Fox of the Year, Rome, Best Santas and…Merry Christmas!….

Merry Christmas Eve, everyone! If a little holiday Update does knock the baahumbug out of your system, I fear only a severe blow to the chin will do the same job. This Update is a gift that you have to unwrap with your eyes…Read on…

The undetonated bomb found yesterday outside of Rome was unfortunately not the only parcel bomb floating around the area. The bombs were sent to embassies, injuring staff members from Switzerland and Chile. Italians experts in terror (not shoe design, the typical Italian expertise) believe anarchists could have been behind the attack. The Swiss helped Italy arrest several anarchists this year, and another anarchists was killed in Chile by law enforcement officials there. These bombings are in all likelihood related to a string of very similar parcel bombs that took place in Greece, where a group of anarchists (organized anarchy!) called the Conspiracy of Fire, was finally understood to have orchestrated the violence. The Greeks have initially stated they see no connection between the two strings of bombings, but, they all are a terrible government. The Swiss man injured in the bombings in Rome has been hospitalized with serious injures to his hands.

The first recorded “sighting” of Santa Claus in these United States was in Albany, New York way, way, way back in 1675 on a bank account statement. A man purchased, for the holiday season, “St. Nicholas purchases” a cleaver way to hide what he bought from his family. However, the legend of the chubby, bearded gentleman with a garish but signature red suit comes from Turkey around 280 AD. The name “Santa Claus” wasn’t associated with the figure until the Dutch slapped him with their version as “Sinter Claus”, though he was still more popularly known around Europe as “Saint Nicholas”. In Britain, Santa was “Father Christmas”, a bearded old man most often portrayed in long green robes. Charles Dickens used this image as the basis for the “Ghost of Christmas Past” in his famous The Christmas Carol. Washington Irving, the outstanding author most well-known for The Legend of Sleepy Hollow, mentioned Santa in his History of New York in 1809. More on the development of the Chubby One later…

Great Santas in History: Cosmo Kramer.

In what is appearing now to be not-so-amatear football, five Ohio State Buckeye football participates have been suspended to five games a piece next season. Now, first, the obvious question. Why are they not suspended for the upcoming Sugar Bowl against Arkansas? As the Bohunk always says; money. (I don’t say that without some context though) The Big Ten and SEC stand to make millions in tickets sales and shared profit from the bowl game. Taking away former Heisman candidate and one of the best quarterbacks in the country, Terelle Pryor, number one rusher Noah Herron, number two receiver DeVier Posey and All Big-Ten tackle Mike Adams might make the game less attractive, and therefore, less lucrative. So, the NCAA shamelessly tacks on the penalty to next season. With almost half the season taken away, these players will probably attempt to declare for the NFL, avoid any punishment whatsoever, and make some money in the pros. Not harm done, to them at least. Second, does anyone see the obvious parallel with Cam Newton? Make him eligible all year, huge ratings, a Heisman trophy and a national championship game and tons of revenue. But when all the checks are cashed and the lights go out, they will yank it all away and make him ineligible. This will develop slowly, and, go Razorbacks, as if anyone needed any more reasons to hate Ohio State.

In honor of the season, the Pope gets another mention on the Update. Yesterday, the Pontiff joined Britain’s Radio 4 to deliver a Thought of the Day Message, a daily contribution from politicians and celebrities to meditate for the world to hear. The Pope usually stays up late to deliver a Christmas message to the world outside the Basilica in Rome, but offered an opportunity to thank Britain for his week long stay there in September. The Pope did not address any of the many, many issues plaguing the Catholic church after its worst year in memory. It faced thousands of sexual misconduct and assault charges, bringing the amount of damages paid to over a billion dollars worldwide. Pope Benedict also did not bring up the issue of Anglican bishops leaving the Church of England to join ranks in Rome, even as those bishops and officials are in the Vatican studying to become ordained priests. New equipment is now available for Vatican TV, the media organization who broadcasts papal goings-on in over 40 languages. Now, you can watch Christmas Mass from the Vatican…Or A Christmas Story on TBS about 22 times.

