Super-Moon: Closest Orbit In 18 Years

It has been, my Dear Readers, a touch too long since I’ve given you some good, ol’ fashioned astronomy news. And it’s practical stuff, too…

The moon will not be dangerous, but they way it is peaking over those hills, it may be a little creepy
the night of the 18th…

On March 18th, the moon will make its closest approach to earth in eighteen years, coming to the close orbiting distance of 356,777 kilometers from earth’s surface. It may not appear all that much brighter or larger to the naked eye (and most of our eyes are just that) but through a telescope the moon will appear to be seven percent larger than on a normal evening. Scientists and nerdy amateur astronomers refer to this event as the rare “supermoon” phenomenon which only occurs a handful of times a century.

The close proximity of the moon will have some massive and potentially dangerous impacts on the tides. Experts warn that tidal changes will be much faster and severe, and expect that tidal flooding could be a problem in some areas. Fisherman and port workers in the early morning are especially at risk.

Earths Are One-In-Four…

As a planet with liquid water in abundance, just the right temperatures and a moving, fluctuating internal structure of rock, earth is pretty darn lucky. But it is our placement in relation to the sun that makes life possible. We had always assumed we were a rare occurrence, lucky beyond the odds of the universe. But now, we’ve found that we are not so special after all. Scientists now believe we are but a statistical minority, not an impossible rarity. Of the sun-like stars we know of, they claim, roughly 23 in 100 have planets in the same area and of the same basic dimensions of earth. Masses ranging from one-half to two times the size of earth are relatively common, present near roughly one in four stars systems similar to the sun. Much of this research is the result of extensive study of stars 166 G and K, just 80 light years away and very similar to our own sun in most respects. They found that there is almost a sort of formula, with planets sized similar to those found in our own system at relatively the same locations. For example, there is a planet roughly the size of Jupiter within a few thousand miles of where it is located in our own solar system.

Scientists found 156,000 stars that fit this formula, and the Keck telescope being used for the project will be able to detect roughly 120-260 possible planets in the next two months. What does this matter? We are not the mathematical anomaly we always imagined ourselves. There are planets with the same opportunities for life that we have had over the last 4.2 billion years, some of which have existed for a similar period of time. Is there life out there? Could we find it in the next 100 years? Or 200? Or ever. We don’t know everything. We know almost nothing. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.

Amateur Astronomer Picture

Rob Bullen, an amateur astronomer in England took this shot of the space shuttled nearing the International Space Station on its resupply mission which began last week. The shuttle is carrying supplies, new instruments and a human-like robot designed to do day-to-day tasks aboard the ISS. Bullen took the shot with a nine inch telescope in his backyard on a somewhat cloudy evening Monday night. This is the second to last mission from the shuttle department of NASA, which we shut down after its last launch which is currently slated for April. To note, the shuttle and station are orbiting the earth at thousands of miles per hour and manipulating the docking instruments on a scale of inches or centimeters. That is skillfully done, we can assume.

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Planets That May Have Life (If They Exist At All)

When scientists announced on September 29th that they had discovered a planet that could be inhabitable by living things, the Bohunk took it as a two-day early cosmic birthday present; I enjoy this stuff. Gliese 581g and Gliese 581f are both roughly 20 light years away from our own rock in the universe and are rare, like us, in that they occupy a space close enough but far enough away from their star to have liquid water. The discovery of these two planets was, frankly huge. Heretofore, only four known planets in the universe were known to exist in this “habitable zone”, and adding two more in a single study was, to science nerds, a startlingly big deal. Using radial velocity they studied the wobble of the nearby star produced by planets close by, something that utilizes the HARPS telescope in Chile and the HIRES spectrograph in Hawaii. Dr. Vogt, the discoverer, became one of the Bohunk’s heroes.

Until now. A team led by Rene Andrae, a very, very German scientist, is now claiming the planets do not exist and that other scientists have found no reliable evidence that these two planets even exist. They charge that Vogt made an incorrect assumption; Vogt’s calculations and research was based on the star having six planets with a circular orbit. In fact, the other scientists have essentially proven that the orbits are elliptical and that, because of the change in degrees, the gravitational wobble experienced by the star is the product of only these four planes on separate planes, not six on a predictable, even orbital path.

An artistic guesstimation of the possible planets that may or may
not actually exist.

Vogt has fired back with several papers and more data, and charges that the Bayesian techniques used by Andrae and a pal, Dr. Gregory, are inconsistent and largely unproven. Do these planets exists? Will we ever have the technology to see these planets, let alone visit them or look for life on their surfaces? We don’t know every thing, we know almost nothing. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.

Proof: World Going to Hell Via Hand Basket

According to a recent study in the former Soviet Union, one in three Russians believe the Sun revolves around the earth. As covered in the Update some months ago, and in every reputable astronomical journal since the 14th century, that is not the case. Just how so many people can believe something so wrong is astounding, and in a supposedly advanced nation nonetheless. Be thankful for what you know and hunger to know more. And don't ask Russians questions on the heavens.

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How Many Planets Do You Know Of?

Quick, how many planets do you know of? Eight? Are you way behind the astro-times and are counting Pluto, the disgraced loser on the edge of our solar system, as the ninth? Well, you’d still be off by about 1,242 if you were. As far back as 1995, (ancient days when you’re a spritely twenty-two like the Bohunk) astronomers began detecting some anomalous wobbles in the orbits of distant stars. The cause, they supposed, and quite intelligently, too, was gigantic, Jupiter sized “exo-planets”  too far for us to see. The Kepler satellite, or space based super telescope, was launched in March of 2009 and is now being used to discover these invisible behemoths deep in space. The device has found roughly 1,235 potential planets in a particular segment of the Milky Way. The satellite is only focused on an area that makes up only about one-four hundredth of the sky. Scientists believe that, should the satellite have the capacity to adjust its focus, it could discover other planets, even some we don’t expect to find based on gravitational anomalies. That could be up to 400,000 planets, according to researches involved with the project. Of even the supposed planets, 54 would be in an inhabitable zone, like earth- just far enough away from the star to not be scorched, but close enough to ensure water would remain in liquid form on the planet’s surface.

A not-very-clear drawing of the wobble effect of exoplanets.

However, even if we could answer these questions, and even if we could somehow find out if life was developing on that planet (and we can’t, not even close; we can’t even see these planets yet) it would still take over 300,000 years of space travel to get there. To note, differing species of man, including both homo sapiens and homo erectus only have fossil records dating back roughly the same amount of time, 300,000 years. Could there be life on these far off rocks? We don’t know everything, we know almost nothing'. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.     

The Oldest Galaxy In The Universe

The Hubble Space Telescope, the lingering tool of NASA as programs and funding are cut or shut down, has found what might be the oldest galaxy ever encountered. The so-far unnamed galaxy (the Bohunk proposes "Bohunkxia 23) is estimated to have originated when the universe was just 480 million years old, a fresh, doe-eyed age when galaxies were forming at amazing rates. The light of the galaxy has been travelling to earth for about 13.2 billion years now, making it oldest known entity we have yet encountered. This discovery is still unconfirmed, but it should be quite soon and dethrone other galaxies as the oldest around. Before this discovery, the oldest galaxies known were formed around 650 millions years after the Big Bang. The discover still leaves some basic questions unanswered. Why is the universe transparent? With all these elements, especially unbound atoms and neutrinos zooming about, why are even waves invisible or elusive in the light of stars and galaxies? Does the universe hold enough heat and light to burn of this 'mist', or is some other aspect of the universe at work? We don't know everything, we know almost nothing. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.

Foxy Friday, Predicting Play-Offs with Cheer-Babes and Lasers….

It is Foxy Friday, ye happy, dear readers, but alas, there are important things to tackle first. The sour first, so that the sweet is found but sweeter…

First, in extremely nerdy but dear news to the Bohunk, the Best Amateur Astronomy images were announced by National Geographic yesterday. The yearly event celebrates the exploits of lonely, intelligent losers who spend their time snapping shots of far off nebulae and star bursts and the like; instead of taking creepy pictures of girls, they snap intimate portraits of far of celestial beauties. The European Southern Observatory holds the contest each year and acknowledge the efforts of the amateurs with prints and publication. This year, ten folks submitted the top twenty shots of various galaxies and objects, especially the Orion Nebula. Igor Chekalin (believe it or not, this is not the first time the Bohunk has heard of Igor; his shots are used regularly by the AP) took a cool, alternative view of Orion by using a lens to capture the cool dust around the center instead of the more popular hydrogen gas in the region, which is burning and actually emits its own light. A few of the top twenty are below;

Igor’s top pic of the Orion Nebula…

Another shot by Igor, different galaxy though…

 

The ‘Wheeled One"’, physicist Stephen Hawkings made his annual trip to Caltech to whip up the troops in the field of physics, saying that, as a youngster, his father had pushed him toward medicine. Hawkings, the author of numerous works, including the groud-breaking-yet-accessible A Brief History of Time, obviously found a different calling in a expanding and dynamic field. Attendees of the conference hailed Hawkings as “the nerd Pope” as he rolled along a red carpet to a standing ovation. The 69 year old is still an exceedingly popular speaker, though, as many may know, he uses a computerized mechanism to do so. He also praised the acceptance and equality in the field of physics, which he says is unbiased based on university or school the scientists works at or went to; the ideas are what prove to be most important.

Lasers are science fiction, usually blasted wildly and with terrible accuracy by incompetent Storm Trooper who couldn’t bulls-eye a wamp rat at two meters, let alone twelve! But in the last science piece of the day, the Bohunk formally announced the existence of lasers for military purpose. And not, mind you, little dinky creations of little to no value. Nay, the Navy announced it has a ‘death ray’ that is nine months ahead of schedule in development. The free electron laser will be used primarily to shoot down incoming missiles and fighters, defending aircraft carriers and support fleet. Operating at right around the speed of sound (remember, nothing can go as fast as light) an electron is isolated and then accelerated by one of the world’s most advanced accelerator toward a target based on optics and radar information. In the future, the Navy is looking to develop more powerful and more efficient FEL (free electron lasers) that are more accurate and even more concise, shortening a beam to just a few feet to allow for repeated firings at multiple targets. Cool? You bet your sweet ass it’s cool!

