Super Bowl Recap: They Were Who We Thought They Could Be

You saw it, the Bohunk assumes, with your own eyes; the Green Bowl Packers are the Super Bowl Champions, just as predicted using the Cheer-Babeless Formula as broken down by the Bohunk all last week. No Cheer-Babes, no problem. The CheeseCraniums won 31-25 in one of the best Super Bowls in modern history. Scoring, big hits, turnovers, chess-match-like head games by Thieves coach Mike Tomlin (not Omar Epps) and Packers top banana Mike McCarthy. The game had it all, except, sadly, Cheer-Babes. You’ve no doubt heard the game analyzed every possible which way by every possible Talking Head since Sunday night; “Big Rapist” Ben didn’t show up, Aaron Rodgers removed the Brett Favre curse from his own legacy, the Packers overcame injuries (Chuck Woodson, Donald “DUCK!” Driver and the shortly missing Sam Shields) to win. All of these things were important. But the biggest surprise for the Bohunk was this. The biggest cheap shot artist in the league, in the biggest game in the world, against the best team he has faced, left the game without any real mention, and no personal fouls. James Harrison, the most fined player in the NFL, was non-existent against the Packers. The Bohunk put an over/under side-bet on Twitter, putting the number at 2 penalties for Mr. Harrison. The Bohunk should have put it at 2 for tackles. Harrison had one tackle and one sack. That’s it. The Talking Heads have been blasting Polamalu all week (and by that I mean mostly Monday) for disappearing; he, at least, had three tackles.

Torch Passed. Via text message.

The Bohunk game ball goes to a favorite Packer of mine, Donald Driver. The guy has been in Green Bay since 1999, just a few years after Favre took the Pack to its first title since the  Lombardi Era. Driver has been a consistent receiver and a steady face in the Packer locker room. DD missed most of the Super Bowl with both knee and ankle sprains, but no one deserves that trophy more. Congrats, Pack…Now enjoy it, cause the Lions are coming for you. (Stop laughing)

Foxy Friday, Predicting the Super Bowl: Nightlife

Foxy Friday, folks, and the final Super Bowl prediction. Let's do the pick first, then savor the sweetness of Foxitude for the remainder...

Which city, Green Bay or Pittsburgh has championship quality nightlife? Well, after some research, the results will not in anyway shock you. Pittsburgh, it turns out, has more than three times as many bars as Green Bay. In fact, it has more joints classified as 'adult entertainment' as Green Bay as restaurants. So, frankly, championship caliber nightlife is a one-sided Input Factor. Almost depressingly one-sided. But, take heart Packers fans, your Green Bay side still takes the win, 21-14. Yes, the Bohunk's final Super Bowl prediction is 21-14, making the Green Bowl Packers the World Champions of tackle football. Write this down....

BJ Raji touchdown celebration vs. Bears…Great stuff

It's Foxy Friday, and today, we honor the reverberating foxitude of Alison Brie, or, as we all know her, Annie from "Community". Brie was born in Hollywood, CA and grew up in LA. She got her start in the Jewish acting community (that hotbed of acting talent),getting her first starring role as Toto in “The Wizard of Oz”. She has since gone on to “Community” fame, though has appeared on “Mad Men”, “Hannah Montana” and other series. To note, her mother was  a teacher at a community college….

Predicting the Super Bowl: Criminal Records

Which team should you be cheering for? The Bohunk is a Lions fan; stop laughing. So if they aren’t in the Super Bowl (again, stop laughing) I have  very disinterested take on the Big One. This year, my Extremely Significant Other’s allegiance to the Packers is giving me some serious sway. She has watched nearly every Pack game in 2010, so I am rather familiar with their squad and touchdown dance celebrations. But if you have no motive to root for one team or the other, might I recommend cheering for the one with the least amount of fines or criminal lawsuits pending. This is the very reason the Bohunk dislikes the Jets, to note.

The Steelers have, to their credit and discredit, James Harrison. Harrison was fined a total of $100,000 in 2010. Quarterback “Big Rapist” Ben Roethlisberger has two sexual assault cases in two years, and was suspended for the first six games of the season, though it was later reduced to four. Both of these occurred after Roethlisberger crashed a motorcycle, while not wearing a helmet, with an expired temporary license. Santonio Holmes, two years ago, was busted in the middle of the Super Bowl winning season for the Steelers, smoking marijuana and getting caught, then suspended. That was a part of his departure from the team later on. James Harrison also was charged for simple assault and criminal mischief after beating his girlfriend. Classy guy, that Harrison…

MUGSHOT!

The Packers counter with some criminal records of their own. Brandon Underwood is still technically under investigation for sexual assault last June, though a Super Bowl win would get that brushed aside, authorities assured him last week (not really). Linebacker Nick Barnett is still facing disorderly conduct charges from last year, and worked a deal with prosecutors to reduce the charges.

“Yippeee, the charges are still pending, I can play ALL YEAR!”
~Brandon Underwood, here literally jumping for joy.

So, in Input Factor #3, the Packers are the shining knights of mediocre civil behavior, while the Steelers should probably be arrested on the spot. Verdict: Packers get the points and go up 21-7. But tomorrow, they face a difficult proposition: Night Life. You can’t have a Super Bowl caliber squad without championship level night clubs…Why do you think the Steelers have won so many Super Bowls recently? It’s the discount at local strip clubs that draws free agents. Come back tomorrow for the blow by blow….

Predicting the Super Bowl: Uniforms

This Super Bowl pits together two of the most iconic and original uniforms in the NFL...and they both show it. The designs are, without a doubt, timeless. The Packers green and yellow, and the oft-imitated (or blatantly copied) "G", (I'm looking at you, Georgia!) has been unchanged in the past fifty years. The Steelers, too, have inspired some amateur football uniforms of their own. During the mid-sixties, the University of Iowa got ahold of the Pittsburg yellow and black stripe and has been using that scheme ever since. The Bohunk likes the tradition uniforms; can you imagine the Detroit Red Wings with some strange bastardized version of the Winged Wheel, or the New York Yankees with awkwardly juxtaposed "N" and"Y"? No, you can't, and neither can I. The Steelers have the fearsome scheme, black and yellow, but they have been skimping on the helmet decals; the Bohunk has just never got the logo on one side of the dome. The Packers are more liberal; the G graces left as right sides of the helmet, making theirs the easier one to place on commentators desks during pre-game and half time.

The verdict is not an easy one. Both teams have some points in their favor; it comes down, admittedly, to personal preference. The Steelers have the intimidating color scheme, but there is just something classy about the Packers green and gold. They get the points, and lead 14-7 with just two more days of formulaic input left. Tomorrow, we look at another input, one that may prove pivital; criminal charges and investigations/fines.

Super Bowl Predictions: Fan Paraphernalia

Do you know why the Bohunk hates elephants? Cause they always steal my schtick. Nobody else is making Super Bowl predictions right now, and the Bohunk was the first person to get it going just a week out from the big game. Which elephant tried to steal my thunder? Jenny the psychic elephant, a hefty female ‘phant who lives in Dallas. At the Zoo. Jenny had to choose between two watermelons, each painted either Green Bay yellow and the Steelers vaunted black. Jenny stomped the Thieves, picking the Pack to take the win.

Frankly, who listens to an elephant? Stick with the Bohunk, who, as you’ll see, relies only on the myriad factors that will ultimately result in domination. Some commentators discuss players, coaches and performance; that stuff has nothing to do with it. Without Cheer-Babes, the victory will come down to a series of criteria I have unearthed. Yesterday, the Facial Hair Input Factor (the first of five factors) gave the Steelers a 7-0 lead. Today, we focus on the fans….

The Steelers’ fans are famous for the waving of the “Terrible Towel”, a tradition that spans back into the late ‘60s and rouses the team to a fever pitch, something that Big Ben’s lawyers have tired to stop; no one needs to see Big Ben ‘roused’. The Towel has been around at every Super Bowl win for Pitt, and this time around, there is no reason to think this lucky charm will be a letdown…However….

Thieves fans root, root, root for the home squad…

Cheeseheads…Wisconsin is still in the late 80s…

It is facing perhaps the most iconic fan paraphernalia item in the history of professional sports. The Cheesehead, a Styrofoam yellow block of good ol’ Wisconson cheddar has led to many intimidators around the league and, indeed, the world of sports at large. The Packers are the symbol of Wisconsin, although almost on par with cheese. Nothing is more important to the state than the Packers, and to their plus-sized fans, nothing is more important than cheese. This round has to go to the Cheesehead and the Packers. So, with three days left, the Packers and Steelers are dead even at 7-7. Tomorrow, we look at the third factor in the Formula, we will decide who has the better uniforms; cause if you look good, you play good, but if you loo great, you win championships. 

Predicting the Super Bowl: Day One

We are coming quickly upon the Super Bowl this Sunday, and with neither team having Cheer-Babes, the Bohunk has no way of predicting a winner. Your Truly is (probably) undefeated at predicting foot ball contests by judging the tastelessness of Cheer-Babe uniforms (tasteless always wins) and their professionalism. Neither the Packers or the Steelers have Cheer-Babes, but for differing reasons. Green Bay could not convince women to grace the Frozen Tundra scantily clad, and Pittsburg couldn’t find any to be within 10 miles of Ben Roethislberger wearing little more than nothing. So, on the first day of of the week-or-so-long pitting of each team’s strengths and weaknesses as deemed by the Bohunk, I submit for your consideration, The Bohunk Large Vessel Prediction Formula (patent pending)

Input value #1: Facial Hair

Nothing says, “We Are The Champions” like a little man beard, just ask Freddie Mercury. Now that guy was a man. Sorry Cheese Craniums, this one isn’t even close. Big “Rapist” Ben Roethlisberger has been rocking the thickest, dreamiest, creepiest beard in the NFL for the better part of a month now. Each win (one per day) equates roughly to one touchdown, so as of Monday, the Super Bowl is 7-0 Thieves over Packers…

Come on back tomorrow for the second installment, Fan Paraphernalia, pitting the Packer Cheesehead against the Steeler Terrible Towel….

