Foxy Fridays, Ted King, Comas and The Secret To Happiness…

Thank goodness, friends, for it is Friday! While I am assured you will miss the Update for the next two days, I have news to lift your sorrowful spirits. On Saturday, the post with the most page views will be put up for a second glorious running, giving everyone (and most importantly, YOU) a chance to check it out all over again.

Regular readers may have noticed the Bohunk’s deliberate and obvious lack of US political news recently. This was a decision based on the long, dirty and depressing campaign season and the subsequent Election Day hangover. I hope you have vomited that noxious sickness from your system, because there is big news. A noticeably greyed and haggard looking President Obama announced that his top priority is to extend a set of tax cuts for the middle class, vowing to work with Republicans and Democrats on negotiations to find a middle ground on the issue. Obama went on to say that to permanently extend the tax cuts to wealthier Americans, those making $200,000 or more a year, would be a “mistake.”

Republicans argue that no Americans should face more taxes, especially in a bad economy; the Bohunk argues that they are not facing more taxes, just the amount they paid before Dubyah took office. Republicans argue that having more wealthy people creates jobs; the Bohunk argues that the majority of people making just around or slightly more than $200,000 have no impact on hiring more employees, only buying things at stores that typically pay minimum wage, like Target. Republicans argue, “Yes-uhn,”; the Bohunk argues, “Nu-uh.”

The Bohunk regrets to inform you of the end of the weekly installment of “Weekend Whorrior”. There have just not been enough walks-of-shame outside my apartment as of late. One theory is that the girls just don’t care enough to leave and salvage some self respect. However, I am happy to introduce the soon-to-be famous Foxy Fridays. Each Friday, feast yours eyes on a lucky lass who is just Foxy enough that she is honored in the Update for said foxiness. Feel free to submit your own candidates…

This week, we honor the eternal foxitude of Gemma Arteton. This Fox first gained recognition as Strawberry Fields in the James Bond film Quantum of Solace, before joining Jake Gyllenhaul in Prince of Persia. (Side note: How the very, very Caucasian Jake Gyllenhaul was cast to play a Persian prince with an english accent is beyond my theorization) She is married to a lucky Spanish gentleman named Stefano, and her bio states that she has a tattoo of an angel behind her left ear. Thank you, m’Lady Arterton, for being such a classy, foxy woman.

Strawberry Fields…Forever. What a classy lady, and very British, too.

Cindy McCain, handsome-looking wife of Arizona Senator and Presidential candidate runner-up John McCain, has recently lent her voice to the NOH8 campaign working to stop bullying and abuse of the gay community. Cindy’s hubby, the cheery old chap, recently led the Republican-led fillibuster of a bill that would repeal Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Senator McCain’s campaign also was very strongly against gay marriage. Cindy is featured in a commercial, that will air  as a part of the campaign, criticizing the government (and, as a result, her husband) for telling members of the LGBT community they are “second-class citizens”. If you think your marriage or partnership can be tense, imagine that dinner table….
         ”Pass the peas, you back-stabbing, gay-hugging trollop!”
         “Why certainly, you hateful, bigoted, wrinkly bastard!”

In the Bohunk’s never-ending attempt to find true happiness, I offer this advice; focus. Resent research has found that a wandering mind leads to sadness. Scientists found that we spend roughly 47% of our time thinking of something unrelated to what we are actually doing. Those who participated in the study said they were most happy while doing physical activities, the most popular being “doing the hippity-dippity.” Other activities, such as running or exercising, triggered the best moods, most likely because they require more focus. Activities that allow the mind to wander, such as working or using a computer, created the saddest moods. So finish reading this blog, email it to a friend, and then go jog. Focus may be the key to happiness; be satisfied and enthusiastic about whatever it is you are doing.

Ariel Sharon, the very Jewish former prime minister of Israel and the face of the Palestinian conflict for more than a decade, has been taken to his home to receive further care and to remain under observation after spending the last five years in a hospital. Sharon has been in a coma for those years after suffering a stroke in January of 2006. He has shown no improvement in years, though now reportedly responds with hand movements to conversation and television. Sharon led the successful repulsion of Egyptian forces in 1973 and later served as Israel’s defense minister before taking the nation’s top job. Sharon is now 72. 

Ted King. He claims to rock the party that rocks the
pinata; and does.

How often does your hero contact you? Well, mine did. Not once, but thrice! in a single day. Ted King, a professional cyclists and One Cool Guy asked me what most people are thinking, “What on earth are you talking about?” The super cool cat read the Update, gave it the raving review of “interesting” and, thusly, made my week. Ted is now a member of the Liquigas-Cannondale squad after spending 2009-2010 with the now defunct Cervelo TestTeam. (Another side note Mr. “The” King regularly updates a blog, which you can access here AFTER you finish mine, and is also a fantastic chef. He also is a big supporter of the Krempels Center, which is dedicated to improving the lives of people with brain injury or damage from strokes. You can buy shirts or frame stickers with the obvious, yet important, distinction that you are not Ted King at Cutaway Clothing. Proceeds go to research at the Krempels Center. Thanks for the read, Ted, and have a great off season!