In Tour Down Under news, Michael Matthews of Rabobank took Stage 3 to continue Australian dominance of the home tour. Fellow Aussie Robbie McEwen started the day in the ochre jersey, but lost it to Matt Goss, its former wearer. Last year’s winner and this year’s favorite Andre Greipel sits two seconds back from Goss by two seconds ahead of Robbie McEwen of Team RadioShack. A personal favorite, Ben Swift the winner of Stage 2, is comfortably within striking distance in fifth…I ain’t sayin’ nothin’, I’m just sayin’…

Looking ahead to the AFC and NFC Championships, the Bohunk was looking for a way to select a winner in each game. If you, Dear Readers, have been paying attention, the Bohunk’s hoped-for Super Bowl will not come to fruition. The Flying Elvii were bounced, but the Packers of the Bay Verre are still alive. My loathing of both the Steelers and Jets is well-documented; if the Bohunk sees Rex Ryan hoist the Lombardi Trophy, I may never tune in to a Super Bowl, because Ryan is proof that it can be one while being simply arrogant and brash, not super at all. So, the Bohunk is reverting to what the Bohunk knows best, and that, my friends, is Cheer-Babes. By closely examining the level of Cheer-Babe professionalism of each squad, the Bohunk can usually determine a winner. First, we look at the Bears and Packers (below):

Bears are one of only 3 teams without Cheer-Babes…

 

And the Packers are another!

What the hell? Neither team has Cheer-Babes…No one wins…Moving on…What? What the deuce? The Steelers are the third team without cheerleaders! All three teams without Cheer-Babes have a shot at the Really Good Bowl this year. Is the earth off axis? Hath Hell, as I have claimed, frozen over? Yes, yes it has. The Bohunk picks the Jets to win, on the sole reasoning that Cheer-Babe professionalism is a vital support system when a team needs to play De-de-de-defense…Here is a picture of them…

Finally, we come to the Fox of the Week. This one is a bit of a plug for a crappy Adam Sandler movie due out soon, Just Go With It. In a sort-of remake of Big Daddy, Sandler has to deal with kids and eventually ends up with the girl. This Fox, however, is the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition fixture Brooklyn Decker. Brooklyn is also the wife of tennis star Andy Roddick, to note. Enjoy!

Can’t come up with anything remotely clever with this on my screen….

Enjoy the NFL this weekend, folks, because it is almost gone and done with. Just four more football games will be played before the season ends, and one of those is the loaf-fest that is the Pro Bowl. Lap it all up, waft the scents of pigskin joy, for it will be but a happy memory by the second weekend of the next month….

Back on Monday, probably; due to high homework demands and middling post views these past weeks, the Update may become a weekly instead of a daily. But that is to be decided. Enjoy the weekend and, as always, thanks for reading….

Foxy Friday, Awesome Evolution, Acid and Cells…

It’s Foxy Friday, your favorite day of the week and, I assure you, mine as well. The week is done, you’re still giggling like an drunkard over NBC’s hit Thursday night line-up, and you know there will be a scantily clad but admirable woman nestled on some lucky spot on this page. Get started, and don’t worry, she’s in here somewhere…

Like it or not, we are as certain of evolution in the scientific community as we are of any ‘fact’ you may mention. The scientific method would allow that nothing can be absolutely certain because there is always some fact lagging behind to, potentially, if not foreseeably, falsify it. And this rule goes back billions of years, though we need not venture so far. New research shows that the tyrannosaurus rex gradually evolved from a pint size, adorable little meat-eater called Eodromaeus. It was just four feet long and no more than 15 pounds, but laid a foundation of survival for many branches of later dinos, including the T-Rex everyone imagines. The Eodromaeus was thought also to resemble the raptor, but it evolved from a different very small, four foot long creature as well. Scientists are now leaning toward the theory that all dinosaurs emerged from a species of that size and build and eventually branched off to hundreds and even thousands of species over hundreds of millions of years. And they had enough time; remember, dinosaurs lived for well over a hundred million years while we have only just joined the party, just about 20,000 years ago. If we survive our wars and environmental failures, who knows, we could develop into myriad new potential forms. We could live for a few hundred years, and women could look attractive well into their 100s…Well, we can only hope, for our children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s…..children’s children’s children’s sake….

“Cool, a T-Rex!” said the third grader. And the Bohunk.

It is a match up fans and TV execs are drooling over; Chicago Bears against the Green Bay Packers (imagine Chris Berman’s voice on that one) the oldest rivalry in professional football and undoubtedly the most organic, natural and raw. Unfortunately, both squads have to defeat another foe first; the Green Bowl Packers take on the Hotlanta Dirty Birds Saturday night, in prime time and in the Georgia Dome where Matt Ryan has only lost twice. Ever. A word of warning against the Pack; never doubt a man with two first names. Matt Ryan, a Pro Bowl pick over Green Bay’s Aaron Rodgers despite less gaudy numbers, just wins like Cris Carter used to just catch touchdowns. The Falcons just barely beat the Pack earlier this season, though it was touch and go throughout and the Bohunk was quite convinced Le Bay Verre should have won. Da Bears play the Seattle Seahawks, but that shouldn’t be hard, right? Ask Drew Brees and last year’s Super Bowl Hoisters, who were felled like a white pine just a week ago by the “bad” Seabirds who “shouldn’t be in the playoffs”…They are in, folks, and they won. Some expect a huge let down after overcoming the Martyrs last week, but the Bohunk would advise caution to Jay Cutti (Jay Cutler) and Da Bears; as crooked as Pete Carroll was at USC, imagine what malicious, foul evils he has conjured in the professional ranks. The Bohunk will take Bears over Seahawks, however, because I want to see the NFC North showdown in a week’s time. So, I’ll take Packer over Dirty Birds, Flying Elvii over jets (not capitalizing their nickname anymore; to Rex Ryan, “Yeah, it’s personal.” And the Ravens over the Steelers, because Big Ben is a Huge Ass…

Matt Ryan: Beware a man with two first names.

Time for the Fox of the Week, presented by (Somebody Pay Me For This). This week, the Bohunk presents very, very Danish tennis star Caroline Wozniacki. Caroline is the world #1 and has won twelve WTA singles titles. She comes from good stock; her mother was an Olympic volleyballer and her dad was a professional soccer player. Her parents moved to Denmark when her father, Piotr, signed with a Danish soccer squad, leaving their homeland of Poland. Caroline just began her 2011 season in a series of exhibition matches in Thailand. Go, Caroline, for thou doth have the world in love-love (two points for the easy tennis pun).

The Bohunk would like to congratulate Caroline, but, alas, I don’t speak Danish.

In the social networking world, former giant MySpace is looking to sell out, should the right offer come along. And that offer would be any offer, or so it appears. Owner Mike Jones (who?) says he is ready to part ways with MySpace, the original social networking giant to find widespread popularity before Facebook took over among people from pimply pre-teens to octogenarians. Just this week, MySpace dumped over 500 of its staff, roughly 47% of its employees. No serious offers are in place (one person offered $100, and, supposedly, has not yet been turned down) but the company will change hands soon, but for what price, we can only guess. If you pool your money with some friends, hey, maybe you could buy it! And then forget to check it because you were on Twitter and Facebook…

A massive barge carrying tons of sulfuric acid sunk in the busy Rhine river today in Germany. 2,400 tons of acid are in the river though still contained in the locked and sealed bays of the barge. Two of the crew, a German and a fellow Bohunk are missing, though authorities still have hope of locating the two men who may have been swept downstream. The barge may have struck the rocky bottom of the river, though no official version of the sinking has been proposed by authorities. The Bohunk points out that having 2,400 tons of sulfuric acid in the river, though not devastating, is probably not a safe idea. This opinion will no doubt create some immediate and sweeping response by authorities.

A quick plug for an outstanding book, The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot. It is the story of the famous HeLa cells, integral in numerous medical breakthroughs from cancer to AIDs, and the woman they belong to. Skloot takes us through the life and death of Henrietta Lacks, the woman responsible for the most prolific ‘immortal’ cells in history. From her humble beginnings, her childhood and adult life, we see the woman that gave science one of the most important gifts in the history of mankind. But Skloot shows us that Henrietta hardly knew what she gave, let alone what her treatment consisted over. Her family gained no financial compensation though Henrietta’s cells sold for $25-50 a vial. Skloot is an great writer and an honest participate in a story that is still unfolding. If you’d like to pick it up, check out Barnes and Noble here.

Thanks for reading, folks! The Bohunk will repost the week’s Top Post tomorrow and return Monday morning refreshed and invigorated. Enjoy the football, and read a book, too.

Thanks for all who supported and helped the BoScoots this week when she really need it. A sad tribute to the Bohunk’s trusted sedan, Stratty, a.k.a Stratina, Monday morning…

Rep. Giffords, the Pope’s Pockets, and the Martyrs Lose…

It’s Monday, and for some, the return to higher education, including Yours Truly. Stave off that knowledge that costs you thousands and indulge in some information that cost you nothing…For now.

First, the Bohunk must belatedly cover the tragic shooting in Tuscon. On Saturday, a 22 year old college dropout named Jared Lee Loughner opened fire that wounded 20 people, six of whom would succumb to their injuries at a nearby hospital. The target of the attack was Representative Gabrielle Giffords, a Democratic Congresswomen. Coverage of the shooting was almost instantaneous, with local media already filming when the man walked up and began firing at Rep. Giffords, hitting her in the head and back and point-blank range. Initially reports stated that the bullet went through Giffords’ skull and exited at a high point on her face. Six other victims died later from injuries received while Loughner sprayed bullets wildly. One victim was a nine-year-old boy. Evidence from a search of Loughner’s home included a letter that pointed to an long-planned attack, with Loughner purchasing a semi-automatic Glock on November 30th. Documents found at the site include a letter from the Representative thanking Loughner for his attendance at a 2007 event that Giffords at attended. Loughner also killed US District Judge John M. Roll and Congressional Aide Gabriel Zimmerman. The Bohunk believes in justice, but in the case of Loughner, he may not deserve it. More on this as things unfold….

