Foxy Friday, Influential Polygons, Leopard-Trek and Nebulae…

It’s Foxy Friday, my dear readers, but we will put that aside for now to tackle some of the bigger issues of the day. No, not Snooki’s book, real, real, REAL news….

The Pentagon, the most influential polygon, says it plans to cut $100 billion in upcoming budgets. It says the Army and Marines will shrink by roughly 47,000 troops or about 6%, the first reduction in defense structure since before September 11, 2001. The troop shrink will hit full tilt but 2015, conveniently as all withdrawals are made in Iraq, and Afghan security forces are expected to take over all operations in their country. To completely look like a dick, Defense Secretary Robert Gates says the budget cuts were not motivated for a long-term push for peace; instead, he says the international recession is the major influence for the move, not, again, in the interest in peace or diplomacy. Only “extreme fiscal duress” could cause the Armed Forces to retract in size and scope. Heaven forbid we spend that sum on education, health care or social security. Gates, the ballsy son of a bitch, was quick to point out that further budget matters would be addressed by Congress and the President, and that the decreased size of the military may not be a permanent action, but a mere short term road block. Now, the Pentagon is itching to cut health care benefits to defense department retirees, which is a massive portion of the department’s budget. In five years it is expected to be well over $65 billion, a conservative number considering the tens of thousands of veterans from Iraq and Afghanistan that will still need long-term care, in addition to normal coverage. The Bohunk proposes: Make the Pentagon operate on the same budget as social security, or enlist the elderly. Or both. Then they wouldn’t be so quick to bomb brown people in the Middle East…

“Don’t worry, we will be back to our current capacity to murder and kill in a few years.
Taxpayers won’t pay for each other’s insurance, but they sure as heck enjoy spending
a million smackarooneys on a bomb that can kill hundreds. That, they’ll go for.”
~Robert Gates (Not really, but damn close)

Out in space, the Lagoon Nebula is looking good. New photos are out of the nebula, a region of budding stars four or five thousand light years away. The Visible and Infrared Survey Telescope at the European Southern Observatory (long ass name, huh?) in Chile snapped the pictures, some of the most detailed astronomical photos of the new millennium. The nebula is similar in many aspects to our own Milky Way and could reveal hints of how galaxies, star systems and even planets are formed. Look at how very far we have come; just a century before, many people were quite sure the Milky Way was the universe, and that the Earth was very much at the center of it. Then, we discovered some more galaxies, and now we imagine (because we have such limited technology we can’t prove a lick of what we know outside mathematical theorem) there to be billions of galaxies, and that our own little planet is really on the outer edge of a galaxy quite non-central in the universe. As Bill Bryson is quick to say, “We haven’t the foggiest idea.” We don’t know everything, we know almost nothing. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.

The Lagoon Nebula. Perhaps, therein lies some alien creature. Maybe. Just Maybe.

  In answer to my Dear Brother’s question from this morning, “Who the fuck is Michele Bachmann?”, I have gathered evidence enough to conclude the following: nobody. Bachmann is a (oh, you guessed it, didn’t you?) Republican Representative from Minnesota who is attractive, overly talkative and completely unqualified in any way whatsoever to hold the highest office in these United States. She will probably run for President, backed by tons of TeaBaggers and their money, though she is very actively not-denying that she has a potential interest in perhaps, should the conditions arise, maybe, run. This sort of wishy-washy non-commitment hogwash is the same tactic chicks used in high school to run for Prom Court. She says maybe, but inside, she is dreaming of puffy sleeves and a tiara. She is big on small government. She wants to ‘repeal’ the health care plan, and ‘repeal’ Obama in 2012. To note, you cannot repeal a person. That’s stupid. But essentially, she follows the GOP line and deviates only to pander to the Tea Party. What a ‘rogue’. So, in the interest of every American, please Bachmann, run. Because if America has to pick between you and Sarah Palin, Obama will win.