And thank you, readers, for your time. I hope you enjoyed this week’s slew of Updates. Off for the weekend, and back on Monday with much better stuff. Hopefully. Enjoy Ohio State vs. Penn State tomorrow, and the New England Flying Elvii (look at the logo) vs the Pittsburgh Thieves Sunday night.

Iceman, Caffeinated Drunks, Newton and Nerds

Sorry folks, no Weekend Whorrior this Friday; I think the frigid air kept all the candidates snug in a stranger’s bed well after I left for class this morning. We can only hope some stronger, more resilient shamed women brave the elements next week…

Tomorrow is the Iceman Cometh mountain bike race, so the freshly fallen snow in Kalkaska and Traverse City is the perfect back drop for what might shake out to be one of the most hotly contested editions of the largest race in Michigan so far. US National Champ Jeremy Horgan-Kobelski (always fear a man with a hyphen) will try to repeat against the likes of Todd Wells of Specialized, Traverse City’s very own Larry Warbasse of BMC Racing and many other top professionals. The weather is expected to be freezing, and the overnight low of 26 should allow the picturesque dusting of snow to stick around well into tomorrow afternoon, when the pros take off at 4.30.

The Iceman route is 27 miles, beginning in downtown Kalkaska and finished along the trails of the VASA on the east side of Traverse City. Roughly 4,000 riders will participate, with the main wave of amateurs taking off at 9 am. It is the largest mountain bike race in the Midwest and only gets bigger each year. If you have some free time Saturday, make your way over to Timber Ridge to check out the finish. To see the pros cross the line, plan on arriving a little after 5.

In a “No shit, Sherlock” ruling the Bohunk has been watched for a few weeks now, the Michigan Liquor Commission banned energy drinks that contain alcohol, such as Four Loko. These drinks contain roughly 12% alcohol while containing roughly the same amount of caffeine as a tall Starbucks cofffee. The result; the caffeine (a stimulant) covers up the effects of the alcohol (a depressant) making college students believe they can consume more of both drug than is healthy. The effects felt in the brain do not match the effects felt in the body; drinking two of these cans, about 40oz, is the same as drinking 5 or six beers without “feeling” any effect…Until you begin to projectile vomit across the room. Also, because students think they are, “fine, man, I’m totally fine” they drive drunk. The drinks can also affect heart rate, as well as breathing and coordination, such as causing uncontrollable shaking. Illinois and Pennsylvania are also exploring a possible ban. Don’t drink this stuff; it’s just plain stupid.

Reports say that Randy Moss, suppposedly, instructed the Vikings’ owner to fire head coach Brad Childress. This might be the second “No shit, Sherlock” moment of the post today, but apparently the owner did not agree. Moss’ rant came after the loss to the Patriots (his former team) and just a few days before rumors of his release came to fruition. Now,I believe any 2-5 team’s coach, especially a team which had only one loss at this point last season, should be on the hot seat. One that completely mishandled his quarterback, offense and the Moss situation will surely be canned. Moss just said the obvious, which we all know one should never do to one's employer.

Heisman probable (it isn’t hopeful if you’ve pretty much won it) Cam Newton is now under investigation after reports surfaced that his representative, a person who works to match recruits to universities, sought some cash from schools he shopped Newton to. One figure, released from a trip to Mississippi State, put the sum at $200,000 to essentially buy Newton’s commitment to that school. The money never actually never exchanged hands, and Newton wound up at Auburn much later, but the idea that money was a factor is suspicious for Newton, Auburn, the SEC and the NCAA in general. While it is a crime that college football makes millions and the students only receive a fraction of the benefits through tuition costs, the rules are, as they say, the rules. Newton and his father have denied the allegations, and staff and administration from Auburn have given no comment. Newton transferred to Auburn after legal problems led to his dismissal from the University of Florida.

 

Welcome back to the free world, Mr. Carter. Lil’ Wayne was released from prison yesterday, an event treated in the US with the same celebration as South Africa offered for the emergence of Nelson Mandela back into society. Way to go, middle-to-upper class white high school students, you’ve successfully made Weezy feel embraced and venerated. Just wait till his record “drops'”…

Researchers crazy enough to explore this type of thing have found that a weak current of electricity flowing through the brain can help a person’s math skills improve for up to six months. The procedure produces no known side effects, though there is a chance will become so smart no one will want to talk to you, you freakin’ nerd-loser.

Who is the top team in the NFL? Cast your vote in the poll to the right, and the results will be posted next week.

Thanks for reading, enjoy the Iceman Cometh in Kalkaska and Traverse City, and be sure to bring a coat, it gets frigid up there when the wind is from the north. Have a great weekend, the Update will be back Monday.