TC Training Camp: Day Six

The Bohunk scurries up the Muur…(This is what I imagine I look
like on the bike. Everyday.)
About a mile and a half from getting home from my ride today, a middle-aged woman waddling across the road with her equally wide pal made a comment about me. It’s rare I actually hear people say anything because I am most often cruising along too fast or too far away. But this lady, I heard. As I rounded a corner and tore into the pavement to keep the pace up, she said, quite flatly, “Well, he is serious.” Yes, ma’am, I am. And let me tell you why…

Your skills of perception, madam, are lacking. What you saw was a 22 year old in tight clothing on a full suspension bicycle that is more than a bit too big for him. But what that young man really was doing was launching an attack off the front to get a gap over a select group of eight, including, just to name a few, Fabian Cancellara, Thor Hushovd, Tylar Farrar and Juan Manuel Garate. And trust me, the young man you saw was digging himself to China in an effort to get away.

You believe you saw this on a normal, cold and wet Thursday in Traverse City, Michigan, whilst in (my) reality, I was really just rolling of the top of the Muur climb at the Tour of Flanders, Belgians yelling and spiting obscenities at me in a drunken fervor as if I was Lance Armstrong his very self. You can see then, ma’am, that yes I was indeed quite serious. Thank you heartily for taking a moment to notice.

The sixth day of the TC Training Camp was a mountain-bike-on-the-road-ride because of the deep slush and snow on most of the roads. I only did an hour and twenty minutes and about 22 miles because of a very strong and cold wind, but I was really feeling the effects of a long run yesterday. Looking forward very much to the weather tomorrow, which promises partly cloudy skies and a temperate 37 degrees. More from the roads tomorrow!

Where is John-O?

Where, my dear readers, is the faithful reader John-O? What would the fine gentleman wear to an announced White-Out? Three Bohunk points if you can guess who the Dear Reader is in this photo....

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Tour of California: Dope as Hell

The Amgen Tour of California has quickly become the US’ top stage race. Drawing the likes of Levi Leipheimer, Lance Armstrong, Michael Rogers and a host of international cycling giants, it is already a fixture for top pro teams, especially those leaning heavily on American sponsors, like Garmin and RadioShack. The ToC will be drugged tested by the US Anti-Doping Agency, a connection that will withdraw power from the International version which had tested the event, and many others worldwide for the past two decades. The ToC drew heavy criticism in its inaugural year, 2006, by not testing for EPO, a blood boosting drug that was extremely prevalent and popular throughout the ‘90s and early 2000s. Amgen, the title sponsor of the ToC, is a pharmaceutical company that produces EPO and other drugs meant for cancer and other medical uses. The USDA will begin out of competition testing for all of its entrants 90 days before the races start on May 15th.  

HTC’s Tony Martin, the 2010 winner, enjoys Cal-eh-fornia Gurls and the sweet, tingling sensation of victory.

The End of Alberto Contador and the Tainted Spanish Beef

Alberto Contador’s ban is official; one year. However, as noted in an article this morning on VeloNews.com, the official date of when his ban begins is up in the air. Contador has not raced at all since the Tour de France, skipping a handful of small races and criterium events for uncited reasons. We learned later that it was probably because he already learned about the positive test and he wanted to avoid having those results taken away as well. If the ban begins retroactively from the end of July and the conclusion of the Tour, Contador could then start the Vuelta. Riding in his home country’s race as a return to cycling would be an irresistible option for the Spaniard, and give him a chance to win a title for his new Saxo-Bank squad. No official date has been announced, though the matter should be cleared up very soon. Contador will hold a press conference today to reveal his reactions and any intent to appeal the ruling.

“Alberto, stop doing the little pistolero thing, you’re a
convicted doper now…”

*Since it has been resolve, the Bohunk sadly announces the greatest recurring article title ever known. Goodbye, The Case of Alberto Contador and the Tainted Spanish Beef. You will be missed whilst giggling.

Carbolic Acid, Apple, Sarah-cuda and TDU…

It’s Tuesday and the Bohunk is struggling to return to the monotony that is college. And the headlines are as depressing as the twelve page research paper on Catholic and Protestant relations during the various witch trials of the sixteenth century. Yet, the Bohunk perseveres through all calamity…

In business news, Apple’s Messiah Steve Jobs (who doubles as a CEO) is taking a leave of absence from the company and day-to-day operations. Shares for Apple dropped 4.7% overnight, representing roughly $15 billion in market value. Jobs took a leave for medical reasons in early 2009 to receive a liver transplant and in 2004 to deal with and combat pancreatic cancer. Experts say there is no material reason to say that Jobs’ absence will in any way affect Apple as a corporation, but agree that, as the face of one of the richest and most successful companies in the world, is presence is very valuable as well. Just last week, if loyal readers will recall, Apple hit its highest ever trading price at almost $350 per share. Even at a loss of 4.4%, long term investors are okay; the company’s share quadrupled from 2009 to the present. They should be doing okay financially. All the best to Steve on his leave and the best of health, as well.

“Go purchase some Apple stock; I ain’t dead yet m@(#%*#.” ~Steve Jobs

For a week or so after the shooting of Rep. Giffords, the Republicans kept their collective mouth close; they appeared at the sight of the shootings, and stood behind the President (to stay in camera frame) when Obama made his speech on the violence in Tucson. They promised bipartisanship, and peace, and for the rhetoric to stop…Until today. Apparently, the Republican pledge to deal peacefully with Democrats lasts shorter than the media cycle. Republicans are back at it, challenging health care law that would, even in its barest forms, cover an addition 15 million poverty-stricken Americans. But Lord knows we wouldn’t want that. The Oily-Phants are now making recommendations on the plan that would reduce the number of Americans covered to less than 7 million by some measures, lowering the cost, sure, but completely missing the point of the bill in the first place. The health care bill was drawn as a way to cover all Americans, not a just enough to get some press and disappoint millions who did not end up with coverage. The need for discussion is not lost on the Bohunk; only the motivation for Republicans to deny 15 million of the most needy and vulnerable fellow citizens in the country the right to see a doctor and to receive treatment. If you can explain it to me, please do so in the Comments section…Peacefully….

A suicide bomber in Iraq killed 52 police recruits in Tikrit yesterday. As US and other international forces prepare to leave en masse this year, the myriad short comings of the Iraqi security forces are being found out. Recruits were waiting in line to the police station when the explosion rocked the building and all those around it. 52 died and over 150 are being treated for several types of injuries. This comes just a few months after a similar attack at a police recruitment center killed 61 and left over 125 wounded. When Iraqi security forces cannot even protect themselves while in their own bases and within their own compounds, the US must worry that all the work and sacrifice contributed could evaporate rather quickly….

Sarah Palin, that ever-ignorant Mama Grizzly, has vowed not to “shut-up” in the light of civil, bipartisan talks that, heretofore had been thriving. She quoted Scripture and Martin Luther King, Jr. while on a Fox News show, saying that Jesus and MLK were similar in their life experiences. She did not have the intelligence to say how, but that they were. She remained non-committal on running for President in 2012, to which the Bohunk is disappointed. Go for it Sarrah-cuda! Obama on his worst day, and in French, could beat you in a debate. Please, chick, bring it on…For you are not a lady….

Stage One of the Santos Tour Down Under in Australia is in the books with HTC-Columbia’s Matt Goss taking the win. Goss nipped Andre Greipel and very Australian Robbie McEwan for the win on the line, with many eyes looking around at the notable absence of Mark Cavendish near the finish. McEwan suffered a crash a few kilometers before the finish and was pulled back into contention by the powerhouse that is the South African Robbie Hunter, another recent pick up by Team RadioShack. The second stage is today and roughly 100 miles long in beautiful weather and sunshine. More tomorrow, and the Bohunk warns, look for a move by Lance Armstrong; as he said last week, he is not in Australia to “pedal around in the peloton.”