Great Santas in History: Pam Anderson.

It is now time, thank goodness, to present the 2010 Flying Bohunk Fox of the Year, a prestige award capable of propelling one lucky Fox to worldwide stardom and fame. The conditions to be nominated were complex; 1) Had to be a Fox 2) Had to be nominated. The votes were tallied (all four of them, plus the only one that really counts, mine) and the Bohunk has been excited for days to release the results. Your 2010 Fox of the Year, and I think all of ours’ “teenage dream” is….Katy Perry! Born in California (hence the appropriateness of the hit jam, “California Girls”, KP was raised by Christian pastors. She nabbed a GED as a freshman in high school (I was popping zits as a freshman in high school, not graduating) and moved on to pursue her music career. She has had some great hits this year, from “Teenage Dream” to “Fireworks”, and has been extremely attractive at every turn, including, it should be noted, way too foxy for Sesame Street. Elmo was overly excited. Congrats, Katy Perry, and may your Foxitude last for many years to come…

Fox of the Year, and just cool person, Katy Perry…

 
BONUS KATY PERRY PHOTOGRAPH…MERRY CHRISTMAS

In the on-going development of Santa Clause, the author Clement Clark Moore wrote “The Night Before Christmas”, though it is really titled “A Visit From Saint Nicholas”, depicting a chubby bearded man, not elf, wearing a red suit and a massive sack of presents perched on his back. It also heralded in the presence of a sleigh, reindeer and an even rounder, more jolly appearance. It took thousands of years to develop the creepy old man dressed up in bad cotton that you let your child sit on and talk to. Oh how far we’ve come.

Finally, let’s celebrate the season with a miracle. Our Solar Sytstem, in fact. The universe is an unfathomably gigantic void. It is almost entirely empty, even considering that, for example, our Sun, which is millions of time larger than Earth, is pretty small amongst its fellow stars. The universe is, frankly, too large to even comprehend. Even our solar system is beyond our reach. Pluto, now demoted down from planet status to just another celestial entity in the Kuiper Belt, is really, really far away. It is 39 AUs from the sun (AU= astronomical unit, or the distance from the Sun to the Earth) or, about 3,647,240,000 miles away. We can barely get to the moon without a hassle, and getting to Mars with a manned mission is almost impossible (cosmic rays that get through its atmosphere would tear up the very DNA of astronauts) let alone likely. But let us put this distance in perspective. As Bill Bryson pointed out in A Brief History of Nearly Everything,  if the Sun was the period of this sentence, and you wanted to draw Pluto to scale, you would have to travel 10,000 miles away. Pluto would be the size of a bacterium. Or, if the Sun was the size of the head of the smallest needle, Pluto would be a few hundred miles away, and the size of a single atom. How our solar system came to be was that of the most staggering odds. Indeed, there are billions and billions and billions of solar systems, just trillions and trillions and trillions of them. 600 sextillion stars in the universe. And we found the right galaxy, the right star, the right planet to somehow make life over hundreds of millions of years. Do not feel small; we should be proud and privileged to live, even for a second, in the face of the trillions of beings who never had a chance. We don’t know everything, we know almost nothing. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.

Have a very Merry Christmas and congrats again to Katy Perry. What a Christmas this must be for her! Enjoy your Christmas Eve and Christmas and the Bohunk Update returns Monday with some New Years resolutions…

Foxes, Bush, Mbagbo and Two Immaculate Occasions…

Never before and most certainly never again shall we rise and face this day…Please behave accordingly.

