, quietly bowing from the spotlight and enjoying time with his friends and family. Until then, however, Joe will have to skate the slippery slope between a drastically and violently divided Senate, even in the wake of the supposed ‘peace’ of the Tucson shootings.

Joe Lieberman.

A massive 7.2 earthquake rocked a sparsely populated area of Pakistan today, roughly 200 miles from the closest urban center but strong enough to take a few casualties even in the remote regions of the Pakistani desert. Final reports from the closest cities are not finalized or confirmed, but only one woman was said to have died of a heart attack triggered by the quake. A 7.2 earthquake is massive, similar in strength to the one that triggered the tsunami in the Indian ocean five years ago. An added danger in the region is the poor construction of homes; most structures are made or mud-brick and wood and fail almost immediately during a heavy quake. More on this is it is necessary….

Following up on a religion vs. science story from a month back, the University of Kentucky was forced to pay $125,000 to an astronomy professor who recently brought charges of discrimination against the school after being turned down for a job. To be fair, $125,000 is probably what Kentucky spends on a single basketball recruit each summer, but this is harder to swallow because it won’t translate into PPG. The snubbed professor, C. Martin Gaskell, says he was denied a job with the University because he hinted a belief “something close to a creationist” and “potentially evangelical” in e-mails that circulated within the schools department. To note, however, allowing a person whose research and observations are clouded by religion certainly has an impact on how that professor looks at science. To be fair, however, the University of Kentucky failed to handle the situation properly, which, as we all know, is to deny, deny, deny and then counter-sue.

In another twist in the on-going Pasta Investigation of Lance Armstrong (throw everything at him and see what sticks) reports surfaced of more allegations indicating that Armstrong encouraged and even required EPO use on his Motorola team in the 90s. An unnamed teammate from the ‘95 squad said that Armstrong was the “instigator” of doping on the squad, even instructing teammates on how to use EPO and, more importantly, how to hide it. This is not news, however, the Bohunk finds the recurrent claims of the same charges intriguing…Why repeat the same accusations for almost a year? If there is so much evidence, why can’t anyone present tangible evidence of guilt besides nameless teammates casting blame? Even the FBI admits that it has conducted little to no investigative activity in the past three months, showing that they really have nothing to add to the case. Innocent, innocent, innocent…until factually and indisputably proven guilty by hard evidence.

Lance Armstrong as a Motorola rider and World Champion…before the cancer, the Tours and the allegations….

On this very day in 1809, the dark and mysterious and macabre Edgar Allen Poe was born. After being raised by his godfather, John Allan, Poe wrote three volumes of poetry to almost no acclaim or attention. He took a job as an editor of the Southern Literary Messenger in Richmond, Virginia and married his 13 year old cousin, which, though teachers tell you wasn’t uncommon at the time, was, in fact, a touch odd, even by the standards of the day. He drank heavily and lost his job, forcing a move north to Philadelphia where he kept busy with his hands in a few publications as an editor and a critic. His most famous works, including The Tell-Tale Heart, The Murders At the Rue Morgue and The Fall of the House of Usher all were written during this period, which was actually one of the most tranquil and relatively peaceful of Poe’s life. The stories themselves, however, did not reflect stability; they were odd, dark, horrific and dabbled in mystery, giving Poe the title of the father of the detective story. The Poes moved once more to New York City, where Poe penned "The Raven” his most famous poem. His wife died in 1847, driving Poe to even more voluminous drinking, eventually stumbling into a gutter drunk and dying somewhere in Baltimore in 1849. Poe was forty years old. 

The Bohunk casually and without much concern put forth his AFC Championship prediction, in two parts. A) I don’t care, I think both clubs, Thieves and Aeronautical Studies, alike in a uniform thuggery and criminal mind. There are more fines and arrests between these two teams to equal all of the other teams in the NFL. How can anyone root for them? B) That said, I’ll take the Steelers over the Jets by the simple reasoning of choosing, however reluctantly, the lesser of two great evils. It should be a close contest, if it does not devolve into fisticuffs after James Harrison spears Sanchez and Antonio Cromartie leads his Army of Children into battle (though he doesn’t know any of their names) in retaliation.

Jets cornerback Antonio Cromartie and two Baby-Mamas-To-Be…

A short and not so sweet Update today, though my apologies must be accepted due to impossible circumstances; I have a lot of homework and little sleep. Thanks for reading, folks, and enjoy your day in spite of all things and people…

Carbolic Acid, Apple, Sarah-cuda and TDU…

It’s Tuesday and the Bohunk is struggling to return to the monotony that is college. And the headlines are as depressing as the twelve page research paper on Catholic and Protestant relations during the various witch trials of the sixteenth century. Yet, the Bohunk perseveres through all calamity…

In business news, Apple’s Messiah Steve Jobs (who doubles as a CEO) is taking a leave of absence from the company and day-to-day operations. Shares for Apple dropped 4.7% overnight, representing roughly $15 billion in market value. Jobs took a leave for medical reasons in early 2009 to receive a liver transplant and in 2004 to deal with and combat pancreatic cancer. Experts say there is no material reason to say that Jobs’ absence will in any way affect Apple as a corporation, but agree that, as the face of one of the richest and most successful companies in the world, is presence is very valuable as well. Just last week, if loyal readers will recall, Apple hit its highest ever trading price at almost $350 per share. Even at a loss of 4.4%, long term investors are okay; the company’s share quadrupled from 2009 to the present. They should be doing okay financially. All the best to Steve on his leave and the best of health, as well.

“Go purchase some Apple stock; I ain’t dead yet m@(#%*#.” ~Steve Jobs

For a week or so after the shooting of Rep. Giffords, the Republicans kept their collective mouth close; they appeared at the sight of the shootings, and stood behind the President (to stay in camera frame) when Obama made his speech on the violence in Tucson. They promised bipartisanship, and peace, and for the rhetoric to stop…Until today. Apparently, the Republican pledge to deal peacefully with Democrats lasts shorter than the media cycle. Republicans are back at it, challenging health care law that would, even in its barest forms, cover an addition 15 million poverty-stricken Americans. But Lord knows we wouldn’t want that. The Oily-Phants are now making recommendations on the plan that would reduce the number of Americans covered to less than 7 million by some measures, lowering the cost, sure, but completely missing the point of the bill in the first place. The health care bill was drawn as a way to cover all Americans, not a just enough to get some press and disappoint millions who did not end up with coverage. The need for discussion is not lost on the Bohunk; only the motivation for Republicans to deny 15 million of the most needy and vulnerable fellow citizens in the country the right to see a doctor and to receive treatment. If you can explain it to me, please do so in the Comments section…Peacefully….