You’ve made it, kind sir (or madame) to the Fox of the Week. This installment features the wonderful Scarlett Johansson. She began her career in 1994 in North a picture some might remember but most didn’t see. Perhaps her biggest break came with the Great Bill Murray in Lost In Translation, which was best described to the Bohunk by my father, Joe (who looks and acts uncannily like Bill Murray, it should be noted) as a film which entailed, “A lot of staring out windows and looking bored or something artistic and shit.” However, people did see that movie and seemed to rather like it. The Bohunk’s personal favorite Johansson flick is The Prestige, also starring Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman, flanked by Michael Caine as well. If you haven’t seen it, do so immediately. To disappoint more than a few readers who are uninformed, Scarlett is married to Ryan Reynolds, who is more handsome and affluent than you are.

Scarlett Johansson: Timeless beauty. God Bless Sweden.

Team Leopard-Trek was unveiled today, the Luxemburg Project that was spear headed by the Schleck Brothers, formerly of Saxo-Bank. The siblings pulled along the meat AND potatoes of their former squad, including Fabian “Spartacus” Cancellara, the world’s greatest time trialist  and Classics champ. The squad includes:

• Daniele Bennati (Ita), Liquigas-Doimo – sprinter, classics
• Fabian Cancellara (Swi), Saxo Bank – classics, TTs
• Stefan Denifl (Aut), Cervélo – climber, attacker
• Brice Feillu (Fra), Vacansoleil – climber, stage-hunter
• Jakob Fuglsang (Den), Saxo Bank – all-rounder
• Linus Gerdemann (Ger), Milram – all-rounder
• Dominic Klemme (Ger), Saxo Bank – worker, attacker
• Anders Lund (Den), Saxo Bank

The Bohunk casually predicts two Grand Tour wins (Giro and France) and the Roubaix and Milan-San Remo. Paris-Nice could go either way, depending on Contador’s suspension. The UCI recently ranked its teams, with Leopard-Trek taking the top spot over win-factories like HTC-Columbia, Rabobank and Garmin-Cervelo. The team has a ton of firepower and committed domestiques, a dangerous professional combination. The Bohunk is awaiting a contract offer…

Thanks for reading and enjoy a great weekend. The Bohunk will be checking in from the road, but back again on Monday with all new stuff, back in Allendale and the Grandest Valley State University. Chapeau!

Starbucks, Rich Rod, Holes and the N~Word…

It’s Thursday, you may notice, which is one day before Friday and then the weekend. The problem, or blessing depending on your view, is that upon the completion of the weekend, this cycle begins anew. Stave off the inevitable with the Update…

Jumping straight to the good stuff, we find ourselves in the heated debate of black holes. One of the most mysterious aspects of our universe is the black hole, long believed to be exaggerated by high speed collisions. The black hole devours all matter around it, and then, over the course of a few billion years, reemerges and develops, over a few more billion years, into a new galaxy or star system. Some black holes develop an inconstant rates, accelerating quickly at random intervals before slowing again. Many scientists had believed that this was a by product of cosmic collisions, celestial entities slamming at thousand of light years’ speed into the black hole and making its size ‘jump’. However, recent studies show that, over the past 8 billion years, collisions of this type have no influence on the size of a black hole, or its rate of growth. Then how does the gravitational force of a black hole change? How can it go against all the laws of physics and change its rate of growth and shift in overall size. We haven’t the foggiest. We don’t know everything, we know almost nothing. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.

Artist rendering of a black hole; if it was really this color, it would be called a ‘Trippy
Hole’.

In cycling news, Lance Armstrong says he is not concerned or bothered by the on-going federal investigation into his career. In an interview with the Sydney Morning Herald Lance says he has many concerns involving the future of the sport, but refused to speak at length on the US and Food and Drug Administration’s long investigation the United States Postal Service Cycling squad of the late ‘90s, Armstrong’s sponsor for six of his seven Tour de France wins.A grand jury in Los Angeles has been presented with evidence and testimonies for months after doper Floyd Landis presented a case against Armstrong. Armstrong’s final international cycling event will be in Australia’s Tour Down under this spring. Frankly, this is ruining the sport, especially in conjunction with Alberto Contador’s Case of the Tainted Spanish Beef still being deliberated in a Spanish court. The Bohunk smells something fishy in both situations…but that is relatively normal in cycling, unfortunately.