Foxy Friday, Predicting Play-Offs with Cheer-Babes and Lasers….

It is Foxy Friday, ye happy, dear readers, but alas, there are important things to tackle first. The sour first, so that the sweet is found but sweeter…

First, in extremely nerdy but dear news to the Bohunk, the Best Amateur Astronomy images were announced by National Geographic yesterday. The yearly event celebrates the exploits of lonely, intelligent losers who spend their time snapping shots of far off nebulae and star bursts and the like; instead of taking creepy pictures of girls, they snap intimate portraits of far of celestial beauties. The European Southern Observatory holds the contest each year and acknowledge the efforts of the amateurs with prints and publication. This year, ten folks submitted the top twenty shots of various galaxies and objects, especially the Orion Nebula. Igor Chekalin (believe it or not, this is not the first time the Bohunk has heard of Igor; his shots are used regularly by the AP) took a cool, alternative view of Orion by using a lens to capture the cool dust around the center instead of the more popular hydrogen gas in the region, which is burning and actually emits its own light. A few of the top twenty are below;

Igor’s top pic of the Orion Nebula…

Another shot by Igor, different galaxy though…

 

The ‘Wheeled One"’, physicist Stephen Hawkings made his annual trip to Caltech to whip up the troops in the field of physics, saying that, as a youngster, his father had pushed him toward medicine. Hawkings, the author of numerous works, including the groud-breaking-yet-accessible A Brief History of Time, obviously found a different calling in a expanding and dynamic field. Attendees of the conference hailed Hawkings as “the nerd Pope” as he rolled along a red carpet to a standing ovation. The 69 year old is still an exceedingly popular speaker, though, as many may know, he uses a computerized mechanism to do so. He also praised the acceptance and equality in the field of physics, which he says is unbiased based on university or school the scientists works at or went to; the ideas are what prove to be most important.

Lasers are science fiction, usually blasted wildly and with terrible accuracy by incompetent Storm Trooper who couldn’t bulls-eye a wamp rat at two meters, let alone twelve! But in the last science piece of the day, the Bohunk formally announced the existence of lasers for military purpose. And not, mind you, little dinky creations of little to no value. Nay, the Navy announced it has a ‘death ray’ that is nine months ahead of schedule in development. The free electron laser will be used primarily to shoot down incoming missiles and fighters, defending aircraft carriers and support fleet. Operating at right around the speed of sound (remember, nothing can go as fast as light) an electron is isolated and then accelerated by one of the world’s most advanced accelerator toward a target based on optics and radar information. In the future, the Navy is looking to develop more powerful and more efficient FEL (free electron lasers) that are more accurate and even more concise, shortening a beam to just a few feet to allow for repeated firings at multiple targets. Cool? You bet your sweet ass it’s cool!

In Tour Down Under news, Michael Matthews of Rabobank took Stage 3 to continue Australian dominance of the home tour. Fellow Aussie Robbie McEwen started the day in the ochre jersey, but lost it to Matt Goss, its former wearer. Last year’s winner and this year’s favorite Andre Greipel sits two seconds back from Goss by two seconds ahead of Robbie McEwen of Team RadioShack. A personal favorite, Ben Swift the winner of Stage 2, is comfortably within striking distance in fifth…I ain’t sayin’ nothin’, I’m just sayin’…

Looking ahead to the AFC and NFC Championships, the Bohunk was looking for a way to select a winner in each game. If you, Dear Readers, have been paying attention, the Bohunk’s hoped-for Super Bowl will not come to fruition. The Flying Elvii were bounced, but the Packers of the Bay Verre are still alive. My loathing of both the Steelers and Jets is well-documented; if the Bohunk sees Rex Ryan hoist the Lombardi Trophy, I may never tune in to a Super Bowl, because Ryan is proof that it can be one while being simply arrogant and brash, not super at all. So, the Bohunk is reverting to what the Bohunk knows best, and that, my friends, is Cheer-Babes. By closely examining the level of Cheer-Babe professionalism of each squad, the Bohunk can usually determine a winner. First, we look at the Bears and Packers (below):

Bears are one of only 3 teams without Cheer-Babes…

 

And the Packers are another!

What the hell? Neither team has Cheer-Babes…No one wins…Moving on…What? What the deuce? The Steelers are the third team without cheerleaders! All three teams without Cheer-Babes have a shot at the Really Good Bowl this year. Is the earth off axis? Hath Hell, as I have claimed, frozen over? Yes, yes it has. The Bohunk picks the Jets to win, on the sole reasoning that Cheer-Babe professionalism is a vital support system when a team needs to play De-de-de-defense…Here is a picture of them…

Finally, we come to the Fox of the Week. This one is a bit of a plug for a crappy Adam Sandler movie due out soon, Just Go With It. In a sort-of remake of Big Daddy, Sandler has to deal with kids and eventually ends up with the girl. This Fox, however, is the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition fixture Brooklyn Decker. Brooklyn is also the wife of tennis star Andy Roddick, to note. Enjoy!

Can’t come up with anything remotely clever with this on my screen….

Enjoy the NFL this weekend, folks, because it is almost gone and done with. Just four more football games will be played before the season ends, and one of those is the loaf-fest that is the Pro Bowl. Lap it all up, waft the scents of pigskin joy, for it will be but a happy memory by the second weekend of the next month….

Back on Monday, probably; due to high homework demands and middling post views these past weeks, the Update may become a weekly instead of a daily. But that is to be decided. Enjoy the weekend and, as always, thanks for reading….

Cromartie, Poe, Droopy Dog and the Pasta Investigation…

It is Wednesday, verily, the day of the hump and also of the “Modern Family” at 9, 8 Central. Fight the doldrums until then, and the week will be over before you know…In 48 hours or so.

Reports are that Senator Joe Lieberman (gasps) will not run for President in 2012 (awwwwww) according to members of his staff and certain close aides. The 68 year old senator from Connecticut will announce the decision later in the week or by the end of this month, much to the relief of almost no political rivals. The move benefits Democrats chiefly, at least in the minds of several political pundits. Lieberman spent most of his career as an important figure in the Democratic Party, though has spent the last four years in a creepy ex-boyfriend who has slept around with your enemy stigma attached. Lieberman jumped ship, if you will, ahead of the 2008 Presidential campaign, backing John McCain instead of Barack Obama. He will retire from public service when his current term concludes in two years, quietly bowing from the spotlight and enjoying time with his friends and family. Until then, however, Joe will have to skate the slippery slope between a drastically and violently divided Senate, even in the wake of the supposed ‘peace’ of the Tucson shootings.

Joe Lieberman.

A massive 7.2 earthquake rocked a sparsely populated area of Pakistan today, roughly 200 miles from the closest urban center but strong enough to take a few casualties even in the remote regions of the Pakistani desert. Final reports from the closest cities are not finalized or confirmed, but only one woman was said to have died of a heart attack triggered by the quake. A 7.2 earthquake is massive, similar in strength to the one that triggered the tsunami in the Indian ocean five years ago. An added danger in the region is the poor construction of homes; most structures are made or mud-brick and wood and fail almost immediately during a heavy quake. More on this is it is necessary….

Following up on a religion vs. science story from a month back, the University of Kentucky was forced to pay $125,000 to an astronomy professor who recently brought charges of discrimination against the school after being turned down for a job. To be fair, $125,000 is probably what Kentucky spends on a single basketball recruit each summer, but this is harder to swallow because it won’t translate into PPG. The snubbed professor, C. Martin Gaskell, says he was denied a job with the University because he hinted a belief “something close to a creationist” and “potentially evangelical” in e-mails that circulated within the schools department. To note, however, allowing a person whose research and observations are clouded by religion certainly has an impact on how that professor looks at science. To be fair, however, the University of Kentucky failed to handle the situation properly, which, as we all know, is to deny, deny, deny and then counter-sue.

In another twist in the on-going Pasta Investigation of Lance Armstrong (throw everything at him and see what sticks) reports surfaced of more allegations indicating that Armstrong encouraged and even required EPO use on his Motorola team in the 90s. An unnamed teammate from the ‘95 squad said that Armstrong was the “instigator” of doping on the squad, even instructing teammates on how to use EPO and, more importantly, how to hide it. This is not news, however, the Bohunk finds the recurrent claims of the same charges intriguing…Why repeat the same accusations for almost a year? If there is so much evidence, why can’t anyone present tangible evidence of guilt besides nameless teammates casting blame? Even the FBI admits that it has conducted little to no investigative activity in the past three months, showing that they really have nothing to add to the case. Innocent, innocent, innocent…until factually and indisputably proven guilty by hard evidence.

Lance Armstrong as a Motorola rider and World Champion…before the cancer, the Tours and the allegations….

