Foxy Friday: Ellie Kemper

It is, as faithful readers will attest, Foxy Friday. No matter what, that will not change; I promise. The added bonus to the short format is that you don’t have to read anything intellectual first! Just straight to the scantily-clad woman and some basic information about her. That is what Foxy Friday is all about….And always will be.

So allow me to introduce to you, Dear Reader, Ellie Kemper, or Erin from The Office. The bubbly professional’s assistant to replace Pam at the welcome desk is a seasoned comedic actress, featuring on Conan, Important Things with Demetri Martin, and The Colbert Report. She also had a one-woman show. That is not as cool as it sounds, though. Ellie lives in New York City, and she seems to enjoy that. You will not she is quite attractive, too.

The Bohunk likes her hair’do.

The Oldest Galaxy In The Universe

The Hubble Space Telescope, the lingering tool of NASA as programs and funding are cut or shut down, has found what might be the oldest galaxy ever encountered. The so-far unnamed galaxy (the Bohunk proposes "Bohunkxia 23) is estimated to have originated when the universe was just 480 million years old, a fresh, doe-eyed age when galaxies were forming at amazing rates. The light of the galaxy has been travelling to earth for about 13.2 billion years now, making it oldest known entity we have yet encountered. This discovery is still unconfirmed, but it should be quite soon and dethrone other galaxies as the oldest around. Before this discovery, the oldest galaxies known were formed around 650 millions years after the Big Bang. The discover still leaves some basic questions unanswered. Why is the universe transparent? With all these elements, especially unbound atoms and neutrinos zooming about, why are even waves invisible or elusive in the light of stars and galaxies? Does the universe hold enough heat and light to burn of this 'mist', or is some other aspect of the universe at work? We don't know everything, we know almost nothing. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.

Photo of the Day

Quick shot of protests in Cairo, via the New York Times.

The End of Alberto Contador and the Tainted Spanish Beef

Alberto Contador’s ban is official; one year. However, as noted in an article this morning on VeloNews.com, the official date of when his ban begins is up in the air. Contador has not raced at all since the Tour de France, skipping a handful of small races and criterium events for uncited reasons. We learned later that it was probably because he already learned about the positive test and he wanted to avoid having those results taken away as well. If the ban begins retroactively from the end of July and the conclusion of the Tour, Contador could then start the Vuelta. Riding in his home country’s race as a return to cycling would be an irresistible option for the Spaniard, and give him a chance to win a title for his new Saxo-Bank squad. No official date has been announced, though the matter should be cleared up very soon. Contador will hold a press conference today to reveal his reactions and any intent to appeal the ruling.

“Alberto, stop doing the little pistolero thing, you’re a
convicted doper now…”

*Since it has been resolve, the Bohunk sadly announces the greatest recurring article title ever known. Goodbye, The Case of Alberto Contador and the Tainted Spanish Beef. You will be missed whilst giggling.

Protest Like An Egyptian…

Tensions (already oatmeal-thick) are growing as tens of thousands of Egypt’s youth are marching and protesting around their country calling for the end of President Hosni Mubrarak’s reign in the nation. Hundreds of protestors have already been detained in two days of heavy demonstrations, especially in the capital of Cairo. Yesterday, a government building was burned, set alight by young protestors battling police officers. The government has okayed the use of rubber bullets, batons, tear gas and long bamboo staves. The government has a complex anti-demonstration and riot apparatus to use in response to these marches, but reporters say that whenever their progress is inhibited by the police force, they grow more violent and defiant. Protests in Alexandria were forcibly quelled by police officers firing volley after volley into a crowd that removed a portrait of Mubarack from a building near the city center. The protestors vow to keep up the demonstrations until Mubarack removes himself from the government, which, it seems, he has no intention of doing.

Protestors peacefully state their case…Until someone throws a rock.

State of the Union: Iffy

In case you missed it, the Bohunk has dug up a highlight reel, if you will, of the 2011 State of the Union address which aired last night. (Jersey Shore was on, so many youngsters did not tune it, I’m told) The video included here is just one-sixth of the one hour and two minute speech that hopped from the economy, the Tucson shootings, Iran, North Korea, the Super Bowl, education and most of the other problems facing the US today. Below are some notes I took (I didn’t really take notes) of the speech as it touched on certain points. Also, look at my timeline on Twitter for minute by minute tweets as the SOTU happened. Yes, the Bohunk has that little going on.