A suicide bomber in Iraq killed 52 police recruits in Tikrit yesterday. As US and other international forces prepare to leave en masse this year, the myriad short comings of the Iraqi security forces are being found out. Recruits were waiting in line to the police station when the explosion rocked the building and all those around it. 52 died and over 150 are being treated for several types of injuries. This comes just a few months after a similar attack at a police recruitment center killed 61 and left over 125 wounded. When Iraqi security forces cannot even protect themselves while in their own bases and within their own compounds, the US must worry that all the work and sacrifice contributed could evaporate rather quickly….

Sarah Palin, that ever-ignorant Mama Grizzly, has vowed not to “shut-up” in the light of civil, bipartisan talks that, heretofore had been thriving. She quoted Scripture and Martin Luther King, Jr. while on a Fox News show, saying that Jesus and MLK were similar in their life experiences. She did not have the intelligence to say how, but that they were. She remained non-committal on running for President in 2012, to which the Bohunk is disappointed. Go for it Sarrah-cuda! Obama on his worst day, and in French, could beat you in a debate. Please, chick, bring it on…For you are not a lady….

Stage One of the Santos Tour Down Under in Australia is in the books with HTC-Columbia’s Matt Goss taking the win. Goss nipped Andre Greipel and very Australian Robbie McEwan for the win on the line, with many eyes looking around at the notable absence of Mark Cavendish near the finish. McEwan suffered a crash a few kilometers before the finish and was pulled back into contention by the powerhouse that is the South African Robbie Hunter, another recent pick up by Team RadioShack. The second stage is today and roughly 100 miles long in beautiful weather and sunshine. More tomorrow, and the Bohunk warns, look for a move by Lance Armstrong; as he said last week, he is not in Australia to “pedal around in the peloton.”

Matty Goss takes in on the line…But where’s Cavendish?

Astronomers are tossed their telescopes to the turf and picking up a element in order to study the universe. The telescopes are, in reality, safe, but there has been a rush to study in greater depth the importance of carbon, not only on earth but its role in the universe as well. As one of relatively few chemically stable possible solutes, carbon has some of the basic traits that make it a viable source of life, namely, consistency and structural integrity regardless of environmental changes in temperature, pressure and levels of acidity. Though DNA is the foundation of life, its inner workings, or its chemical reactions and processes, are built upon the stability of carbolic acids at a micro-micro-microscopic level. While small scale biochemical reactions can result without carbon, they cannot build larger bodies, such as bacterium, cats, Natalie Portman, whales, or Rosie' O’Donnell (and yes, in that EXACT order) that we consider significant or substantial life. Carbon has a versatility that is unrivaled by other elemental compounds, even by those that are more popular. For example, silicon is roughly 900 times more abundant than carbon, but is involved in a paltry number of meaningful chemical reactions important to creating and maintaining life. The only other element that seems to have had any potential at the early stages of life on earth was boron, an element that is rare on earth, but even more rare throughout the universe. There is not enough known boron to have meaningful chemical reactions on any scale, let alone the scale of life. What does this mean? The universe somehow provided earth with exactly the right stuff at the exact right time with the exact chemical properties needed to being the process of life. It all had to happen and it all did. Why? For what reason? We don’t know everything, we know almost nothing. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.

Thank goodness for carbon…

Thanks for reading folks, more effort tomorrow and, of course, much more fun. Enjoy your day!

Foxy Friday, Awesome Evolution, Acid and Cells…

It’s Foxy Friday, your favorite day of the week and, I assure you, mine as well. The week is done, you’re still giggling like an drunkard over NBC’s hit Thursday night line-up, and you know there will be a scantily clad but admirable woman nestled on some lucky spot on this page. Get started, and don’t worry, she’s in here somewhere…

Like it or not, we are as certain of evolution in the scientific community as we are of any ‘fact’ you may mention. The scientific method would allow that nothing can be absolutely certain because there is always some fact lagging behind to, potentially, if not foreseeably, falsify it. And this rule goes back billions of years, though we need not venture so far. New research shows that the tyrannosaurus rex gradually evolved from a pint size, adorable little meat-eater called Eodromaeus. It was just four feet long and no more than 15 pounds, but laid a foundation of survival for many branches of later dinos, including the T-Rex everyone imagines. The Eodromaeus was thought also to resemble the raptor, but it evolved from a different very small, four foot long creature as well. Scientists are now leaning toward the theory that all dinosaurs emerged from a species of that size and build and eventually branched off to hundreds and even thousands of species over hundreds of millions of years. And they had enough time; remember, dinosaurs lived for well over a hundred million years while we have only just joined the party, just about 20,000 years ago. If we survive our wars and environmental failures, who knows, we could develop into myriad new potential forms. We could live for a few hundred years, and women could look attractive well into their 100s…Well, we can only hope, for our children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s…..children’s children’s children’s sake….

“Cool, a T-Rex!” said the third grader. And the Bohunk.

It is a match up fans and TV execs are drooling over; Chicago Bears against the Green Bay Packers (imagine Chris Berman’s voice on that one) the oldest rivalry in professional football and undoubtedly the most organic, natural and raw. Unfortunately, both squads have to defeat another foe first; the Green Bowl Packers take on the Hotlanta Dirty Birds Saturday night, in prime time and in the Georgia Dome where Matt Ryan has only lost twice. Ever. A word of warning against the Pack; never doubt a man with two first names. Matt Ryan, a Pro Bowl pick over Green Bay’s Aaron Rodgers despite less gaudy numbers, just wins like Cris Carter used to just catch touchdowns. The Falcons just barely beat the Pack earlier this season, though it was touch and go throughout and the Bohunk was quite convinced Le Bay Verre should have won. Da Bears play the Seattle Seahawks, but that shouldn’t be hard, right? Ask Drew Brees and last year’s Super Bowl Hoisters, who were felled like a white pine just a week ago by the “bad” Seabirds who “shouldn’t be in the playoffs”…They are in, folks, and they won. Some expect a huge let down after overcoming the Martyrs last week, but the Bohunk would advise caution to Jay Cutti (Jay Cutler) and Da Bears; as crooked as Pete Carroll was at USC, imagine what malicious, foul evils he has conjured in the professional ranks. The Bohunk will take Bears over Seahawks, however, because I want to see the NFC North showdown in a week’s time. So, I’ll take Packer over Dirty Birds, Flying Elvii over jets (not capitalizing their nickname anymore; to Rex Ryan, “Yeah, it’s personal.” And the Ravens over the Steelers, because Big Ben is a Huge Ass…

Matt Ryan: Beware a man with two first names.