Lance Armstong vs Jan Ullrich: A battle for the ages. Both are suspected of being doped
to the gills throughout their Tour wins. (Ullrich won in 1997; Armstong 1999-2005)

Starbucks, the Best Smelling Store Around, changed it logo to celebrate its 40th anniversary, highlighting their traditional green siren but dropping the circle that heretofore surrounded her. People with nothing better to do commenced directly to bitching, saying it was dumb to remove the name of the company from the logo. Right, because no one knows who the Swish, Golden Arches or Eagle belong to…(Nike, McDonald’s and American Eagle, just in case) Obviously it is not a huge deal, and the Bohunk wonders if half the people complaining would have even noticed the difference if they weren’t told of it. You can decide for yourself, below.

The first three are obviously Starbucks cups, but the last one, I have no idea what it
is used for or what corporation to associate it with. If only it said what do to with it somewhere…

Rich Rodriguez was fired by the University of Michigan. Anyone want the job?

(Crickets)

In another contribution to World Going To Hell Via Hand Basket, a new edition of “Adventures of Huckleberry Finn” will lack the word “nigger” and be replaced by the word “slave” which, in context, with neither make sense or illustrate the inhuman status African-Americans held during Twain’s time, an important lesson for youngsters to learn, appreciate and detest. All 219 uses of “nigger” are removed after Alan Gribben, a professor at Auburn University, said he felt uncomfortable saying the word aloud in class. The Bohunk kindly instructs him to grow up. The initial print of the sanitized version ran at 7,500 copies and should be finished by February. No schools have expressed interest in teaching with the new version. Kudos for taking the opportunity of the harsh, terrible language as a way to show the youth of America just how ugly man can be in the hopes of making a better society. Any high school student would argue that they hear worse language in the hallway at school on any given day than that found in “Huck Finn” or “Tom Sawyer” and a quick listen to rap music would show that 219 uses of the n-word would be the equivalent of two or three songs nowadays.

In the on-going check in on Haiti, which the Bohunk regrets has been lacking in recent weeks, we unfortunately find little positive. The new problem (as if existing ones were not completely and inhumanely sufficient) is rape. Amnesty International is reporting to news outlets that gangs of armed men are prowling the countryside and urban streets alike, attacking, molesting, raping and kidnapping women. The problem is especially rife in the squalid camps around Port-au-Prince, the nation’s beleaguered capital which has suffered from political strife, a massive earthquake and an outbreak of cholera, just to name the major plagues. Amnesty International claims that security in these refugee camps is completely invisible except near food drops, which, with tens of thousands of starving citizens close by, need constant guarding. The women have almost no protection; even in their dwellings, many are raped after men simply cut through the side of the tent with a knife or push the entire shack over. According to an official in Haiti, a Mr. Ducos, “most of these crimes go unpunished” because there is not enough police influence to track or prosecute a suspected rapist, even if he was seen in broad daylight by hundreds of people. Haiti is a terrible place for everyone, but the women and children of that country are experiencing a life that is riddled with loss, hate and misery. Be grateful for your own lot in this world, because you could be living in Haiti.

Sorry to end the Update on such a sour note. Quickly, note that the Schleck Brothers will be announcing their sponsor and kit this evening, 8 pm Paris time. The boys will finally have a name to the Best Team Ever Without A Name…Also, be sure to follow me on Twitter, @theflyingbohunk for quick Update access every morning and news throughout the day. Like what Snooki is up to…

Thanks for reading, enjoy NBC’s Thursday night line-up, it should be quite good. Chapeau!

Punjabis, Illicit Players, MOBY and Dark Energy….

Wednesday now, and the week is stretching on endlessly with the end in obvious sight but seemingly unreachable. Grab a nice long Update and burn a few minutes of a lingering day…

Following succinctly up on the piece from yesterday on the Consumer Electronics Show in Vegas, we find, to no real surprise, that tablets are the hottest item on the floor. One worth noting, especially to my college student readers (holla, folks) is the MOBY tablet. It is designed with students in mind, which means a bit of a trade-off; some things will have lower quality capacity and function (typically memory, camera and GB) but will retail for a much lower price and have the right software for scholarly pursuit, namely Facebook, YouTube and maybe some type of notepad for class. The MOBY most likely will emerge as a sub-$200 tablet next fall, but it means that the lower price point will be filled, and, with any luck, flooded with more competitors by the end of the year. (The Bohunk apologizes for nerding out a bit)