You have to be Sudanese to vote, but feel free to have a sugar cookie for showing up.

In historic news for Democracy (which is 2-0 after defeating Monarchist and Communists in the 20th century) as Southern Sudanese vote on a measure that would allow for a massive geographic of the country to survive as an independent nation. Thousands of people flooded polling stations before they had even opening, with sights of joy and ‘national’ pride making the mood light and jolly, things the West rarely sees on the beleaguered African continent. Three quarters of the voters cannot read; the choices, secession or unity, were represented by a single and or two hand clasped together, respectively. After decades of civil war, starvation, oppression and pointed displacement, the African south of Sudan sees separation as an escape of Biblical proportions. The Sudanese government, thoroughly Arab and terribly racist, has burned down villages, killed civilians without consequence and even kidnapped thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, of African Sudanese and sold them into slavery in the northern portion of the country. Sudan gained its independence in 1956, but the urge to secede from the north already had roots in the south. If the measure passes, South Sudan will be one of the poorest nations in the world. However, the difficult parts of the split, including dividing revenues from the nation’s oil fields and negotiating the ownership of disputed territories could take months or years. If it means an end to generational genocide and civil war, then all the work is obviously worth it. (Don’t worry, George Clooney and Jimmy Carter are both in the country to help monitor; there’s no way that pair fails)

Pssst…The Seattle Seahawks beat the Saints. Holy crap, you say? Yes, quite; the Martyrs did nothing that resembles their squad that won the Large Dish last season. They ran inconsistently, passed short and dinky-like, and they couldn’t hit the onside kick. The Bohunk admits, I picked the Saints to win, but after seeing them come up short on 4th and 1 relatively early in the first half, doubt crept in like a sinful nun. Pete “Cheerleader” Carroll , who high tailed it out of USC just in time to avoid sanctions and the Reggie Bush scandal (they hugged after the game) led the aged Matt “Laying on My” Hasselback back to the future, looking like the Super Bowl squad that got beat by the Steelers fifteen years ago (seems like a long time, anyway). In the AFC, Peyton Manning drove 80 yards in under 2 minutes to allow Adam Vinateri to kick the game-winner. Unfortunately, Peyton started the drive with almost 3 and a half minutes, giving Mark “Fratboy” Sanchez a minute to counter. Antonio Cromartie, struggling against Pierre Garcon all day, redeemed himself by returning the kick-off to midfield with just under 60 seconds to go. The Colts kicked it deep with under a minute of game clock left….Kick it on the ground! Squib! Squib! And I don’t mean a non-magical member of the wizard community, a la Harry Potter. Knock it twenty yards on a nice slow roll to a fat tackle or linebacker who will be literally defecating in his pantaloons at the prospect of fielding the pigskin. As the ball sailed high, the Bohunk declared to the room, “I’d have squibbed it; I’m a squibber.” Cromartie made the fifty, and Sanchez dinked and dunked into field goal range. Enjoy the cold, ugly winter in America’s Asshole, Indiana. (Sorry Indianians, or whatever you’re called. Hoosiers, maybe?)

Look, Ma, one hand! One game! And we’re out!

And on the second day, the Football Gods gave us the Chefs and the Nevermores. Baltimore’s Flacco, a 1/4 back, played well but unspectacularly (remember Trent Dilfer? No? Same plan; just don’t let the quarterback lose it) to guide the BlackBirds past the Chefs. The Chief’s running back, Lamont Charles, who averaged over six yards per carry  all season, ran for 87 yards in the first half on just seven carries. It was not enough, and the Chefs are out. The Packers beat the Eagles, and are hoping to be the first six seed to win the Super Bowl from the NFC, ever. Sports Illustrated called it, and the Bohunk has them beating the Falcons next week, and then beating Da Bears to get tickets to Dallas. In the AFC, you should know exactly who the Bohunk has winning if you read occasionally. The Best Team In The NFL (that’s the Patriots, wise-ass) will represent the AFC, after schellacking the Jets and then, I predict, the Steelers. Write that down. I’m willing to put tens of dollars on it….

Party like a Rock (that the Church is built on), Party like a Rock, Party like a Rock Star…

In Pope news, Benedict XVI says atheists are the cause for global warming and the generally crappy outlook for the environment. The Pontiff said that,

“If the human creature's relationship with the Creator weakens, matter is reduced to egoistic possession, man becomes the ‘final authority,’ and the objective of existence is reduced to a feverish race to possess the most possible.”

So, if man doesn’t believe in God, politicians and corporations are going to capitalize on the material resources of the earth for economic gain and run amok. Thank God that hasn’t happened yet, my goodness! The Bohunk would like to thank the Vatican for collecting as much money as they can, so businesses and godless corporations like Chase, General Motors, General Electric, and TWA get it all. Oh, what’s that Your Holiest? You own millions of shares in those US companies? And the dioceses of the US alone are worth over $500 million? You are way ahead in this wealth/resource gathering than I thought! The Top Banana in the Tree Upstairs must have tipped you off.

Thanks for reading, more hard-hitting news and heretical statements tomorrow! Enjoy Monda~ Oh crap, there’s no football on….(Just kidding, Go Ducks!)

Foxy Friday, Influential Polygons, Leopard-Trek and Nebulae…

It’s Foxy Friday, my dear readers, but we will put that aside for now to tackle some of the bigger issues of the day. No, not Snooki’s book, real, real, REAL news….

The Pentagon, the most influential polygon, says it plans to cut $100 billion in upcoming budgets. It says the Army and Marines will shrink by roughly 47,000 troops or about 6%, the first reduction in defense structure since before September 11, 2001. The troop shrink will hit full tilt but 2015, conveniently as all withdrawals are made in Iraq, and Afghan security forces are expected to take over all operations in their country. To completely look like a dick, Defense Secretary Robert Gates says the budget cuts were not motivated for a long-term push for peace; instead, he says the international recession is the major influence for the move, not, again, in the interest in peace or diplomacy. Only “extreme fiscal duress” could cause the Armed Forces to retract in size and scope. Heaven forbid we spend that sum on education, health care or social security. Gates, the ballsy son of a bitch, was quick to point out that further budget matters would be addressed by Congress and the President, and that the decreased size of the military may not be a permanent action, but a mere short term road block. Now, the Pentagon is itching to cut health care benefits to defense department retirees, which is a massive portion of the department’s budget. In five years it is expected to be well over $65 billion, a conservative number considering the tens of thousands of veterans from Iraq and Afghanistan that will still need long-term care, in addition to normal coverage. The Bohunk proposes: Make the Pentagon operate on the same budget as social security, or enlist the elderly. Or both. Then they wouldn’t be so quick to bomb brown people in the Middle East…

“Don’t worry, we will be back to our current capacity to murder and kill in a few years.
Taxpayers won’t pay for each other’s insurance, but they sure as heck enjoy spending
a million smackarooneys on a bomb that can kill hundreds. That, they’ll go for.”
~Robert Gates (Not really, but damn close)

Out in space, the Lagoon Nebula is looking good. New photos are out of the nebula, a region of budding stars four or five thousand light years away. The Visible and Infrared Survey Telescope at the European Southern Observatory (long ass name, huh?) in Chile snapped the pictures, some of the most detailed astronomical photos of the new millennium. The nebula is similar in many aspects to our own Milky Way and could reveal hints of how galaxies, star systems and even planets are formed. Look at how very far we have come; just a century before, many people were quite sure the Milky Way was the universe, and that the Earth was very much at the center of it. Then, we discovered some more galaxies, and now we imagine (because we have such limited technology we can’t prove a lick of what we know outside mathematical theorem) there to be billions of galaxies, and that our own little planet is really on the outer edge of a galaxy quite non-central in the universe. As Bill Bryson is quick to say, “We haven’t the foggiest idea.” We don’t know everything, we know almost nothing. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.

The Lagoon Nebula. Perhaps, therein lies some alien creature. Maybe. Just Maybe.

  In answer to my Dear Brother’s question from this morning, “Who the fuck is Michele Bachmann?”, I have gathered evidence enough to conclude the following: nobody. Bachmann is a (oh, you guessed it, didn’t you?) Republican Representative from Minnesota who is attractive, overly talkative and completely unqualified in any way whatsoever to hold the highest office in these United States. She will probably run for President, backed by tons of TeaBaggers and their money, though she is very actively not-denying that she has a potential interest in perhaps, should the conditions arise, maybe, run. This sort of wishy-washy non-commitment hogwash is the same tactic chicks used in high school to run for Prom Court. She says maybe, but inside, she is dreaming of puffy sleeves and a tiara. She is big on small government. She wants to ‘repeal’ the health care plan, and ‘repeal’ Obama in 2012. To note, you cannot repeal a person. That’s stupid. But essentially, she follows the GOP line and deviates only to pander to the Tea Party. What a ‘rogue’. So, in the interest of every American, please Bachmann, run. Because if America has to pick between you and Sarah Palin, Obama will win.

You’ve made it, kind sir (or madame) to the Fox of the Week. This installment features the wonderful Scarlett Johansson. She began her career in 1994 in North a picture some might remember but most didn’t see. Perhaps her biggest break came with the Great Bill Murray in Lost In Translation, which was best described to the Bohunk by my father, Joe (who looks and acts uncannily like Bill Murray, it should be noted) as a film which entailed, “A lot of staring out windows and looking bored or something artistic and shit.” However, people did see that movie and seemed to rather like it. The Bohunk’s personal favorite Johansson flick is The Prestige, also starring Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman, flanked by Michael Caine as well. If you haven’t seen it, do so immediately. To disappoint more than a few readers who are uninformed, Scarlett is married to Ryan Reynolds, who is more handsome and affluent than you are.

Scarlett Johansson: Timeless beauty. God Bless Sweden.