Time for the Fox of the Week, presented by (Somebody Pay Me For This). This week, the Bohunk presents very, very Danish tennis star Caroline Wozniacki. Caroline is the world #1 and has won twelve WTA singles titles. She comes from good stock; her mother was an Olympic volleyballer and her dad was a professional soccer player. Her parents moved to Denmark when her father, Piotr, signed with a Danish soccer squad, leaving their homeland of Poland. Caroline just began her 2011 season in a series of exhibition matches in Thailand. Go, Caroline, for thou doth have the world in love-love (two points for the easy tennis pun).

The Bohunk would like to congratulate Caroline, but, alas, I don’t speak Danish.

In the social networking world, former giant MySpace is looking to sell out, should the right offer come along. And that offer would be any offer, or so it appears. Owner Mike Jones (who?) says he is ready to part ways with MySpace, the original social networking giant to find widespread popularity before Facebook took over among people from pimply pre-teens to octogenarians. Just this week, MySpace dumped over 500 of its staff, roughly 47% of its employees. No serious offers are in place (one person offered $100, and, supposedly, has not yet been turned down) but the company will change hands soon, but for what price, we can only guess. If you pool your money with some friends, hey, maybe you could buy it! And then forget to check it because you were on Twitter and Facebook…

A massive barge carrying tons of sulfuric acid sunk in the busy Rhine river today in Germany. 2,400 tons of acid are in the river though still contained in the locked and sealed bays of the barge. Two of the crew, a German and a fellow Bohunk are missing, though authorities still have hope of locating the two men who may have been swept downstream. The barge may have struck the rocky bottom of the river, though no official version of the sinking has been proposed by authorities. The Bohunk points out that having 2,400 tons of sulfuric acid in the river, though not devastating, is probably not a safe idea. This opinion will no doubt create some immediate and sweeping response by authorities.

A quick plug for an outstanding book, The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot. It is the story of the famous HeLa cells, integral in numerous medical breakthroughs from cancer to AIDs, and the woman they belong to. Skloot takes us through the life and death of Henrietta Lacks, the woman responsible for the most prolific ‘immortal’ cells in history. From her humble beginnings, her childhood and adult life, we see the woman that gave science one of the most important gifts in the history of mankind. But Skloot shows us that Henrietta hardly knew what she gave, let alone what her treatment consisted over. Her family gained no financial compensation though Henrietta’s cells sold for $25-50 a vial. Skloot is an great writer and an honest participate in a story that is still unfolding. If you’d like to pick it up, check out Barnes and Noble here.

Thanks for reading, folks! The Bohunk will repost the week’s Top Post tomorrow and return Monday morning refreshed and invigorated. Enjoy the football, and read a book, too.

Thanks for all who supported and helped the BoScoots this week when she really need it. A sad tribute to the Bohunk’s trusted sedan, Stratty, a.k.a Stratina, Monday morning…

Telescopes, Foot Fetishes, The Prolific Father, and Haiti

It's Wednesday, the Day of the Hump and Modern Family on ABC. Not the worst day of the week, if you don;t believe its nasty reputation. And it sure beats the piss out of Monday, without question....

A suicide bomber killed four in Afghanistan yesterday when he detonated his explosives just outside the nation's Parliament building. In a separate incident, a bomb killed four NATO soldiers while on patrol. Still three more were killed in a Taliban strike on a security depot near Kabul. The situation in Afghanistan is deteriorating and it will be up to the police and other security forces to respond in the face of rising tension and violence. With the US now firmly departing in the near future, with some units already being called home, the meager and provenly unreliable security forces will be the only defense against these types of attacks. They have little or no history of success, and, in fact, are more noted in Western media for thorough corruption, violence and a repeated reluctance to engage enemy forces. The Bohunk is not a military expert, though I watch a lot of History Channel, so I can predict that those forces are not very reassuring.

If you frequent hobby shops and the like, you may have noticed that telescopes are expensive. Europe, which is an entity with deeper pockets than thou, is showing of the Planck space telescope which has been giving astronomers some dazzling views of deep space that we have never witnessed before. The Planck space telescope has discovered over 15,000 new celestial objects and 30 all-new galaxy clusters. The telescope is 937,000 miles from earth but still orbiting in our atmosphere, scanning the universe and looking through a fog of microwaves that exist in the void. The fog is caused by the constant and impossibly numerous granules spinning around themselves and colliding with others at several billion times a second. These granules collide with themselves, fast moving atoms and particles, and packets of ultraviolet light. Now that we can 'see' (which, remember, we can't; we only see aspects of the waves of a very distant light, and only through a severely limited spectrum) these far and distant places, we can learn very much about our universe and its behavior. Is the universe accelerating in expansion equally in all directions? Might there be, in the far distance, aspects of the universe we have not discovered in our own galaxy? We don't know everything, we know almost nothing. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.

In the on-going case of Contador and the Tainted Spanish Beef, UCI President Pat McQuaid believes that Contador will not be able to resolve his doping issues and to compete in next year's Tour de France. The Spanish Federation regarding sports is handling the case, but even if it comes to a conclusion by the end of the month, an appeal by Contador or the UCI would drag the case on for even more time, almost certainly more than the few months left before the big race in July. While under suspension, Contador cannot participate in cycling events, making it nearly impossible to mimic race conditions and fitness. Frankly, the Pint-sized Pistolero from Pinto will not be involved in racing this season, and it will be very interesting, and no doubt a testament to his character, to see if he fulfills his vow to quit if he is found guilty. McQuaid believes his absence will fuel other riders to vie for the top step in Paris. The Bohunk says the Schlecks are going to extremely powerful, but do not count out Cadel Evans, one of my favorite riders and a man coming off a terrific and gritty 2010. Denis Menchov and Carlos Sastre from Geox could also be dangerous, especially in this climber's course.

Those New York Jets sure can talk, talk, talk. From "Hard Knocks" to the Spanish reporter incident to Rex Ryan foot fetish videos, they are rarely closed-mouth. Reporters pointed out that, while the Patriots routed the Jets 45-3, the Flying Elvii quarterback gesticulated toward the Jets' sidelines, seemingly taunting them. Jets cornerback Antonio Cromartie said that Brady "can't throw the ball" if he "beat(s) the s@#$ out of his receivers" a charge that is both accurate but, unfortunately, assault, not football. He must not have discovered such a tactic in their last meeting, as he gave up numerous chunks of yards and touchdowns. Cromartie was not hot last weekend against the Young Horses, giving up massive touchdowns to Pierre Garcon and looking, at times, quite bewildered. As a testament to his personality, note, my dear reader, that Cromartie has nine children with eight women in six different states. He also been named in five paternity suits in just the past two years, so it is entirely possible he has more kids. He famously, or infamously, failed to remember his kids' names in an episode of "Hard Knock" and, during that same time, received a $500,000 advance from the Jets to pay outstanding child support payments. As if I would doubt the Best Team In The NFL, I also needed no more reason to root against the Jets. On, ye Flying Elvii, and take that rounded orb across the plane of the End Zone!

