Foxy Friday, Horned Amphibians, and Yearly Awards…

It’s that very time of week that makes our hearts light and jolly. It’s Friday, and a Friday in December means holiday events and shopping, the approach of exams and, of course, Bowl Season. This year, amateur football fans are lucky. The National Title is between two undefeated squads, Auburn and Oregon, the Rose Bowl is going to be a slugfest (Wisconsin vs. TCU). There are scores of other games worth TiVo’ing, and the best will be previewed next week.

The Texas Christian University Horned Amphibians face off against the
“On, Wisconsin” in the Grand Daddy of Them All.

To follow up with the WikiLeaks counterattack internet strikes, experts are warning the United Kingdom to closely monitor activity on its site this weekend. Hackers have threatened to topple the government’s entire network, possibly risking national security and private information of millions of citizens. The threat comes as the UK mulls over the idea of extraditing Julian Assange, the imprisoned founder of WikiLeaks that the British government is holding on sexual assault charges in Sweden. Should the government send off Assange, hackers vow to attack the weakest areas of the government’s network and burrow into more delicate information. Their attack yesterday on Amazon.com ultimately failed, though they successfully froze PayPal and both MasterCard and Visa.

After yesterday’s short piece about the injustices of the Chinese government, the Bohunk did some more digging. After slaving away over a hot computer stove for tens of minutes, I found that China is has the prestigious honor of executing the most people of any government on this fine globe, and almost all of them are killed by hanging. Iran is a second and gets the nod of being the most brutal by killing at least five people by stoning in the past eight years, though it is now illegal in the country. To note, in 2004 a 16 year old girl was executed for “crimes against chastity”, which is a pretty vague charge (and probably title of Lady Gaga’s next album) Heads off to them, eh?

This week’s Fox is the beautiful and talented Michelle Williams. The 30 year old actress of Dawson’s Creek fame is now the lead in Blue Valentine, a film that received the dreaded NC-17 rating when it was reviewed some months ago. After some wheeling-and-dealing, the movie’s producers got the flick down to just R. She stars with Ryan Gosling in this chilling examination of life, love, and relationship. It is pointedly dark at at time disturbing, and has some very dirty scenes as well.

Michelle Williams: Fox since the mid-90’s.

Always worth a second look….

First, we have, my dear readers, other matters with which we must contend. To start, the Bohunk must invite you to submit, in any form you choose, your favorites of this past year. Name your Top:

~ Sportsperson
~ Movie
~ Book
~ Personality
~ Politician
~ Fox

All of your input will be taken into serious consideration when the Bohunk announces the Top (Fill In Blank) of the Year. Also, the Bohunk will select one award of his very own. Each year, excellent writer and columnist Gregg Easterbrook selects an NFL player as MVP, with the longest award title in the business. The Bohunk breaks his long standing record with this little number (in presentation form): The Flying Bohunk is delighted to announce the 2010 “Most Overrated Sports Personality Not-Affiliated With The Yankees And Who Did Not Win A Title Of Any Kind Last Year But Still Makes Over $100 Million Dollars”. Top that, Easterbrook.

Last, the Bohunk must shamelessly plug his newest and only book for sale. Recently published as an eBook by Barnes and Noble, West is a stunning look at a father and son who share name, appearance and a terrible sin. It deals not only with the experience of one family but a universal undertaking of life on earth, and the burden of being a father with a history. You can purchase it here, for a whole $2, at Barnes and Noble.

Thanks for reading, enjoy Foxy Friday and have a great weekend. Tomorrow the Top Post will be throw back up for a second go….Back on Monday with much better effort.

Concussions, Ice-Gentle-men, Myanmar and Ugly Philly

Another week, another string of Updates…Please, hold your thunderous applause until the bottom of the piece, your enthusiasm is appreciated, but probably misplaced, it ain’t ever that good on a Monday.

What a weekend of tackle football. Nebraska squeaked out a win over Iowa State, LSU knocked off Alabama and Michigan State had a surprising (to me) bounce back win over Minnesota. Illinois scored 65 points against Michigan…and lost. It was the most points ever given up by Michigan in a single contest, and they won by two. That is a pretty rare event in sport. The teams combined for more points that the final scores of the past one, two, three! meetings of the school’s basket-ball teams (Basket-ball is roughly 4% as interesting as football, so it gets about 4% of coverage on the Update).