Team Leopard-Trek was unveiled today, the Luxemburg Project that was spear headed by the Schleck Brothers, formerly of Saxo-Bank. The siblings pulled along the meat AND potatoes of their former squad, including Fabian “Spartacus” Cancellara, the world’s greatest time trialist  and Classics champ. The squad includes:

• Daniele Bennati (Ita), Liquigas-Doimo – sprinter, classics
• Fabian Cancellara (Swi), Saxo Bank – classics, TTs
• Stefan Denifl (Aut), Cervélo – climber, attacker
• Brice Feillu (Fra), Vacansoleil – climber, stage-hunter
• Jakob Fuglsang (Den), Saxo Bank – all-rounder
• Linus Gerdemann (Ger), Milram – all-rounder
• Dominic Klemme (Ger), Saxo Bank – worker, attacker
• Anders Lund (Den), Saxo Bank

The Bohunk casually predicts two Grand Tour wins (Giro and France) and the Roubaix and Milan-San Remo. Paris-Nice could go either way, depending on Contador’s suspension. The UCI recently ranked its teams, with Leopard-Trek taking the top spot over win-factories like HTC-Columbia, Rabobank and Garmin-Cervelo. The team has a ton of firepower and committed domestiques, a dangerous professional combination. The Bohunk is awaiting a contract offer…

Thanks for reading and enjoy a great weekend. The Bohunk will be checking in from the road, but back again on Monday with all new stuff, back in Allendale and the Grandest Valley State University. Chapeau!

Starbucks, Rich Rod, Holes and the N~Word…

It’s Thursday, you may notice, which is one day before Friday and then the weekend. The problem, or blessing depending on your view, is that upon the completion of the weekend, this cycle begins anew. Stave off the inevitable with the Update…

Jumping straight to the good stuff, we find ourselves in the heated debate of black holes. One of the most mysterious aspects of our universe is the black hole, long believed to be exaggerated by high speed collisions. The black hole devours all matter around it, and then, over the course of a few billion years, reemerges and develops, over a few more billion years, into a new galaxy or star system. Some black holes develop an inconstant rates, accelerating quickly at random intervals before slowing again. Many scientists had believed that this was a by product of cosmic collisions, celestial entities slamming at thousand of light years’ speed into the black hole and making its size ‘jump’. However, recent studies show that, over the past 8 billion years, collisions of this type have no influence on the size of a black hole, or its rate of growth. Then how does the gravitational force of a black hole change? How can it go against all the laws of physics and change its rate of growth and shift in overall size. We haven’t the foggiest. We don’t know everything, we know almost nothing. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.

Artist rendering of a black hole; if it was really this color, it would be called a ‘Trippy
Hole’.

In cycling news, Lance Armstrong says he is not concerned or bothered by the on-going federal investigation into his career. In an interview with the Sydney Morning Herald Lance says he has many concerns involving the future of the sport, but refused to speak at length on the US and Food and Drug Administration’s long investigation the United States Postal Service Cycling squad of the late ‘90s, Armstrong’s sponsor for six of his seven Tour de France wins.A grand jury in Los Angeles has been presented with evidence and testimonies for months after doper Floyd Landis presented a case against Armstrong. Armstrong’s final international cycling event will be in Australia’s Tour Down under this spring. Frankly, this is ruining the sport, especially in conjunction with Alberto Contador’s Case of the Tainted Spanish Beef still being deliberated in a Spanish court. The Bohunk smells something fishy in both situations…but that is relatively normal in cycling, unfortunately.

Lance Armstong vs Jan Ullrich: A battle for the ages. Both are suspected of being doped
to the gills throughout their Tour wins. (Ullrich won in 1997; Armstong 1999-2005)

Starbucks, the Best Smelling Store Around, changed it logo to celebrate its 40th anniversary, highlighting their traditional green siren but dropping the circle that heretofore surrounded her. People with nothing better to do commenced directly to bitching, saying it was dumb to remove the name of the company from the logo. Right, because no one knows who the Swish, Golden Arches or Eagle belong to…(Nike, McDonald’s and American Eagle, just in case) Obviously it is not a huge deal, and the Bohunk wonders if half the people complaining would have even noticed the difference if they weren’t told of it. You can decide for yourself, below.

The first three are obviously Starbucks cups, but the last one, I have no idea what it
is used for or what corporation to associate it with. If only it said what do to with it somewhere…

Rich Rodriguez was fired by the University of Michigan. Anyone want the job?

(Crickets)

In another contribution to World Going To Hell Via Hand Basket, a new edition of “Adventures of Huckleberry Finn” will lack the word “nigger” and be replaced by the word “slave” which, in context, with neither make sense or illustrate the inhuman status African-Americans held during Twain’s time, an important lesson for youngsters to learn, appreciate and detest. All 219 uses of “nigger” are removed after Alan Gribben, a professor at Auburn University, said he felt uncomfortable saying the word aloud in class. The Bohunk kindly instructs him to grow up. The initial print of the sanitized version ran at 7,500 copies and should be finished by February. No schools have expressed interest in teaching with the new version. Kudos for taking the opportunity of the harsh, terrible language as a way to show the youth of America just how ugly man can be in the hopes of making a better society. Any high school student would argue that they hear worse language in the hallway at school on any given day than that found in “Huck Finn” or “Tom Sawyer” and a quick listen to rap music would show that 219 uses of the n-word would be the equivalent of two or three songs nowadays.

In the on-going check in on Haiti, which the Bohunk regrets has been lacking in recent weeks, we unfortunately find little positive. The new problem (as if existing ones were not completely and inhumanely sufficient) is rape. Amnesty International is reporting to news outlets that gangs of armed men are prowling the countryside and urban streets alike, attacking, molesting, raping and kidnapping women. The problem is especially rife in the squalid camps around Port-au-Prince, the nation’s beleaguered capital which has suffered from political strife, a massive earthquake and an outbreak of cholera, just to name the major plagues. Amnesty International claims that security in these refugee camps is completely invisible except near food drops, which, with tens of thousands of starving citizens close by, need constant guarding. The women have almost no protection; even in their dwellings, many are raped after men simply cut through the side of the tent with a knife or push the entire shack over. According to an official in Haiti, a Mr. Ducos, “most of these crimes go unpunished” because there is not enough police influence to track or prosecute a suspected rapist, even if he was seen in broad daylight by hundreds of people. Haiti is a terrible place for everyone, but the women and children of that country are experiencing a life that is riddled with loss, hate and misery. Be grateful for your own lot in this world, because you could be living in Haiti.

Sorry to end the Update on such a sour note. Quickly, note that the Schleck Brothers will be announcing their sponsor and kit this evening, 8 pm Paris time. The boys will finally have a name to the Best Team Ever Without A Name…Also, be sure to follow me on Twitter, @theflyingbohunk for quick Update access every morning and news throughout the day. Like what Snooki is up to…

Thanks for reading, enjoy NBC’s Thursday night line-up, it should be quite good. Chapeau!

Punjabis, Illicit Players, MOBY and Dark Energy….

Wednesday now, and the week is stretching on endlessly with the end in obvious sight but seemingly unreachable. Grab a nice long Update and burn a few minutes of a lingering day…

Following succinctly up on the piece from yesterday on the Consumer Electronics Show in Vegas, we find, to no real surprise, that tablets are the hottest item on the floor. One worth noting, especially to my college student readers (holla, folks) is the MOBY tablet. It is designed with students in mind, which means a bit of a trade-off; some things will have lower quality capacity and function (typically memory, camera and GB) but will retail for a much lower price and have the right software for scholarly pursuit, namely Facebook, YouTube and maybe some type of notepad for class. The MOBY most likely will emerge as a sub-$200 tablet next fall, but it means that the lower price point will be filled, and, with any luck, flooded with more competitors by the end of the year. (The Bohunk apologizes for nerding out a bit)

The Bohunk noted this story yesterday, but waiting patiently for more details to…I do not intend to imitate Fox News by taking a report with almost no facts, making up facts, and then ignoring real information when it does not match up with the contrived report. On Tuesday, the governor of the Punjab Province in Pakistan was assassinated by his body guard in a busy market. The governor, Salman Taseer, had recently spoken out against the blasphemy law still on the books in Pakistan (and in Saudi Arabia, to note) a country that is, I am told, one of our biggest allies against terror in the Middle East. Taseer had been warned against using the guard, Malik Mumtaz Hussain Qadri, who had been investigated and found to hold ties with extremists as far back as 2004. Qadri had joined the police force in 2002, and was selected for “elite force course” in 2008, four years after experts warned of his religious ties. Qadri has confessed to killing the governor because “he did blasphemy of the Prophet Muhammed” by repeatedly referring to the blasphemy laws as “the black laws”. Qadri’s belief in a god caused him to put 26 bullets in the body of the man he had sworn to protect. For those unfamiliar, the blasphemy law in Pakistan forbids anyone from speaking ill of the Prophet Muhammed, the Qu’ran or the Islamic faith. A Christian woman, Asia Bibi, was executed (publicly, mind you) just this past November after being found guilty for insulting Islam in an argument with co workers in 2009. Obviously, there can be no more evil law than this. It is no different than being killed for speaking out against a political faction, and so, in a sense, is a sort of spiritual facism. Again, killing for your belief is like arguing who has the cooler imaginary friend, then murdering if the other person disagrees. A sad story, with more to come, but, my dear readers, we must not tarry here…

Salmon Taseer, the slain governor of the Punjab Province.

In the Ivory Coast, entrenched ex-President Laurent Gbagbo has announced that he will lift the blockade around political rival Alassane Ouattara, the new President-to-be. The softening of the embattled lingering Gbagbo may be to save his own skin. He wants to be sure he will not be prosecuted or, indeed, brutally murdered in the streets whenever it is he relinquishes power to the incoming President and his staff. Both men claim to be the winners of last month’s elections, though widespread fraud and foul play was reported by both camps. The runoff election, conducted on November 28th and confirmed December 2nd declared Ouattara the winner, but Gbagbo refuses to step down. Over 170 people have been killed in the ensuing violence. A recommendation by Billy Hanson, aged 4, from Nantucket, is to have a Rock, Papers, Scissors match, perhaps two out of three, then the loser should “sack it up and get lost, see?” No word on whether the advice will be taken.