Violence in the Ivory Coast has killed as many as 200 people. The country is in the midst of a violent and bloody disputed presidential election, where ex-President Mbagbo is refusing all calls and pressures to relinquish the office he lost in last months election. Mbagbo has been in office for ten years, and only holding election twice in the past six. Reports of kidnappings, torture and beatings have prompted France to urge all of its citizens to leave the country, while US representatives are trying to cajole the UN into taking some security measures to protect the innocent. More on this as it develops…

A car crashed onto ex-President George W. Bush’s front lawn. A single car was forced off the road and bounced onto the property of DubYah, causing security agents to overreact and surround the vehicle. It did not come close to the home, nor is any damage being reported, but the security officer in charge was quick to point out the potential danger. The Bohunk is quick to point out the obvious; it was just bad luck. The poor bastard driving the car, however, is being detained by the Secret Service. Happy Holidays, bub.

In amateur football news, the Boise State Broncos defeated the Utah Utes 26-3 in the best match-up of the first week of this very merry bowl season. What a disappointing bowl for Boise, however; until November 26th, when they lost on not one but two missed field goals against Nevada, they entertained hopes of not just a BCS bowl but a possible national championship. They spent the most of the 2010 season comfortably in third of fourth spot in the Robotic Poll, hoping for either Auburn or Oregon to slip up. That, of course, never happened, and it was the Broncos who fell. They went from a multi-million dollar bowl possibility (oh, and the prestige and whatnot) to the MAACO Las Vegas Bowl, a week from Christmas playing against a conference foe. For football enthusiasts, however, getting a match-up between two Top 20 squads three days before Christmas is a tastefully early birthday present.

The game was unspectacular, but the amateur Cheer-Babes looked professional.

In worrying new from Israel and Palestine, the two are continuing their commitment of being total jerks. Israel is celebrating Hanukkah by preparing a ground force to Gaza. Palestinians are reporting a heavier-than-usual prescience of Israeli forces and has confirmed that 2 Palestinians were killed by small arms fire. As is typical, the Israeli government has claimed that any operations undertaken by its military in Gaza is a direct and strong response to rockets being launched into Israel from the location. Just two years ago Israel attacked Gaza, leveling resistance and routing a small, fanatical band of Palestinians who stayed to fight. Roughly 1,400 Palestinians were killed. It also drove thousands from their homes and killed citizens caught in the crossfire. Again, Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukah.

In that shining bastion of hope and democracy in the Middle East, Iraq, church leaders around the nation are cancelling or altering holiday festivals after being threatened. Go FREEDOM! In many churches around Iraq, Christian churches have announced that Christmas Eve masses will not be held, and decorations, especially the uber-Western Santa Claus, will be left in storage. A pastor in Baghdad says that only a small minority of Christian groups are continuing with Christmas Day masses after receiving numerous threats from the extremist Muslim community. This past October a siege at Our Lady of Salvation Catholic Church killed 70 people, most of them Christians. A pastor in the city was quoted as, “When you have lost everything, you have only Jesus left.” Perhaps you can have Jesus in the safety of your own home. As much as the Bohunk dislikes organized religion, it is a shame people are killed for their beliefs, or forced to practice them under constant threat. Here’s a big, “Good luck, you’re gonna need it,” wish to the Christians in Iraq.

Barack Obama has left the building. The current President arrived in Hawaii for the holidays (though many crazy Republicans say he is only pretending to observe Christmas because he is a diabolical Muslim fanatic) to celebrate with family and rest up for the next year, where he will be surrounded and outnumbered by Bible-thumping right wingers. Word on the street is that Obama is very much intent on nothing in Hawaii; he is taking a much needed break after five weeks of lame duck Congressing and signing such landmarks as the START treaty and the repeal of ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’. It was a very tired looking President that arrived in Hawaii last evening, offering only a weary wave as he accepted a lei and crumpled into the awaiting car. He’s going to need the break…He has a long road ahead.

Merry Christmas, creep-middle-aged-women-who-find-Obama-handsome, there will be more photos like this one next week.