In the BCS, Oregon, My Oregon are number one and are the least likely of the top 5 teams to lose this season. Auburn, at number two, faces a handful of tough SEC games before they would have to play in the SEC Championship game at the end of the regular season. TCU is 3rd after destroying the Utes on the road. The Smurfs of Boise State are 4th, but could be passed by an LSU team at 5 that plays a much tougher slate of games toward the end of the season, and a potential bump by winning the SEC Championship. Nebraska is stuck at the Not-So-Great 8 spot, getting jumped by Wisconsin and Stanford. Shame, robotic computation devices, for letting this happen. May your circuits overheat.

In professional tackle football, the Cleveland Burnt Siennas beat the heretofore best team in the NFL, at least wins-and-losses speaking. The Jets snuck by the Detroit Lions in OT after being, in my very biased opinion, outplayed for 56:23 minutes. The Jets put up 10 points in the last 2:36 of the fourth quarter to force extra time, with a huge help from Lions LB Julian Peterson for ungentleman-like behavior on the game-tying drive. Peterson pushed LaDanian Tomlinson as the running back was stepping spritely out of bounds, which is by every account illegal. 15 yards, a first down and a very easy field goal would ensue.

In Philadelphia, Colts’ wide receiver Austin Collie went “over the middle” in order to catch a ball thrown deftly by Peyton Manning. This “over the middle” is constantly referred to and mentioned by Talking Ends and players, inferring that in this murky place of danger and adventure, where violent hits are more likely because receivers are defenseless and surrounded on all sounds by defenders. On this occasion, Collie caught the ball between three Eagles, placed a step or two on the ground and turned his upper body slightly to protect himself. The first Eagle hit him cleanly; a hard but legal hit. The second impact came from behind, helmet-to-helmet, with the crown of the Eagles helmet connecting to the rear of the Collie’s. Down went Collie, twitching and shaking, his arms frozen in the air in a sickening and alarming reaction to his brain being literally stirred about it his skull. A helmet-to-helmet hit; out came the flag. And the fans booed; the Eagles’ Kurt Coleman, who delievered the blow, gyrated and screamed in protest while another human being lay potentially paralyzed on the ground at his feet. While Collie was still being placed on a stretcher, unmoving, Eagles fans booed replays that clearly showed a helmet-to-helmet hit and a fellow man, with a family and friends and a life off the field, twitch unconscious at the end of the replay each time. The CBS commentator, Phil Simms, reviewed the play several times, forgetting that it showed a human being injured and focusing soley on whether it was a catch. Simms, Philadelphia and Kurt Coleman, you are all guilty of the single most disgusting act in sports this season…so far.

In Brett Favre news, the “Ol’ Gunslinger” threw for a career high 446 yards to beat the Arizona Cardinals in a game which proved the Vikings are capable of beating the fifth worst team in the league. The Vikings are 3-1 at home and winless on the road this season which is a good stat for the struggling Hyperboreans to hear. They play the Packer and Bears at home after playing at Chicago and getting the Bills and Giants at home as well. They go on the road only four more times, including a trip to Philly and Detroit to end the regular season. Kindly remove the fork from the Vikings…they are not entirely done yet. If they win their next two games, at Chicago and at home to the Cheese Craniums, they could be battling for the division, not just the wild card.

Last night, those very Cheese Craniums embarrassed the Dallas Cowpokes, so much so that Wade Phillips’ perpetual expression of “What the hell is going on?” actual gave way in the third to a pitiable look of, “I wish I still had no idea what was going on, this is terrible.” Seriously, that is what his face said. The ‘Boys (not men, “nothing but cowBOYS, just like the word says,” John Wayne) are now 1-7, tied for the second worst record in paid-football and no hope in sight. Owner Jerry Jones can’t fire Phillips because the potential replacement wouldn’t get to work with players till June, should the NFLPA and owners fail to reach an agreement over winter and spring negotiations.