The Bohunk noted this story yesterday, but waiting patiently for more details to…I do not intend to imitate Fox News by taking a report with almost no facts, making up facts, and then ignoring real information when it does not match up with the contrived report. On Tuesday, the governor of the Punjab Province in Pakistan was assassinated by his body guard in a busy market. The governor, Salman Taseer, had recently spoken out against the blasphemy law still on the books in Pakistan (and in Saudi Arabia, to note) a country that is, I am told, one of our biggest allies against terror in the Middle East. Taseer had been warned against using the guard, Malik Mumtaz Hussain Qadri, who had been investigated and found to hold ties with extremists as far back as 2004. Qadri had joined the police force in 2002, and was selected for “elite force course” in 2008, four years after experts warned of his religious ties. Qadri has confessed to killing the governor because “he did blasphemy of the Prophet Muhammed” by repeatedly referring to the blasphemy laws as “the black laws”. Qadri’s belief in a god caused him to put 26 bullets in the body of the man he had sworn to protect. For those unfamiliar, the blasphemy law in Pakistan forbids anyone from speaking ill of the Prophet Muhammed, the Qu’ran or the Islamic faith. A Christian woman, Asia Bibi, was executed (publicly, mind you) just this past November after being found guilty for insulting Islam in an argument with co workers in 2009. Obviously, there can be no more evil law than this. It is no different than being killed for speaking out against a political faction, and so, in a sense, is a sort of spiritual facism. Again, killing for your belief is like arguing who has the cooler imaginary friend, then murdering if the other person disagrees. A sad story, with more to come, but, my dear readers, we must not tarry here…

Salmon Taseer, the slain governor of the Punjab Province.

In the Ivory Coast, entrenched ex-President Laurent Gbagbo has announced that he will lift the blockade around political rival Alassane Ouattara, the new President-to-be. The softening of the embattled lingering Gbagbo may be to save his own skin. He wants to be sure he will not be prosecuted or, indeed, brutally murdered in the streets whenever it is he relinquishes power to the incoming President and his staff. Both men claim to be the winners of last month’s elections, though widespread fraud and foul play was reported by both camps. The runoff election, conducted on November 28th and confirmed December 2nd declared Ouattara the winner, but Gbagbo refuses to step down. Over 170 people have been killed in the ensuing violence. A recommendation by Billy Hanson, aged 4, from Nantucket, is to have a Rock, Papers, Scissors match, perhaps two out of three, then the loser should “sack it up and get lost, see?” No word on whether the advice will be taken.

In somewhat amateur football, the Illicit Five of Ohio State University beat the Arkansas Razorbacks in Le Sucre Bowl last evening. Five players from Ohio State, including Terrelle Pryor and Dan Herron, were found to have sold gear and rings for cash, in addition to accepting illegal benefits from a local tattoo parlor. All five players will miss the first five games of next season, but were allowed to play in Le Sucre Bowl…Why? For cash. Ratings with the five were higher than they would have been without. Head coach Jim Tressell reportedly man each player ‘pinky-promise’ to return next season in order to play, but just days before the game Terrell Pryor wavered, saying they promised their ‘intent’ to return, but no guarantee was written in stone. (The Bohunk thinks they should have been forced to tattoo the promise in a prominent place on their bodies, and at full price, too) The final score was 31-26, though it belies not the firm upper hand enjoyed by the Buckeyes most of the contest. They led 28-7 in the second quarter. Pryor, Herron and wide receiver Posey, all Illicit Players, scored for the Buckeyes…Take away their contributions, and Ohio State loses. The win did save the bowl season for the Large Dix, after other squads went a thudding 0-5 on New Years Day.