DNA from a 30,000 year old finger returned to show researchers that it belonged to neither early man nor Neanderthal. The species, heretofore unknown by scientists, is now referred to as Denisovan. Scientists believe that the Denisovans bred with early humans and that their genetic material is still apparent in the Melanesians, or the populations that inhabit Papa New Guinea. While this still does not present a ‘Missing Link’ that many creationists would like in order to ‘prove’ evolution, it shows that even our own development was a product of many competing species and eventually, the strongest and most efficient merged to create man as we know him today. (As an aside, the creationists who are looking for a ‘link’ won’t find one; the idea that evolution was a series of clean, distinct beings linked together is entirely opposed to the reality of evolution. Many things lived in competition with each other, and a small few survived. No intermediary need exist to connect one to another.)

On this very day in 1972, Franco Harris made the ‘Immaculate Reception’ to defeat the Oakland Raiders and put the Steelers into the AFC Conference. One of the most famous plays in NFL history, it almost didn’t count. The ball was tipped by Raiders safety Jack Tatum, officially, though many claimed it hit Steelers running back Frenchy “Named After A Grease Character” Fuqua. Had the latter been the case, Harris’ catch would have been illegal by the regulations of the day. The old rules stated that no two receivers can touch the ball on the same play; since the ball hit Tatum, Harris was eligible to catch the deflected pass and scoot along into the end zone. The Steelers went onto be roundly trounced by the team of destiny, the perfect undefeated Miami Dolphins. Alas, ye gods….

Tomorrow will be day; the Bohunk will dub the 2010 Fox of the Year. All 2 nominations came flooding in, and the Bohunk will continue to accept nominations until 8 pm tonight, cause I’ll probably be enjoying some football this evening, in addition to replays of the Best Night of Televison on NBC. (Do not, if you have any time to spare, miss the Community Claymation holiday episode. It is stupendous) The current nominees for Fox of the Year include Megan Fox (aptly named) Sienna Miller, Heather Irmiger, Gemma Arterton, and many more. Giada de Laurentiis and Natalie Portman are not eligible, because to include two immaculate angels amongst a bevy of mortal beauties would be unjust for both factions. As a treat, below is a photo of one of them.

Oh Giada, always cooking up something steamy…

Thanks for reading, and enjoy your Thursday. Do not stress yourself in any way over the coming holidays; they shall pass. Remember, you are celebrating family and kindness, not capitalism and social standing. It was the vaginal delivery of an immaculately conceived Messiah to a portion of the world; the rest could not give a rat’s ass. Bohunk out.

START Treaty, CIA Sexual Assault and a Ballet…

It’s Hump Day, and the last one before The Redeemer of Mankind’s birthday. What better way to celebrate the Savior’s immaculate conception then subsequent vaginal delivery than by reading the Update? I can think of no other…

The redesigned and reconfigured START Treaty between the US and Russia will now be signed by Barack. The treaty hit some major snags last week because of Republicans (eager to do nothing before the end of session) dragged their feet and refused to vote on the measure, calling it ‘too rushed.’ The treaty has been under construction since its original draft in 2002, and this version has been under negotiations for almost two years. New stipulations that were agreed upon say that both countries will limit their stocks of warheads to 1550, down 30% from the amount agreed upon in 2002. Each nation is allowed only 800 nuclear capable subs, and only 700 of them can be armed at once. 700 nuclear warheads is enough to level every city from London to Moscow, frankly, and though the measure is a great effort, still allows for unspeakable damage. A major drawback that riled politicians for both nations was the lack of limitations or regulations on building missile shields, a major goal for the US. Obama said the treaty would not stop or limit in anyway the US’s plan to help build and fund a missile shield over Europe….

Obama loves to open negotiations by breaking out the ol’ coloring book….