On this very day in 1809, the dark and mysterious and macabre Edgar Allen Poe was born. After being raised by his godfather, John Allan, Poe wrote three volumes of poetry to almost no acclaim or attention. He took a job as an editor of the Southern Literary Messenger in Richmond, Virginia and married his 13 year old cousin, which, though teachers tell you wasn’t uncommon at the time, was, in fact, a touch odd, even by the standards of the day. He drank heavily and lost his job, forcing a move north to Philadelphia where he kept busy with his hands in a few publications as an editor and a critic. His most famous works, including The Tell-Tale Heart, The Murders At the Rue Morgue and The Fall of the House of Usher all were written during this period, which was actually one of the most tranquil and relatively peaceful of Poe’s life. The stories themselves, however, did not reflect stability; they were odd, dark, horrific and dabbled in mystery, giving Poe the title of the father of the detective story. The Poes moved once more to New York City, where Poe penned "The Raven” his most famous poem. His wife died in 1847, driving Poe to even more voluminous drinking, eventually stumbling into a gutter drunk and dying somewhere in Baltimore in 1849. Poe was forty years old. 

The Bohunk casually and without much concern put forth his AFC Championship prediction, in two parts. A) I don’t care, I think both clubs, Thieves and Aeronautical Studies, alike in a uniform thuggery and criminal mind. There are more fines and arrests between these two teams to equal all of the other teams in the NFL. How can anyone root for them? B) That said, I’ll take the Steelers over the Jets by the simple reasoning of choosing, however reluctantly, the lesser of two great evils. It should be a close contest, if it does not devolve into fisticuffs after James Harrison spears Sanchez and Antonio Cromartie leads his Army of Children into battle (though he doesn’t know any of their names) in retaliation.

Jets cornerback Antonio Cromartie and two Baby-Mamas-To-Be…

A short and not so sweet Update today, though my apologies must be accepted due to impossible circumstances; I have a lot of homework and little sleep. Thanks for reading, folks, and enjoy your day in spite of all things and people…

NFL Play-offs, Cheer-Babe Professionalism, and the Tunisian Devil…

Back to the start, Monday to Friday, and folks, it will not stop so neither should you. Carry hope in thy heart and the weight of the world on your shoulders, as no one else but you can live your life. Enough cheesy crap, let’s dig deeper into this burrito and get to the meat of it…

This weekend saw some excellent professional football play offs, first with the Pittsburgh Steelers (quarterbacked by a rapist) against the Baltimore Nevermores (linebacked by a murderer) beginning the festivities. The Bohunk is not much of a supporter of either team; in fact, I flipped a coin to decide who to pick as a winner because I didn’t want any reason to really cheer for either squad. In one of the ugliest games, with late hits, trash talking and rather embarrassing post-play theatrics, including a fifteen second Hines Ward display of crossed arms that I grew a touch nauseous, neither team acted like a Super Bowl squad. For the Steelers, that is puzzling; most of the team has two rings. But they played down to Baltimore most of the first half, trailing 21-7. Cory Redding, a defensive end for the Nevermores, scooped up a fumble that lay untouched and unnoticed for some time, and sauntered into the end zone, flanked by some teammates, without the Steelers ever taking notice. Aside from that, Ray Rice, the Ravens running back, was invisible except for a fumble. Flacco, the quarterback of the Ravens, one the Bohunk believes is over-hyped, choked. He took bad sacks, ran out of bounds for a loss of four when he could have tossed it away, and barely got off passes when the Nevermores needed a come-from-behind drive. The game turned when All-Pro, All-Everything wide receiver Anquan Boldin dropped a pass in the end zone late that would have given the Ravens a seven point lead late. Granted, the way Pittsburgh was playing, they still would have had to stop the Steelers about three more times which would have very tough. However, the Ravens never truly threatened again, and their booting from the playoffs was certain.

In the night cap, the Green Bay Packers beat the Atlanta Falcons soundly. The Dirty Birds couldn’t run (Michael Turner had just 10 carries for 39 yards) and couldn’t pass either. Matt Ryan, a.k.a The Man With Two First Names, was sacked five times and hit numerous times as he threw.   His receivers were blanketed all night by Tramon Williams and Charles Woodson, and linebackers Clay Matthews and A.J. Hawk (yes, that A.J Hawk) stormed the walls like it was the shores of Tripoli. The Bohunk, in all his knowledge, has pinpointed, for your benefit, the exact moment the game turned. After a Packers score, the Atlanta Falcons kick returner Eric Weems returned a kick 102 yards for a touchdown, the longest play in the history of the playoffs. Celebrate, you Falcons fans! Cheer, rejoice, for the football gods are for ye! But soft! What distraction on the sidelines! The Cheer-Babes of the Falcons are, yes, most certainly, gyrating and hooping-and-hollering, but not in unison! The blonde is doing a hip thing, and the brunette on the end isn’t even facing forward! What heresy is this, that the Cheer-Babes, professionals, cannot stay in unison! Upon viewing this spectacle with vigorous intensity, the Bohunk said to the room at large, “Game Over.” No one can respond after poor Cheer-Babing, least of all the Falcons without a run game. Soon, it was 35-14 and the Packers were in cruise mode. The Bohunk Super Bowl prediction, Packers vs. Flying Elvii, is still alive. And let this be a lesson to Cheer-Babes everywhere: When you tell the players to “Go” make sure you do so together and with smiles; the football gods will punish ye. 

Spirits were high before the Unthinkable; here, the Cheer-Babes are in unison. It was not
to last, however.

The Tour Down Under, the first major cycling race of the season, begins tomorrow, and the cycling community (and This Guy) are relieved to have the Best Sport In The World back to discuss and over analyze. While the turn out among pros has been the best in the history of the event, inevitably, all eyes with be on Lance Armstrong, who attends the race in what will be his last international race of his career. He will probably end up in a few US races, but as far as big European races, this little jaunt in Australia will have to do as a fare-thee-well. He is joined by the very, very Australian Robbie McEwan and one of the best sprinting fields assembled, including Andre Greipel, Gerald Ciolek, Mark Cavendish and Tylar Farrar. As McEwan says, the presence of so many sprinters could result in a “Mexican stand-off” situation, meaning a breakaway could get a big lead and hold it while the teams refuse to chase in the peloton. The Bohunk’s prediction: Greipel takes the first meeting against Cavendish in a massive, testy field sprint. Cavendish typically starts the season slow, though I can also see him being motivated and ready to tear the legs off anyone looking to challenge him. Lance will go on a forlorn but heroic attack at some point, but to no avail. All the best to him, though, and thanks for almost two decades of great racing.

Lance Armstrong modeling the new 2011 RadioShack kit. Best of luck, Juan Pelota.

The Bohunk hopes you haven’t noticed this, but there has been a bit of a freak out after astronomers noticed that the constellations have shifted due to the wobble of the earth’s rotation. The 26,000 year cycle means that, every so often, the constellations shift as the earth moves along its axis. This equates to a shift of roughly 50 seconds every year, so the distance the axis ‘moves’ is tiny. However, those looking to the heavens knew and even predicted this movement as far back as 7,000 years ago in Ancient Greece. People who believe in astrology, which, it should be noted, attributes certain behaviors and influences completely superficially to contrived shapes in the sky, have been panicked to see how the change will ‘affect’ their personality. It won’t; in fact, if you work by degrees, and the geologic shift of time, you were probably born under a different sign than that which you attribute to yourself, anyway. In fact, most signs shift every 2,160 years, but we haven’t adjusted until now. So if you believe in this mularky…

"Astrologers look beyond the five senses into the sixth and seven sense that transcend material boundaries.” ~The Epoch Times

…I am sure you can allow for some basic misinformation anyway….

It is, folks, a revolution in Tunisia. The army drove through the capital of Tunis this weekend, ousting all remnants of militia and security forces loyal to overthrown President Zine el Abidine ben Ali. Arrests around the country have rounded up much of the former regime, including former Interior Minister Rafik Belhaj Kassim in his hometown of Beja. Kassim headed both the main security force of the country and the state TV broadcast station, both, citizens claim, serving as instruments of oppression and stifling political and social freedoms. A new Cabinet comprised of various political parties is being assembled to take provisional control of the country until elections and other preparations can be made to establish a long term political structure. The working officials say they hope to hold free elections in 60 days and that they may rely on international help to ensure that peace is established before those elections can take place. Makeshift militias have created roadblocks around major cities to stop the exodus of former government officials and to maintain order, calling in army or new government security forces to keep the peace. The international community should cheer the urge for freedom and try to discourage any more loss of life in this nation’s future developments.

The Seahawks went to a frozen Soldier Field and looked exactly like the Seahawks we had all expected to see. After playing the Martyrs and winning against some long odds, they sauntered into Chicago against a much better team contented with simply winning one game and going home. They slowly lost ground as the offense did nothing; their first scoring drive was only 18 yards for a field goal. It happened while down 28-0 with a minute left in the third quarter. You are down by four touchdowns, it’s the playoffs; what does three points do for you? Nothing. Pete Carroll took the field goal because 28-0 sounds worse than 28-3, though it is the same thing in the end, a loss. Carroll was scared and playing not to lose. In the first quarter, fourth and one in Chicago territory (the 41, to be exact) Pete had the chance to take the momentum by the balls. Get a first, quiet the stirred, freezing crowd and get on the board; fear took over, and the punt unit jogged on. The Bohunk said, “Game Over.” The Bears will take on the Packers in the Coolest NFC Championship Game In A Long Time next week. Picks and predictions to come…

The best return man in the history of the game; Packers, be warned…

The Flying Elvii fell 28-21 to the New York Jets. Frankly, the Bohunk is torn for the AFC Championship; a rapist (Big Ben) against a loud mouth (Rex Ryan), the worst example of fatherhood in America (Antonio Cromartie) and the organization with the most NFL investigations since the 2008 Bengals. I’m going to have to go with the Thieves for the simple fact that they have less players likely to be arraigned this week. Tom “Bieber” Brady tossed for 300 yards, 2 TDs and a pick and will be blamed for the loss. That is the price for being the face of a dynasty; all the blame and the obligation to share the glory. The Jets did just enough to win; and they will not do so again this year.