Matty Goss takes in on the line…But where’s Cavendish?

Astronomers are tossed their telescopes to the turf and picking up a element in order to study the universe. The telescopes are, in reality, safe, but there has been a rush to study in greater depth the importance of carbon, not only on earth but its role in the universe as well. As one of relatively few chemically stable possible solutes, carbon has some of the basic traits that make it a viable source of life, namely, consistency and structural integrity regardless of environmental changes in temperature, pressure and levels of acidity. Though DNA is the foundation of life, its inner workings, or its chemical reactions and processes, are built upon the stability of carbolic acids at a micro-micro-microscopic level. While small scale biochemical reactions can result without carbon, they cannot build larger bodies, such as bacterium, cats, Natalie Portman, whales, or Rosie' O’Donnell (and yes, in that EXACT order) that we consider significant or substantial life. Carbon has a versatility that is unrivaled by other elemental compounds, even by those that are more popular. For example, silicon is roughly 900 times more abundant than carbon, but is involved in a paltry number of meaningful chemical reactions important to creating and maintaining life. The only other element that seems to have had any potential at the early stages of life on earth was boron, an element that is rare on earth, but even more rare throughout the universe. There is not enough known boron to have meaningful chemical reactions on any scale, let alone the scale of life. What does this mean? The universe somehow provided earth with exactly the right stuff at the exact right time with the exact chemical properties needed to being the process of life. It all had to happen and it all did. Why? For what reason? We don’t know everything, we know almost nothing. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.

Thank goodness for carbon…

Thanks for reading folks, more effort tomorrow and, of course, much more fun. Enjoy your day!

NFL Play-offs, Cheer-Babe Professionalism, and the Tunisian Devil…

Back to the start, Monday to Friday, and folks, it will not stop so neither should you. Carry hope in thy heart and the weight of the world on your shoulders, as no one else but you can live your life. Enough cheesy crap, let’s dig deeper into this burrito and get to the meat of it…

This weekend saw some excellent professional football play offs, first with the Pittsburgh Steelers (quarterbacked by a rapist) against the Baltimore Nevermores (linebacked by a murderer) beginning the festivities. The Bohunk is not much of a supporter of either team; in fact, I flipped a coin to decide who to pick as a winner because I didn’t want any reason to really cheer for either squad. In one of the ugliest games, with late hits, trash talking and rather embarrassing post-play theatrics, including a fifteen second Hines Ward display of crossed arms that I grew a touch nauseous, neither team acted like a Super Bowl squad. For the Steelers, that is puzzling; most of the team has two rings. But they played down to Baltimore most of the first half, trailing 21-7. Cory Redding, a defensive end for the Nevermores, scooped up a fumble that lay untouched and unnoticed for some time, and sauntered into the end zone, flanked by some teammates, without the Steelers ever taking notice. Aside from that, Ray Rice, the Ravens running back, was invisible except for a fumble. Flacco, the quarterback of the Ravens, one the Bohunk believes is over-hyped, choked. He took bad sacks, ran out of bounds for a loss of four when he could have tossed it away, and barely got off passes when the Nevermores needed a come-from-behind drive. The game turned when All-Pro, All-Everything wide receiver Anquan Boldin dropped a pass in the end zone late that would have given the Ravens a seven point lead late. Granted, the way Pittsburgh was playing, they still would have had to stop the Steelers about three more times which would have very tough. However, the Ravens never truly threatened again, and their booting from the playoffs was certain.

In the night cap, the Green Bay Packers beat the Atlanta Falcons soundly. The Dirty Birds couldn’t run (Michael Turner had just 10 carries for 39 yards) and couldn’t pass either. Matt Ryan, a.k.a The Man With Two First Names, was sacked five times and hit numerous times as he threw.   His receivers were blanketed all night by Tramon Williams and Charles Woodson, and linebackers Clay Matthews and A.J. Hawk (yes, that A.J Hawk) stormed the walls like it was the shores of Tripoli. The Bohunk, in all his knowledge, has pinpointed, for your benefit, the exact moment the game turned. After a Packers score, the Atlanta Falcons kick returner Eric Weems returned a kick 102 yards for a touchdown, the longest play in the history of the playoffs. Celebrate, you Falcons fans! Cheer, rejoice, for the football gods are for ye! But soft! What distraction on the sidelines! The Cheer-Babes of the Falcons are, yes, most certainly, gyrating and hooping-and-hollering, but not in unison! The blonde is doing a hip thing, and the brunette on the end isn’t even facing forward! What heresy is this, that the Cheer-Babes, professionals, cannot stay in unison! Upon viewing this spectacle with vigorous intensity, the Bohunk said to the room at large, “Game Over.” No one can respond after poor Cheer-Babing, least of all the Falcons without a run game. Soon, it was 35-14 and the Packers were in cruise mode. The Bohunk Super Bowl prediction, Packers vs. Flying Elvii, is still alive. And let this be a lesson to Cheer-Babes everywhere: When you tell the players to “Go” make sure you do so together and with smiles; the football gods will punish ye. 

Spirits were high before the Unthinkable; here, the Cheer-Babes are in unison. It was not
to last, however.

The Tour Down Under, the first major cycling race of the season, begins tomorrow, and the cycling community (and This Guy) are relieved to have the Best Sport In The World back to discuss and over analyze. While the turn out among pros has been the best in the history of the event, inevitably, all eyes with be on Lance Armstrong, who attends the race in what will be his last international race of his career. He will probably end up in a few US races, but as far as big European races, this little jaunt in Australia will have to do as a fare-thee-well. He is joined by the very, very Australian Robbie McEwan and one of the best sprinting fields assembled, including Andre Greipel, Gerald Ciolek, Mark Cavendish and Tylar Farrar. As McEwan says, the presence of so many sprinters could result in a “Mexican stand-off” situation, meaning a breakaway could get a big lead and hold it while the teams refuse to chase in the peloton. The Bohunk’s prediction: Greipel takes the first meeting against Cavendish in a massive, testy field sprint. Cavendish typically starts the season slow, though I can also see him being motivated and ready to tear the legs off anyone looking to challenge him. Lance will go on a forlorn but heroic attack at some point, but to no avail. All the best to him, though, and thanks for almost two decades of great racing.

Lance Armstrong modeling the new 2011 RadioShack kit. Best of luck, Juan Pelota.

The Bohunk hopes you haven’t noticed this, but there has been a bit of a freak out after astronomers noticed that the constellations have shifted due to the wobble of the earth’s rotation. The 26,000 year cycle means that, every so often, the constellations shift as the earth moves along its axis. This equates to a shift of roughly 50 seconds every year, so the distance the axis ‘moves’ is tiny. However, those looking to the heavens knew and even predicted this movement as far back as 7,000 years ago in Ancient Greece. People who believe in astrology, which, it should be noted, attributes certain behaviors and influences completely superficially to contrived shapes in the sky, have been panicked to see how the change will ‘affect’ their personality. It won’t; in fact, if you work by degrees, and the geologic shift of time, you were probably born under a different sign than that which you attribute to yourself, anyway. In fact, most signs shift every 2,160 years, but we haven’t adjusted until now. So if you believe in this mularky…

"Astrologers look beyond the five senses into the sixth and seven sense that transcend material boundaries.” ~The Epoch Times

…I am sure you can allow for some basic misinformation anyway….