Another shining Republican moment as the Elephants waver on the commitment to ensure free health care for the surviving responders, mainly New York Fire Department workers. Republicans, who certainly made the most of 9/11 (Afghanistan, Iraq, the Patriot Act, George W. Bush in a second term) are now voting against giving roughly 343 first responders health coverage. Due to the prolonged exposure (they were pulling out bodies, folks, come on) to toxic fumes and materials at Ground Zero, many of these responders are suffering with breathing, heart and cancer issues as a result. Democrats believed they have gathered enough support to pass the $6.2 benefits package, though Republicans are entrenched against it…Why? They claim it costs too much. A three trillion dollar war (Iraq) costs too much. Health care for these firefighters should be already covered by a national health care system. But that is, of course, a whole other Update entirely…

A bomb was found in outside of Rome yesterday in a busy train station. Italian security responded but found that, due to the bombs poor construction, it could not have been detonated. Let this be a chilling reminder of how routine terror is becoming…We now wave off bombs if they don’t explode…

WikiLeaks founder, and Bond-villain-to-be Julian Assange appeared on BBC’s Today program to be interviewed by John Humphrys. In the interview, Assange said he believed the sexual assault charges awaiting him in Sweden were baseless and obviously contrived to make him look like a villain (the white hair already does, Julian) while he is making an effort not to let the distraction of legal charges interfere with his WikiLeaks mission. Even international figures admit that the sexual assault charges were probably organized and set-up by the American CIA after WikiLeaks released thousands of cables some weeks ago. There is even irony in this amusing little aside; the charges of sexual assault against Assange were ‘leaked’ by top authorities in the Swedish police force days before enough evidence was gathered to merit an office warrant. The Bohunk can readily admit that Assange is, an all likelihood, a shady character, especially with women. He has claimed quite grandiose success with them, but this proclamation only makes the charges against him more understandable. But to have two women just-so-happen to file charges against Assange a few days after the cable leaks is a bit too convenient…

For NFL news, we turn to Washington, home of the Native Americans. They traded for Donovan McNabb, gave him a fat contract, then pulled him that very week because he was too chubby to run a two minute offense. At that point, the Bohunk was forced to declare, “Bullshit.” Head coach Mike Shanahan billed himself as a genius, though he was only a genius with John Elway back in Denver, and, lest ye forgot, Elway is going to be remembered as one of the greatest quarterbacks in history. Now, after losing games because of poor coaching and poor play, the scapegoat is Donovan McNabb. Was the Chunky Soup Eater playing Pro-Bowl football? No. But was anyone else playing well either? His team was bad, on both sides of the ball, and even on special teams. Shanahan was consistently outcoached (by Andy Reid, especially) and shifted blame to Albert Haynesworth and the new signing, McNabb. Soon, people will see that Shanahan is a mediocre coach with a sub-par team, and likely fire him accordingly.

Natalie Portman as the Black Swan…It ain’t Queen Amidala, but still pretty good…

If you are looking for a holiday movie, might I recommend Black Swan starring Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis. Why, you ask, would the Bohunk, a throbbingly attractive manly-man, suggest I go see a movie about ballet? And I would answer you like this: It stars Natalie Portman as a crazy, whigged-out ballerina battling another startling attractive ballerina. It is a dark, psychotic look at how insane ballerinas really are. And, again, it stars Natalie Portman.

In the on-going piece on the evolution of Christmas (that was carefully selected, evolution of…) we come to another Roman holiday, the feast of Mithras, the god of light, which, not-so-coincidentally, fell on December 25th. The festival was based on the theme of renewing hope, and was celebrated by lighting candles and eating. Christians adopted this date as the birth of Christ in the 4th century, roughly 400 years after Jesus died and pointedly ignoring suggested dates of his birth that even now range from September to February. Christians selected a well-liked and well-entrenched holiday as the birth so that Gentiles would be more likely to accept the holiday as Christian if they could be converted to the new faith. But hey, if you can convince people that bread and wine is the body and blood of the Savior, and then get them to ingest said ‘blood and wine’, I think convincing them a certain day was the Messiah’s birthday shouldn’t be an issue.