Winner, winner, chicken dinner: Brian Matter on his
way to victory.

In cycling news, the 2010 Iceman Cometh is in the books, with former winner Brian Matter claiming the men’s title over a field of high-quality professional pedal-turners. Matter jumped away with roughly four miles to go, and the leading pack, containing Todd Wells, Jeremy Horgan-Kobelski, Jerimiah Bishop and Sam Schultz, did not chase him down. Watch a video, taken from a camera taped to Bishop’s fork, of the action here. Over 4,000 cyclists braved freezing temps and mud-soaked trails to complete the 28 mile race, some so tired at the end that fans (myself including) pushed them up the final climb.

Todd Wells, Sam Schultz and Jeremiah Bishop
scramble to the top of the last climb. Todd Wells held
on for second

On Sunday, Myanmar held its first elections in 20 years, though the outcome is already known at many voters forced by the military rulers to vote. A potential boycott, proposed by activists who oppose the nation’s militant government, was decreed to be punishable by the government and voters were prodded out, in some cases by police, to the polling stations. President Obama termed the elections “anything but free and fair” while the country’s League for Democracy voiced its desire any outcome because the results will be chosen the the military anyway. Myanmar also currently holds roughly 2,100 political prisoners at this time.

Thanks for reading, enjoy the Steelers vs. Bungles this evening on Monday Night Football. A better update tomorrow, I promise.

Iceman, Caffeinated Drunks, Newton and Nerds

Sorry folks, no Weekend Whorrior this Friday; I think the frigid air kept all the candidates snug in a stranger’s bed well after I left for class this morning. We can only hope some stronger, more resilient shamed women brave the elements next week…

Tomorrow is the Iceman Cometh mountain bike race, so the freshly fallen snow in Kalkaska and Traverse City is the perfect back drop for what might shake out to be one of the most hotly contested editions of the largest race in Michigan so far. US National Champ Jeremy Horgan-Kobelski (always fear a man with a hyphen) will try to repeat against the likes of Todd Wells of Specialized, Traverse City’s very own Larry Warbasse of BMC Racing and many other top professionals. The weather is expected to be freezing, and the overnight low of 26 should allow the picturesque dusting of snow to stick around well into tomorrow afternoon, when the pros take off at 4.30.

The Iceman route is 27 miles, beginning in downtown Kalkaska and finished along the trails of the VASA on the east side of Traverse City. Roughly 4,000 riders will participate, with the main wave of amateurs taking off at 9 am. It is the largest mountain bike race in the Midwest and only gets bigger each year. If you have some free time Saturday, make your way over to Timber Ridge to check out the finish. To see the pros cross the line, plan on arriving a little after 5.

In a “No shit, Sherlock” ruling the Bohunk has been watched for a few weeks now, the Michigan Liquor Commission banned energy drinks that contain alcohol, such as Four Loko. These drinks contain roughly 12% alcohol while containing roughly the same amount of caffeine as a tall Starbucks cofffee. The result; the caffeine (a stimulant) covers up the effects of the alcohol (a depressant) making college students believe they can consume more of both drug than is healthy. The effects felt in the brain do not match the effects felt in the body; drinking two of these cans, about 40oz, is the same as drinking 5 or six beers without “feeling” any effect…Until you begin to projectile vomit across the room. Also, because students think they are, “fine, man, I’m totally fine” they drive drunk. The drinks can also affect heart rate, as well as breathing and coordination, such as causing uncontrollable shaking. Illinois and Pennsylvania are also exploring a possible ban. Don’t drink this stuff; it’s just plain stupid.

Reports say that Randy Moss, suppposedly, instructed the Vikings’ owner to fire head coach Brad Childress. This might be the second “No shit, Sherlock” moment of the post today, but apparently the owner did not agree. Moss’ rant came after the loss to the Patriots (his former team) and just a few days before rumors of his release came to fruition. Now,I believe any 2-5 team’s coach, especially a team which had only one loss at this point last season, should be on the hot seat. One that completely mishandled his quarterback, offense and the Moss situation will surely be canned. Moss just said the obvious, which we all know one should never do to one's employer.