Not sure if this is pre or post Pinky Promise, but Pryor played in Le Sucre Bowl, nonetheless…

In space, dark energy is believed to be the factor behind the accelerated expansion of the universe. But NASA has put on hold a plan to build a craft designed to investigate dark energy and other stars and planets due to a massive lack of funds. The $1.6 billion budget needed to complete the James Webb Telescope is not popping up from behind anyone’s ear, and scientists believe it will be a decade or so until they have the money to continue preparation for the launch. The craft itself is still several years from completion, so the timetable is looking rather bleak. Twenty years ago, scientist found that the universe was expanding and an accelerating (accelerating, nor accelerated; it is not just faster,  but constantly getting faster and faster) which goes against most of the rules of gravity and physics. Einstein, in 1917, proposed a theory called the ‘cosmological constant’, which proposed that empty space serves as a sort of repulsive agent and causing things to push things apart. During his lifetime, the discovery that the universe was expanding at a constant rate (which we know now to be wrong) made the cosmological constant the most regretted thing of Einstein’s life, and even he admitted it. Now, however, he is proved correct, decades after his death and before he could have possibly had the materials and tools to even conduct research. Indeed, it seems Einstein simply thought his way to one of the most important scientific discoveries in history. Research now shows that things in the universe are moving apart 120 times faster than thought possible. We don’t know everything, we know almost nothing. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.

Thanks for reading, and enjoy the return on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart all this week on Comedy Central.

Brett Favre’s Flames, Steve Jobs and Bankruptcies….

It is Tuesday, the very first one of 2011 and the last time you will have written 1/4/11 unless you are postdating something. Some stuff happened, so we will take a moment to reflect on the day that was and what shall come…

First, the techie nerd in me is ‘totally stoked’ for the Consumers Electrics Show which runs this week in Vegas. As is the custom, Apple and Steve Jobs will not attend the event, leaving a gaping hole in the show’s intrigue for some. But to others, it offers a great look at the stuff others have made, usually as imitations of iThings. The biggest area is tablets, namely, fake iPads. Competitors to the iPad, like the Samsung Galaxy, are capitalizing on a massive market that Apple essentially created. Over 126,000 retailers will attend the show looking for alternative to Apple products, and most specifically for the tablets being released by electronics heavy weights like Sony, Motorola and Vizio. For the Bohunk, the most attractive tablet to emerge will be the Windows 7 mobile edition being unveiled by Top Banana Steve Ballmer. A tablet with a working and mobile version of Media Center, iTunes and even Microsoft Office could be absolutely brilliant, especially with the Cloud external storage system gaining popularity. An external software system means you don’t have to worry about overloading the storage on the device, and means manufacturers can keep prices a bit lower. To note, the tablet this year accounted for roughly $300 million and this before all the powerhouses of the electronics companies joined battle…

Fear the Turtle-Necked Behemoth: Steve Jobs throwing around an iPad.

There will be some terribly depressing numbers popping up over the next few weeks as financial reports finish up detailing the dismal economic year that was 2010. For instance, we bring to the fore this cheery little tale: Over 1.5 million Americans filed for bankruptcy this past orbit, with this past December being one of the worst financial months in history. November was close to the worst in history, and then bankruptcy filings went up another 3%. And experts expect filings to continue to rise over the coming months as well…

When the Bohunk finishes an especially good book, like A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson, I cannot help but be obliged to let you all, dear readers, of my experience. Bill Bryson, if you have not read him, is, flatly, an amazing writer. In infromative texts, you will not find a better author who can easily bounce from genetics to astronomy, anthropology to geology, evolution and physics. And as you are reading, you are hardly aware that you have made these same transitions, so seamless is his book’s construction. You cover, as the title indicts, just a bit of everything, but together, you see how we know what little we really do. And that, I point out, is a fact I share with you three or four times a week. For example, as Bryson points out near the end of the 450 page leisure read, if your family is from Europe over the past 2,000 years, you share the same genes as 95% of the world. And all of those people are descended from some 10,000 Africans who ventured north to Europe just 25,000 years ago. Amazing stuff. (Note: 25,000 years is not even a blink, another point Bryson drives home. In a world 4.2 billion nears old, and a universe a few dozen billion years older, you must remember that man has lived but 0.0001% of the life of this earth) You can pick up the read here at Barnes and Noble. 

Google is unveiling a virtual newsstand to compete with Apple’s news application for iPad. Google is shopping around for content providers such as Time Warner in preparations for creating an Android-only application to provide up-to-the-minute news, eerily similar and obviously in direct competition with Apple. Other devices, like the nook for Barnes and Noble and the Kindle for Amazon, offer electronic versions of copy like The New York Times and USA Today. This is an unabashed tech-version of the Update, so save this or ask a question should you have one.