It’s nearly Christmas, so your sleigh better be stacked high. Tie down the hatch of your Ford Fiesta and fit in, amongst your roasted chestnuts and Lady Gaga posters, a final gift. The Bohunk, a steady ready, has been tempted by The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson ever since it was a huge hit at the local movie house. It was a #1 National Bestseller and a phenomena in Europe, and Larsson’s native Sweden, in particular, long before it was even known in the US. Larsson died of a heart attack before his work became famous, adding even more mystery and intrigue to what is said be a thrilling mystery in the trilogy. Now, all three novels are available in paperback, meaning you can get all three (the others are The Girl Who Played With Fire and The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet’s Nest) for less than the cost of a single hardcover copy. You can pick them up here, or head in to your local bookseller.

Thanks for reading, get a book for someone you love this holiday season, and here’s to hoping you had an excellent pagan Winter Solstice this week. Back tomorrow, enjoy Modern Family at 9 tonight. (As always, that’s Eastern Standard)

Saturnalia, Devin Hester and Science Knocks Down Religion…

This just in: The Chicago Bears are very quietly a decent football squad. They beat the struggling but still borderline-respectable Minnesota Hyperboreans last evening, and now can win the NFC North by winning out, including the regular season finale against the Packers…In two weeks, we shall have a match-up of timeless glory; Packers and Bears at the very end of December, at Lambeau Field in the snow for the division title.

Ready-made James Bond villain and WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange says that he will not return to Sweden to face questions over an alleged sexual assault case. Assange was arrested and detained two weeks ago before being released from prison on bail. He says he does not feel obliged to be at the “beck and call” of those accusing him of crimes. Assange was arrested just after the release of thousands of diplomatic cables that embarrassed hundreds of international diplomats, worrying US officials that their partners would resent US involvement. The Bohunk suspects they, perhaps, resent two wars, a massive trade advantage, the largest military in the world and the tendency to embargo any one who does not fall in line. But the cables could also be embarrassing, too. More news on Assange throughout the week…

Bond villain and WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange…He ain’t going
nowhere….

In the on-going battle between science and religion, the University of Kentucky is facing a sizable lawsuit from C. Martin Gaskell, a professor who applied for the gig but was denied because of his belief in God. University board members pointed to a paper written by Gaskell that pointed out some ‘weak points’ in evolution, though many of these points had been explained and are accepted as the likely method for our becoming up-right. Board members believed that Gaskell’s belief in an old man in the sky with a long white beard may inhibit his views and research. His views, especially in his now infamous research paper, show that he holds certain beliefs that have been refuted by available evidence. Does anyone really win this battle? Religion and science seems to be getting only more divisive, though at least no one is getting burned at the stake anymore… At least in the US. Saudi Arabia and other Middle Eastern states still have blasphemy laws on the books, and have executed people for blasphemy (usually Christians) in the past five years. It’s a very, very backwards world…

Did you rise at 2 am last night to enjoy the lunar eclipse? The Bohunk slept comfortably through it, but many stargazers jumped at the chance to see the last lunar eclipse of 2010, and the first such eclipse to occur on the winter solstice since 1638. Another lunar eclipse will not be viewable in the US until April 15, 2014.

A Lunar Eclipse. Now you can say you saw it…

In another contribution to the Bohunk’s on-going series, the World Is Going to Hell Via Handbasket, Southerners from South Carolina met in Charleston to ‘celebrate’ the 150 year anniversary of the political beginning of the Civil War, the conflict which killed or wounded over a million Americans. Crazy rich folk met in expensive and ornate period dress to reenact South Carolina’s decision to secede from the Union. Though nearly all historians agree that the South’s secession was based almost entirely on the belief that individual states held the right to decide on the legality of holding slaves, and having the economic power that resulted in holding millions of slaves, many claimed the night, or the war itself, had anything to do with slavery. They said the shin-dig was to celebrate the bravery of people defending their homes…If they hadn’t seceded, there would have been no war. That is just plainly ignorant. And what would people think of German Americans having a party to remember the ‘bravery’ of Germany during the Holocaust? Or Japanese Americans celebrating Pearl Harbor? Same deal, and saying it isn’t is very unintelligent.