No one yelled “You Lie!” but Biden did call for “Free Bird”…

 

~Note: Boehner must have turned his tanning bed up to eleven…He looks like a leather chair.

~Obama encouraged Americans to become teachers; every unemployed, underpaid teacher moaned.

~Boehner, constantly on camera, looked inattentive and full of burning hate, though, in his defense, the burning was a result of a male Polynesian prostitute he slapped in the men’s room a few weeks ago.

~If you look closely, Biden has a woman’s name and phone number written on his left hand. Way to go, Joe.

~John McCain has aged terribly in the past two years…but so has Obama.

~It took an hour, but yes, Boehner did, finally, cry, with just eight minutes left in the speech. You almost faked some dignity! Hard to be a hard-ass when you tear up just by being mentioned by the President, the man you vehemently oppose.

Smart Bacteria

Scientists in Tel Aviv have discovered how to measure the intelligence of bacteria. A similar team in the US is working on similar tests for George W. Bush. The microbiologists, however, are successfully measuring the social and communicative abilities of bacteria in an effort to develop ways of manipulating the little rascals into helping fight disease, work in agriculture and many other areas. First, scientists have proven some theories that have long been held on the intelligence of bacteria. The Bohunk cautions the reader; do not confuse intelligence of bacteria to the intelligence of man. In the situation, the intelligence is really the ability to adapt to changes in their environment and utilize new or altered sources of nutrition. The proof is in the rotting pudding; bacteria is one of the top three causes of death in Western hospitals. Their ability to change and communicate resistant traits among types of bacteria is the reason even the most modern antibiotics become obsolete with repeated use. Second, scientists have found that there are varying levels of intelligence and social contact. Most bacteria make up what scientist call the 'average' intelligence, an amount that actually encompasses roughly 60% of known types of bacterium. The top 20%, however, is comprised of highly advanced Vortex bacteria which, if it could be translated to a human IQ, would score higher than the average human IQ of 100. This genius bacteria, if understood and manipulated, could be used in soils, medicines and a range of other products to make us safer and healthier.

Caffeine: Friend or Foe?

While sitting in Shakespeare class and shaking (literally) off a caffeine buzz, the Bohunk wondered just how much coffee would kill you. Turns out it would take roughly 5 to ten grams to kill a man, or, about 40 cups of coffee. A rather common occurance is actually caffeine poisoning; enough caffeine in a day can actually produce a toxin in your blood, enough to make a jittery person quite ill. About four thousand 'Mericans are hospitalized each year for caffeine poisoning, the majority from coffee or energy drink consumption. The next time you reach for a cup of joe, try to have less than forty two to avoid overdosing on caffeine. Two cups a day should be enough, my friends.

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Genetically Enhanced Alfalfa and You…

Do you like food? If you’ve ingested anything today, you’ve proven you are a fan. And while some thrive on the chemical additives that go into much of today’s agricultural products (Alberto Contador won three Tours de France on a agricultural chemical) it is widely believed that these chemicals are not all that good for us. In fact, most chemicals contribute to elevated risk of cancer, obesity, hormonal imbalance and just all-around-down-in-the-dumpness. Organic foods provide a healthy, chemical free alternative, but even that is now being threatened. My boy Barack Obama (again, I admit, I would have preferred Hilary) is prepared to sign into law an act that would allow Monsanto’s genetically modified alfalfa. This product would, according to experts (ever notice how no one ever listens to them?) contaminate the entire agricultural industry over night. Disagree? (Kim Butcher will; Hey, Kim!) Contamination in confined laboratories dealing with cell cultures in locked and sealed refrigerators are capable of contaminated all the known cell cultures in the world in just a few weeks; imagine how fast this contamination would take place when planted, sprayed and fertilized. If you would like to sign a petition to stand up for the organics industry (and trust the Bohunk, you do; I love Annie’s Organic Mac and Cheese and I’m not taking this without a fight) just click right here to sign via the World Wide Web.  