Thanks for reading folks, back tomorrow and with results from the Tour Down Under and the arrest reports from Rex Ryan robbing a FootLocker store…

Foxy Friday, Awesome Evolution, Acid and Cells…

It’s Foxy Friday, your favorite day of the week and, I assure you, mine as well. The week is done, you’re still giggling like an drunkard over NBC’s hit Thursday night line-up, and you know there will be a scantily clad but admirable woman nestled on some lucky spot on this page. Get started, and don’t worry, she’s in here somewhere…

Like it or not, we are as certain of evolution in the scientific community as we are of any ‘fact’ you may mention. The scientific method would allow that nothing can be absolutely certain because there is always some fact lagging behind to, potentially, if not foreseeably, falsify it. And this rule goes back billions of years, though we need not venture so far. New research shows that the tyrannosaurus rex gradually evolved from a pint size, adorable little meat-eater called Eodromaeus. It was just four feet long and no more than 15 pounds, but laid a foundation of survival for many branches of later dinos, including the T-Rex everyone imagines. The Eodromaeus was thought also to resemble the raptor, but it evolved from a different very small, four foot long creature as well. Scientists are now leaning toward the theory that all dinosaurs emerged from a species of that size and build and eventually branched off to hundreds and even thousands of species over hundreds of millions of years. And they had enough time; remember, dinosaurs lived for well over a hundred million years while we have only just joined the party, just about 20,000 years ago. If we survive our wars and environmental failures, who knows, we could develop into myriad new potential forms. We could live for a few hundred years, and women could look attractive well into their 100s…Well, we can only hope, for our children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s…..children’s children’s children’s sake….

“Cool, a T-Rex!” said the third grader. And the Bohunk.

It is a match up fans and TV execs are drooling over; Chicago Bears against the Green Bay Packers (imagine Chris Berman’s voice on that one) the oldest rivalry in professional football and undoubtedly the most organic, natural and raw. Unfortunately, both squads have to defeat another foe first; the Green Bowl Packers take on the Hotlanta Dirty Birds Saturday night, in prime time and in the Georgia Dome where Matt Ryan has only lost twice. Ever. A word of warning against the Pack; never doubt a man with two first names. Matt Ryan, a Pro Bowl pick over Green Bay’s Aaron Rodgers despite less gaudy numbers, just wins like Cris Carter used to just catch touchdowns. The Falcons just barely beat the Pack earlier this season, though it was touch and go throughout and the Bohunk was quite convinced Le Bay Verre should have won. Da Bears play the Seattle Seahawks, but that shouldn’t be hard, right? Ask Drew Brees and last year’s Super Bowl Hoisters, who were felled like a white pine just a week ago by the “bad” Seabirds who “shouldn’t be in the playoffs”…They are in, folks, and they won. Some expect a huge let down after overcoming the Martyrs last week, but the Bohunk would advise caution to Jay Cutti (Jay Cutler) and Da Bears; as crooked as Pete Carroll was at USC, imagine what malicious, foul evils he has conjured in the professional ranks. The Bohunk will take Bears over Seahawks, however, because I want to see the NFC North showdown in a week’s time. So, I’ll take Packer over Dirty Birds, Flying Elvii over jets (not capitalizing their nickname anymore; to Rex Ryan, “Yeah, it’s personal.” And the Ravens over the Steelers, because Big Ben is a Huge Ass…

Matt Ryan: Beware a man with two first names.

Time for the Fox of the Week, presented by (Somebody Pay Me For This). This week, the Bohunk presents very, very Danish tennis star Caroline Wozniacki. Caroline is the world #1 and has won twelve WTA singles titles. She comes from good stock; her mother was an Olympic volleyballer and her dad was a professional soccer player. Her parents moved to Denmark when her father, Piotr, signed with a Danish soccer squad, leaving their homeland of Poland. Caroline just began her 2011 season in a series of exhibition matches in Thailand. Go, Caroline, for thou doth have the world in love-love (two points for the easy tennis pun).

The Bohunk would like to congratulate Caroline, but, alas, I don’t speak Danish.

In the social networking world, former giant MySpace is looking to sell out, should the right offer come along. And that offer would be any offer, or so it appears. Owner Mike Jones (who?) says he is ready to part ways with MySpace, the original social networking giant to find widespread popularity before Facebook took over among people from pimply pre-teens to octogenarians. Just this week, MySpace dumped over 500 of its staff, roughly 47% of its employees. No serious offers are in place (one person offered $100, and, supposedly, has not yet been turned down) but the company will change hands soon, but for what price, we can only guess. If you pool your money with some friends, hey, maybe you could buy it! And then forget to check it because you were on Twitter and Facebook…

A massive barge carrying tons of sulfuric acid sunk in the busy Rhine river today in Germany. 2,400 tons of acid are in the river though still contained in the locked and sealed bays of the barge. Two of the crew, a German and a fellow Bohunk are missing, though authorities still have hope of locating the two men who may have been swept downstream. The barge may have struck the rocky bottom of the river, though no official version of the sinking has been proposed by authorities. The Bohunk points out that having 2,400 tons of sulfuric acid in the river, though not devastating, is probably not a safe idea. This opinion will no doubt create some immediate and sweeping response by authorities.

A quick plug for an outstanding book, The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot. It is the story of the famous HeLa cells, integral in numerous medical breakthroughs from cancer to AIDs, and the woman they belong to. Skloot takes us through the life and death of Henrietta Lacks, the woman responsible for the most prolific ‘immortal’ cells in history. From her humble beginnings, her childhood and adult life, we see the woman that gave science one of the most important gifts in the history of mankind. But Skloot shows us that Henrietta hardly knew what she gave, let alone what her treatment consisted over. Her family gained no financial compensation though Henrietta’s cells sold for $25-50 a vial. Skloot is an great writer and an honest participate in a story that is still unfolding. If you’d like to pick it up, check out Barnes and Noble here.

Thanks for reading, folks! The Bohunk will repost the week’s Top Post tomorrow and return Monday morning refreshed and invigorated. Enjoy the football, and read a book, too.

Thanks for all who supported and helped the BoScoots this week when she really need it. A sad tribute to the Bohunk’s trusted sedan, Stratty, a.k.a Stratina, Monday morning…

Denard Robinson: Transfer?, Mudslides, and Mormons…

Welcome to Thursday, and folks, it’s all down hill from here…Let’s just get started…

In the thundering emptiness that once was the Metropolis of Detroit, a serial rapist runs rampant (two points for alliteration) stalking women and forcing them at gunpoint into his car, taking them elsewhere to rape them. The targeted women are usually walking alone late and night or early in the morning when they are accosted, easy prey for sick SOBs like this guy. Some women were actually driving when the man stopped them at gunpoint and demanded they get out of their vehicle or be shot. Police have declined to announce how many women have come forward but the number is substantial enough to warrant a concentrated effort by the Detroit police (who usual lack effort of any kind, especially the concentrated sort) to find the man. Witnesses say he is late thirties, African-American and very thin with a mustache. So, for your safety, don’t walk around Detroit. Period.

Authorities compiled this sketch of the man. Looks a lot like
Antonio Cromartie, if you ask me….

Massive floods and mudslides claimed at least 270 people in Brazil yesterday after torrential rains and over flowing rivers and streams caused massive chucks of earth to dislodge from mountainsides. Over 250 were killed outside of Rio de Janeiro and 13 more outside of Sao Paolo. As much rain as Brazil averages in a month fell in just twenty four hours, breaking apart hills and over flowing the banks of nearly every body of water in the region. At least 60 are still missing, and the death toll is continuing to rise. Rescuers are focusing on locating and helping stranded survivors in the region before any attempt at retrieving bodies is attempted. Your thoughts are appreciated, and much more on this as news spreads. Same goes for the Australians suffering under floods around Brisbane, where many are dead and rescuers are still trying to locate the roughly 90 or so people still unaccounted for in the region….

Riots and protests (the Bohunk includes both, for it depends on your viewpoint; I prefer protests cause I prefer freedom) are raging in Tunisia, especially in the uninspired-named capital of Tunis. Lopping off the last part of your country’s name to name the capital is just lazy. Maybe that is why, in some small part, thousands are protesting against the Arab government in the country, similar to the protests in Sudan. Even the US is critical of the lack of freedom found in Tunisia, a very rare critique of the Arab-yet-pro-America government. It said that its attempted control of media, especially the Internet, endangers the freedoms of its citizens and the benefits of the Internet as a whole. Tunisian protesters have layered Tunis with spray painted “Freedom From 404”, a tagline playing on the 404, File Not Found response triggered by blocked or restricted sites. Bloggers and Internet journalists are piling on the Freedom Freeway, railing against the Tunisian government and have reposted images and videos from the protests, including the bodies of men shot and killed during protests just this very morning. Freedom, my friends, is not free; we need to hold it at all costs. More power to the Tunisian people, and we can only hope that they can find a more peaceful way of gaining their freedom of speech and expression…

Here are some depressing headlines I would include in the Update, but have chosen not to in order to prevent depression:

~Train shooting adds to Christian fears in Egypt
~Flood affects 1 million in Sri Lanka
~Mexico’s Grim Toll of Death In Drug War Hits New High

If you like the Mormons, and I know you don’t, today is the day they really got it started. In the wake of the Panic of 1837, Joseph Smith, yes, that Joseph Smith, led his little band of Latter Day Saints out of Ohio…fleeing from arrest. Smith claimed in 1823 that an angel visited him and told he was a prophet. In 1827, he happened upon some gold tablets (way cooler than Moses’ stone tablets, but not as cool as the Android Tablets) which he claimed was a new gospel. He released 5,000 copies of “The Book of Mormon”, outraging nearly everyone. Americans, historical easy to fool in religious matters (yep, looking right at you, Ghost of Billy Graham) and many flocked to the radical new make-believe story. After being driven out of New York, Ohio and Missouri, the Mormons ended up in Utah, though after Joseph Smith’s death. For an excellent look at the sheer balls of the man Smith, and of the incredible and literally unbelievable tale of the origin of a still thriving religion, check out Jon Krakauer’s “Under The Banner of Heaven”.