In the on-going piece on the development of the Christmas we now know, we have reached Roman influence. The Romans changed the pagan Solstice festival to coincide with their own feast, Saturnalia, in honor of the god Saturn. Saturn was a symbol of agriculture and the redistribution of food and wealth from the rich to poor, which made December and January the months of giving, feasting and having a good time. The rich held massive banquets to help feed the poor over the winter months, especially those who had a rough, unproductive harvest….

Apple has pulled the WikiLeaks app from its market, thought Android has let the app stay. The app only came online five days ago after struggling to stay on the Internet after being booted from many servers and being blocked by some governments. Apple gave no reason for pulling the app, which was selling for $1.99, half of which went to fund WikiLeaks. The app is still downloadable for Android, but even that site says the app ‘boarders legality’ though it is still quite popular. Some have said that this could make hackers go after Apple, though probably to little effect. No consumer boy-cot would do very much to hurt Apple and none is likely to be organized. Many experts believe this is just a part of the US plan to weaken Assange and eventually extradite him to face myriad charges in the States….

A quick note: Last night, Devin Hester of the Chicago Bears returned a punt to break the record for return touchdowns in NFL history, breaking the long-held record by Redskin Brian Mitchell. Mitchell took 223 games and over 1,000 returns to hit 13 TDs, while 74 games and 286 games to hit the mark. Hats off, Devin, one of the Bohunk’s favorite players in the league. A second kudos for teamsmanship; Hester’s first words were to thank the 10 other gentlemen who blocked for him, not just last night but throughout his career. What a stand-up character…

To the house and into the record books, the Gentlemanly Devin Hester…

Finally, a last plug for books this holiday season. Fall of Giants by Ken Follett is sure to be a classic, already a fixture on the NY Times Bestseller list and the first installment in the Century Trilogy following five interrelated families in their immigration to and settling in of America. If you’ve read other Follett masterpieces, like Pillars of the Earth, you know there are few authors who master characters and stories like Ken. Fall of Giants is still only available as a hardcover, but it is good enough to buy even at hard cover price, $18.36.

Thanks for reading and have a terrific Tuesday, the Bohunk shall return tomorrow. Chapeau, dear reader, chapeau.

North Korea, Crazy Pills, and the Best NFL Game in Years…

The Bohunk returns on this wonderful Monday, safely entrenched in a big, soft couch. The location may have temporarily changed, but of course, the mission hasn’t. Now, let us press on to that very noble mission…

North Korea has voiced its decision not to follow through on threats to retaliate should South Korea do live fire drills on a small island off the Korean Coast. Two weeks ago, North Korea returned fire during a similar artillery drill, killing South Korean troops and nearly returning the simmering 50+ year conflict to a full boil. South Korea prepared extra defense along the demarcation line that separates the two nations, which has the dubious honor of being the most armed border in the world. Tensions rose again yesterday after South Korea ended its drill and waited for some reaction by North Korea, which thankfully came in a smug, overconfident announcement and not mortar fire. Some experts believe that should the two Koreas war again, over a million people would die in the first hour or so. The South Korean capital, Seoul, is just a few dozen miles from the demarcation line, and artillery and rocket fire would level the city in an hour. There is no more dangerous place in the world right now, although that is (depressingly) debatable…

The Pope, Benedict XVI, went to the press to push priests and other church officials to “reflect” on the failures of the Catholic religion and its inexcusable sexual abuse scandals. He also expressed intent to make sure pedophiles do not become ordained. (Thanks, Pope, for trying to weed out pedophiles now about 2,000 years after you’ve let men represent God on earth) But the damage has been done. In 2010, abuse cases from Ireland, Germany, the US, and other countries around the world surfaced, and with even more evidence reinforcing the common theory that these abuses persisted and were almost allowed by the church hierarchy in an effort to cover them up. The structure of the church worked to suppress any in the ‘flock’ who spoke out, and few worked for the punishment of sexually abusive priests. However, the Pope has a relatively credible history of fighting abuse by priests, as evident in a 1988 letter demanding punishment of known pedophiles by Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, the very man who now wears the pointy white hat as Benedict. These charges will never be forgotten, but the church can save some dignity by preventing similar cases in the future.