It is, folks, a revolution in Tunisia. The army drove through the capital of Tunis this weekend, ousting all remnants of militia and security forces loyal to overthrown President Zine el Abidine ben Ali. Arrests around the country have rounded up much of the former regime, including former Interior Minister Rafik Belhaj Kassim in his hometown of Beja. Kassim headed both the main security force of the country and the state TV broadcast station, both, citizens claim, serving as instruments of oppression and stifling political and social freedoms. A new Cabinet comprised of various political parties is being assembled to take provisional control of the country until elections and other preparations can be made to establish a long term political structure. The working officials say they hope to hold free elections in 60 days and that they may rely on international help to ensure that peace is established before those elections can take place. Makeshift militias have created roadblocks around major cities to stop the exodus of former government officials and to maintain order, calling in army or new government security forces to keep the peace. The international community should cheer the urge for freedom and try to discourage any more loss of life in this nation’s future developments.

The Seahawks went to a frozen Soldier Field and looked exactly like the Seahawks we had all expected to see. After playing the Martyrs and winning against some long odds, they sauntered into Chicago against a much better team contented with simply winning one game and going home. They slowly lost ground as the offense did nothing; their first scoring drive was only 18 yards for a field goal. It happened while down 28-0 with a minute left in the third quarter. You are down by four touchdowns, it’s the playoffs; what does three points do for you? Nothing. Pete Carroll took the field goal because 28-0 sounds worse than 28-3, though it is the same thing in the end, a loss. Carroll was scared and playing not to lose. In the first quarter, fourth and one in Chicago territory (the 41, to be exact) Pete had the chance to take the momentum by the balls. Get a first, quiet the stirred, freezing crowd and get on the board; fear took over, and the punt unit jogged on. The Bohunk said, “Game Over.” The Bears will take on the Packers in the Coolest NFC Championship Game In A Long Time next week. Picks and predictions to come…

The best return man in the history of the game; Packers, be warned…

The Flying Elvii fell 28-21 to the New York Jets. Frankly, the Bohunk is torn for the AFC Championship; a rapist (Big Ben) against a loud mouth (Rex Ryan), the worst example of fatherhood in America (Antonio Cromartie) and the organization with the most NFL investigations since the 2008 Bengals. I’m going to have to go with the Thieves for the simple fact that they have less players likely to be arraigned this week. Tom “Bieber” Brady tossed for 300 yards, 2 TDs and a pick and will be blamed for the loss. That is the price for being the face of a dynasty; all the blame and the obligation to share the glory. The Jets did just enough to win; and they will not do so again this year.

Thanks for reading folks, back tomorrow and with results from the Tour Down Under and the arrest reports from Rex Ryan robbing a FootLocker store…

Sleep and Obesity, Rich Ginger, and Narnia…

Whew! With any luck, and a bit of bed rest, you’ve had time to recover from the excitement that was the ceremonial naming of Sportsperson of the Year…Relax, this time, nothing as colossal as that happens. But read anyway…

Time recently named Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg “Person of the Year” and received a lot more attention than the Bohunk with such an award. Zuckerberg created the largest social networking medium in the history of the world. Nearly 500 million people around the globe log in to update their status and stalk each other’s pictures, all on the most complex and integrated network on the face of the earth. Facebookers represent one-twelfth of the world population, and though one may not recognize it, Facebook is a world phenomena. If Facebook’s users were a country, it would be the third largest in the world, only behind China and India. And though users may not realize it, but 70% of Facebook users live outside the US. Zuckerberg definitely reaped the benefits of his network’s popularity; his estimated net worth is around $6.9 Billion (that’s a B, you’ll be sure to note) at the ripe old age of 26. Not bad for a guy with red hair and partial color blindness (he can see blue the best, which is why it’s Facebook’s dominant color) and a Harvard drop-out. Congrats on being named Person of the Year, Mark….Perhaps one day you’ll earn the more prestigious award of the same name given by the Bohunk….Don’t lose sleep waiting for it, either….

Creepy soulless ginger Mark Zuckerberg…

Techies who claim to know such things have stuck the proverbial fork in Microsoft for being almost completely absent in the tablet market. While Apple has hit it big with its iPad, and mobile phone manufacturers like Samsung have introduced their own tablets, none run using Microsoft operating systems and many have adopted the Android OS because Microsoft has no viable contribution to the emerging market. Intel is also lacking a platform for a tablet, though many claim that Microsoft’s failure is more alarming because the company had always been well ahead of the competition in anticipating market trends. With new tablets soon to emerge, including efforts by Google, Samsung, and a new iPad 2 by Apple, many manufacturers are making a second model before Microsoft has even made one platform. Some have claimed it will the end of Microsoft; the Bohunk says, “No, sir, not quite so very fast.” Microsoft is too smart and too big to go quietly. Tablets are still a relatively TINY market compared to notebooks, laptops and even desktops, and Microsoft still dominates in those areas.

Would you like to be a more attractive person? Two separate studies have contributed some obvious but reaffirming information. Young adults, ages 19-30, who are active and at a healthy weight level can avoid gaining the average weight gain of their mid to late 30’s by staying active and staying below obesity rates. The study showed that people who were obese as a young adult became morbidly obese in their thirties, while those at a healthy BMI (Body Mass Index) only gained negligible weight even into their forties. The study suggests that as little as 4% of obese people at the age of 25 will ever return to a healthy weight over the course of the rest of their life. In the second study, researchers found that people who get at least 8 hours of sleep and do so at regular intervals (go to bed and wake at roughly the same time) have a remarkably better look. The study followed young adults and also parents to monitor the effect their sleeping habits had on their appearance and personality. People who stayed up past 11 o’clock and slept in past 10 am were irritable, grouchy and looked like Hell, (trust me, those pictures were alarming) while those who slept regular hours, usually 10 pm to 8 am, looked better and had a more positive outlook. One researcher claimed regular sleeping patterns might even make a person age much more slowly. So the next time you pull an all-nighter, think, perhaps, of the future and GO TO BED!

Sofia Vergara: She must sleep constantly. Congrats on the Golden Globes
nomination, Fox.

A suicide bomber killed 39 worshippers in Iran yesterday at a mourning ceremony outside a mosque in southeastern Iran. The Iranian government quickly announced that it believes the US is responsible for the attack, citing the use of advanced techonolgy and intelligence. The mourning ceremony was in honor of the death of Imam Hussein, supposedly the descendent of the Muslim prophet Muhammad who lived in the 7th century. Most of the worshippers were Shiite, and no claims for responsibility for the attack have been heard, though many suspect that the large Sunni population in the area could also be suspected. The US government, at the time of my hitting “Publish” on this baby, had made no comment to confirm or deny their involvement in the incident.

For a quick review of the recently Bohunk-ed Candide by Voltaire, I offer this book as the best read ever in a span of 137 pages. The story of a young man, Candide, who by trial and strife is forced from his home and to cross the globe in search of his love. His teacher, the philosopher Pangloss, tells him that his home of Westphalia is “the best of all possible worlds.” Candide and Pangloss live by the mantra of “everything is for the best” though they are hanged, kicked from their country, whipped, flogged, abandoned, robbed, burned and beaten. Voltaire repeatedly mentions some of his own sneering critics in the book, labeling them liars and thieves. The adventures of Candide are hilarious and cruel and equally so. It is an absurdist work, and contrary to what many claim, it is not an examination of the origin of evil or the immorality of mankind. Instead, Voltaire looks at how the individual reacts to injustice; each character or member of Candide’s band has fair claim to being the most mistreated by the world, but Candide and Pangloss seem to bear all with a positive heart and learn to live life for the very admirable reason of living. You can get it at Barnes and Noble here.

 
Jesus, shoot, I mean Aslan, the most easily identifiable Christ allegory. 