Denard Robinson takes flight; hopefully, he doth not fly too close to the sun…of Florida.

Quite quickly, the Bohunk’s Most Exciting Person of College Football, Denard Robinson, appears to be returning to the University of Michigan after his coach, Rich Rodriguez, was fired and then replaced by San Diego State coach Brady Hoke. Some speculated that the extremely gifted athlete would bolt to either Florida of the University of Central Florida if Rodriguez was fired, but the Dreadlocked Dodger says he would much prefer to stay in Ann Arbor. The new offensive coordinator, Al Borges, is reportedly very capable of adapting a spread offense to fit Robinson’s skillset, and that a meeting this morning between Robinson and Hoke would go a long way in determining Robinson’s future. The Bohunk thought RichRod should have been given one more year on the condition that he fired everyone even remotely related to the defensive side of the ball. Michigan’s defense, as the Bohonk has carefully and repeatedly noted, was just inconvenient to opposing offenses. They made scoring easy, and teams like Mississippi State hardly broke a bead while gallivanting up and down the field. But with Hoke, Michigan faces another 3 years of adjustment and tough times. And now, they have to play Nebraska….

A future Christmas celebration in Wisconsin…But remember, this
would be a bad thing environmentally…Don’t start trying to raise
the world’s temperature.

You should care about the environment. It is all around you and those you care about, and driving your Escalade to the river to dump out your used oil is no way to treat the most enveloping aspect of the nature world; again, it is all around all of us. Those who don’t believe in global warming, or, as it is more commonly and accurately known now, climate change, are flatly ignorant. And despite our knowledge of its effects, causes and potential consequences, the Global Community (that’s all of us, man) have failed to make any significant commitment to the future of our only planet. 2010 was the warmest year on record at 58.12 degrees on average, which is 1.12 degrees above the established average of the twentieth century. The idiot (or Republican) out there will say, “Yes, but that is but one degree! I shall retain my 12-cylinder Lamborghini!” The Bohunk will point out that, a few hundred years ago, the planet’s average temperature rose one degree after massive amounts of volcanic ash caused widespread greenhouse gases and heat retention. The result? It reversed a millions-of-years-old ice age, melting most glaciers, even one in North America that stretched from Hudson’s Bay in Canada, west to the Rockies, east to New York and south to Iowa…and was three miles thick. The world, as they say, has never been the same. And the change of temperature in that cause took a thousand years, not one hundred, which is essentially the 20th century till today. Can the earth shrug off out impact? Yes, absolutely. But it might shrug us off in the process, even if we survive wars over resources and water. 

Thanks for reading, see you again tomorrow for Foxy Friday, which might just feature the Oregon Ducks’ cheerleaders again, just for fun. Chapeau! 

Telescopes, Foot Fetishes, The Prolific Father, and Haiti

It's Wednesday, the Day of the Hump and Modern Family on ABC. Not the worst day of the week, if you don;t believe its nasty reputation. And it sure beats the piss out of Monday, without question....

A suicide bomber killed four in Afghanistan yesterday when he detonated his explosives just outside the nation's Parliament building. In a separate incident, a bomb killed four NATO soldiers while on patrol. Still three more were killed in a Taliban strike on a security depot near Kabul. The situation in Afghanistan is deteriorating and it will be up to the police and other security forces to respond in the face of rising tension and violence. With the US now firmly departing in the near future, with some units already being called home, the meager and provenly unreliable security forces will be the only defense against these types of attacks. They have little or no history of success, and, in fact, are more noted in Western media for thorough corruption, violence and a repeated reluctance to engage enemy forces. The Bohunk is not a military expert, though I watch a lot of History Channel, so I can predict that those forces are not very reassuring.

If you frequent hobby shops and the like, you may have noticed that telescopes are expensive. Europe, which is an entity with deeper pockets than thou, is showing of the Planck space telescope which has been giving astronomers some dazzling views of deep space that we have never witnessed before. The Planck space telescope has discovered over 15,000 new celestial objects and 30 all-new galaxy clusters. The telescope is 937,000 miles from earth but still orbiting in our atmosphere, scanning the universe and looking through a fog of microwaves that exist in the void. The fog is caused by the constant and impossibly numerous granules spinning around themselves and colliding with others at several billion times a second. These granules collide with themselves, fast moving atoms and particles, and packets of ultraviolet light. Now that we can 'see' (which, remember, we can't; we only see aspects of the waves of a very distant light, and only through a severely limited spectrum) these far and distant places, we can learn very much about our universe and its behavior. Is the universe accelerating in expansion equally in all directions? Might there be, in the far distance, aspects of the universe we have not discovered in our own galaxy? We don't know everything, we know almost nothing. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.

In the on-going case of Contador and the Tainted Spanish Beef, UCI President Pat McQuaid believes that Contador will not be able to resolve his doping issues and to compete in next year's Tour de France. The Spanish Federation regarding sports is handling the case, but even if it comes to a conclusion by the end of the month, an appeal by Contador or the UCI would drag the case on for even more time, almost certainly more than the few months left before the big race in July. While under suspension, Contador cannot participate in cycling events, making it nearly impossible to mimic race conditions and fitness. Frankly, the Pint-sized Pistolero from Pinto will not be involved in racing this season, and it will be very interesting, and no doubt a testament to his character, to see if he fulfills his vow to quit if he is found guilty. McQuaid believes his absence will fuel other riders to vie for the top step in Paris. The Bohunk says the Schlecks are going to extremely powerful, but do not count out Cadel Evans, one of my favorite riders and a man coming off a terrific and gritty 2010. Denis Menchov and Carlos Sastre from Geox could also be dangerous, especially in this climber's course.

Those New York Jets sure can talk, talk, talk. From "Hard Knocks" to the Spanish reporter incident to Rex Ryan foot fetish videos, they are rarely closed-mouth. Reporters pointed out that, while the Patriots routed the Jets 45-3, the Flying Elvii quarterback gesticulated toward the Jets' sidelines, seemingly taunting them. Jets cornerback Antonio Cromartie said that Brady "can't throw the ball" if he "beat(s) the s@#$ out of his receivers" a charge that is both accurate but, unfortunately, assault, not football. He must not have discovered such a tactic in their last meeting, as he gave up numerous chunks of yards and touchdowns. Cromartie was not hot last weekend against the Young Horses, giving up massive touchdowns to Pierre Garcon and looking, at times, quite bewildered. As a testament to his personality, note, my dear reader, that Cromartie has nine children with eight women in six different states. He also been named in five paternity suits in just the past two years, so it is entirely possible he has more kids. He famously, or infamously, failed to remember his kids' names in an episode of "Hard Knock" and, during that same time, received a $500,000 advance from the Jets to pay outstanding child support payments. As if I would doubt the Best Team In The NFL, I also needed no more reason to root against the Jets. On, ye Flying Elvii, and take that rounded orb across the plane of the End Zone!

The Haitian earthquake happened exactly one year ago today. Less than 5% of the country has been repaired, and no person escaped the event without the loss of a loved one. Over 250,000 people died when a 7.0 sized earthquake struck at 4.53 local time. Today, at that hour, the nation will observe a moment of silence for those lost and many will attend church services to honor the dead and to observe the plight of the 800,000 people still in temporary, make-shift shelters and camps. Former President Bill Clinton will be in the capital Port-au-Prince attending a church service and looking at reconstruction crews and Red Cross work around the capital. If you have a moment, think of the disaster and those affected by it.

That will have to be it for the Bohunk, as I am quite busy nursing my beloved after her car accident. Thanks for reading, everyone, and come on back tomorrow for more news and snide comments.

Oregon, My Oregon, Cheer-Babe Special and An Aged Red Wine…

It’s 1/11/11 today, and I have no doubt that I was the one thousandth person to point that out to you today. Tell other people, as many as you can, even make it your Facebook status; we don’t want people to live uninformed that today is, in fact, 1/11/11. Moving on…

It was the BCS National Championship game, and though it pains the Bohunk’s very soul and beating heart, we shall discuss portions. The Auburn Tigers, led by dubious Cam “So Paid” Newton beat Oregon, My Oregon 22-19. Two amazing, prolific offenses and few points; don’t be surprised, these defenses had a month to prepare for the power of Auburn and speed of Oregon. Darren Thomas, the leader and quarterback for the Quack Attack, tossed two interceptions in the first half, an uncharacteristic performance. LeMichael James had just 49 yards rushing to Michael Dyer of Auburn’s 143. Oregon without the run isn’t Oregon; the play action passes didn’t freeze the defense, the zone reads and option plays were attacked without hesitation, and Thomas missed more than a few reads throughout the game. Enjoy all the hype and fame, Auburn, for it shall soon crash down upon you like the hand of God….As I highlight for all Justice Guided Peoples, the only picture I shall post from that terrible evening so close and hurtful in our minds is of the Oregon Amateur Cheer-Babes….