Nice cap, Benedict..

Over in America’s oldest war, Afghanistan, Vice President Joe “It’s A Big Fuckin’ Deal” Biden claims that, according to the US spy agencies, Bin Laden and Al-Qaeda lack the funds and freedom to be of any real concern to US forces on either side of the Afghan/Pakistani border. Biden points to evidence of new, smaller scale attacks that are becoming all that is possible, a major step back from their 9/11 attacks and abilities. Now, Al-Qaeda operatives are using small arms and shoulder fired rockets to harass US troops, but lack the structure, sophistication and ability to coordinate world wide attacks. The CIA now believes that Yemen, a small country on the Arabian Peninsula, is the most dangerous terrorist threat in the Middle East, even ahead of Iran. Some critics claim that by pinching them out in Afghanistan has only allowed factions of terrorists to grow unchecked in other areas of the globe. The Bohunk believes this is, unfortunately, the more likely case, though efforts to snuff out any group usually create more evil, hateful groups.

In professional football news, one of the most amazing finishes in NFL history occurred yesterday, and I do not mean to imply the Lions-over-City of Tampa in that sentence, though the Lions did win in OT. The Philadelphia Egg Salads were down 34-10 to the New York G-Persons with seven minutes to go. Game over. No comeback possible. Even when Mike “Who Let the Dogs Out?” Vick threw two touchdowns, the Bohunk said, “Yes, but what of it?” He then scrambled Barry Sanders-like (and I don’t throw that comparison around lightly) for touchdown, and it was very much a tie game. The G-Persons failed to travel ten yards and were forced to punt with 14 seconds left. Giants coach Tom Coughlin to punter Matt Dodge: “Punt it out of bounds.” The G-Person’s faithful to Matt Dodge: “Punt it out of bounds.” The Bohunk to Matt Dodge: “Punt the damn thing to Manhattan, just do not let it land in the arms of DeSean Jackson.” DeSean Jackson to Matt Dodge: “Didn’t you hear them all tell you not to give it to me?” The ball was almost squarely in the middle of the field. Dodge claims to have slipped, and the ball pulled to stay in bounds. Jackson dropped it, picked it up, and returned it for a walk-off punt return for a touchdown, and one of the most amazing comebacks in NFL history. The loss could keep the Giants out of the play-offs, though the Flying Elvii helped them out by beating Green Bay, and a Bears loss this evening would keep the Packers alive for the division win as well. This was an incredible game…(Almost as thrilling as a Lions OT win)

Flying like an Eagle…Two points for a Steve Miller
Band reference…

Are you in college? Have you noticed that everyone seems borderline insane? Research shows that nearly one half of college students who meet with a counselor or psychiatric professional are suffering from serious mental health issues or instabilities. The primary reasons for this high number, according to experts, is the heavy use of alcohol and drugs, a history of mental illness and self-injury habits. Many of these students with a mental illness history have already been prescribed psychiatric drugs (like Wellbutrin, Adderall, etc.) and who, by social and cognitive limitations, probably would not have been enrolled in college twenty years ago. 44% of those seeking counseling have serious mental health issues, up from 21% just last year. So, if people seem off, give them a smile and watch for patterns of harmful behavior. Look at your dorm or college for who to notify if you think someone may be a danger to themselves or others….

It is the holiday season, and holi-days are different for most people around the globe. The roots of the Christian celebrations for the birth of Jesus Christ are dug deep into Celtic and Roman holidays celebrating a sort of Festival of Lights. Celebrated on the solstice, usually the 21st of December, Yule was a Scandinavian, Celtic and Norse tradition to honor light on the shortest and darkest day of the year. Check back tomorrow for the entire chronology of Christmas.

Thanks for reading, as always, much better effort on a Tuesday. Only a few more days to Chirstmas, or, if you’re not into that, until Saturday…