The new Chronicles of Narnia flick is in theaters and is atop the Box Office earnings list. The Bohunk is quite interested in how many of the books will actually be made into the film. For those who have not finished all of the books, the series ends SPOILER ALERT DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE INTENTION OF READING THE BOOKS with all the children dying while battling an army of what C.S. Lewis allegorically represented extremists Islamic soldiers. Way back in the day, Lewis already was quite sure that Muslims would begin to start trouble in the new millennium. The dead kids are then brought to what Lewis presents as Heaven, which is a version of Narnia ruled over by Jesus, I mean Aslan. The king of the Muslims is also there, however, and Jesus, dang it, sorry, I mean Aslan, says that the Supreme Being doesn’t care what religion you follow as long as you have a true and noble heart. Can the American public accept this type of ending? They would never accept a Muslim in “Heaven” (ruled, again, by a talking lion) let alone all the hero children being slain in a violent but bloodless (look at their swords in the last two movies; no blood, even when they stab an enemy combatant) battle scene.

In the on-going case of Alberto Contador and the Tainted Spanish Beef case, WADA officials have leveled quite frankly that the minute amount of clenbuterol found in Contador’s positive test July 21st is enough to be banned and punished for. Any amount of the drug found is reason enough to suspend Contador, the two-or-three time champ of the Tour de France. Contador’s blood revealed just 50 picograms (that is less than ‘trace’ amounts in other blood tests) that would probably not been found in most laboratories in the world. That would be written numerically as 0.00000000050 grams. The WADA spokesperson charged with dealing with the Spanish Sports Agency in charge ruling on Contador’s case was quoted as saying, “Just because it’s small doesn’t mean it’s not doping.” Many experts believe Contador mistakenly used transfused blood that was contaminated during the Tour de Swiss. Plasticizers found in the blood sample also serve to confirm this suspicion. The Bohunk’s take: Congrats on your default 2010 win, Andy Schleck, and you won’t be race El Pistolero in the next two years….

Thanks for reading everyone, and sorry for the late post. Some serious technical difficulties. Enjoy Modern Family on ABC tonight!

WikiLeaks, Nice Gams, Horned Frogs and Fisticuffs….

Ever thought, nay, suspected that the US government might be a bit shady? Well, feast your eyes upon the following tidbits of ineptitude. As reported yesterday, WikiLeaks, an organization dedicated to releasing secret, classified documents has struck again, this time unearthing roughly 250,000 cables detailing communication between Washington DC and US diplomats around the globe. A main topic is Iran, with ambassadors both foreign and domestic appearing, frankly, stumped. North Korea, that (un)friendly little enigma, also appears to be confusing diplomats, even those who claim to back the nation, like China. The cables concerning North Korea in particular are “long on guesses and short on facts” according the the NY Times.

Oh, so that’s how they plan to take over the world; give some ladies with nice gams
some machine guns. Ingenious.

US and South Korean officials even started hashing out details of what each country would do should the North collapse amid economic and political crises. The US claims that it would enjoy being a “benign” benefactor to the entire peninsula (because now, trillions of dollars in debt and climbing, is a great time to get in the benefactin’ buisness) should South Korea be allowed to claim the entire peninsula. However, other cables suggest that China, North Korea’s big brother with the fancy ever-expanding-economy-that-also-happens-to-hold-the-majority-of-US-debt-a.k.a-our-testicles, would have to be placated, possibly even wanting a nice big chunk of property to house its gigantic population; a billion people; one hair cut. This WikiLeak bust is a massive ordeal for US security but it the Bohunk cannot decide which is worse; that the US is this crooked and sneaky, or that we are so incredibly bad at keeping or crookedness and sneakitude underwraps…

In much less important news, the conference hopping continues with the Horned Frogs (oh, you get it, right, hopping Horned Frogs) of TCU making plans to jump (there is is again) to the Big East starting in 2012. TCU has repeated been ripped off by the BCS because it was a member of a non-automatic qualifier conference, the Mountain West, which resulted in repeated crappy-bowl invitations until last season, when the Frogs were suspiciously paired against fellow non-automatic qualifier Boise State. The Bohunk smelled skunk when the BCS bigwigs announced the match-up that assured neither squad would get a chance at a national title and would knock one of the teams out of the top five. This year, with both teams stuck at 3 and 4 in the BCS poll (before Boise flopped against Nevada), the Bohunk again began to suspect conspiracy. Alas, the BCS got off easy because of the loss, but now must decide whether Oregon, My Oregon is better than Auburn for the top spot. The Bohunk roots for Oregon; you should too.

Students are being held hostage in Wisconsin, or were at the time I hit “Publish” on this baby. Marinette High School, which enrolls roughly 800 students, says that an armed student entered the building and took a classroom, locking the students and the teacher inside. No injuries have been reported, and authorities are trying to wear the gunman down. The Bohunk would like to take the opportunity to remind high school and college students of the importance of enrolling in a campus safety alert system. If something goes down, you get a text message. Very simple, easy, free, and it can safe your life. Also, don’t hold people hostage.

Former President George W. Bush (round here we call him ‘Dubyah’) talked with Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg on Facebook Chat yesterday, discussing his new book “Discussion Points”, an autobiography about Bush’s time in office and chronicling such events as the Iraq War, 9/11 and Hurricane Katrina. Dubya had two answers when queried on why he agreed on the social network: A) He claimed to want to show people his thinking (not much of that) and what it is like to be President. B) He admitted the obvious; “I’m shamelessly shelling some books,” he said, laughing and giggling like an oil tycoon who struck oil years ago and is now a massive part of its utilization and sales, which, as you should know, he is.

Instead of reading “Discussion Points”, the best book ever written with a crayon, why not pick up a copy of Life by Keith Richards. I give this accurate citation because the Bohunk believes it is, in fact, a more honest attempt at truth than Dubya has ever attempted in his life. Life is, perhaps, Richards' late-in-life tell all, recounting his youth, his obsession with Chuck Berry and Muddy Waters, the formation of the Stones and how he wrote some of the most famous guitar rifts in the great and illustrious history of rock’n’roll. Sure to be included are many scenes of wild intoxication and poignant realizations, I’m sure. Only $19.99 at Barnes and Nobles.

Finally, the Bohunk would like to address the fisticuffs engaged in by the Tennessee Flaming Thumbtacks’ Courtland Finnagan and the Houston Cowheads’ Andre Johnson. Late in the fourth quarter the two began brawling like a bad WWE match, throwing fists and ripping off each other’s helmets. Other parties quickly separated the two, but their good names had been sullied enough by the display. Both we ejected; the crowd gave Andre Johnson, the home fighter, a standing ovation as he strutted like a peacock to the dressing room. Embarrassing. But perhaps more disgusting is the NFL’s paltry $25,000 fine to each player. No suspension. Nothing. As you might recall, the Bohunk applauded the $75,000 fine on James Harrison after he repeated helmet to helmet hits. That fine was just denied appeal last night. So Harrison, though an obvious and blatant head hunter, gets $75,000 for violence that is, unexcusable but still, in the spirit of play, and these two get $25,000 for fighting after the whistle? Bad judgment, bad example and bad timing. Mr. Goodell, you are guilty of the Most Stupid Decision of the Year…So Far.

Cortland Finnegan vs. Andre Johnson. Finnegan is a known
instigator…He should know better than to take on a man almost
three times his pay-scale. Both should be suspended 3 games…

Thanks for reading, enjoy your Tuesday and come on back tomorrow. I’m using spell checker again!