Brett Favre, though done for the season, is again in the headlines. After sitting out and watching the Hyperboreans lose to the Lions (the Lions being 4-0 in 4 weeks, mind you) two women have filed sexual harassment charges against Favre, this just a week after the NFL fined him $50,000 for the Jenn Sterger incident of 2008. Christina Scavo and Shannon O’Toole say that Favre treated them “like slabs of meat” (Scavo’s words) and asked them to engage in three-way sex with him. They claim he repeatedly texted them while with the Jets, say he was lonely and he had “bad intentions.” For fans, these types of charges cannot come as a surprise after the Jenn Sterger incident and this past season’s allegations of taunting and harassment by Jets players toward Mexican TV reporter Ines Sainz. Both Scavo and O’Toole were let go from from the Jets organization shortly after this time period, with both women claiming that Favre had a role in the decision.

Obviously, ‘hostesses’ like Jenn Sterger are integral parts of an organization,
and reflect the professional environment that they work in. Come on, Jets,
you’re going to lose these types of arguments.

Over 500 homes have been evacuated in northern Australian as flood waters there spread. Heavy rains over the course of several days have given way to flooding in 20 towns in the Queensland area, submerging 20 or so towns under varying depths of water. Ten people have been killed with over 200,000 people very much affected. And in a very Australian turn, rescue and emergency teams are warning residents of another factor with which they must contend: wild-life. Exotic snakes, alligators and other misplaced, starving and panicked creatures are especially dangerous in these situations. The waters may not recede for some weeks, and may take decades in some areas to return to normal. Chin up, my under water readers…

On a personal note, the Bohunk recently journeyed deep into nature on snowshoes. Northern Michigan is a year-round, perpetually beautiful place. The woods of Interlochen, are, if you will allow me to wax poetic, hold snow softly like the hand of a beautiful maiden, branches sagging in the weight of soft pillows of virgin powder. Below are some pictures of my adventure, including one of an abandoned pontoon that drifted south in the wind and wedged itself on the shore next to the mouth of a small creek. Sort of like an eerie, ghost ship except for the cup holders.

Derelict Pontoon….

Thanks for reading the Update, come on back tomorrow for more cool things that will distract you from Facebook for 2-4 minutes…Have a terrific afternoon as well.

2011, Big Ten Disaster, Play-offs, and Planet…

Happy New Year and the very first Monday of such. Now that it’s 2011, all of your dreams will come true, your shortcomings will disappear and your drug habit will be a thing of the past…Or so 2011 would have you think.

There is no magical aspect of a new year. In fact, the idea of transitioning to a new calendar year on December 31st is somewhat arbitrary from a lifestyle standpoint. Why not on March 31st? Or February 2nd? We have attached ideas of new selves to that of the New Year, and so, we make resolutions. The Bohunk’s (no soda till June) will be difficult, but it comes from necessity. The off-season will soon be the on-season in cycling, and though the Bohunk has no money to race and a gracious, friendly but financially non-committal sponsor, the season ahead could be very short. However, it is a New Year…Keeping with the naïve hope of the masses, why not dream and dream big? Team RadioShack, you have my email address…

As mine eyes slid over this headline, “Bombing opens veins of Christian anger in Egypt”, the Bohunk noticed the irony of the statement. Christians, instructed by their Messiah thousands of years before he graced a grilled cheese, should turn the other cheek. 21 were killed New Years Day when a bomb exploded in a Coptic Church. The Christians were quick to blame their government for failing to protect them from discrimination and responded with rioting and protest outside the headquarters of the Coptic Church in Cairo. Protestors attacked Muslims around Cairo during the riots, injuring dozens and damaging a mosque. So, as you can see, violence is the religious answer to violence. Those claiming the divine support of a great imaginary friend are stronger than those with a similar, indeed, the same imaginary friend. Christians make up just 10 percent of the 80 million human beans in Egypt, but that number is vocal and politically important. Many Christians feel as though they are unwanted in Egypt (no shit) but refused to leave (bad idea). The Bohunk abhors the violence against the Christians, but rioting and beating Muslims in the streets is not the best way to stop a nation hating you. So, to both sides, knock it off.