The Haitian earthquake happened exactly one year ago today. Less than 5% of the country has been repaired, and no person escaped the event without the loss of a loved one. Over 250,000 people died when a 7.0 sized earthquake struck at 4.53 local time. Today, at that hour, the nation will observe a moment of silence for those lost and many will attend church services to honor the dead and to observe the plight of the 800,000 people still in temporary, make-shift shelters and camps. Former President Bill Clinton will be in the capital Port-au-Prince attending a church service and looking at reconstruction crews and Red Cross work around the capital. If you have a moment, think of the disaster and those affected by it.

That will have to be it for the Bohunk, as I am quite busy nursing my beloved after her car accident. Thanks for reading, everyone, and come on back tomorrow for more news and snide comments.

Punjabis, Illicit Players, MOBY and Dark Energy….

Wednesday now, and the week is stretching on endlessly with the end in obvious sight but seemingly unreachable. Grab a nice long Update and burn a few minutes of a lingering day…

Following succinctly up on the piece from yesterday on the Consumer Electronics Show in Vegas, we find, to no real surprise, that tablets are the hottest item on the floor. One worth noting, especially to my college student readers (holla, folks) is the MOBY tablet. It is designed with students in mind, which means a bit of a trade-off; some things will have lower quality capacity and function (typically memory, camera and GB) but will retail for a much lower price and have the right software for scholarly pursuit, namely Facebook, YouTube and maybe some type of notepad for class. The MOBY most likely will emerge as a sub-$200 tablet next fall, but it means that the lower price point will be filled, and, with any luck, flooded with more competitors by the end of the year. (The Bohunk apologizes for nerding out a bit)

The Bohunk noted this story yesterday, but waiting patiently for more details to…I do not intend to imitate Fox News by taking a report with almost no facts, making up facts, and then ignoring real information when it does not match up with the contrived report. On Tuesday, the governor of the Punjab Province in Pakistan was assassinated by his body guard in a busy market. The governor, Salman Taseer, had recently spoken out against the blasphemy law still on the books in Pakistan (and in Saudi Arabia, to note) a country that is, I am told, one of our biggest allies against terror in the Middle East. Taseer had been warned against using the guard, Malik Mumtaz Hussain Qadri, who had been investigated and found to hold ties with extremists as far back as 2004. Qadri had joined the police force in 2002, and was selected for “elite force course” in 2008, four years after experts warned of his religious ties. Qadri has confessed to killing the governor because “he did blasphemy of the Prophet Muhammed” by repeatedly referring to the blasphemy laws as “the black laws”. Qadri’s belief in a god caused him to put 26 bullets in the body of the man he had sworn to protect. For those unfamiliar, the blasphemy law in Pakistan forbids anyone from speaking ill of the Prophet Muhammed, the Qu’ran or the Islamic faith. A Christian woman, Asia Bibi, was executed (publicly, mind you) just this past November after being found guilty for insulting Islam in an argument with co workers in 2009. Obviously, there can be no more evil law than this. It is no different than being killed for speaking out against a political faction, and so, in a sense, is a sort of spiritual facism. Again, killing for your belief is like arguing who has the cooler imaginary friend, then murdering if the other person disagrees. A sad story, with more to come, but, my dear readers, we must not tarry here…

Salmon Taseer, the slain governor of the Punjab Province.

In the Ivory Coast, entrenched ex-President Laurent Gbagbo has announced that he will lift the blockade around political rival Alassane Ouattara, the new President-to-be. The softening of the embattled lingering Gbagbo may be to save his own skin. He wants to be sure he will not be prosecuted or, indeed, brutally murdered in the streets whenever it is he relinquishes power to the incoming President and his staff. Both men claim to be the winners of last month’s elections, though widespread fraud and foul play was reported by both camps. The runoff election, conducted on November 28th and confirmed December 2nd declared Ouattara the winner, but Gbagbo refuses to step down. Over 170 people have been killed in the ensuing violence. A recommendation by Billy Hanson, aged 4, from Nantucket, is to have a Rock, Papers, Scissors match, perhaps two out of three, then the loser should “sack it up and get lost, see?” No word on whether the advice will be taken.

In somewhat amateur football, the Illicit Five of Ohio State University beat the Arkansas Razorbacks in Le Sucre Bowl last evening. Five players from Ohio State, including Terrelle Pryor and Dan Herron, were found to have sold gear and rings for cash, in addition to accepting illegal benefits from a local tattoo parlor. All five players will miss the first five games of next season, but were allowed to play in Le Sucre Bowl…Why? For cash. Ratings with the five were higher than they would have been without. Head coach Jim Tressell reportedly man each player ‘pinky-promise’ to return next season in order to play, but just days before the game Terrell Pryor wavered, saying they promised their ‘intent’ to return, but no guarantee was written in stone. (The Bohunk thinks they should have been forced to tattoo the promise in a prominent place on their bodies, and at full price, too) The final score was 31-26, though it belies not the firm upper hand enjoyed by the Buckeyes most of the contest. They led 28-7 in the second quarter. Pryor, Herron and wide receiver Posey, all Illicit Players, scored for the Buckeyes…Take away their contributions, and Ohio State loses. The win did save the bowl season for the Large Dix, after other squads went a thudding 0-5 on New Years Day.

Not sure if this is pre or post Pinky Promise, but Pryor played in Le Sucre Bowl, nonetheless…

In space, dark energy is believed to be the factor behind the accelerated expansion of the universe. But NASA has put on hold a plan to build a craft designed to investigate dark energy and other stars and planets due to a massive lack of funds. The $1.6 billion budget needed to complete the James Webb Telescope is not popping up from behind anyone’s ear, and scientists believe it will be a decade or so until they have the money to continue preparation for the launch. The craft itself is still several years from completion, so the timetable is looking rather bleak. Twenty years ago, scientist found that the universe was expanding and an accelerating (accelerating, nor accelerated; it is not just faster,  but constantly getting faster and faster) which goes against most of the rules of gravity and physics. Einstein, in 1917, proposed a theory called the ‘cosmological constant’, which proposed that empty space serves as a sort of repulsive agent and causing things to push things apart. During his lifetime, the discovery that the universe was expanding at a constant rate (which we know now to be wrong) made the cosmological constant the most regretted thing of Einstein’s life, and even he admitted it. Now, however, he is proved correct, decades after his death and before he could have possibly had the materials and tools to even conduct research. Indeed, it seems Einstein simply thought his way to one of the most important scientific discoveries in history. Research now shows that things in the universe are moving apart 120 times faster than thought possible. We don’t know everything, we know almost nothing. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.

