Friday, November 19, 2010

Foxy Friday, She-Priests, and a Harry Potter Thank-You…

The Bohunk would like to bring to your attention a huge event in the world of sports. This very Sunday afternoon, the Minnesota Brett Favres will host the Green Bay Packers, the last meeting of the aged superstar and his former squad. This is based on the assumption that he will, in fact, retire at the end of this season and then remain so forever. After tossing a league high 16 INTs and winning just three games thus far, the Bohunk does not foresee a return of the “Ol’ Gunslinger” in 2011. This will be Brett’s last chance to seek revenge on the Pack for not taking him back after unretiring the first (and really second) time. The NFL has recently met with Jenn Sterger about the potential sexual harassment issues dating back from 2008. Brett is going to be starting this Sunday, but between a potential suspension, a bad elbow, ankle and shoulder, his streak of consecutive starts is in jeopardy. This may be his last chance to stride off into the sunset, then pussy-foot around till August before finally going away for good.

It’s Friday, which means the Bohunk will select the Fox. This week’s Fox is the beautiful and talented Natalie Portman. As Padme in Star Wars I-III she stole the hearts of many a virginal nerd, and has been very successful in other roles, from V for Vendetta to Cold Mountain and Brothers. You may not know it, but Natalie is Israeli, and made her acting debut in Leon way, way back in 1994. She holds a degree in psychology from Harvard (Pip, pip) and won a Golden Globe for Best Supporting Actress for the film Closer (a personal favorite of Yours Truly). Now, she can list a “Fox” award to her list of credentials.

Fox Natalie Portman…

In astronomy news, scientists have discovered the first planet ever seen that originated in another galaxy. The planet is orbiting a white dwarf star that is a remnant of a mini galaxy that was devoured by the Milky Way a few million years ago. The planet is slightly larger than Jupiter. Scientists are getting all antsy and excited, because research of this planet might reveal some secrets of other-galaxy formation and a glimpse into the effects on a planet after a sun’s mass change. The earth, in a few million years, will face a sun a few dozen times larger than it currently is, possible scorching the planet or even erasing it. This new, foreign planet gives us a look at what might be left. Bohunk’s guess; not much.

The new Myspace is here…by becoming Facebook. The former social networking giant and now irrelevant, embarrassing and lingering reminder of your sophomore year in high school, has struck a deal to be linked with Facebook. Now, Myspace will be integrated almost completely with its former rival Facebook, allowing your preferences from one to be transferred to the other and vice versa. The Bohunk’s criticism is echoed by other tech-nerds; what is the point? Why have two identical pages that share the same information? Myspace has, currently, 122 million registered users, compared to Facebook’s 500 million. If you still have a Myspace, slap yourself. (Just kidding)

None of these Kiwi are believed to be in the mine….

A massive explosion has trapped two dozen coal miners in New Zealand. Following the trendy example of the Chilean Miners, the Kiwis are trapped at an unknown depth in the intricate labyrinth, buried at least a mile below the surface. A man driving a loader some distance from the blast was thrown from the piece of equipment, a shocking indication of the strength of the explosion. Fears that the mine’s ventilation system was damaged forces rescuers to begin searching for fast and potentially more dangerous avenues of escape for the men trapped.

50 Church of England priests have voiced the intention to join 5 bishops in Britain who have converted to Roman Catholicism, this coming roughly 400 years after the Anglican Church was formed as a separate entity outside the power of Rome (thanks, Henry VIII). The priests say that cannot in good judgment serve as holy men in the Church if female bishops are accepted as a part of doctrine, a motion quickly gaining momentum in the country. The Pope has created a special club for the converts (or defectors, depending on your view) giving them the same powers as Catholic priests, and allowing married Anglican priests to keep their wives, which is just darn nice of the Holy Father. The Church of England has been confirming female priests since 1994, and have used “flying priests” (not Bohunks) to serve congregations that did not want a female leading their flock. Your views on this are of great interest; leave a comment with our opinion.

Oh my, how they grow…Three lives spent on camera.

The Harry Potter films are nearly concluded. It’s been 9 years and the movies have made billions in profit while delighting more than a few generations. If you have read the books, you know the sort of mixed feeling that comes with any final installment. Upon finishing the last book, many wished for more, but also, were satisfied with the feeling of completion and closure. Readers felt as though they had seen their closest friends finally find peace. Even the very best things must end, and all the better if they end as they should. These movies WILL be the last new Harry Potter related works. Ever. There will not be another book, nor film. What we have now is all the world will ever get from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (if you are tearing up, if that heavy feeling has found your breast, your heart, know it has found mine, doubly so, in writing this) and we can only treasure what is. Thank you, JK Rowling, for all you have given this weary world.