In somewhat amateur football, the Illicit Five of Ohio State University beat the Arkansas Razorbacks in Le Sucre Bowl last evening. Five players from Ohio State, including Terrelle Pryor and Dan Herron, were found to have sold gear and rings for cash, in addition to accepting illegal benefits from a local tattoo parlor. All five players will miss the first five games of next season, but were allowed to play in Le Sucre Bowl…Why? For cash. Ratings with the five were higher than they would have been without. Head coach Jim Tressell reportedly man each player ‘pinky-promise’ to return next season in order to play, but just days before the game Terrell Pryor wavered, saying they promised their ‘intent’ to return, but no guarantee was written in stone. (The Bohunk thinks they should have been forced to tattoo the promise in a prominent place on their bodies, and at full price, too) The final score was 31-26, though it belies not the firm upper hand enjoyed by the Buckeyes most of the contest. They led 28-7 in the second quarter. Pryor, Herron and wide receiver Posey, all Illicit Players, scored for the Buckeyes…Take away their contributions, and Ohio State loses. The win did save the bowl season for the Large Dix, after other squads went a thudding 0-5 on New Years Day.

Not sure if this is pre or post Pinky Promise, but Pryor played in Le Sucre Bowl, nonetheless…

In space, dark energy is believed to be the factor behind the accelerated expansion of the universe. But NASA has put on hold a plan to build a craft designed to investigate dark energy and other stars and planets due to a massive lack of funds. The $1.6 billion budget needed to complete the James Webb Telescope is not popping up from behind anyone’s ear, and scientists believe it will be a decade or so until they have the money to continue preparation for the launch. The craft itself is still several years from completion, so the timetable is looking rather bleak. Twenty years ago, scientist found that the universe was expanding and an accelerating (accelerating, nor accelerated; it is not just faster,  but constantly getting faster and faster) which goes against most of the rules of gravity and physics. Einstein, in 1917, proposed a theory called the ‘cosmological constant’, which proposed that empty space serves as a sort of repulsive agent and causing things to push things apart. During his lifetime, the discovery that the universe was expanding at a constant rate (which we know now to be wrong) made the cosmological constant the most regretted thing of Einstein’s life, and even he admitted it. Now, however, he is proved correct, decades after his death and before he could have possibly had the materials and tools to even conduct research. Indeed, it seems Einstein simply thought his way to one of the most important scientific discoveries in history. Research now shows that things in the universe are moving apart 120 times faster than thought possible. We don’t know everything, we know almost nothing. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.

Thanks for reading, and enjoy the return on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart all this week on Comedy Central.

2011, Big Ten Disaster, Play-offs, and Planet…

Happy New Year and the very first Monday of such. Now that it’s 2011, all of your dreams will come true, your shortcomings will disappear and your drug habit will be a thing of the past…Or so 2011 would have you think.

There is no magical aspect of a new year. In fact, the idea of transitioning to a new calendar year on December 31st is somewhat arbitrary from a lifestyle standpoint. Why not on March 31st? Or February 2nd? We have attached ideas of new selves to that of the New Year, and so, we make resolutions. The Bohunk’s (no soda till June) will be difficult, but it comes from necessity. The off-season will soon be the on-season in cycling, and though the Bohunk has no money to race and a gracious, friendly but financially non-committal sponsor, the season ahead could be very short. However, it is a New Year…Keeping with the naïve hope of the masses, why not dream and dream big? Team RadioShack, you have my email address…

As mine eyes slid over this headline, “Bombing opens veins of Christian anger in Egypt”, the Bohunk noticed the irony of the statement. Christians, instructed by their Messiah thousands of years before he graced a grilled cheese, should turn the other cheek. 21 were killed New Years Day when a bomb exploded in a Coptic Church. The Christians were quick to blame their government for failing to protect them from discrimination and responded with rioting and protest outside the headquarters of the Coptic Church in Cairo. Protestors attacked Muslims around Cairo during the riots, injuring dozens and damaging a mosque. So, as you can see, violence is the religious answer to violence. Those claiming the divine support of a great imaginary friend are stronger than those with a similar, indeed, the same imaginary friend. Christians make up just 10 percent of the 80 million human beans in Egypt, but that number is vocal and politically important. Many Christians feel as though they are unwanted in Egypt (no shit) but refused to leave (bad idea). The Bohunk abhors the violence against the Christians, but rioting and beating Muslims in the streets is not the best way to stop a nation hating you. So, to both sides, knock it off.

“Turn thine cheek…then sucker punch thine enemies.” ~ Jesus Christ

In typical Republican boasting and grandstanding, new chairman of the House Oversight Committee Darrell Issa has labeled the entire Obama administration as corrupt. Of course; they are all politicians. (pause for laughter 1, 2,3,) But seriously, unless you have some thick hard facts to back up that kind of claim you are really hanging your willy in the wind and looking foolish. And any evidence, Mr. Issa? He could only point to the trillion dollars in stimulus spent by the Obama administration as a possible corrupting influence. The Bohunk points out that the Bush administration also had $1 trillion to blow on rich banks in 2007. Coming into office with this type of agenda and bias is only going to make bipartisan politicking impossible and the process slow. Issa is going to be on a witch hunt for his term as chairman, when the country needs someone protecting them from banks and lobbyists…And Issa.

In amateur football news, New Years Day was the worst in Big Ten history, with Michigan, Michigan State, Penn State and Wisconsin all losing, and only Wisconsin doing so in style. The Badgers were a failed two-point conversion from taking the TCU Horned Frogs (a team nickname that needs no substitution) to overtime, while the other Large Dix (dix is ten in French) squads fell by as much as 42 points (Go ye Sons of Sparta!) on the day. Michigan’s defense, abysmal all year, was somehow worse. They were only mildly inconvenient to Mississippi State’s offense, who casually ambled down the field to score on most of their possessions. Denard Robinson played well in the first quarter, but the pressure of knowing you must score each drive ate away at Michigan’s best player, and his mates, until they crumbled. It is no secret; the SEC is the best football conference in ‘Merica. The top six schools in the SEC would all win every other conference if they were in it, including the Large Dix and the Not-So-Large Big 12 (they will have only 10 teams next fall, losing Nebraska and Colorado) in that scenario. The SEC and Large Dix play again in the Cotton Bowl with Ohio State taking on Arkansas. Ohio State will be starting five players who will be suspended for the first five games next season. Why they can play this game is simple; money. Ratings with Terrelle Pryor, Boom Herron, and the other Black Listers will be much higher than without them. The NCAA will let the kids play, make their money, then scold them once the ink dries. The NCAA is a shameless, shameless body.

Michigan’s “Slightly Inconvenient” Defense: Get close, arm tackle, and hope they start running the wrong way…

In (more) professional fooball, the play-offs are set. The Bears, Falcons, Seahawks and Eagles won their divisions while the Packers and Saints are in as wild cards for the NFC. And when the defending Super Bowl champs and the trendy pick to be next year’s defending Super Bowl champs are in as wild cards, you know the deck is stacked. (Note the excellent card symbolism) In the AFC, the Patriots, Steelers, Chiefs and Colts are in as division winners with the Jets and Ravens serving as the wild cards. The MVP race is between Mike Vick and Tom Brady, with the Bohunk pushing for Brady simply for the fact that he is the best quarterback in the league, bar none. To lose to a fellow quarterback would just be insulting. And if you take Brady out of the line-up, they don’t win that division, and they may not even make the play-offs. That is valuable. More NFL stuff as the week goes on…

A 45 year old amateur astronomer, who does not even own a telescope, is given partial credit in the discovery of four gaseous exoplanets on the very edge of the solar system. Peter Jalowiczor used data measurements released by the University of California-Santa Barbara to locate the rough locations and orbits of four planets that ranged from 58 to 190 light years away. As noted, the man has never even owned a telescope, but has used his mind and impeccable mathematics to discover planets that cannot even be seen by our most powerful telescopes. And these planets are believed to be gigantic, as large as the behemoth Jupiter but several times the distance from the Sun to Jupiter away. One of the planets has over 4,000 days in a single year, while another has just 110. Some years ago, we didn’t think these exoplanets existed; now we have catalogued over 500 with new celestial bodies being discovered all the time. Just goes a cool glass of perspective. We don’t know everything, we know almost nothing. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.

That will be it for the Bohunk, thanks for reading, and if you see Brett Favre, please hide him in a cave until next September so we don’t have to hear him seesaw about retirement. Come on back tomorrow, should you all, my dear readers, find the time…

Virginia: Stupid,Brett Favre, Sid the Anti-Christ and Jennifer Anniston…

Welcome to your Thursday, and welcome most graciously to the Update. Throw on your slippers and sip a cuppa joe, it’s educatin’ time…

But not, it seems, for kids unfortunate enough to be growing up in Virginia. A panel of historians examined 5 textbooks in the state, each from a different grade level and covering different periods of US and world history. They were shocked at the number of mistakes therein, causing many to point out that, in the race for ignorance through crappy textbooks, Texas just got a competitor. The amount of flatly wrong information astounded the historians, including such basic knowledge as the start of WWI (The book claimed 1916, just plain wrong. It started in 1914, and the US entered in 1917) and the number of states that joined the Confederacy. The volume covering the American Civil War claimed that freed African-Americans fought in battles throughout the conflict in massive numbers, which is untrue. The amount of black to fight in the Civil War is estimated to be no more than a few thousand at most. The Department of Education in the state of Virginia allowed the books, though the Bohunk thinks that the main reason is that they were slightly less expensive than others. Money is the root of all stupidity…Just ask that 12th Confederate state, should you encounter it.

The Wicked Witch of the East, Christine O’Donnell of “I’m not a witch; I’m like you” fame is now being investigated by Federal agents for questionable campaign spending after a citizens rights group filed a complaint to authorities. O’Donnell conjured up (note the witch reference there, really brilliant stuff) a record $7.3 million in Delaware, but spend the majority of the money on some questionable advertising spots (including feeling the need to deny being a witch) and an anti-gay speaker. She admits to spending as much as $20,000 on her mortgage payment, which is illegal by state and federal campaign laws, even if the residence served as a headquarters for the campaign. Also very illegally, O’Donnell did not file her FEC disclosure forms, which are meant to track spending, until November 16th. This could be a sticky one for the Wicked Witch of the East…..