Looked at this doped up cow! Believe it or not, this is my stock cow photo…and my favorite. Doesn’t he look delicious?

Thanks to the Thomas “Red Rider” Beebe for sharing this little tid-bit. If you ever have something you would like tens of people to read, just let the Bohunk know. Cheers, folks!

Tainted Beef Conclusion and Chopin...

Reports from Espana (Spain, for my monolingual 'Merican audience) indicate that Two or Three time Tour de France champion Alberto Contador will likely be banned for one year after months of deliberation and investigation. The Spanish newspaper Marca and others are reporting that the decision on Alberto Contador and the Case of the Tainted Spanish Beef will be announced Thursday, resulting in a single year ban that would keep him from racing in any events this season. Reports from the Contador Camp say that they do not believe these early bits of leaked information, not even that the announcement will come Thursday. This is, frankly, an ugly time for cycling. If Contador doped last year, he has been doping the whole time. That means Armstrong's seven Tour wins, Landis' one and Contador's three represent over a decade of Tours won by cheaters. That is amazing; imagine the NFL investigating the last ten Super Bowl winners at the same time, and one team already admitting they had cheated. (Oh, right, the Patriots admitted to spying, but at least not in the Super Bowl) So, for a sport already struggling for sponsors and attention, the realization that even its best are fake, drugged up men in Lycra could be extremely damaging, even crippling. More on this on Thursday...

In other news, we recall the great pianist Frederic Chopin, who was said by his contemporaries to be the most astounding artist of his day (the Bohunk tends to agree). Chopin had a strange habit of losing consciousness and going into a dream-like state, even while performing before a packed audience. The Bohunk uses Chopin's sonattas to fall asleep; I never found Chopin's slumber all that surprising when I read of it. Now, however, Spanish doctors, apparently less busy after trying to exonerate Contador, have found that Chopin probably suffered from temporal lobe epilepsy, a condition that creates hallucinations that last from seconds to some minutes. Chopin claimed to be able to describe his dreams in very minute detail, another indication that these fits were in fact the result of epilepsy and not, as the novelist and very, very French person Aurore Dudevant claimed, "the manifestation of a genius full of sentiment and expression. Which would have been much cooler, but not scientifically viable.

Jay “Cutty” Cutler and the Terrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day…

For those playa-hating on Jay “Cutty” Cutler after his exit in the third quarter of the NFC Championship, the Bohunk says, politely, cease. It is precisely this attitude of misplaced machismo-penis-waving that gets the NFL into trouble, especially in concussion issues. If there is a rule prohibiting players from re-entering the game with concussion symptoms, why should a player, at his discretion or that of the team medical staff, be allowed to return when displaying symptoms of another type of injury? Cutler is worth millions, and blowing out a knee jeopardizes his entire career. The Bohunk suffered a MCL tear some years back, battling for the Traverse City West Titans. The injury, admittedly sustained while poking fun of the our struggling offense (I attributed the poor performance due to the decided lack of Bohunk) blew my knee up to the size of a respectable mush melon in just a few minutes. Could I have ran on it? Sure, maybe for a few plays, but the pain was excruciating and the knee unstable. I managed two routes, one ending with the Bohunk stumbling after three steps and falling in the vicinity of no one.

So, should Cutler have played? No. Saying Cutler should play is no different than faulting any player for not playing while injured. Was his absence detrimental to his team? Not really. Hanie threw for forty more yards than Cutler in about 16 minutes, while Cutler had the entire first half. Really, his exit, whether by injury or not, helped his team perform. This is not making Cutty look good, but that is not the Bohunk’s goal. Now, critics say Phil Rivers of the Chargers played with a torn ACL…Good for him. Injuries suck. What a player does with it is entirely up to him, and should be.

Jay Cutty is tossed to the turf. Note: The Bohunk’s girlfriend, BoScoots, observed that Clay Matthews’ hair appeared curled. The Bohunk agrees; Google it for yourself and see.

Packers against the Steelers, Cheese versus Thieves… Take your pick and leave a comment. The Bohunk says, resoundingly, “Go, ye Pack, Go!”