Heisman probable (it isn’t hopeful if you’ve pretty much won it) Cam Newton is now under investigation after reports surfaced that his representative, a person who works to match recruits to universities, sought some cash from schools he shopped Newton to. One figure, released from a trip to Mississippi State, put the sum at $200,000 to essentially buy Newton’s commitment to that school. The money never actually never exchanged hands, and Newton wound up at Auburn much later, but the idea that money was a factor is suspicious for Newton, Auburn, the SEC and the NCAA in general. While it is a crime that college football makes millions and the students only receive a fraction of the benefits through tuition costs, the rules are, as they say, the rules. Newton and his father have denied the allegations, and staff and administration from Auburn have given no comment. Newton transferred to Auburn after legal problems led to his dismissal from the University of Florida.

 

Welcome back to the free world, Mr. Carter. Lil’ Wayne was released from prison yesterday, an event treated in the US with the same celebration as South Africa offered for the emergence of Nelson Mandela back into society. Way to go, middle-to-upper class white high school students, you’ve successfully made Weezy feel embraced and venerated. Just wait till his record “drops'”…

Researchers crazy enough to explore this type of thing have found that a weak current of electricity flowing through the brain can help a person’s math skills improve for up to six months. The procedure produces no known side effects, though there is a chance will become so smart no one will want to talk to you, you freakin’ nerd-loser.

Who is the top team in the NFL? Cast your vote in the poll to the right, and the results will be posted next week.

Thanks for reading, enjoy the Iceman Cometh in Kalkaska and Traverse City, and be sure to bring a coat, it gets frigid up there when the wind is from the north. Have a great weekend, the Update will be back Monday.

Election Day, Lucky Charms and Moss…

Well, the San Francisco Large People won the World Series, defeating the Rangers 4 games to 1. Even the players were excited to be finished, did you see how quickly the Rangers hit the locker room? The team with the best pitcher and the best team won, and since that was not the Yankees this season, I am very happy. Mark it down; the Cubs will make the playoffs next year…if Selig expands the number of teams who make it, as he has said he will. And if he includes teams that were eliminated from the playoffs in June. Then, the Cubs will make the playoffs.

On Monday Night Football, the Indianapolis Lucky Charms casually beat up the Texans. Two things could have told us this before kick off; one, the Colts don’t lose to the Texans twice in one season, and two, they definitely don’t lose to the Texans after coming off a bye week. Even with the third stringers starting, Peyton Manning has the ability to to will his team to victory, similar to his power to make you like him while he is selling you Oreos, TVs, NFL Sunday Ticket and everything else he hawks on the side. These Lucky Charms are looking good, and the Bohunk thinks they are the best AFC team not in the East division, home to the Patriots and Jets…

It’s election day across the country, and millions of voters will spill out to their local polling station to decide the direction of this country for the next handful of years. Personally, I am hoping the Dems hold onto just enough seats in Congress to at least propose and adequately argue bills. Nothing will come of a Senate or House in which only bickering is heard and no real discussion. That is the true waste of our tax money. That, and the largest defense budget in the history of the world. Obama has to be looking out of a window somewhere wondering what in the $@&(@ he is going to do with no support in either house of Congress but all the blame already on his doorstep.

In Michigan, Rick Snyder will end his campaign trip in Ann Arbor as the governor hopeful settles in to await results this evening. Pollsters have “The Nerd” well ahead of Democrat Virg Bernero, who seems content with now driving out Dem voters in a push to prove the dismal predictions wrong. Either candidate will be encumbered with a terrible economy, a shrinking budget and little to no prospects for new jobs. While Granholm must be accountable for some of these failures, to blame her for all of it is just ignorant. Michigan has always had an unemployment rate which hovered close to twice the national average. Under Granholm, this didn’t change; nor had it been any different in eight years under Republican Engler before she took office. Michigan needs a drastic change in direction, attitude and identity. We can keep the auto industry, we just need a very tangible “Something Else” around which to build our future. I propose a green economy, but, that’s just one of many options. So, with that in mind, go vote…

In fact, a record 16 million early ballot voters have already been cast, a good indication of this year’s potentially massive turn-out.