Thanks for reading, and enjoy the return on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart all this week on Comedy Central.

Virginia: Stupid,Brett Favre, Sid the Anti-Christ and Jennifer Anniston…

Welcome to your Thursday, and welcome most graciously to the Update. Throw on your slippers and sip a cuppa joe, it’s educatin’ time…

But not, it seems, for kids unfortunate enough to be growing up in Virginia. A panel of historians examined 5 textbooks in the state, each from a different grade level and covering different periods of US and world history. They were shocked at the number of mistakes therein, causing many to point out that, in the race for ignorance through crappy textbooks, Texas just got a competitor. The amount of flatly wrong information astounded the historians, including such basic knowledge as the start of WWI (The book claimed 1916, just plain wrong. It started in 1914, and the US entered in 1917) and the number of states that joined the Confederacy. The volume covering the American Civil War claimed that freed African-Americans fought in battles throughout the conflict in massive numbers, which is untrue. The amount of black to fight in the Civil War is estimated to be no more than a few thousand at most. The Department of Education in the state of Virginia allowed the books, though the Bohunk thinks that the main reason is that they were slightly less expensive than others. Money is the root of all stupidity…Just ask that 12th Confederate state, should you encounter it.

The Wicked Witch of the East, Christine O’Donnell of “I’m not a witch; I’m like you” fame is now being investigated by Federal agents for questionable campaign spending after a citizens rights group filed a complaint to authorities. O’Donnell conjured up (note the witch reference there, really brilliant stuff) a record $7.3 million in Delaware, but spend the majority of the money on some questionable advertising spots (including feeling the need to deny being a witch) and an anti-gay speaker. She admits to spending as much as $20,000 on her mortgage payment, which is illegal by state and federal campaign laws, even if the residence served as a headquarters for the campaign. Also very illegally, O’Donnell did not file her FEC disclosure forms, which are meant to track spending, until November 16th. This could be a sticky one for the Wicked Witch of the East…..

“I’ll fill out my FEC disclosure forms next time, my pretties, and my mortgage taxes too!
Muhahahahaha!”

In another story to make you wish the Tea Party was really just three year olds drinking air from plastic cups with stuffed animals, the organizer of the Tea Party convention just said something really, really insensitive and wrong. Judson, yes, not making that up his name is Judson, Phillips lumped the NAACP, a historic body committed to protecting the interests and further the cause of social equality for African-Americans as a ‘Liberal Hate Group’, along with the Department of Homeland Security (that isn’t too liberal) and the ACLU. The ignorant prick (forgive my opinion) stated that, “To the NAACP, anyone to the right of Karl Marx is a racist,” which might be the most ignorant, uninformed and, in some ways, incriminating statement I’ve heard so far this morning. It shows that the Tea Party’s founder, if not the Tea Party as an organization, has racist tendencies and sees policy along race lines. Phillips has also been quoted as saying that only property owning citizens should vote, and that the US should ban the Methodist church. So he is proposing reverting to voting policy from the 18th century and religious policy of Stalin…Way to go, TeaBaggers…

In my on-going dislike of Jennifer Aniston and all romantic comedies, I bring up the comparison made by fellow actor Rupert Everett. He compared Jennifer Anniston to the Crab Nebula, one of my favorites nebulae, in a most negative way. As Everett, who really knows his star formation, stated that Anniston is famous for starring in some serious flops, which serve for the astronomical ‘explosion’ of stars. When the movie sucks, and hers almost certainly do, she somehow swirls and gathers enough hydrogen atoms to compress and then convert into helium, resulting in a new star, or, for her, a new film. As for the left over metals and silicates not absorbed into the star, they clump and form planets that revolve around the star that is Anniston becoming planets, or shitty actors like Gerrard Butler. The Bohunk applauds this sort of intelligent comparison to a very unintelligent topic…Chapeau, Rupert Everett.

Here, you can see the obvious Crab Nebula comparison, and also the
metallic materials orbiting Anniston….Very scientific reason for a
tasteless nude photo’s inclusion in the Update, promise….

Finally, Skype is ready to use 3G for mobile phones like the iPhone 4. The heretofore impossible feat of video chatting off of a wifi connection is now quite simple. The Skype app is now ready for the iPhone, ending a long conflict as carriers like AT&T (note the expert use of the amper sand) who want to find ways to keep its users from reducing their minutes and simply using apps like Skype and Google Voice instead of their AT&T minutes. Some users are complaining of poor video quality and slow connection times, but the bugs will be fixed before too long. The bandwidth for the the Skype app is rather demanding, pulling down almost 16 megabytes (in and out) in a five minute conversation. Android has not finished a Skype app for its market, though the project is nearly finished. Verizon may block it from Blackberry, limiting it only to phones that Android uses, so Blackberry users will be out in the cold, though most lack a forward facing camera in any case.

In a rare (don’t worry, when the NFL is done, you’ll be hockey’ed up to the point of being knowledgeable about a variety of forecheck schemes) NHL story, Sid “The Kid or Anti-Christ” Crosby had his 25 game scoring streak end last night against the Islanders. Crosby scored in every game since November 3, the longest streak since Mats Sundin scored in 33 straight in 1991. The Penguins lost last night as well, with the Islanders’ Rick DiPiettro padding away a Crosby shoot-out try to take the win, finishing with 37 saves. (For those with souls, a.k.a. Red Wings fans, don’t worry, we did win against Dallas, 7-3)

No Brett, you can’t play until you’ve passed your concussion test.

Finally, as you’ve no doubt heard, the NFL fined Brett Favre just $50,000 (or one-tenth of what he makes in a week) for not fully cooperating with the league in their investigation. Jen Sterger, the foxy mama who received the inappropriate texts, told her lawyers she is not happy with the result of the investigation and that charges may be brought in a civil lawsuit. Favre has not passed his concussion test, which makes playing against the Lions this Sunday extremely unlikely, meaning he will end his career inactive on the sidelines. What do you think of the fine? Is it enough, or is the league being too lenient? Leave a comment with your thoughts….