Itchy Kardashian, Unintelliegent Design and a Bananahammock…

In a nation where divorce is commonplace and the new trend of prolonged cohabitation is widely accepted, it is no real surprise to hear that 40% of Americans believe marriage is obsolete. Things, if you have not been paying attention, have changed; women do not need marriage to support themselves or their children, both sexes are more likely to put marriage off in order to pursue a career, and the stigma of children born out of wedlock has greatly dissipated. This has actually brought out what we might view as a positive; women are more likely to cite “true love” as their deciding factor to wed or not, roughly 78% saying this was the most important part of a marriage. Just 30 years ago, in the late 1970’s, just 28% of women cited love as the deciding factor. 57% of women, at that time, claimed that “monetary” issues would decide who they would marry. So, contrary to what we might think, women are more likely to marry for love than money in the new century. (Some gold digging hussy DID NOT pay me to write this)

The question was posed last evening on Facebook, which read as follows: In the 70's, Richard Nixon's chief campaign advisor proposed buying yachts to serve as "floating brothels" to lure and blackmail Democrats who would be attending that election year's DNC. This was while he was a member of a sitting President's staff. And paid by tax dollars. Can you name this crooked son of a gun? If you guessed Gordon G. Liddy, you’re right! and probably at least 45 years of age. That’s right. Liddy also proposed murdering several writers of The Washington Post, kidnapping the children of Congressmen, and breaking into the…oh, well, he actually did that one.

G. Gordon Liddy…Facist, Republican, and Closeted….

Troubling news for the American servicemen and women stationed in South Korea this morning, as reports indicated that North and South Korean troops have exchanged hundreds of artillery rounds over S. Korea’s Yeonpyeong Island. Two S. Korean soldiers were killed with others injured. North Korean casualties are unknown. North Korea’s state news program stated it began firing on the island in response to South Korea’s weapons firing, a regularly scheduled drill where rounds fell harmlessly into the ocean.

In the ongoing battle for Top Sexually Transmitted Disease, gonorrhea has dropped in popularity. Make way for the new King of STDs…(drum roll)….Chlamydia! The nasty disease afflicts roughly 2.8 million Americans (2.5 if you take into account that Kim Kardashian gets it over and over and over again) which makes up a large portion of those who claim to be sexually active. Cases of syphilis are up 39% (gross) since 2006, primarily in homosexual couples, though almost 20 times more likely to be found in African American circles than any other race. It all boils down to a very simple fact; 1 in 4 sexually active Americans has or has had a STD. So get tested.

In the eternal words of the Broheim, “You just KNOW that
she’s itchy….” One imagines so, yes.

The tragic death toll in Cambodia has risen to at least 378. Citizens celebrating a local water festival stampeded over a narrow bridge spanning the Bassac River, crushing bodies underneath and pushing others off into the river below. State television cameras caught the entire repulsive scene on tape- both the living and the dead being twisted and mashed under a mass of bodies screaming and searching for escape. No one is certain what caused the panic; some claim hearing police sirens, and still others say the stampede began as people realized the size of the mass around them. Police say this is not the end count of deaths; many believe more bodies will be found in the river, and the 755 wounded are still being treated in several area hospitals.

In another installment in my ongoing series, the World Is Going to Hell Via Hand Basket, a poll released from 2006 states that 68% of Republican voters do not believe “in any aspect” the FACT of evolution. The Bohunk doe not like saying the “theory” of evolution, because its modern form has been essentially confirmed in all explorations. Yet, over two thirds of adult, somewhat educated Americans do not believe in FACT. Calling evolution “theory” is just as insulting to evolution as calling “intelligent design” science is to science; one is proven, well studied explanation of human history, and the other is the moronic (and dumb) statement of, “This all powerful being did it, duh!” which negates all the rules of science, physics and biology. And we just elected dozens of Republicans who claim to believe in “intelligent design” to Congress. (Note: They believe in intelliegent design, but not climate change)

Simple can, at times, just be plain stupid.

On this day in 1859, William H. Bonney, though much better know by the ultimate bad-ass nickname, “Billy the Kid”, was born in  a squalid Irish immigrant neighborhood in New York City. The outlaw killed 27 men in the American West, the most famous being Sheriff Bill Brady, who okayed the murder of the Kid’s boss, John Tunstall. In 1881, Sheriff Garrett, a friend of Billy’s before he was a lawman, snuck into a house near Fort Sumner, New Mexico. While Billy was asleep next to a girlfriend of his, Garrett fired a bullet into his chest and killed him. The Kid was 21 years old. And if you want to see a freakin’ awesome movie about Billy the Kid and his band of regulators, check out Young Guns. It’s got the coach from Mighty Ducks in it. (Emilio Estevez)

That’s it, thanks for reading. There may or may not be an Update tomorrow, so check in anyway. Have a great Thanksgiving, nonetheless.

Foxy Friday, She-Priests, and a Harry Potter Thank-You…

The Bohunk would like to bring to your attention a huge event in the world of sports. This very Sunday afternoon, the Minnesota Brett Favres will host the Green Bay Packers, the last meeting of the aged superstar and his former squad. This is based on the assumption that he will, in fact, retire at the end of this season and then remain so forever. After tossing a league high 16 INTs and winning just three games thus far, the Bohunk does not foresee a return of the “Ol’ Gunslinger” in 2011. This will be Brett’s last chance to seek revenge on the Pack for not taking him back after unretiring the first (and really second) time. The NFL has recently met with Jenn Sterger about the potential sexual harassment issues dating back from 2008. Brett is going to be starting this Sunday, but between a potential suspension, a bad elbow, ankle and shoulder, his streak of consecutive starts is in jeopardy. This may be his last chance to stride off into the sunset, then pussy-foot around till August before finally going away for good.

It’s Friday, which means the Bohunk will select the Fox. This week’s Fox is the beautiful and talented Natalie Portman. As Padme in Star Wars I-III she stole the hearts of many a virginal nerd, and has been very successful in other roles, from V for Vendetta to Cold Mountain and Brothers. You may not know it, but Natalie is Israeli, and made her acting debut in Leon way, way back in 1994. She holds a degree in psychology from Harvard (Pip, pip) and won a Golden Globe for Best Supporting Actress for the film Closer (a personal favorite of Yours Truly). Now, she can list a “Fox” award to her list of credentials.

Fox Natalie Portman…

In astronomy news, scientists have discovered the first planet ever seen that originated in another galaxy. The planet is orbiting a white dwarf star that is a remnant of a mini galaxy that was devoured by the Milky Way a few million years ago. The planet is slightly larger than Jupiter. Scientists are getting all antsy and excited, because research of this planet might reveal some secrets of other-galaxy formation and a glimpse into the effects on a planet after a sun’s mass change. The earth, in a few million years, will face a sun a few dozen times larger than it currently is, possible scorching the planet or even erasing it. This new, foreign planet gives us a look at what might be left. Bohunk’s guess; not much.

The new Myspace is here…by becoming Facebook. The former social networking giant and now irrelevant, embarrassing and lingering reminder of your sophomore year in high school, has struck a deal to be linked with Facebook. Now, Myspace will be integrated almost completely with its former rival Facebook, allowing your preferences from one to be transferred to the other and vice versa. The Bohunk’s criticism is echoed by other tech-nerds; what is the point? Why have two identical pages that share the same information? Myspace has, currently, 122 million registered users, compared to Facebook’s 500 million. If you still have a Myspace, slap yourself. (Just kidding)

None of these Kiwi are believed to be in the mine….

A massive explosion has trapped two dozen coal miners in New Zealand. Following the trendy example of the Chilean Miners, the Kiwis are trapped at an unknown depth in the intricate labyrinth, buried at least a mile below the surface. A man driving a loader some distance from the blast was thrown from the piece of equipment, a shocking indication of the strength of the explosion. Fears that the mine’s ventilation system was damaged forces rescuers to begin searching for fast and potentially more dangerous avenues of escape for the men trapped.