The Minnesota Hyperboreans waived Randy Moss just four weeks after acquiring him from the New England Flying Elvii for a third round pick. If he is not claimed off waivers, the Vikes will be asked (forced) to pick up Moss’ salary for the remainder of the year. They traded a 3rd round pick for, essentially, the 13 catches and 2 touchdowns Randy caught in 3 losses….I’m no GM but that seems wasteful. If it wasn’t for the Cowboys, Minnesota would be ridiculed as the biggest failure in sports this year, and they probably should be named so.

On this day in 1960, a trial of obscenity over the great novel Lady Chatterley’s Lover by D.H. Lawrence (one of my favorite novels and authors, as well) ended. The ruling came that Penguin Books, the publisher of the novel since its release in 1928, was acquitted of obscenity charges and the book was allowed to stay in circulation in its full version. The novel’s first release in 1928 was an expurgated text and remained so until Penguin released the full version, the one intended for print by Lawrence, in 1958. Lawrence had many amazing novels, including the critically noted Women In Love which was released in 1921. Lawrence died of tuberculosis in 1930. Find more Lawrence books here.

Like Charles Osgood on Sunday Morning, I’ll leave you this morning with a look at some colors…

Thanks for reading, enjoy anything but Glee on Fox tonight, I just don’t see the appeal…Better tomorrow, as always…

Baking with Sylvia Plath, Cliff Lee and Limewire....

LeBron began his season of destiny with a thud. A loss to the Celtics, 31 points and the announced shoe release is a mixed day for Queen James, though for those writing off the Heat as too ungainly, please be reminded. It was one game, in October. These guys will be good; we can only hope not good enough to take titles.

A New York judge has ruled that Limewire, the file sharing network most students "share" music on, must shut down operations it software. The ruling comes five months after Limewire lost a suit which claimed it violated volumes of copyright laws for years on end. The ailing music industry will certainly hail the announcement as a victory; Jim Riemersma, 32, an unemployed philosophy major who downloads hundreds of files everyday, which surely see this as, "total crap".

Boise State, the thorn in the side of the BCS, won again last night in an impressive win over Lousiana Tech. Yes, I said an impressive win of Lousiana Tech. While many detractors of the Broncos say that a team who plays nobody should have no shot at the title, I think it is only fair that they have the opportunity which they have been denied for three seasons now. They can only beat the teams the play; nobody, and I mean nobody, is stupid enough to play Boise State. Look at Virginia Tech; they were thumped by Boise, and are limping along at 5-2 after losing to James Madison. Any coach who says Boise State doesn't deserve to play in the title game should be forced to play Boise and back it up.

It's Game 1 of the World Series, and all you need to know is that Cliff Lee is pitching for the Rangers....

A study found that roughly half of the students in the U.S. have experienced bullying in some form over the last 12 months. This holds true to the Bohunk's very own study conducted five minutes ago; we know that everyone gets picked on. Humans are the most cruel species on the earth, and none is so cruel as a group of children. But the recent trend of specified, hateful bullying is something new. It may be the product of decaying family structures, violent video and television exposure, poor economic climate or a comination of everything. We need to treat each other better. Period.

A friend of Jenn Sterger says she saw the innappropriate pictures sent by Brett Favre when he was a member of the Jets. She and Sterger "laughed", which I'm sure made Brett just shrivel up... on the inside. With his current injured ankle, the bad image and the terrible season, I think Brett would be wise and excused for quietly limping off into the sunset this week. But, he won't. He'll drag this all out until ESPN no longer covers him. Whatever you have to do Brett, I guess keep on.

Happy birthday, kind of, to the great Sylvia Plath, who was born this day in 1932. Plath was an excellent poet and was of the most well known in American literature. Most will remember her masterpiece "The Bell Jar".

Police in La Paz, Bolivia have arrested a women attempting to mail a mummy to France. The woman had a mummy, believed to be an Incan man, marked for standard post to Compiege, France. Where did she get the mummy? And why France? No idea....


You've been great, tune in to "Modern Family" at 9 after you get bored of the World Series which starts at 8.