“Turn thine cheek…then sucker punch thine enemies.” ~ Jesus Christ

In typical Republican boasting and grandstanding, new chairman of the House Oversight Committee Darrell Issa has labeled the entire Obama administration as corrupt. Of course; they are all politicians. (pause for laughter 1, 2,3,) But seriously, unless you have some thick hard facts to back up that kind of claim you are really hanging your willy in the wind and looking foolish. And any evidence, Mr. Issa? He could only point to the trillion dollars in stimulus spent by the Obama administration as a possible corrupting influence. The Bohunk points out that the Bush administration also had $1 trillion to blow on rich banks in 2007. Coming into office with this type of agenda and bias is only going to make bipartisan politicking impossible and the process slow. Issa is going to be on a witch hunt for his term as chairman, when the country needs someone protecting them from banks and lobbyists…And Issa.

In amateur football news, New Years Day was the worst in Big Ten history, with Michigan, Michigan State, Penn State and Wisconsin all losing, and only Wisconsin doing so in style. The Badgers were a failed two-point conversion from taking the TCU Horned Frogs (a team nickname that needs no substitution) to overtime, while the other Large Dix (dix is ten in French) squads fell by as much as 42 points (Go ye Sons of Sparta!) on the day. Michigan’s defense, abysmal all year, was somehow worse. They were only mildly inconvenient to Mississippi State’s offense, who casually ambled down the field to score on most of their possessions. Denard Robinson played well in the first quarter, but the pressure of knowing you must score each drive ate away at Michigan’s best player, and his mates, until they crumbled. It is no secret; the SEC is the best football conference in ‘Merica. The top six schools in the SEC would all win every other conference if they were in it, including the Large Dix and the Not-So-Large Big 12 (they will have only 10 teams next fall, losing Nebraska and Colorado) in that scenario. The SEC and Large Dix play again in the Cotton Bowl with Ohio State taking on Arkansas. Ohio State will be starting five players who will be suspended for the first five games next season. Why they can play this game is simple; money. Ratings with Terrelle Pryor, Boom Herron, and the other Black Listers will be much higher than without them. The NCAA will let the kids play, make their money, then scold them once the ink dries. The NCAA is a shameless, shameless body.

Michigan’s “Slightly Inconvenient” Defense: Get close, arm tackle, and hope they start running the wrong way…

In (more) professional fooball, the play-offs are set. The Bears, Falcons, Seahawks and Eagles won their divisions while the Packers and Saints are in as wild cards for the NFC. And when the defending Super Bowl champs and the trendy pick to be next year’s defending Super Bowl champs are in as wild cards, you know the deck is stacked. (Note the excellent card symbolism) In the AFC, the Patriots, Steelers, Chiefs and Colts are in as division winners with the Jets and Ravens serving as the wild cards. The MVP race is between Mike Vick and Tom Brady, with the Bohunk pushing for Brady simply for the fact that he is the best quarterback in the league, bar none. To lose to a fellow quarterback would just be insulting. And if you take Brady out of the line-up, they don’t win that division, and they may not even make the play-offs. That is valuable. More NFL stuff as the week goes on…

A 45 year old amateur astronomer, who does not even own a telescope, is given partial credit in the discovery of four gaseous exoplanets on the very edge of the solar system. Peter Jalowiczor used data measurements released by the University of California-Santa Barbara to locate the rough locations and orbits of four planets that ranged from 58 to 190 light years away. As noted, the man has never even owned a telescope, but has used his mind and impeccable mathematics to discover planets that cannot even be seen by our most powerful telescopes. And these planets are believed to be gigantic, as large as the behemoth Jupiter but several times the distance from the Sun to Jupiter away. One of the planets has over 4,000 days in a single year, while another has just 110. Some years ago, we didn’t think these exoplanets existed; now we have catalogued over 500 with new celestial bodies being discovered all the time. Just goes a cool glass of perspective. We don’t know everything, we know almost nothing. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.

That will be it for the Bohunk, thanks for reading, and if you see Brett Favre, please hide him in a cave until next September so we don’t have to hear him seesaw about retirement. Come on back tomorrow, should you all, my dear readers, find the time…