50 Church of England priests have voiced the intention to join 5 bishops in Britain who have converted to Roman Catholicism, this coming roughly 400 years after the Anglican Church was formed as a separate entity outside the power of Rome (thanks, Henry VIII). The priests say that cannot in good judgment serve as holy men in the Church if female bishops are accepted as a part of doctrine, a motion quickly gaining momentum in the country. The Pope has created a special club for the converts (or defectors, depending on your view) giving them the same powers as Catholic priests, and allowing married Anglican priests to keep their wives, which is just darn nice of the Holy Father. The Church of England has been confirming female priests since 1994, and have used “flying priests” (not Bohunks) to serve congregations that did not want a female leading their flock. Your views on this are of great interest; leave a comment with our opinion.

Oh my, how they grow…Three lives spent on camera.

The Harry Potter films are nearly concluded. It’s been 9 years and the movies have made billions in profit while delighting more than a few generations. If you have read the books, you know the sort of mixed feeling that comes with any final installment. Upon finishing the last book, many wished for more, but also, were satisfied with the feeling of completion and closure. Readers felt as though they had seen their closest friends finally find peace. Even the very best things must end, and all the better if they end as they should. These movies WILL be the last new Harry Potter related works. Ever. There will not be another book, nor film. What we have now is all the world will ever get from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (if you are tearing up, if that heavy feeling has found your breast, your heart, know it has found mine, doubly so, in writing this) and we can only treasure what is. Thank you, JK Rowling, for all you have given this weary world.

Thanks for reading, enjoy your weekend safely. The Bohunk will be taking off the holidays next week, so there will only be a Monday and Tuesday Update, in addition to the Top Post redone tomorrow.

The Beatles, A Lobbyist, Todd Wells and a Curious Chaser….

While watching the Egg Salad vs. Native American game on Monday Night, I took my eyes, carelessly, from the screen for 5 minutes and 34 seconds. When these eyes returned, the Egg Salads were winning by 14 points (2 TDs) and were frolicking into the red zone a la Jerome Harrison just moments later. At that point, I said “Game Over” because I tend to like make such predictions when a team is up by 3 TDs. It’s safer that way. Mike Vick, who commentator Ron Jaworski called, (and I’m serious) “dazzling”, does look pretty darn good, especially juxtaposed with Donovan McNabb, he is godawful- what? The ‘Skins just gave him $78 million over 5 years? Seriously? I’d take the guy who was in prison a few years ago…

As a huge Beatles fan, I am happy and relieved to say that Apple will now carry the full catalog of The Greatest Band In The History Of Man, possible as soon as you read this post. The Beatles have consistently been slow to move to new media; they didn’t have any of their albums available on CD until 1987, almost 6 years after the CD became the more popular format. Almost 39 years after the Beatles broke up (Damn you, Yoko) they still were the third best selling group in the US last year, selling 3.3 million copies of various albums and collections. Some other bands, such as AC/DC, Kid Rock and the great Bob Seger have yet to allow Apple have access to their work for sale on iTunes.

The Bohunk has had a Beatles sticker on my car since I was 17.

Bohunk Hall of Famer and “hardass” (my words) Todd Wells is a two time US champ in addition to being a very cool, down-to-earth guy. For these reasons and more, I am hesitant to post this next clip. At the U.S. Grand Prix of Cyclocross in Fort Collins, Colorado, Hot Todd took a tough spill bunny-hopping a barrier. For those not familiar with the sport, most mortals (like this guy ‘me’) can barely human-hop over barriers; only the pros can pull off this move consistently. This was the only race in Todd’s career that he did not finish, and the Bohunk wishes that it remains just that.

Hot Todd Wells’ Bunny Hop: Heal up, Todd. The world needs savin’…

In Michigan politics, Rick “The Nerd” Snyder is changing the way Lansing does business. The former Gateway boss (before the jobs went to China) is doing away with allowing lobbyists to linger around the capital, influencing and essentially buying bills and laws in the State. No, he is appointing them to his staff. This gets cuts down on interference, gives them easier access to state and gubernatorial assets and ensures their invitation to the parties and barbeques. Snyder appointed long-time lobbyist Dennis “I’ll buy Lansing” Muchmore (that really is his last name) as chief of staff yesterday. Muchmore hasn’t worked in a public office since being a Macomb county staffer in the 1970’s. Welcome to Lansing, Mr. Lobbyist!

There is nothing more magical than birth, especially when no one has seen it happen before. Beginning in 1979, astronomers found evidence of a massive explosion of a start believed to be 50 times the mass of our sun. The star, which is 50 million light years away, is thought to have gone super nova and begun to form a black hole-the strange, collapsing celestial entity and an infinite density. Never before have scientists been able to date the beginning of such a process and watch as the black hole develops, ages and, in a few million years, wither away. It is a huge step in understanding how rapidly the universe changes. As I might have said before; we don’t know everything, we know almost nothing. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.

On a rare personal note, I would like to contribute a strange event, witnessed live by the Bohunk just yesterday. While riding my bike, I was passed by the unlikely of creatures. I was making my way (at 15-17 mph, mind you) up a gradual hill just off of Wilson Ave. near Grand Rapids. I saw to my right a large, spacious and immaculately green lawn, perfectly manicured and almost plaited, so picturesque was this landscape. I noted an Invisible Fence flag in the corner of the yard, but seeing no dog, was unconcerned. Out of nowhere, a cat (yes, it’s a cat story) came flying out of nowhere, chasing me along the Invisible Fence. I am not an animal expert, but I did not think a cat was capable of running 15 mph, and it also gave my eye brows a good raisin’ to be chased by a feline. It stopped, the magnificent orange tabby-bastard, just at the flag, so it had obviously done some probing. Anyway, the Bohunk would just like you to be aware of this threat to cyclists.

Thanks for reading, don’t worry, no cats stories next time, and the Bohunk apologizes for it. Enjoy anything but Glee, and read the Update tomorrow.

Murder Most Foul, Hall of Fame, and NFL Stuff….

Welcome to the Week before Thanksgiving, where many a teenage girl begins to starve herself before the gluttonous bounty that is Turkey Day itself….

A quick gesticulation to the –> right of your screen to bring your attention to the All-New Flying Bohunk Hall of Fame, chronicling famous folk who have made a visit to the blog since its meteoric rise to mediocrity. Illustrious names like Ted King, Todd Wells and Heather Irmiger grace the Hall, and the Bohunk will be bothering other Big Names to add to those ranks.

The fan favorite herself, Heather Irmiger. Note the number of riders
behind her….All of them. New HoF inductee.

The Detroit Lions lost to the heretofore winless Buffalo Ballcap Brims in a close but ugly, ugly football contest. The unsightly 12-14 score was indicative of the game itself. Detroit offered up 11 penalties to Ryan “I Graduate From Harvard, Pip, Pip” Fitzpatrick and the now 1-7 Bills. Fitzpatrick, an undrafted free agent who is now, statistically, one of the top ten quarterbacks in the league is this year’s Bohunk Breakout Player of the First Portion of the Season.

“A true Harvard chap will celebrate all wins by
investing in a long term CD and uttering a rousing,
’Pip, pip.’”

The Cowboys (not, mind you, cow-gentlemen) beat the New York Football Players Of Large Stature. They are now 2-7, but, as the head coach would point out, 1-0 under their new head coach, Jason Garrett. The Pokes overcame some ugly penalties and took advantage of Eli Manning’s distracted play (thinking about Oreos) to return a TD 101 yards off an interception. A good record for the remainder of the season might just allow the Red-Headed Garrett keep the job into next year, especially if a prolonged negotiation takes place as a new labor deal is discussed for the NFL.