“I’ll fill out my FEC disclosure forms next time, my pretties, and my mortgage taxes too!
Muhahahahaha!”

In another story to make you wish the Tea Party was really just three year olds drinking air from plastic cups with stuffed animals, the organizer of the Tea Party convention just said something really, really insensitive and wrong. Judson, yes, not making that up his name is Judson, Phillips lumped the NAACP, a historic body committed to protecting the interests and further the cause of social equality for African-Americans as a ‘Liberal Hate Group’, along with the Department of Homeland Security (that isn’t too liberal) and the ACLU. The ignorant prick (forgive my opinion) stated that, “To the NAACP, anyone to the right of Karl Marx is a racist,” which might be the most ignorant, uninformed and, in some ways, incriminating statement I’ve heard so far this morning. It shows that the Tea Party’s founder, if not the Tea Party as an organization, has racist tendencies and sees policy along race lines. Phillips has also been quoted as saying that only property owning citizens should vote, and that the US should ban the Methodist church. So he is proposing reverting to voting policy from the 18th century and religious policy of Stalin…Way to go, TeaBaggers…

In my on-going dislike of Jennifer Aniston and all romantic comedies, I bring up the comparison made by fellow actor Rupert Everett. He compared Jennifer Anniston to the Crab Nebula, one of my favorites nebulae, in a most negative way. As Everett, who really knows his star formation, stated that Anniston is famous for starring in some serious flops, which serve for the astronomical ‘explosion’ of stars. When the movie sucks, and hers almost certainly do, she somehow swirls and gathers enough hydrogen atoms to compress and then convert into helium, resulting in a new star, or, for her, a new film. As for the left over metals and silicates not absorbed into the star, they clump and form planets that revolve around the star that is Anniston becoming planets, or shitty actors like Gerrard Butler. The Bohunk applauds this sort of intelligent comparison to a very unintelligent topic…Chapeau, Rupert Everett.

Here, you can see the obvious Crab Nebula comparison, and also the
metallic materials orbiting Anniston….Very scientific reason for a
tasteless nude photo’s inclusion in the Update, promise….

Finally, Skype is ready to use 3G for mobile phones like the iPhone 4. The heretofore impossible feat of video chatting off of a wifi connection is now quite simple. The Skype app is now ready for the iPhone, ending a long conflict as carriers like AT&T (note the expert use of the amper sand) who want to find ways to keep its users from reducing their minutes and simply using apps like Skype and Google Voice instead of their AT&T minutes. Some users are complaining of poor video quality and slow connection times, but the bugs will be fixed before too long. The bandwidth for the the Skype app is rather demanding, pulling down almost 16 megabytes (in and out) in a five minute conversation. Android has not finished a Skype app for its market, though the project is nearly finished. Verizon may block it from Blackberry, limiting it only to phones that Android uses, so Blackberry users will be out in the cold, though most lack a forward facing camera in any case.

In a rare (don’t worry, when the NFL is done, you’ll be hockey’ed up to the point of being knowledgeable about a variety of forecheck schemes) NHL story, Sid “The Kid or Anti-Christ” Crosby had his 25 game scoring streak end last night against the Islanders. Crosby scored in every game since November 3, the longest streak since Mats Sundin scored in 33 straight in 1991. The Penguins lost last night as well, with the Islanders’ Rick DiPiettro padding away a Crosby shoot-out try to take the win, finishing with 37 saves. (For those with souls, a.k.a. Red Wings fans, don’t worry, we did win against Dallas, 7-3)

No Brett, you can’t play until you’ve passed your concussion test.

Finally, as you’ve no doubt heard, the NFL fined Brett Favre just $50,000 (or one-tenth of what he makes in a week) for not fully cooperating with the league in their investigation. Jen Sterger, the foxy mama who received the inappropriate texts, told her lawyers she is not happy with the result of the investigation and that charges may be brought in a civil lawsuit. Favre has not passed his concussion test, which makes playing against the Lions this Sunday extremely unlikely, meaning he will end his career inactive on the sidelines. What do you think of the fine? Is it enough, or is the league being too lenient? Leave a comment with your thoughts….

That’s it for the Update, thanks for reading and come back tomorrow for the Fox of the Week and just a bit more effort on my part….

Uranium, the Pro Bowl, Vuvuzelas and Swashbucklers…

Welcome to the Update on this glorious Wednesday morning, and many thanks for finding your way to it, and taking a break from Facebook stalking to do so…

Marie Curie was not just a pretty face. You may recall her and her husband worked to discover radiation through uranium decay. Their work set the basis for carbon dating which others would use to date fossils, and more importantly, the earth itself. Curie would go on to be the only person two win Nobel Prizes in two sciences, physics and chemistry, before eventually playing the ultimate price for her efforts. She died of leukemia in 1934. Her household items are so radioactive that they are in lead boxes; her lab books are so drenched with radioactive particles from isotope studies that those hoping to review Curie’s notes must don special suites and do so in a lead room. That is A for effort…

One Glowing Polish Mama: Marie Curie

Cancer has, for many reasons, been thought of as a contemporary illness. Researchers are now finding that, while exponentially more prevalent today than in centuries past, cancer is a disease which has been a part of the human race since as long as we have lived. Studies show that cancer was a rarity in antiquity, found in only some 200 documented remains on major excavation sites. Obviously, of the millions of homo sapiens who have roamed the globe, this represents a tiny fraction of those who may have lived with or died from cancer. But many now believe that issues like pollution, tobacco use and the more frequent and consistent ingestion of chemicals after the Industrial Revolution are major contributors to the wide spread presence of cancer in modern society. Other factors in cancer’s spread are obesity, sexual and reproductive practices and how and what we eat. Some scientist think the rarity of the disease is also attributable to the prevalence of others; diseases like fevers and poxes probably struck down thousands before they began having cancer related symptoms. More research can determine just how rare cancer, and indeed, many other diseases and ways of life were in ancient history. But much of this is lost in the past. For example, the estimated number of people to have lived and died before the year 1 AD is a billion, and roughly 2 billion by 1750. The scientists of mankind have documented and examined roughly 100,000 corpses. So we have information on less than one ten thousandth of one percent of all the lives ever lived. We have very much to learn…

As 2010 comes to a close, the Bohunk looks at a few words that joined the English lexicon, including just important fixtures Vuvuzela (the World Cup noisemaker), the Justin Beiber (the goofy hair cut named after the underage singer) and a plethora of terms heretofore known only to fossilized fuel enthusiasts, top-kill, bottom-kill, static kill all in reference to the Gulf Oil Spill this past summer. The Bohunk’s personal favorite was mama grizzly, one of the many Palinisms to break out in 2010. Mama grizzlies failed to elect in the Tea Bagging women they attempted to support, but all but one successfully bought and failed to read Oprah’s Book Club selections…Go Soccer Moms!

Fig 2. A true Mother Grizzly protects her young…and votes straight Democrat…

If you read regularly (Hey Cara) you know that the Bohunk loves pirates. I have quietly been rooting for the Somali “barefooted buccaneers” (as they are called in The Times) ever since my freshman year of college when Professor Howe, my World Geography guru, championed their cause. Also, I enjoy any opportunity to utilize the word swashbuckling on all occasions that present themselves. This past week, the pirates claimed $5.5 million in ransoms paid by a German chemical company. Just the next day, the pirates took another European vessel and its 8 man crew as hostage. The pirates are being hounded by the navies of several nations, including the US, to no avail. At the moment, experts claim that pirates hold over 26 vessels and six hundred and nine (609, presented in two forms to emphasize the number)  while being pursued by an armada of over 40 warships representing 30 countries. The pirates are almost all fishermen driven from their waters because the Chinese ignored international law and emptied the fish from the rich banks of fish off the Somali coast. Keep that in mind…These guys have a serious chip on their shoulders, and rightly so…

In Tuesday Night Football, the fifth night of professional football this past week, the Minnesota Brett Favre’s won while being Brett Favre-less. Rookie Joe Webb played like a seasoned vet, though not like a 40-something washed up joke. It is all about balance. The Eagles never really got rolling, with Mike Vick being sacked six times and fumbling twice, on one occasion resulting in a touchdown. This same game, if you’d told me they were playing, would have been a possible NFC Championship preview; it turned out differently. The Vikes will not be in the post season and the Eagles are  going to be a three or four seed behind the Bears and Falcons. Things often turn out differently; if you’d told me a year ago that Leslie Frazier and Joe Webb would be the faces for the Vikings and not the fired Brad Childress or inactive (and aged) Brett Favre, I would have been incredulous to say the least. But that is, in fact, how the cookie crumbles…

One NFL start and Joe Webb is already
sending dirty texts to this woman….

The Bohunk will leave it to your own interest to see who made the NFL Pro Bowl, though I will take a moment to point out an obvious snub. The Packers’ Aaron Rodgers didn’t make it, falling behind Drew Brees, Matt Ryan and Mike Vick. All are deserving, admittedly, but Rodgers is the most important player on his team besides, as some might note, Ryan Grant, whose loss at the beginning of the year has essentially halted the running game in Green Bay. With almost no threat on the ground (if you couldn’t name their running back, Brandon Jackson, don’t worry, few can) Rodgers still passed for 3,693 yards at an efficient 65.5% completion percentage. His rating is over 100 (101.9) and he has tossed 27 TDs to just 10 INTs. Perhaps only Drew Brees understands Rodgers’ plight; Brees lost Reggie Bush and Pierre Thomas to extended injuries and soldiered through it. Vick has LeSean McCoy, one of the best backs in the league already, and Matt Ryan hands the ball off to Michael Turner…frequently. Ryan averages five less attempts per game than Rodgers, but frequently throws only around 20 times. Only because of Rodgers’ missed game due to concussion do their attempts look similar, and Rodgers still threw more yards and touchdowns with a better completion percentage and passer rating. All that said, in the Pro Bowl, go NFC…

Thanks for reading, enjoy the bowl games this evening and remember to brush your tongue, no one enjoys halitosis.