Go Ducks! Go Ducks! Ignore the disaster on the field and just Go Ducks!

While watching the game, the Bohunk could not believe the supporters of Auburn on social media. How, I wondered, could people root for someone they know tried to cheat, and in all likelihood is being paid for partaking in an amateur sport? A friend on Twitter commented “I wonder how much money Cam Newton will get for winning the National Championship?” Even the fact that he tried or is accepting money from Auburn is not enough. That is putting aside is known past; he was caught stealing computers while at the University of Florida, and he removed himself from that institution after being caught cheating in classes. His father shopped him around the SEC schools; to assume Cam Newton didn’t know is naïve and simple. Reggie Bush was guilty of accepting funds, a house and other privileges just a few months back, and he ‘didn’t know’, but he was declared ineligible and the wins taken away. How is Cam Newton’s situation any different? How do we know he did it? Last year, a week after Cam Newton signed to Auburn, his father Cecil Newton was driving a $72,000 Escalade. A week later still, and the pastor (yes, Cam’s dad is a man of the cloth BRIBING people and lying, Go Religion!) had enough funds to pay his local town board to remove the condemned ruling from his church and to begin repairs. Where did the money come from? You, my dear reader, tell me… 

*Bonus photo. I refuse to post another picture of Cam Newton. Go Ducks! Again!

Rare but inspiring good news from Haiti, a very important recurring article in the Update. It has almost exactly a year since an earthquake ripped apart the capital, Port-au-Prince, and only roughly 5% of the rubble that chokes the city’s streets has been removed. Now, before the National Palace, or the Champs de Mars plaza in front of the Palace are repaired, workers are putting the finishing touches on the Marche en Fer is nearly returned to it former glory. The 19th century building was actually constructed in France and intended to serve as a railway station in Cairo, Egypt. For reasons unknown, it landed in Haiti in 1891 and server as “the economic and cultural fulcrum of the city,” according to Irishman Denis O’Brien, a man who has invest millions into the restoration. O’Brien owns a cellphone market that thrived in Haiti, and his money has been used to hire “hundreds of workers, import materials and not flinch too much at cost overruns.” According to The New York Times, O’Brien has even filed his Haitian taxes a year early to help fund humanitarian efforts in the country. All praise and “props”, as the kids would say, to Mr. O’Brien and his efforts on behalf of the Haitian people. It might just get him into the Bohunk Hall of Fame, one day…

Jared L. Loughner, the man who shot and killed six in Tucson last Saturday, will not contest his detainment and forego any bail hearings. He has not made a plea, guilty or innocent, and is now under the counseling of a specialist lawyer, Judy Clarke. Clarke is a capital-defense lawyer who has been successful in getting death penalties reduced to life in prison for some shady characters like Theodore J. Kasczynski, Eric Rudoplh and Susan Smith. (Unabomber, Atlanta Olympics bomber, and drowned her toddlers, respectively) Her motivations for defended this criminals is her loathing of the death penalty, not, she says, only from a political standpoint, but also in her experiences with clients. After the Smith case, she returned to the State of South Carolina all $82,000 they had paid her as a public defendant and returned home, saying that defending life over death was reward enough. Her family tried to instill her with independent thinking, and they together rallied and organized a campaign to unseat Jesse Helms, a Republican Senator in the 1990s. Their actions were sparked by a letter from Helms, one Great Big Asshole, that Judy’s brother Mark had “played Russian roulette in his sexual activity” after Mark died of AIDS at the young age of 31. More on the Loughner case as it comes…

In tech an business news, Verizon is set to unveil the iPhone in their stores this Tuesday. The problem, however, is that a massive percentage of those who would like an iPhone already have them and are under contract with AT&T. In fact, AT&T sold about 15 million iPhones last year, though Verizon will surely sell a few million this year as well. The two are already taking shots at each other, most notably pointing out that Verizon’s iPhones will be markedly slowly because of their data format. Apple is reaping the benefits of the competition, however; shares in the company are up to an all-time high of $342.45. Apple’s market value is estimated at $314 billion, only behind Exxon-Mobil as the US’s richest company. All of that doesn’t matter; people just want to check Facebook compulsively and play “Angry Birds”…Imagine the heartlessness of those pigs stealing the birds’ eggs! I’d launch myself into any wild construction of ice and wood to break those pigs, too!

The world’s oldest vineyard ever was found. As you may have guessed, the Bohunk is a classy, debonair type gent, and has been known to be a discerning wine critic after years of working at a respected vineyard on the beautiful Old Mission Peninsula, Chateau Chantal. (I mostly carried cases of wine from the cellar to the tasting room) So imagine my interest (piqued, imagine it piqued) when scientists claimed to have found a winemaking operation roughly 6,100 years old. This would date the site during the Late Chalcolithic Period, the same age wherein the wheel was invented and the horse was domesticated, some pretty important parts of human history. The wine stuffs were found in a cave in Armenia by American, Armenian and Irish archeologists just this past week. The site had jarred seeds of grapes and other plants which will be studied for their DNA and to determine many aspects of daily ancient life. Botanists even want to plant some and to see if they bud, and what sort of fruit they would produce. Pretty cool, huh?

Thanks for reading folks, more and better effort tomorrow, as always. With any luck, you will find the strength to move on from the Oregon, My Oregon loss…

Rep. Giffords, the Pope’s Pockets, and the Martyrs Lose…

It’s Monday, and for some, the return to higher education, including Yours Truly. Stave off that knowledge that costs you thousands and indulge in some information that cost you nothing…For now.

First, the Bohunk must belatedly cover the tragic shooting in Tuscon. On Saturday, a 22 year old college dropout named Jared Lee Loughner opened fire that wounded 20 people, six of whom would succumb to their injuries at a nearby hospital. The target of the attack was Representative Gabrielle Giffords, a Democratic Congresswomen. Coverage of the shooting was almost instantaneous, with local media already filming when the man walked up and began firing at Rep. Giffords, hitting her in the head and back and point-blank range. Initially reports stated that the bullet went through Giffords’ skull and exited at a high point on her face. Six other victims died later from injuries received while Loughner sprayed bullets wildly. One victim was a nine-year-old boy. Evidence from a search of Loughner’s home included a letter that pointed to an long-planned attack, with Loughner purchasing a semi-automatic Glock on November 30th. Documents found at the site include a letter from the Representative thanking Loughner for his attendance at a 2007 event that Giffords at attended. Loughner also killed US District Judge John M. Roll and Congressional Aide Gabriel Zimmerman. The Bohunk believes in justice, but in the case of Loughner, he may not deserve it. More on this as things unfold….

You have to be Sudanese to vote, but feel free to have a sugar cookie for showing up.

In historic news for Democracy (which is 2-0 after defeating Monarchist and Communists in the 20th century) as Southern Sudanese vote on a measure that would allow for a massive geographic of the country to survive as an independent nation. Thousands of people flooded polling stations before they had even opening, with sights of joy and ‘national’ pride making the mood light and jolly, things the West rarely sees on the beleaguered African continent. Three quarters of the voters cannot read; the choices, secession or unity, were represented by a single and or two hand clasped together, respectively. After decades of civil war, starvation, oppression and pointed displacement, the African south of Sudan sees separation as an escape of Biblical proportions. The Sudanese government, thoroughly Arab and terribly racist, has burned down villages, killed civilians without consequence and even kidnapped thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, of African Sudanese and sold them into slavery in the northern portion of the country. Sudan gained its independence in 1956, but the urge to secede from the north already had roots in the south. If the measure passes, South Sudan will be one of the poorest nations in the world. However, the difficult parts of the split, including dividing revenues from the nation’s oil fields and negotiating the ownership of disputed territories could take months or years. If it means an end to generational genocide and civil war, then all the work is obviously worth it. (Don’t worry, George Clooney and Jimmy Carter are both in the country to help monitor; there’s no way that pair fails)

Pssst…The Seattle Seahawks beat the Saints. Holy crap, you say? Yes, quite; the Martyrs did nothing that resembles their squad that won the Large Dish last season. They ran inconsistently, passed short and dinky-like, and they couldn’t hit the onside kick. The Bohunk admits, I picked the Saints to win, but after seeing them come up short on 4th and 1 relatively early in the first half, doubt crept in like a sinful nun. Pete “Cheerleader” Carroll , who high tailed it out of USC just in time to avoid sanctions and the Reggie Bush scandal (they hugged after the game) led the aged Matt “Laying on My” Hasselback back to the future, looking like the Super Bowl squad that got beat by the Steelers fifteen years ago (seems like a long time, anyway). In the AFC, Peyton Manning drove 80 yards in under 2 minutes to allow Adam Vinateri to kick the game-winner. Unfortunately, Peyton started the drive with almost 3 and a half minutes, giving Mark “Fratboy” Sanchez a minute to counter. Antonio Cromartie, struggling against Pierre Garcon all day, redeemed himself by returning the kick-off to midfield with just under 60 seconds to go. The Colts kicked it deep with under a minute of game clock left….Kick it on the ground! Squib! Squib! And I don’t mean a non-magical member of the wizard community, a la Harry Potter. Knock it twenty yards on a nice slow roll to a fat tackle or linebacker who will be literally defecating in his pantaloons at the prospect of fielding the pigskin. As the ball sailed high, the Bohunk declared to the room, “I’d have squibbed it; I’m a squibber.” Cromartie made the fifty, and Sanchez dinked and dunked into field goal range. Enjoy the cold, ugly winter in America’s Asshole, Indiana. (Sorry Indianians, or whatever you’re called. Hoosiers, maybe?)