In not-officially-paid-football, Auburn, Oregon, My Oregon and Boise State frolicked amongst the tulips, pushing aside some competition to remain undefeated. The truly interesting team at this point of the season is LSU; should the Purple Tigers (as I call them) win out, they just might have enough points to jump over either Boise or TCU to get into a BCS game. If that should happen, it would offer Boise and TCU opportunities to beat teams from automatic qualifier conferences and prove a point the Bohunk has repeatedly hammered into critics; if these non-automatic qualifier teams aren’t really any good, then why not let them play the Big Boys? The BCS has conveniently matched up the non-automatic qualifiers whenever possible since Boise upset Oklahoma in 2007. In the immortal words of Bobby Z., “I ain’t sayin’ nothin’, I’m just sayin’.”

Sad news from Haiti; the recent outbreak of cholera, which has since spread and thousands in the beleaguered nation, has claimed over 900 lives. Of the nation’s 10 provinces, 6 have confirmed deaths from cholera. Estimates place the number of people hospitalized at 14,000 since the outbreak began last month. The UN is now asking for $164 million to combat the disease. 121 people have died of cholera since Friday.

In technological news, Facebook has vowed to create a “Gmail-killer” with its new integrated email service. Reports of Facebook’s plan to create an email service have long been rumored though more concrete indications of the move surfaced last week. The Bohunk was going to include it, but, I was checking my Facebook. The company already has roughly 500 millions members (only 800 of which are are my friends (makes sad face and slumps shoulders)) that would be quick to adopt the new service. Quote from Gmail, Yahoo! and Hotmail: “Bring it on, bitches.”

Scientists from around the globe are exhuming the grave of famed astronomer Tycho Brahe, a Danish gentleman born in 1546 and who died in 1601 under mysterious circumstances. After a 1901 exhumation, scientists back then thought he died of a bladder infection; now, in a much cooler theory, some believe Brahe had abnormally and even lethal amounts of mercury in his blood system at the time of his death, leading some to believe he died of murder…murder most foul. Brahe died while in the Motherland (Prague, in what is now Czech Republic but has been and always will be the land of my people) at the invitation of Holy Roman Emperor Rudolph II after the Brahe’s dispute with the Danish king. Brahe is credited with collected the most accurate data of celestial bodies of any person in his lifetime

**Bonus Fact: Brahe was in a duel at some point in his life. The sword of a fellow nobleman reportedly cut off the end of his nose, which was replaced by a piece of metal. Scientists are hoping to find this piece of metal to determine what it was made of and if it could have been a reason for Brahe’s elevated mercury levels. 

Thanks for reading, hope you had an excellent weekend. Enjoy Monday Night Football this evening, Washington Native Americans against the Philadelphia “Boos When A Player Might Be Paralyzed” Eagles….Haven’t forgot about you, Colts WR Austin Collie… Stay strong, brother…

Concussions, Ice-Gentle-men, Myanmar and Ugly Philly

Another week, another string of Updates…Please, hold your thunderous applause until the bottom of the piece, your enthusiasm is appreciated, but probably misplaced, it ain’t ever that good on a Monday.

What a weekend of tackle football. Nebraska squeaked out a win over Iowa State, LSU knocked off Alabama and Michigan State had a surprising (to me) bounce back win over Minnesota. Illinois scored 65 points against Michigan…and lost. It was the most points ever given up by Michigan in a single contest, and they won by two. That is a pretty rare event in sport. The teams combined for more points that the final scores of the past one, two, three! meetings of the school’s basket-ball teams (Basket-ball is roughly 4% as interesting as football, so it gets about 4% of coverage on the Update).

In the BCS, Oregon, My Oregon are number one and are the least likely of the top 5 teams to lose this season. Auburn, at number two, faces a handful of tough SEC games before they would have to play in the SEC Championship game at the end of the regular season. TCU is 3rd after destroying the Utes on the road. The Smurfs of Boise State are 4th, but could be passed by an LSU team at 5 that plays a much tougher slate of games toward the end of the season, and a potential bump by winning the SEC Championship. Nebraska is stuck at the Not-So-Great 8 spot, getting jumped by Wisconsin and Stanford. Shame, robotic computation devices, for letting this happen. May your circuits overheat.

In professional tackle football, the Cleveland Burnt Siennas beat the heretofore best team in the NFL, at least wins-and-losses speaking. The Jets snuck by the Detroit Lions in OT after being, in my very biased opinion, outplayed for 56:23 minutes. The Jets put up 10 points in the last 2:36 of the fourth quarter to force extra time, with a huge help from Lions LB Julian Peterson for ungentleman-like behavior on the game-tying drive. Peterson pushed LaDanian Tomlinson as the running back was stepping spritely out of bounds, which is by every account illegal. 15 yards, a first down and a very easy field goal would ensue.

In Philadelphia, Colts’ wide receiver Austin Collie went “over the middle” in order to catch a ball thrown deftly by Peyton Manning. This “over the middle” is constantly referred to and mentioned by Talking Ends and players, inferring that in this murky place of danger and adventure, where violent hits are more likely because receivers are defenseless and surrounded on all sounds by defenders. On this occasion, Collie caught the ball between three Eagles, placed a step or two on the ground and turned his upper body slightly to protect himself. The first Eagle hit him cleanly; a hard but legal hit. The second impact came from behind, helmet-to-helmet, with the crown of the Eagles helmet connecting to the rear of the Collie’s. Down went Collie, twitching and shaking, his arms frozen in the air in a sickening and alarming reaction to his brain being literally stirred about it his skull. A helmet-to-helmet hit; out came the flag. And the fans booed; the Eagles’ Kurt Coleman, who delievered the blow, gyrated and screamed in protest while another human being lay potentially paralyzed on the ground at his feet. While Collie was still being placed on a stretcher, unmoving, Eagles fans booed replays that clearly showed a helmet-to-helmet hit and a fellow man, with a family and friends and a life off the field, twitch unconscious at the end of the replay each time. The CBS commentator, Phil Simms, reviewed the play several times, forgetting that it showed a human being injured and focusing soley on whether it was a catch. Simms, Philadelphia and Kurt Coleman, you are all guilty of the single most disgusting act in sports this season…so far.

In Brett Favre news, the “Ol’ Gunslinger” threw for a career high 446 yards to beat the Arizona Cardinals in a game which proved the Vikings are capable of beating the fifth worst team in the league. The Vikings are 3-1 at home and winless on the road this season which is a good stat for the struggling Hyperboreans to hear. They play the Packer and Bears at home after playing at Chicago and getting the Bills and Giants at home as well. They go on the road only four more times, including a trip to Philly and Detroit to end the regular season. Kindly remove the fork from the Vikings…they are not entirely done yet. If they win their next two games, at Chicago and at home to the Cheese Craniums, they could be battling for the division, not just the wild card.

Last night, those very Cheese Craniums embarrassed the Dallas Cowpokes, so much so that Wade Phillips’ perpetual expression of “What the hell is going on?” actual gave way in the third to a pitiable look of, “I wish I still had no idea what was going on, this is terrible.” Seriously, that is what his face said. The ‘Boys (not men, “nothing but cowBOYS, just like the word says,” John Wayne) are now 1-7, tied for the second worst record in paid-football and no hope in sight. Owner Jerry Jones can’t fire Phillips because the potential replacement wouldn’t get to work with players till June, should the NFLPA and owners fail to reach an agreement over winter and spring negotiations.

Winner, winner, chicken dinner: Brian Matter on his
way to victory.

In cycling news, the 2010 Iceman Cometh is in the books, with former winner Brian Matter claiming the men’s title over a field of high-quality professional pedal-turners. Matter jumped away with roughly four miles to go, and the leading pack, containing Todd Wells, Jeremy Horgan-Kobelski, Jerimiah Bishop and Sam Schultz, did not chase him down. Watch a video, taken from a camera taped to Bishop’s fork, of the action here. Over 4,000 cyclists braved freezing temps and mud-soaked trails to complete the 28 mile race, some so tired at the end that fans (myself including) pushed them up the final climb.