Jewish Football, Showers, Pills and Hades…

It’s Tuesday, which means it is almost surely already been a long week. Take heart, my dear readers, and find within yourself the strength to carry on…And also read for about three minutes.

First, we step onto a cheesy, unprofessional pile of personal interest story. Jews, at least those not in the US, love American football. Israelis have started an amateur football league without prodding, or, indeed, support, from the NFL. Players, ranging in profession from garbage men to doctors and dentists, take off their yarmulkes and replace them with, you guessed it, yarmulkes produced by Under Armor. The league, once only 80 players strong, now has over 400 players, including Jews, Christians and Palestinians. The league itself, the IFL for those who couldn’t guess, is a good indicator of the popularity of the sport across the globe…Though the NFL shouldn’t assume it will work everywhere. The struggling NFL Europe thrives in certain areas, and the forced NFL game in London every season fills the stadium, but is rather quickly out of mind.

As pointed out by a dear reader and pal, Josh “Blues Kluz”, the Bohunk submits the following New York Times article for your perusal. I readily admit that, while I fall humbly short, I hope the Update someday is mentioned with the same respect and in the sentence as The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. This writer has been watching the program for a number of years, and Stewart is consistently the best interviewer on TV, bar none. He is one of the most entertaining people on the planet, and his show still draws huge ratings. His rally with Stephen Colbert this past summer gathered together 250,000 people, not for one particular party or ideology, but for moderation and honest, unsentimental debate. For a look at just how important Stewart was in working toward a health care bill for 9/11 workers, as noted in the Update last week. It’s not everyday the New York Times calls a journalist similar to Walter Cronkite. Especially a cable faux-news anchor…Chapeau, Stewart, chapeau…

The Great Jon Stewart: Fart jokes or foreign policy, he’s game.

In astronomy news, one of the largest meteor showers is coming quickly upon us. The Quadrantid meteor shower is an annual event for astronomers, presenting itself typical during the first week of January. This year, the shower will peak at roughy 8 pm est. on January 3rd. Though the Quadrantid is one of the largest showers, you will need to position yourself some distance away from bright city lights if at all possible. Don’t worry about a telescope; you won’t need it, as these meteors will be plenty bright.The Quadrantid is thought to be the remnants of a dead comet, which has broken up over millions of years and orbits as bits of dust, gases, ice and other debris. It was first recognized as an annual meteor shower in 1839. Check it out, cosmic events are some of the most fascinating events of our planet, and unlike The King’s Speech at your local movie house, they are free. Imagine; bits of rock and metal and ice flying through our solar system at thousands of miles an hour for millions of years, and with such regularity we know what time they will scrape across our atmosphere on a particular day of the year. But what caused the dead comet to break up? Will this body of meteors last forever? At some point, will enough be caught by our atmosphere or the gravities of other planets to make this event cease? We don’t know everything, we know almost nothing. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.

The number of dead in a Christmas Eve explosion rises to 80. A bomb in the northern region of Nigeria, in the town of Plateau State, killed at least 80 and police say over 100 are injured. The number of dead continues to rise as victims succumb to the wounds they received days ago. This past March over 100 people were killed in a similar blast in the same city, as members of Muslim and Christian factions battled each other, each bombing the other in “revenge killings”. To note, Muslims, Christians and Jews, along with nearly every religion have killed and died for their belief. An atheist, however, has never killed anyone over religion…Get it? The Bohunk can respect the religious, but killing and fighting over your God is like arguing over who has the toughest, coolest imaginary best friend….

In Monday Night Football action, the New Orleans Saints beat the Atlanta Dirty Birds by a tight score of 17-14. The Saints are not the dominate team that stormed through the regular season and play-offs to win the Super Bowl a season ago, but, very quietly, the Aint’s are 11-4 and just beat Hotlanta in  Hotlanta, something only one team has done in twenty tries. They beat the Steelers Week 8 and went to OT against the Falcons in the first game, so it is safe for you or I to say they remain a threat, especially with Pierre Thomas and Reggie Bush back on form. And, of course, it always helps to have Drew Brees….

“Go Deep!” ~ Drew Brees

A new study has found that placebos have a positive effect for patients, even when the patient knows its not a real drug. In the study, all patients were warmly and gently cared for, and some were given pills from a bottle that had “Placebo” clearly printed on it over the course of several visits. Those who received the sugar pill, which, if you should like to sound scientific, is sometimes called an inert substance, said they had much higher pain relief and a decrease in their symptoms.  The authors of the study claim that the most important aspect of the positive outcome for patients was a reassuring and informative doctor who was kind and encouraging; the pill only reinforced their belief in the doctors efforts. Again, the Bohunk begs of you to imagine; your body, composed of millions of atoms and particles, that have existed in different forms since the Big Bang, can be somehow manipulated by your mind to work together better, somehow, by sheer will. The thousands of daily chemical and electrical reactions and impulses can be altered by the ultimate device, your brain. Again, to reiterate a point I cannot help but drive home; We don’t know everything, we know almost nothing. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.

Late in the Monday Night game, the Falcons punted from their own 43-yard line with just under 3 minutes to play. According to Briand Burke, football nerd and math genius, the average punt nets 37 yard which would set up the Saints at their own 20. Burke says this would give Hotlanta a 0.15% of winning. That’s a rather small amount. Burke goes on to say that a 4th and 6 outside the red zone is a 44% chance of happening…So why didn’t the Falcons go for it? They had two time outs left, and with solid defense, which they got most of the night, could have tried to get the Saints to go three and out without giving up a field goal. The odds are with you going for it! The Bohunk believes in the Theory of Blame Deflection; coaches play it safely and conservatively, and if things don’t work out, it was the players’ fault. If the coach makes a daring and heroic decision, and fails, it is his fault for trying to win. An excellent example is the Patriots last season, on the infamous 4th and 2 against Indianapolis. Belichick was lambasted all season for the call, though, in his defense, 4th and 2 is fifty-fifty, and over time is fifty-fifty. By punting, the team facing forth and short is giving themselves one-in-four odds of winning, while the bold coach either wins or loses in regulation. And as we all know, fortune favors the bold…and affluent….

The Detroit Lions are 3-0 in the past three games…In the event of Hades freezing over, please dress accordingly…Your down jacket and mittens should be appropriate…

Thanks for reading, enjoy the bowl games this evening as well as the postponed Hyberboreans vs. Egg Salad match-up. Back tomorrow, as always, with better effort….

Fox of the Year, Rome, Best Santas and…Merry Christmas!….

Merry Christmas Eve, everyone! If a little holiday Update does knock the baahumbug out of your system, I fear only a severe blow to the chin will do the same job. This Update is a gift that you have to unwrap with your eyes…Read on…

The undetonated bomb found yesterday outside of Rome was unfortunately not the only parcel bomb floating around the area. The bombs were sent to embassies, injuring staff members from Switzerland and Chile. Italians experts in terror (not shoe design, the typical Italian expertise) believe anarchists could have been behind the attack. The Swiss helped Italy arrest several anarchists this year, and another anarchists was killed in Chile by law enforcement officials there. These bombings are in all likelihood related to a string of very similar parcel bombs that took place in Greece, where a group of anarchists (organized anarchy!) called the Conspiracy of Fire, was finally understood to have orchestrated the violence. The Greeks have initially stated they see no connection between the two strings of bombings, but, they all are a terrible government. The Swiss man injured in the bombings in Rome has been hospitalized with serious injures to his hands.

The first recorded “sighting” of Santa Claus in these United States was in Albany, New York way, way, way back in 1675 on a bank account statement. A man purchased, for the holiday season, “St. Nicholas purchases” a cleaver way to hide what he bought from his family. However, the legend of the chubby, bearded gentleman with a garish but signature red suit comes from Turkey around 280 AD. The name “Santa Claus” wasn’t associated with the figure until the Dutch slapped him with their version as “Sinter Claus”, though he was still more popularly known around Europe as “Saint Nicholas”. In Britain, Santa was “Father Christmas”, a bearded old man most often portrayed in long green robes. Charles Dickens used this image as the basis for the “Ghost of Christmas Past” in his famous The Christmas Carol. Washington Irving, the outstanding author most well-known for The Legend of Sleepy Hollow, mentioned Santa in his History of New York in 1809. More on the development of the Chubby One later…

Great Santas in History: Cosmo Kramer.

In what is appearing now to be not-so-amatear football, five Ohio State Buckeye football participates have been suspended to five games a piece next season. Now, first, the obvious question. Why are they not suspended for the upcoming Sugar Bowl against Arkansas? As the Bohunk always says; money. (I don’t say that without some context though) The Big Ten and SEC stand to make millions in tickets sales and shared profit from the bowl game. Taking away former Heisman candidate and one of the best quarterbacks in the country, Terelle Pryor, number one rusher Noah Herron, number two receiver DeVier Posey and All Big-Ten tackle Mike Adams might make the game less attractive, and therefore, less lucrative. So, the NCAA shamelessly tacks on the penalty to next season. With almost half the season taken away, these players will probably attempt to declare for the NFL, avoid any punishment whatsoever, and make some money in the pros. Not harm done, to them at least. Second, does anyone see the obvious parallel with Cam Newton? Make him eligible all year, huge ratings, a Heisman trophy and a national championship game and tons of revenue. But when all the checks are cashed and the lights go out, they will yank it all away and make him ineligible. This will develop slowly, and, go Razorbacks, as if anyone needed any more reasons to hate Ohio State.