That’s it for the Update, thanks for reading and come back tomorrow for the Fox of the Week and just a bit more effort on my part….

Fox of the Year, Rome, Best Santas and…Merry Christmas!….

Merry Christmas Eve, everyone! If a little holiday Update does knock the baahumbug out of your system, I fear only a severe blow to the chin will do the same job. This Update is a gift that you have to unwrap with your eyes…Read on…

The undetonated bomb found yesterday outside of Rome was unfortunately not the only parcel bomb floating around the area. The bombs were sent to embassies, injuring staff members from Switzerland and Chile. Italians experts in terror (not shoe design, the typical Italian expertise) believe anarchists could have been behind the attack. The Swiss helped Italy arrest several anarchists this year, and another anarchists was killed in Chile by law enforcement officials there. These bombings are in all likelihood related to a string of very similar parcel bombs that took place in Greece, where a group of anarchists (organized anarchy!) called the Conspiracy of Fire, was finally understood to have orchestrated the violence. The Greeks have initially stated they see no connection between the two strings of bombings, but, they all are a terrible government. The Swiss man injured in the bombings in Rome has been hospitalized with serious injures to his hands.

The first recorded “sighting” of Santa Claus in these United States was in Albany, New York way, way, way back in 1675 on a bank account statement. A man purchased, for the holiday season, “St. Nicholas purchases” a cleaver way to hide what he bought from his family. However, the legend of the chubby, bearded gentleman with a garish but signature red suit comes from Turkey around 280 AD. The name “Santa Claus” wasn’t associated with the figure until the Dutch slapped him with their version as “Sinter Claus”, though he was still more popularly known around Europe as “Saint Nicholas”. In Britain, Santa was “Father Christmas”, a bearded old man most often portrayed in long green robes. Charles Dickens used this image as the basis for the “Ghost of Christmas Past” in his famous The Christmas Carol. Washington Irving, the outstanding author most well-known for The Legend of Sleepy Hollow, mentioned Santa in his History of New York in 1809. More on the development of the Chubby One later…

Great Santas in History: Cosmo Kramer.

In what is appearing now to be not-so-amatear football, five Ohio State Buckeye football participates have been suspended to five games a piece next season. Now, first, the obvious question. Why are they not suspended for the upcoming Sugar Bowl against Arkansas? As the Bohunk always says; money. (I don’t say that without some context though) The Big Ten and SEC stand to make millions in tickets sales and shared profit from the bowl game. Taking away former Heisman candidate and one of the best quarterbacks in the country, Terelle Pryor, number one rusher Noah Herron, number two receiver DeVier Posey and All Big-Ten tackle Mike Adams might make the game less attractive, and therefore, less lucrative. So, the NCAA shamelessly tacks on the penalty to next season. With almost half the season taken away, these players will probably attempt to declare for the NFL, avoid any punishment whatsoever, and make some money in the pros. Not harm done, to them at least. Second, does anyone see the obvious parallel with Cam Newton? Make him eligible all year, huge ratings, a Heisman trophy and a national championship game and tons of revenue. But when all the checks are cashed and the lights go out, they will yank it all away and make him ineligible. This will develop slowly, and, go Razorbacks, as if anyone needed any more reasons to hate Ohio State.

In honor of the season, the Pope gets another mention on the Update. Yesterday, the Pontiff joined Britain’s Radio 4 to deliver a Thought of the Day Message, a daily contribution from politicians and celebrities to meditate for the world to hear. The Pope usually stays up late to deliver a Christmas message to the world outside the Basilica in Rome, but offered an opportunity to thank Britain for his week long stay there in September. The Pope did not address any of the many, many issues plaguing the Catholic church after its worst year in memory. It faced thousands of sexual misconduct and assault charges, bringing the amount of damages paid to over a billion dollars worldwide. Pope Benedict also did not bring up the issue of Anglican bishops leaving the Church of England to join ranks in Rome, even as those bishops and officials are in the Vatican studying to become ordained priests. New equipment is now available for Vatican TV, the media organization who broadcasts papal goings-on in over 40 languages. Now, you can watch Christmas Mass from the Vatican…Or A Christmas Story on TBS about 22 times.

Great Santas in History: Pam Anderson.

It is now time, thank goodness, to present the 2010 Flying Bohunk Fox of the Year, a prestige award capable of propelling one lucky Fox to worldwide stardom and fame. The conditions to be nominated were complex; 1) Had to be a Fox 2) Had to be nominated. The votes were tallied (all four of them, plus the only one that really counts, mine) and the Bohunk has been excited for days to release the results. Your 2010 Fox of the Year, and I think all of ours’ “teenage dream” is….Katy Perry! Born in California (hence the appropriateness of the hit jam, “California Girls”, KP was raised by Christian pastors. She nabbed a GED as a freshman in high school (I was popping zits as a freshman in high school, not graduating) and moved on to pursue her music career. She has had some great hits this year, from “Teenage Dream” to “Fireworks”, and has been extremely attractive at every turn, including, it should be noted, way too foxy for Sesame Street. Elmo was overly excited. Congrats, Katy Perry, and may your Foxitude last for many years to come…

Fox of the Year, and just cool person, Katy Perry…

 
BONUS KATY PERRY PHOTOGRAPH…MERRY CHRISTMAS

In the on-going development of Santa Clause, the author Clement Clark Moore wrote “The Night Before Christmas”, though it is really titled “A Visit From Saint Nicholas”, depicting a chubby bearded man, not elf, wearing a red suit and a massive sack of presents perched on his back. It also heralded in the presence of a sleigh, reindeer and an even rounder, more jolly appearance. It took thousands of years to develop the creepy old man dressed up in bad cotton that you let your child sit on and talk to. Oh how far we’ve come.

Finally, let’s celebrate the season with a miracle. Our Solar Sytstem, in fact. The universe is an unfathomably gigantic void. It is almost entirely empty, even considering that, for example, our Sun, which is millions of time larger than Earth, is pretty small amongst its fellow stars. The universe is, frankly, too large to even comprehend. Even our solar system is beyond our reach. Pluto, now demoted down from planet status to just another celestial entity in the Kuiper Belt, is really, really far away. It is 39 AUs from the sun (AU= astronomical unit, or the distance from the Sun to the Earth) or, about 3,647,240,000 miles away. We can barely get to the moon without a hassle, and getting to Mars with a manned mission is almost impossible (cosmic rays that get through its atmosphere would tear up the very DNA of astronauts) let alone likely. But let us put this distance in perspective. As Bill Bryson pointed out in A Brief History of Nearly Everything,  if the Sun was the period of this sentence, and you wanted to draw Pluto to scale, you would have to travel 10,000 miles away. Pluto would be the size of a bacterium. Or, if the Sun was the size of the head of the smallest needle, Pluto would be a few hundred miles away, and the size of a single atom. How our solar system came to be was that of the most staggering odds. Indeed, there are billions and billions and billions of solar systems, just trillions and trillions and trillions of them. 600 sextillion stars in the universe. And we found the right galaxy, the right star, the right planet to somehow make life over hundreds of millions of years. Do not feel small; we should be proud and privileged to live, even for a second, in the face of the trillions of beings who never had a chance. We don’t know everything, we know almost nothing. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.