Todd Wells, Sam Schultz and Jeremiah Bishop
scramble to the top of the last climb. Todd Wells held
on for second

On Sunday, Myanmar held its first elections in 20 years, though the outcome is already known at many voters forced by the military rulers to vote. A potential boycott, proposed by activists who oppose the nation’s militant government, was decreed to be punishable by the government and voters were prodded out, in some cases by police, to the polling stations. President Obama termed the elections “anything but free and fair” while the country’s League for Democracy voiced its desire any outcome because the results will be chosen the the military anyway. Myanmar also currently holds roughly 2,100 political prisoners at this time.

Thanks for reading, enjoy the Steelers vs. Bungles this evening on Monday Night Football. A better update tomorrow, I promise.

Election Day, Lucky Charms and Moss…

Well, the San Francisco Large People won the World Series, defeating the Rangers 4 games to 1. Even the players were excited to be finished, did you see how quickly the Rangers hit the locker room? The team with the best pitcher and the best team won, and since that was not the Yankees this season, I am very happy. Mark it down; the Cubs will make the playoffs next year…if Selig expands the number of teams who make it, as he has said he will. And if he includes teams that were eliminated from the playoffs in June. Then, the Cubs will make the playoffs.

On Monday Night Football, the Indianapolis Lucky Charms casually beat up the Texans. Two things could have told us this before kick off; one, the Colts don’t lose to the Texans twice in one season, and two, they definitely don’t lose to the Texans after coming off a bye week. Even with the third stringers starting, Peyton Manning has the ability to to will his team to victory, similar to his power to make you like him while he is selling you Oreos, TVs, NFL Sunday Ticket and everything else he hawks on the side. These Lucky Charms are looking good, and the Bohunk thinks they are the best AFC team not in the East division, home to the Patriots and Jets…

It’s election day across the country, and millions of voters will spill out to their local polling station to decide the direction of this country for the next handful of years. Personally, I am hoping the Dems hold onto just enough seats in Congress to at least propose and adequately argue bills. Nothing will come of a Senate or House in which only bickering is heard and no real discussion. That is the true waste of our tax money. That, and the largest defense budget in the history of the world. Obama has to be looking out of a window somewhere wondering what in the $@&(@ he is going to do with no support in either house of Congress but all the blame already on his doorstep.

In Michigan, Rick Snyder will end his campaign trip in Ann Arbor as the governor hopeful settles in to await results this evening. Pollsters have “The Nerd” well ahead of Democrat Virg Bernero, who seems content with now driving out Dem voters in a push to prove the dismal predictions wrong. Either candidate will be encumbered with a terrible economy, a shrinking budget and little to no prospects for new jobs. While Granholm must be accountable for some of these failures, to blame her for all of it is just ignorant. Michigan has always had an unemployment rate which hovered close to twice the national average. Under Granholm, this didn’t change; nor had it been any different in eight years under Republican Engler before she took office. Michigan needs a drastic change in direction, attitude and identity. We can keep the auto industry, we just need a very tangible “Something Else” around which to build our future. I propose a green economy, but, that’s just one of many options. So, with that in mind, go vote…

In fact, a record 16 million early ballot voters have already been cast, a good indication of this year’s potentially massive turn-out.

The Minnesota Hyperboreans waived Randy Moss just four weeks after acquiring him from the New England Flying Elvii for a third round pick. If he is not claimed off waivers, the Vikes will be asked (forced) to pick up Moss’ salary for the remainder of the year. They traded a 3rd round pick for, essentially, the 13 catches and 2 touchdowns Randy caught in 3 losses….I’m no GM but that seems wasteful. If it wasn’t for the Cowboys, Minnesota would be ridiculed as the biggest failure in sports this year, and they probably should be named so.

On this day in 1960, a trial of obscenity over the great novel Lady Chatterley’s Lover by D.H. Lawrence (one of my favorite novels and authors, as well) ended. The ruling came that Penguin Books, the publisher of the novel since its release in 1928, was acquitted of obscenity charges and the book was allowed to stay in circulation in its full version. The novel’s first release in 1928 was an expurgated text and remained so until Penguin released the full version, the one intended for print by Lawrence, in 1958. Lawrence had many amazing novels, including the critically noted Women In Love which was released in 1921. Lawrence died of tuberculosis in 1930. Find more Lawrence books here.

Like Charles Osgood on Sunday Morning, I’ll leave you this morning with a look at some colors…

Thanks for reading, enjoy anything but Glee on Fox tonight, I just don’t see the appeal…Better tomorrow, as always…

The French Being French, Small Moon or Space Station, and Taylor "Swift"....

Thanks, Jaguars, now the Bohunk looks like a "noob". At least put up some fight....

In France, workers in all sectors and industries are organizing strikes to protest the French government's plan to extend the retirement age in the country by two years. The actual retirement age there is 65, though workers can retire five years early and still collect full benefits, a system which allowed new workers to take positions sooner. Now, the age for this same "early retirement" would be 62. However, the French are very French, and they will protest this change and cripple thier economy if need be. And I say...Good for them! Americans have lost most of our rights and unions and now labor has almost no protection. There are no layoffs on the scale in we have seen in the past five years in France, because workers are protected. And when people keep their jobs, they have money and they spend it. It works to reduce the effects of economic downturn before the problem gets out of hand. Now, this retirement issue is tricky; the citizenry will have to give in whether on the age or the tax because they will not be able to fund these same benefits in twenty years. But at least they are trying to preserve their way of life. Americans are too busy watching "Glee" and "Teen Mom" and getting fat of off Taco Bell...

In space news, scientists are using Johannes Kepler's Third Law to estimate accurate proportions of stars. By measuring rate of orbit, distance from the star and other insanely difficult to figure out aspects of the orbiting debris and moons, scientists today can find the mass, diameter and even some aspects of the star' composition. And when did Kepler discover this information? Oh, just back in 1619. Imagine, over 400 years ago the guy figured most of this stuff out with a primitive telescope and his mind. And it took Obi-Wan Kenobi until they were within range of the tractor beam to realize that the Death Star was no moon, but a space station. Incredible, Mr. Kepler, s'marvellous.

In other news, the NFL has vowed to suspend players that engage in helmet-to-helmet hits. Thanks, Comissioner Roger Goodell! You've successfully ignored this issue since taking your position and it took a weekend of 8 suspected concussions and a paralysis (and the bad press that went with it) to address the issue. The culture of head-hunting and violence in football is terrible and creates the same environment in college, high school and peewee leagues. Set a better example, sir, because this league is getting bad.

Nebraska lost to Texas Saturday, ending their undefeated season and Taylor "Swift" Martinez's bid for the Heisman. Martinez was even benched in favor of strong armed back up Cody Green after the Huskers began to fall behind. There is even speculation that Green will see extended action in upcoming games. Poor Martinez, though I hope he does not start penning vengeful, one-sided pop recollections of his time as starter like his namesake.

That's it, that's all, enjoy "The Daily Show", the update will be back and better tomorrow....

Cold Weather Riding

I am aboout to embark on a ride in 39 degree weather with a frigid wind out of the north. A quick tip to anyone who may not enjoy riding in this type of weather is to wear TOO MUCH clothing; being a bit too warm once you are moving can have its benefits, but being too cold only makes the ride less enjoyable and not worth the effort. Try to include aspects of clothing that serve two distinct purposes. First, make sure your jacket, tights and gloves block the wind, or at least claim to. Experimenting with different coats you may already have is a good way to see what works best, rather than going out to buy new. Second, make sure you have something warm and fluffy to trap your body heat in. Try not to have cotton directly on your skin, as it will become damp and make your body colder. Put the fluffy stuff over a base layer, such as UnderArmour or a cycling equivalent.

Happy riding, don't give in to the weather yet!