Look, Ma, one hand! One game! And we’re out!

And on the second day, the Football Gods gave us the Chefs and the Nevermores. Baltimore’s Flacco, a 1/4 back, played well but unspectacularly (remember Trent Dilfer? No? Same plan; just don’t let the quarterback lose it) to guide the BlackBirds past the Chefs. The Chief’s running back, Lamont Charles, who averaged over six yards per carry  all season, ran for 87 yards in the first half on just seven carries. It was not enough, and the Chefs are out. The Packers beat the Eagles, and are hoping to be the first six seed to win the Super Bowl from the NFC, ever. Sports Illustrated called it, and the Bohunk has them beating the Falcons next week, and then beating Da Bears to get tickets to Dallas. In the AFC, you should know exactly who the Bohunk has winning if you read occasionally. The Best Team In The NFL (that’s the Patriots, wise-ass) will represent the AFC, after schellacking the Jets and then, I predict, the Steelers. Write that down. I’m willing to put tens of dollars on it….

Party like a Rock (that the Church is built on), Party like a Rock, Party like a Rock Star…

In Pope news, Benedict XVI says atheists are the cause for global warming and the generally crappy outlook for the environment. The Pontiff said that,

“If the human creature's relationship with the Creator weakens, matter is reduced to egoistic possession, man becomes the ‘final authority,’ and the objective of existence is reduced to a feverish race to possess the most possible.”

So, if man doesn’t believe in God, politicians and corporations are going to capitalize on the material resources of the earth for economic gain and run amok. Thank God that hasn’t happened yet, my goodness! The Bohunk would like to thank the Vatican for collecting as much money as they can, so businesses and godless corporations like Chase, General Motors, General Electric, and TWA get it all. Oh, what’s that Your Holiest? You own millions of shares in those US companies? And the dioceses of the US alone are worth over $500 million? You are way ahead in this wealth/resource gathering than I thought! The Top Banana in the Tree Upstairs must have tipped you off.

Thanks for reading, more hard-hitting news and heretical statements tomorrow! Enjoy Monda~ Oh crap, there’s no football on….(Just kidding, Go Ducks!)

Starbucks, Rich Rod, Holes and the N~Word…

It’s Thursday, you may notice, which is one day before Friday and then the weekend. The problem, or blessing depending on your view, is that upon the completion of the weekend, this cycle begins anew. Stave off the inevitable with the Update…

Jumping straight to the good stuff, we find ourselves in the heated debate of black holes. One of the most mysterious aspects of our universe is the black hole, long believed to be exaggerated by high speed collisions. The black hole devours all matter around it, and then, over the course of a few billion years, reemerges and develops, over a few more billion years, into a new galaxy or star system. Some black holes develop an inconstant rates, accelerating quickly at random intervals before slowing again. Many scientists had believed that this was a by product of cosmic collisions, celestial entities slamming at thousand of light years’ speed into the black hole and making its size ‘jump’. However, recent studies show that, over the past 8 billion years, collisions of this type have no influence on the size of a black hole, or its rate of growth. Then how does the gravitational force of a black hole change? How can it go against all the laws of physics and change its rate of growth and shift in overall size. We haven’t the foggiest. We don’t know everything, we know almost nothing. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.

Artist rendering of a black hole; if it was really this color, it would be called a ‘Trippy
Hole’.

In cycling news, Lance Armstrong says he is not concerned or bothered by the on-going federal investigation into his career. In an interview with the Sydney Morning Herald Lance says he has many concerns involving the future of the sport, but refused to speak at length on the US and Food and Drug Administration’s long investigation the United States Postal Service Cycling squad of the late ‘90s, Armstrong’s sponsor for six of his seven Tour de France wins.A grand jury in Los Angeles has been presented with evidence and testimonies for months after doper Floyd Landis presented a case against Armstrong. Armstrong’s final international cycling event will be in Australia’s Tour Down under this spring. Frankly, this is ruining the sport, especially in conjunction with Alberto Contador’s Case of the Tainted Spanish Beef still being deliberated in a Spanish court. The Bohunk smells something fishy in both situations…but that is relatively normal in cycling, unfortunately.

Lance Armstong vs Jan Ullrich: A battle for the ages. Both are suspected of being doped
to the gills throughout their Tour wins. (Ullrich won in 1997; Armstong 1999-2005)

Starbucks, the Best Smelling Store Around, changed it logo to celebrate its 40th anniversary, highlighting their traditional green siren but dropping the circle that heretofore surrounded her. People with nothing better to do commenced directly to bitching, saying it was dumb to remove the name of the company from the logo. Right, because no one knows who the Swish, Golden Arches or Eagle belong to…(Nike, McDonald’s and American Eagle, just in case) Obviously it is not a huge deal, and the Bohunk wonders if half the people complaining would have even noticed the difference if they weren’t told of it. You can decide for yourself, below.

The first three are obviously Starbucks cups, but the last one, I have no idea what it
is used for or what corporation to associate it with. If only it said what do to with it somewhere…

Rich Rodriguez was fired by the University of Michigan. Anyone want the job?

(Crickets)

In another contribution to World Going To Hell Via Hand Basket, a new edition of “Adventures of Huckleberry Finn” will lack the word “nigger” and be replaced by the word “slave” which, in context, with neither make sense or illustrate the inhuman status African-Americans held during Twain’s time, an important lesson for youngsters to learn, appreciate and detest. All 219 uses of “nigger” are removed after Alan Gribben, a professor at Auburn University, said he felt uncomfortable saying the word aloud in class. The Bohunk kindly instructs him to grow up. The initial print of the sanitized version ran at 7,500 copies and should be finished by February. No schools have expressed interest in teaching with the new version. Kudos for taking the opportunity of the harsh, terrible language as a way to show the youth of America just how ugly man can be in the hopes of making a better society. Any high school student would argue that they hear worse language in the hallway at school on any given day than that found in “Huck Finn” or “Tom Sawyer” and a quick listen to rap music would show that 219 uses of the n-word would be the equivalent of two or three songs nowadays.

In the on-going check in on Haiti, which the Bohunk regrets has been lacking in recent weeks, we unfortunately find little positive. The new problem (as if existing ones were not completely and inhumanely sufficient) is rape. Amnesty International is reporting to news outlets that gangs of armed men are prowling the countryside and urban streets alike, attacking, molesting, raping and kidnapping women. The problem is especially rife in the squalid camps around Port-au-Prince, the nation’s beleaguered capital which has suffered from political strife, a massive earthquake and an outbreak of cholera, just to name the major plagues. Amnesty International claims that security in these refugee camps is completely invisible except near food drops, which, with tens of thousands of starving citizens close by, need constant guarding. The women have almost no protection; even in their dwellings, many are raped after men simply cut through the side of the tent with a knife or push the entire shack over. According to an official in Haiti, a Mr. Ducos, “most of these crimes go unpunished” because there is not enough police influence to track or prosecute a suspected rapist, even if he was seen in broad daylight by hundreds of people. Haiti is a terrible place for everyone, but the women and children of that country are experiencing a life that is riddled with loss, hate and misery. Be grateful for your own lot in this world, because you could be living in Haiti.

Sorry to end the Update on such a sour note. Quickly, note that the Schleck Brothers will be announcing their sponsor and kit this evening, 8 pm Paris time. The boys will finally have a name to the Best Team Ever Without A Name…Also, be sure to follow me on Twitter, @theflyingbohunk for quick Update access every morning and news throughout the day. Like what Snooki is up to…

Thanks for reading, enjoy NBC’s Thursday night line-up, it should be quite good. Chapeau!

Punjabis, Illicit Players, MOBY and Dark Energy….

Wednesday now, and the week is stretching on endlessly with the end in obvious sight but seemingly unreachable. Grab a nice long Update and burn a few minutes of a lingering day…

Following succinctly up on the piece from yesterday on the Consumer Electronics Show in Vegas, we find, to no real surprise, that tablets are the hottest item on the floor. One worth noting, especially to my college student readers (holla, folks) is the MOBY tablet. It is designed with students in mind, which means a bit of a trade-off; some things will have lower quality capacity and function (typically memory, camera and GB) but will retail for a much lower price and have the right software for scholarly pursuit, namely Facebook, YouTube and maybe some type of notepad for class. The MOBY most likely will emerge as a sub-$200 tablet next fall, but it means that the lower price point will be filled, and, with any luck, flooded with more competitors by the end of the year. (The Bohunk apologizes for nerding out a bit)

The Bohunk noted this story yesterday, but waiting patiently for more details to…I do not intend to imitate Fox News by taking a report with almost no facts, making up facts, and then ignoring real information when it does not match up with the contrived report. On Tuesday, the governor of the Punjab Province in Pakistan was assassinated by his body guard in a busy market. The governor, Salman Taseer, had recently spoken out against the blasphemy law still on the books in Pakistan (and in Saudi Arabia, to note) a country that is, I am told, one of our biggest allies against terror in the Middle East. Taseer had been warned against using the guard, Malik Mumtaz Hussain Qadri, who had been investigated and found to hold ties with extremists as far back as 2004. Qadri had joined the police force in 2002, and was selected for “elite force course” in 2008, four years after experts warned of his religious ties. Qadri has confessed to killing the governor because “he did blasphemy of the Prophet Muhammed” by repeatedly referring to the blasphemy laws as “the black laws”. Qadri’s belief in a god caused him to put 26 bullets in the body of the man he had sworn to protect. For those unfamiliar, the blasphemy law in Pakistan forbids anyone from speaking ill of the Prophet Muhammed, the Qu’ran or the Islamic faith. A Christian woman, Asia Bibi, was executed (publicly, mind you) just this past November after being found guilty for insulting Islam in an argument with co workers in 2009. Obviously, there can be no more evil law than this. It is no different than being killed for speaking out against a political faction, and so, in a sense, is a sort of spiritual facism. Again, killing for your belief is like arguing who has the cooler imaginary friend, then murdering if the other person disagrees. A sad story, with more to come, but, my dear readers, we must not tarry here…

Salmon Taseer, the slain governor of the Punjab Province.