In honor of the season, the Pope gets another mention on the Update. Yesterday, the Pontiff joined Britain’s Radio 4 to deliver a Thought of the Day Message, a daily contribution from politicians and celebrities to meditate for the world to hear. The Pope usually stays up late to deliver a Christmas message to the world outside the Basilica in Rome, but offered an opportunity to thank Britain for his week long stay there in September. The Pope did not address any of the many, many issues plaguing the Catholic church after its worst year in memory. It faced thousands of sexual misconduct and assault charges, bringing the amount of damages paid to over a billion dollars worldwide. Pope Benedict also did not bring up the issue of Anglican bishops leaving the Church of England to join ranks in Rome, even as those bishops and officials are in the Vatican studying to become ordained priests. New equipment is now available for Vatican TV, the media organization who broadcasts papal goings-on in over 40 languages. Now, you can watch Christmas Mass from the Vatican…Or A Christmas Story on TBS about 22 times.

Great Santas in History: Pam Anderson.

It is now time, thank goodness, to present the 2010 Flying Bohunk Fox of the Year, a prestige award capable of propelling one lucky Fox to worldwide stardom and fame. The conditions to be nominated were complex; 1) Had to be a Fox 2) Had to be nominated. The votes were tallied (all four of them, plus the only one that really counts, mine) and the Bohunk has been excited for days to release the results. Your 2010 Fox of the Year, and I think all of ours’ “teenage dream” is….Katy Perry! Born in California (hence the appropriateness of the hit jam, “California Girls”, KP was raised by Christian pastors. She nabbed a GED as a freshman in high school (I was popping zits as a freshman in high school, not graduating) and moved on to pursue her music career. She has had some great hits this year, from “Teenage Dream” to “Fireworks”, and has been extremely attractive at every turn, including, it should be noted, way too foxy for Sesame Street. Elmo was overly excited. Congrats, Katy Perry, and may your Foxitude last for many years to come…

Fox of the Year, and just cool person, Katy Perry…

 
BONUS KATY PERRY PHOTOGRAPH…MERRY CHRISTMAS

In the on-going development of Santa Clause, the author Clement Clark Moore wrote “The Night Before Christmas”, though it is really titled “A Visit From Saint Nicholas”, depicting a chubby bearded man, not elf, wearing a red suit and a massive sack of presents perched on his back. It also heralded in the presence of a sleigh, reindeer and an even rounder, more jolly appearance. It took thousands of years to develop the creepy old man dressed up in bad cotton that you let your child sit on and talk to. Oh how far we’ve come.

Finally, let’s celebrate the season with a miracle. Our Solar Sytstem, in fact. The universe is an unfathomably gigantic void. It is almost entirely empty, even considering that, for example, our Sun, which is millions of time larger than Earth, is pretty small amongst its fellow stars. The universe is, frankly, too large to even comprehend. Even our solar system is beyond our reach. Pluto, now demoted down from planet status to just another celestial entity in the Kuiper Belt, is really, really far away. It is 39 AUs from the sun (AU= astronomical unit, or the distance from the Sun to the Earth) or, about 3,647,240,000 miles away. We can barely get to the moon without a hassle, and getting to Mars with a manned mission is almost impossible (cosmic rays that get through its atmosphere would tear up the very DNA of astronauts) let alone likely. But let us put this distance in perspective. As Bill Bryson pointed out in A Brief History of Nearly Everything,  if the Sun was the period of this sentence, and you wanted to draw Pluto to scale, you would have to travel 10,000 miles away. Pluto would be the size of a bacterium. Or, if the Sun was the size of the head of the smallest needle, Pluto would be a few hundred miles away, and the size of a single atom. How our solar system came to be was that of the most staggering odds. Indeed, there are billions and billions and billions of solar systems, just trillions and trillions and trillions of them. 600 sextillion stars in the universe. And we found the right galaxy, the right star, the right planet to somehow make life over hundreds of millions of years. Do not feel small; we should be proud and privileged to live, even for a second, in the face of the trillions of beings who never had a chance. We don’t know everything, we know almost nothing. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.

Have a very Merry Christmas and congrats again to Katy Perry. What a Christmas this must be for her! Enjoy your Christmas Eve and Christmas and the Bohunk Update returns Monday with some New Years resolutions…

START Treaty, CIA Sexual Assault and a Ballet…

It’s Hump Day, and the last one before The Redeemer of Mankind’s birthday. What better way to celebrate the Savior’s immaculate conception then subsequent vaginal delivery than by reading the Update? I can think of no other…

The redesigned and reconfigured START Treaty between the US and Russia will now be signed by Barack. The treaty hit some major snags last week because of Republicans (eager to do nothing before the end of session) dragged their feet and refused to vote on the measure, calling it ‘too rushed.’ The treaty has been under construction since its original draft in 2002, and this version has been under negotiations for almost two years. New stipulations that were agreed upon say that both countries will limit their stocks of warheads to 1550, down 30% from the amount agreed upon in 2002. Each nation is allowed only 800 nuclear capable subs, and only 700 of them can be armed at once. 700 nuclear warheads is enough to level every city from London to Moscow, frankly, and though the measure is a great effort, still allows for unspeakable damage. A major drawback that riled politicians for both nations was the lack of limitations or regulations on building missile shields, a major goal for the US. Obama said the treaty would not stop or limit in anyway the US’s plan to help build and fund a missile shield over Europe….

Obama loves to open negotiations by breaking out the ol’ coloring book….

Another shining Republican moment as the Elephants waver on the commitment to ensure free health care for the surviving responders, mainly New York Fire Department workers. Republicans, who certainly made the most of 9/11 (Afghanistan, Iraq, the Patriot Act, George W. Bush in a second term) are now voting against giving roughly 343 first responders health coverage. Due to the prolonged exposure (they were pulling out bodies, folks, come on) to toxic fumes and materials at Ground Zero, many of these responders are suffering with breathing, heart and cancer issues as a result. Democrats believed they have gathered enough support to pass the $6.2 benefits package, though Republicans are entrenched against it…Why? They claim it costs too much. A three trillion dollar war (Iraq) costs too much. Health care for these firefighters should be already covered by a national health care system. But that is, of course, a whole other Update entirely…

A bomb was found in outside of Rome yesterday in a busy train station. Italian security responded but found that, due to the bombs poor construction, it could not have been detonated. Let this be a chilling reminder of how routine terror is becoming…We now wave off bombs if they don’t explode…

WikiLeaks founder, and Bond-villain-to-be Julian Assange appeared on BBC’s Today program to be interviewed by John Humphrys. In the interview, Assange said he believed the sexual assault charges awaiting him in Sweden were baseless and obviously contrived to make him look like a villain (the white hair already does, Julian) while he is making an effort not to let the distraction of legal charges interfere with his WikiLeaks mission. Even international figures admit that the sexual assault charges were probably organized and set-up by the American CIA after WikiLeaks released thousands of cables some weeks ago. There is even irony in this amusing little aside; the charges of sexual assault against Assange were ‘leaked’ by top authorities in the Swedish police force days before enough evidence was gathered to merit an office warrant. The Bohunk can readily admit that Assange is, an all likelihood, a shady character, especially with women. He has claimed quite grandiose success with them, but this proclamation only makes the charges against him more understandable. But to have two women just-so-happen to file charges against Assange a few days after the cable leaks is a bit too convenient…

For NFL news, we turn to Washington, home of the Native Americans. They traded for Donovan McNabb, gave him a fat contract, then pulled him that very week because he was too chubby to run a two minute offense. At that point, the Bohunk was forced to declare, “Bullshit.” Head coach Mike Shanahan billed himself as a genius, though he was only a genius with John Elway back in Denver, and, lest ye forgot, Elway is going to be remembered as one of the greatest quarterbacks in history. Now, after losing games because of poor coaching and poor play, the scapegoat is Donovan McNabb. Was the Chunky Soup Eater playing Pro-Bowl football? No. But was anyone else playing well either? His team was bad, on both sides of the ball, and even on special teams. Shanahan was consistently outcoached (by Andy Reid, especially) and shifted blame to Albert Haynesworth and the new signing, McNabb. Soon, people will see that Shanahan is a mediocre coach with a sub-par team, and likely fire him accordingly.

Natalie Portman as the Black Swan…It ain’t Queen Amidala, but still pretty good…

If you are looking for a holiday movie, might I recommend Black Swan starring Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis. Why, you ask, would the Bohunk, a throbbingly attractive manly-man, suggest I go see a movie about ballet? And I would answer you like this: It stars Natalie Portman as a crazy, whigged-out ballerina battling another startling attractive ballerina. It is a dark, psychotic look at how insane ballerinas really are. And, again, it stars Natalie Portman.

In the on-going piece on the evolution of Christmas (that was carefully selected, evolution of…) we come to another Roman holiday, the feast of Mithras, the god of light, which, not-so-coincidentally, fell on December 25th. The festival was based on the theme of renewing hope, and was celebrated by lighting candles and eating. Christians adopted this date as the birth of Christ in the 4th century, roughly 400 years after Jesus died and pointedly ignoring suggested dates of his birth that even now range from September to February. Christians selected a well-liked and well-entrenched holiday as the birth so that Gentiles would be more likely to accept the holiday as Christian if they could be converted to the new faith. But hey, if you can convince people that bread and wine is the body and blood of the Savior, and then get them to ingest said ‘blood and wine’, I think convincing them a certain day was the Messiah’s birthday shouldn’t be an issue.

It’s nearly Christmas, so your sleigh better be stacked high. Tie down the hatch of your Ford Fiesta and fit in, amongst your roasted chestnuts and Lady Gaga posters, a final gift. The Bohunk, a steady ready, has been tempted by The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson ever since it was a huge hit at the local movie house. It was a #1 National Bestseller and a phenomena in Europe, and Larsson’s native Sweden, in particular, long before it was even known in the US. Larsson died of a heart attack before his work became famous, adding even more mystery and intrigue to what is said be a thrilling mystery in the trilogy. Now, all three novels are available in paperback, meaning you can get all three (the others are The Girl Who Played With Fire and The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet’s Nest) for less than the cost of a single hardcover copy. You can pick them up here, or head in to your local bookseller.

Thanks for reading, get a book for someone you love this holiday season, and here’s to hoping you had an excellent pagan Winter Solstice this week. Back tomorrow, enjoy Modern Family at 9 tonight. (As always, that’s Eastern Standard)