Have a very Merry Christmas and congrats again to Katy Perry. What a Christmas this must be for her! Enjoy your Christmas Eve and Christmas and the Bohunk Update returns Monday with some New Years resolutions…

5 Dumb Things Americans Believe, Tweeting Tiger and Palin…

Haven’t read Sarah Palin’s new book, “America By Heart: Reflections on Family, Faith and Flag” yet, have you? Well, good. But there are some enlightening words from the former Alaskan governor, but not on topics of any real importance. The new book, which will not be officially released until next week, had several pages leaked to the blog Palingates just yesterday. These pages heavily criticized Levi Johnston, father of Palin’s new grandson son, the horribly named Tripp. After Palin was selected to run with Sen. John McCain in 2008, Johnston toured the country, sharply criticizing and poking fun at the Palins. You know, just like everyone else in America. (I do not see any mention of Tina Fey, to note) Palin also made fun of Fox’s “American Idol”, calling its contestants “talent deprived” and said they suffered from “the cult of self-esteem”….though her very own daughter, Bristol, was recently featured on ABC’s “Dancing with the Stars”. The younger Palin is consistently on the bottom of the leaderboard, and was invited to the show because of her mother’s celebrity. Perhaps, and this is just a thought, Sarah Palin should be more careful when bandying about the term “talentless".”

If you have a Twitter, as the Bohunk does, you must have noticed Tiger Woods yesterday. Within six hours, the golfing superstar (and adulterer, too) had over 150,000 followers, or, to put it in perspective, 149,960 more followers than the Bohunk has. It is all a part of a campaign to repair Tiger’s image (and probably pick up skanky stripper-chicks) as the one-year anniversary of his Thanksgiving evening car accident that destroyed both his Cadillac and his marriage nears. Woods recently contributed a piece to the struggling periodical Newsweek and is slated to join Mike and Mike on ESPN Radio today as well. The real surprise behind all of this is the reaction of the American public; we love the guy. While he shall never regain Gentlemen status on the Update again, overall, most people have moved past the infidelity and overall creepiness of his affairs. Just goes to show, celebrity gets you everywhere.

That’s Elin, the wife he cheated on. What an idiot.

To contribute to the once-a-fort-night-coverage of the NBA, the Lakers visited the Palace of Auburn Hills to play the Detroit Pistons last evening. The struggling Pistions, who have floundered since dealing away Chauncey Billups, Rip Hamilton and the players that made them a perennial championship threat, now are simply embarrassing. In the stands last night, there were easily as many gold-and-purple jerseys for the Lakers than red-and-blue for the home team Pistons. In fact, late in the game, the HOME FANS began chanting “M-V-P, M-V-P” as Kobe Bryant took some free throws. First off; not very creative. Secondly, when your fans start cheering for the other squad, something is very wrong. The finger points to Pistons coach John Kuester, who called the chanting, “disappointing.” Players on the bench ignore Kuester openly, not looking at him while he talks and, at times, walking out of the huddle while he draws up plays. It’s time to cut him loose…But unload some players, as well. The culture on the team is spoilt like a carelessly uncorked Pinot Gris. 

Americans believe in some pretty dumb things. For example, the Update yesterday noted that 57% of Americans believe in ghosts. Some new poll results further this embarrassment.

~The majority of Americans who voted for a GOP candidate believe that President Obama has raised their taxes, when in reality, the President has lowered their taxes over the past two years. Thanks, Rush Limbaugh, for spreading this lie.

~Over half of the newly elected Congresspersons do not believe in global warming. These are affluent, well-educated and informed human ‘beans’ who do not believe in a phenomena that is scientifically confirmed. Every expert on the planet now subscribes to this fact. Yet, over half of the new Congress will think it a hoax. (Refer again, if you will, to that very telling 57% from the top of this section)

~Nearly one-fifth of Americans believe President Barack Obama is a Muslim. Get your head out of your posterior, Jethro; he isn’t, and even if he were, this is the US. We separate our church and state, or, at least we try to keep the Christian right from changing that.

~In a related number, two out of five Americans think teachers should be able to lead prayers in classrooms, in spite of the aforementioned separation of church and state. They have no problem letting Billy pray to their own god in school, but what if they prayed to a Muslim or Jewish god? Oh, then they pissed.

~Perhaps the most damning indictment of the Fall of American Power is that, in 2002 (not 1802, but 2002)  20% of Americans believed the sun rotated around the earth.

The Copernican Heliocentric Model, from the
16th century…Just in case you were in that 20%.

The Westboro Baptist Church, now infamous around the nation for travelling to areas and spouting their version of the gospel, will be on the grounds of East Lansing High School. The group is a strict Christian sect (people get so uncomfortable when their religion is called a sect) that has vocally advocated a burning hatred for gays, blacks, Mexicans, professional women and, in their own words here, “unnecessary equality”. Because apparently at some point equality is just too much. The church followers will protest gays and blacks in East Lansing; the group drove an hour and a half to protest other people in a different town. This is a group that thrives on hate; as The Lansing State Journal says, “Hate is their religion.” The Evil Bastards protesting in East Lansing today are a part of the same group that have gained notoriety by protesting at the funerals of slain servicemen and women. Here’s a good article on a town that fought back. 

Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it. Tune into the Best Evening of Television Around, NBC starting at 8. Have a great Thursday, and check out Foxy Friday tomorrow morning.

Murder Most Foul, Hall of Fame, and NFL Stuff….

Welcome to the Week before Thanksgiving, where many a teenage girl begins to starve herself before the gluttonous bounty that is Turkey Day itself….

A quick gesticulation to the –> right of your screen to bring your attention to the All-New Flying Bohunk Hall of Fame, chronicling famous folk who have made a visit to the blog since its meteoric rise to mediocrity. Illustrious names like Ted King, Todd Wells and Heather Irmiger grace the Hall, and the Bohunk will be bothering other Big Names to add to those ranks.