In the Ivory Coast, entrenched ex-President Laurent Gbagbo has announced that he will lift the blockade around political rival Alassane Ouattara, the new President-to-be. The softening of the embattled lingering Gbagbo may be to save his own skin. He wants to be sure he will not be prosecuted or, indeed, brutally murdered in the streets whenever it is he relinquishes power to the incoming President and his staff. Both men claim to be the winners of last month’s elections, though widespread fraud and foul play was reported by both camps. The runoff election, conducted on November 28th and confirmed December 2nd declared Ouattara the winner, but Gbagbo refuses to step down. Over 170 people have been killed in the ensuing violence. A recommendation by Billy Hanson, aged 4, from Nantucket, is to have a Rock, Papers, Scissors match, perhaps two out of three, then the loser should “sack it up and get lost, see?” No word on whether the advice will be taken.

In somewhat amateur football, the Illicit Five of Ohio State University beat the Arkansas Razorbacks in Le Sucre Bowl last evening. Five players from Ohio State, including Terrelle Pryor and Dan Herron, were found to have sold gear and rings for cash, in addition to accepting illegal benefits from a local tattoo parlor. All five players will miss the first five games of next season, but were allowed to play in Le Sucre Bowl…Why? For cash. Ratings with the five were higher than they would have been without. Head coach Jim Tressell reportedly man each player ‘pinky-promise’ to return next season in order to play, but just days before the game Terrell Pryor wavered, saying they promised their ‘intent’ to return, but no guarantee was written in stone. (The Bohunk thinks they should have been forced to tattoo the promise in a prominent place on their bodies, and at full price, too) The final score was 31-26, though it belies not the firm upper hand enjoyed by the Buckeyes most of the contest. They led 28-7 in the second quarter. Pryor, Herron and wide receiver Posey, all Illicit Players, scored for the Buckeyes…Take away their contributions, and Ohio State loses. The win did save the bowl season for the Large Dix, after other squads went a thudding 0-5 on New Years Day.

Not sure if this is pre or post Pinky Promise, but Pryor played in Le Sucre Bowl, nonetheless…

In space, dark energy is believed to be the factor behind the accelerated expansion of the universe. But NASA has put on hold a plan to build a craft designed to investigate dark energy and other stars and planets due to a massive lack of funds. The $1.6 billion budget needed to complete the James Webb Telescope is not popping up from behind anyone’s ear, and scientists believe it will be a decade or so until they have the money to continue preparation for the launch. The craft itself is still several years from completion, so the timetable is looking rather bleak. Twenty years ago, scientist found that the universe was expanding and an accelerating (accelerating, nor accelerated; it is not just faster,  but constantly getting faster and faster) which goes against most of the rules of gravity and physics. Einstein, in 1917, proposed a theory called the ‘cosmological constant’, which proposed that empty space serves as a sort of repulsive agent and causing things to push things apart. During his lifetime, the discovery that the universe was expanding at a constant rate (which we know now to be wrong) made the cosmological constant the most regretted thing of Einstein’s life, and even he admitted it. Now, however, he is proved correct, decades after his death and before he could have possibly had the materials and tools to even conduct research. Indeed, it seems Einstein simply thought his way to one of the most important scientific discoveries in history. Research now shows that things in the universe are moving apart 120 times faster than thought possible. We don’t know everything, we know almost nothing. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.

Thanks for reading, and enjoy the return on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart all this week on Comedy Central.

Brett Favre’s Flames, Steve Jobs and Bankruptcies….

It is Tuesday, the very first one of 2011 and the last time you will have written 1/4/11 unless you are postdating something. Some stuff happened, so we will take a moment to reflect on the day that was and what shall come…

First, the techie nerd in me is ‘totally stoked’ for the Consumers Electrics Show which runs this week in Vegas. As is the custom, Apple and Steve Jobs will not attend the event, leaving a gaping hole in the show’s intrigue for some. But to others, it offers a great look at the stuff others have made, usually as imitations of iThings. The biggest area is tablets, namely, fake iPads. Competitors to the iPad, like the Samsung Galaxy, are capitalizing on a massive market that Apple essentially created. Over 126,000 retailers will attend the show looking for alternative to Apple products, and most specifically for the tablets being released by electronics heavy weights like Sony, Motorola and Vizio. For the Bohunk, the most attractive tablet to emerge will be the Windows 7 mobile edition being unveiled by Top Banana Steve Ballmer. A tablet with a working and mobile version of Media Center, iTunes and even Microsoft Office could be absolutely brilliant, especially with the Cloud external storage system gaining popularity. An external software system means you don’t have to worry about overloading the storage on the device, and means manufacturers can keep prices a bit lower. To note, the tablet this year accounted for roughly $300 million and this before all the powerhouses of the electronics companies joined battle…

Fear the Turtle-Necked Behemoth: Steve Jobs throwing around an iPad.

There will be some terribly depressing numbers popping up over the next few weeks as financial reports finish up detailing the dismal economic year that was 2010. For instance, we bring to the fore this cheery little tale: Over 1.5 million Americans filed for bankruptcy this past orbit, with this past December being one of the worst financial months in history. November was close to the worst in history, and then bankruptcy filings went up another 3%. And experts expect filings to continue to rise over the coming months as well…

When the Bohunk finishes an especially good book, like A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson, I cannot help but be obliged to let you all, dear readers, of my experience. Bill Bryson, if you have not read him, is, flatly, an amazing writer. In infromative texts, you will not find a better author who can easily bounce from genetics to astronomy, anthropology to geology, evolution and physics. And as you are reading, you are hardly aware that you have made these same transitions, so seamless is his book’s construction. You cover, as the title indicts, just a bit of everything, but together, you see how we know what little we really do. And that, I point out, is a fact I share with you three or four times a week. For example, as Bryson points out near the end of the 450 page leisure read, if your family is from Europe over the past 2,000 years, you share the same genes as 95% of the world. And all of those people are descended from some 10,000 Africans who ventured north to Europe just 25,000 years ago. Amazing stuff. (Note: 25,000 years is not even a blink, another point Bryson drives home. In a world 4.2 billion nears old, and a universe a few dozen billion years older, you must remember that man has lived but 0.0001% of the life of this earth) You can pick up the read here at Barnes and Noble. 

Google is unveiling a virtual newsstand to compete with Apple’s news application for iPad. Google is shopping around for content providers such as Time Warner in preparations for creating an Android-only application to provide up-to-the-minute news, eerily similar and obviously in direct competition with Apple. Other devices, like the nook for Barnes and Noble and the Kindle for Amazon, offer electronic versions of copy like The New York Times and USA Today. This is an unabashed tech-version of the Update, so save this or ask a question should you have one.

Brett Favre, though done for the season, is again in the headlines. After sitting out and watching the Hyperboreans lose to the Lions (the Lions being 4-0 in 4 weeks, mind you) two women have filed sexual harassment charges against Favre, this just a week after the NFL fined him $50,000 for the Jenn Sterger incident of 2008. Christina Scavo and Shannon O’Toole say that Favre treated them “like slabs of meat” (Scavo’s words) and asked them to engage in three-way sex with him. They claim he repeatedly texted them while with the Jets, say he was lonely and he had “bad intentions.” For fans, these types of charges cannot come as a surprise after the Jenn Sterger incident and this past season’s allegations of taunting and harassment by Jets players toward Mexican TV reporter Ines Sainz. Both Scavo and O’Toole were let go from from the Jets organization shortly after this time period, with both women claiming that Favre had a role in the decision.

Obviously, ‘hostesses’ like Jenn Sterger are integral parts of an organization,
and reflect the professional environment that they work in. Come on, Jets,
you’re going to lose these types of arguments.

Over 500 homes have been evacuated in northern Australian as flood waters there spread. Heavy rains over the course of several days have given way to flooding in 20 towns in the Queensland area, submerging 20 or so towns under varying depths of water. Ten people have been killed with over 200,000 people very much affected. And in a very Australian turn, rescue and emergency teams are warning residents of another factor with which they must contend: wild-life. Exotic snakes, alligators and other misplaced, starving and panicked creatures are especially dangerous in these situations. The waters may not recede for some weeks, and may take decades in some areas to return to normal. Chin up, my under water readers…

On a personal note, the Bohunk recently journeyed deep into nature on snowshoes. Northern Michigan is a year-round, perpetually beautiful place. The woods of Interlochen, are, if you will allow me to wax poetic, hold snow softly like the hand of a beautiful maiden, branches sagging in the weight of soft pillows of virgin powder. Below are some pictures of my adventure, including one of an abandoned pontoon that drifted south in the wind and wedged itself on the shore next to the mouth of a small creek. Sort of like an eerie, ghost ship except for the cup holders.

Derelict Pontoon….

Thanks for reading the Update, come on back tomorrow for more cool things that will distract you from Facebook for 2-4 minutes…Have a terrific afternoon as well.