The fan favorite herself, Heather Irmiger. Note the number of riders
behind her….All of them. New HoF inductee.

The Detroit Lions lost to the heretofore winless Buffalo Ballcap Brims in a close but ugly, ugly football contest. The unsightly 12-14 score was indicative of the game itself. Detroit offered up 11 penalties to Ryan “I Graduate From Harvard, Pip, Pip” Fitzpatrick and the now 1-7 Bills. Fitzpatrick, an undrafted free agent who is now, statistically, one of the top ten quarterbacks in the league is this year’s Bohunk Breakout Player of the First Portion of the Season.

“A true Harvard chap will celebrate all wins by
investing in a long term CD and uttering a rousing,
’Pip, pip.’”

The Cowboys (not, mind you, cow-gentlemen) beat the New York Football Players Of Large Stature. They are now 2-7, but, as the head coach would point out, 1-0 under their new head coach, Jason Garrett. The Pokes overcame some ugly penalties and took advantage of Eli Manning’s distracted play (thinking about Oreos) to return a TD 101 yards off an interception. A good record for the remainder of the season might just allow the Red-Headed Garrett keep the job into next year, especially if a prolonged negotiation takes place as a new labor deal is discussed for the NFL.

In not-officially-paid-football, Auburn, Oregon, My Oregon and Boise State frolicked amongst the tulips, pushing aside some competition to remain undefeated. The truly interesting team at this point of the season is LSU; should the Purple Tigers (as I call them) win out, they just might have enough points to jump over either Boise or TCU to get into a BCS game. If that should happen, it would offer Boise and TCU opportunities to beat teams from automatic qualifier conferences and prove a point the Bohunk has repeatedly hammered into critics; if these non-automatic qualifier teams aren’t really any good, then why not let them play the Big Boys? The BCS has conveniently matched up the non-automatic qualifiers whenever possible since Boise upset Oklahoma in 2007. In the immortal words of Bobby Z., “I ain’t sayin’ nothin’, I’m just sayin’.”

Sad news from Haiti; the recent outbreak of cholera, which has since spread and thousands in the beleaguered nation, has claimed over 900 lives. Of the nation’s 10 provinces, 6 have confirmed deaths from cholera. Estimates place the number of people hospitalized at 14,000 since the outbreak began last month. The UN is now asking for $164 million to combat the disease. 121 people have died of cholera since Friday.

In technological news, Facebook has vowed to create a “Gmail-killer” with its new integrated email service. Reports of Facebook’s plan to create an email service have long been rumored though more concrete indications of the move surfaced last week. The Bohunk was going to include it, but, I was checking my Facebook. The company already has roughly 500 millions members (only 800 of which are are my friends (makes sad face and slumps shoulders)) that would be quick to adopt the new service. Quote from Gmail, Yahoo! and Hotmail: “Bring it on, bitches.”

Scientists from around the globe are exhuming the grave of famed astronomer Tycho Brahe, a Danish gentleman born in 1546 and who died in 1601 under mysterious circumstances. After a 1901 exhumation, scientists back then thought he died of a bladder infection; now, in a much cooler theory, some believe Brahe had abnormally and even lethal amounts of mercury in his blood system at the time of his death, leading some to believe he died of murder…murder most foul. Brahe died while in the Motherland (Prague, in what is now Czech Republic but has been and always will be the land of my people) at the invitation of Holy Roman Emperor Rudolph II after the Brahe’s dispute with the Danish king. Brahe is credited with collected the most accurate data of celestial bodies of any person in his lifetime

**Bonus Fact: Brahe was in a duel at some point in his life. The sword of a fellow nobleman reportedly cut off the end of his nose, which was replaced by a piece of metal. Scientists are hoping to find this piece of metal to determine what it was made of and if it could have been a reason for Brahe’s elevated mercury levels. 

Thanks for reading, hope you had an excellent weekend. Enjoy Monday Night Football this evening, Washington Native Americans against the Philadelphia “Boos When A Player Might Be Paralyzed” Eagles….Haven’t forgot about you, Colts WR Austin Collie… Stay strong, brother…

The French Being French, Small Moon or Space Station, and Taylor "Swift"....

Thanks, Jaguars, now the Bohunk looks like a "noob". At least put up some fight....

In France, workers in all sectors and industries are organizing strikes to protest the French government's plan to extend the retirement age in the country by two years. The actual retirement age there is 65, though workers can retire five years early and still collect full benefits, a system which allowed new workers to take positions sooner. Now, the age for this same "early retirement" would be 62. However, the French are very French, and they will protest this change and cripple thier economy if need be. And I say...Good for them! Americans have lost most of our rights and unions and now labor has almost no protection. There are no layoffs on the scale in we have seen in the past five years in France, because workers are protected. And when people keep their jobs, they have money and they spend it. It works to reduce the effects of economic downturn before the problem gets out of hand. Now, this retirement issue is tricky; the citizenry will have to give in whether on the age or the tax because they will not be able to fund these same benefits in twenty years. But at least they are trying to preserve their way of life. Americans are too busy watching "Glee" and "Teen Mom" and getting fat of off Taco Bell...

In space news, scientists are using Johannes Kepler's Third Law to estimate accurate proportions of stars. By measuring rate of orbit, distance from the star and other insanely difficult to figure out aspects of the orbiting debris and moons, scientists today can find the mass, diameter and even some aspects of the star' composition. And when did Kepler discover this information? Oh, just back in 1619. Imagine, over 400 years ago the guy figured most of this stuff out with a primitive telescope and his mind. And it took Obi-Wan Kenobi until they were within range of the tractor beam to realize that the Death Star was no moon, but a space station. Incredible, Mr. Kepler, s'marvellous.

In other news, the NFL has vowed to suspend players that engage in helmet-to-helmet hits. Thanks, Comissioner Roger Goodell! You've successfully ignored this issue since taking your position and it took a weekend of 8 suspected concussions and a paralysis (and the bad press that went with it) to address the issue. The culture of head-hunting and violence in football is terrible and creates the same environment in college, high school and peewee leagues. Set a better example, sir, because this league is getting bad.

Nebraska lost to Texas Saturday, ending their undefeated season and Taylor "Swift" Martinez's bid for the Heisman. Martinez was even benched in favor of strong armed back up Cody Green after the Huskers began to fall behind. There is even speculation that Green will see extended action in upcoming games. Poor Martinez, though I hope he does not start penning vengeful, one-sided pop recollections of his time as starter like his namesake.

That's it, that's all, enjoy "The Daily Show", the update will be back and better tomorrow....