Thanks for reading, enjoy your weekend safely. The Bohunk will be taking off the holidays next week, so there will only be a Monday and Tuesday Update, in addition to the Top Post redone tomorrow.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

5 Dumb Things Americans Believe, Tweeting Tiger and Palin…

Haven’t read Sarah Palin’s new book, “America By Heart: Reflections on Family, Faith and Flag” yet, have you? Well, good. But there are some enlightening words from the former Alaskan governor, but not on topics of any real importance. The new book, which will not be officially released until next week, had several pages leaked to the blog Palingates just yesterday. These pages heavily criticized Levi Johnston, father of Palin’s new grandson son, the horribly named Tripp. After Palin was selected to run with Sen. John McCain in 2008, Johnston toured the country, sharply criticizing and poking fun at the Palins. You know, just like everyone else in America. (I do not see any mention of Tina Fey, to note) Palin also made fun of Fox’s “American Idol”, calling its contestants “talent deprived” and said they suffered from “the cult of self-esteem”….though her very own daughter, Bristol, was recently featured on ABC’s “Dancing with the Stars”. The younger Palin is consistently on the bottom of the leaderboard, and was invited to the show because of her mother’s celebrity. Perhaps, and this is just a thought, Sarah Palin should be more careful when bandying about the term “talentless".”

If you have a Twitter, as the Bohunk does, you must have noticed Tiger Woods yesterday. Within six hours, the golfing superstar (and adulterer, too) had over 150,000 followers, or, to put it in perspective, 149,960 more followers than the Bohunk has. It is all a part of a campaign to repair Tiger’s image (and probably pick up skanky stripper-chicks) as the one-year anniversary of his Thanksgiving evening car accident that destroyed both his Cadillac and his marriage nears. Woods recently contributed a piece to the struggling periodical Newsweek and is slated to join Mike and Mike on ESPN Radio today as well. The real surprise behind all of this is the reaction of the American public; we love the guy. While he shall never regain Gentlemen status on the Update again, overall, most people have moved past the infidelity and overall creepiness of his affairs. Just goes to show, celebrity gets you everywhere.

That’s Elin, the wife he cheated on. What an idiot.

To contribute to the once-a-fort-night-coverage of the NBA, the Lakers visited the Palace of Auburn Hills to play the Detroit Pistons last evening. The struggling Pistions, who have floundered since dealing away Chauncey Billups, Rip Hamilton and the players that made them a perennial championship threat, now are simply embarrassing. In the stands last night, there were easily as many gold-and-purple jerseys for the Lakers than red-and-blue for the home team Pistons. In fact, late in the game, the HOME FANS began chanting “M-V-P, M-V-P” as Kobe Bryant took some free throws. First off; not very creative. Secondly, when your fans start cheering for the other squad, something is very wrong. The finger points to Pistons coach John Kuester, who called the chanting, “disappointing.” Players on the bench ignore Kuester openly, not looking at him while he talks and, at times, walking out of the huddle while he draws up plays. It’s time to cut him loose…But unload some players, as well. The culture on the team is spoilt like a carelessly uncorked Pinot Gris. 

Americans believe in some pretty dumb things. For example, the Update yesterday noted that 57% of Americans believe in ghosts. Some new poll results further this embarrassment.

~The majority of Americans who voted for a GOP candidate believe that President Obama has raised their taxes, when in reality, the President has lowered their taxes over the past two years. Thanks, Rush Limbaugh, for spreading this lie.

~Over half of the newly elected Congresspersons do not believe in global warming. These are affluent, well-educated and informed human ‘beans’ who do not believe in a phenomena that is scientifically confirmed. Every expert on the planet now subscribes to this fact. Yet, over half of the new Congress will think it a hoax. (Refer again, if you will, to that very telling 57% from the top of this section)

~Nearly one-fifth of Americans believe President Barack Obama is a Muslim. Get your head out of your posterior, Jethro; he isn’t, and even if he were, this is the US. We separate our church and state, or, at least we try to keep the Christian right from changing that.

~In a related number, two out of five Americans think teachers should be able to lead prayers in classrooms, in spite of the aforementioned separation of church and state. They have no problem letting Billy pray to their own god in school, but what if they prayed to a Muslim or Jewish god? Oh, then they pissed.

~Perhaps the most damning indictment of the Fall of American Power is that, in 2002 (not 1802, but 2002)  20% of Americans believed the sun rotated around the earth.

The Copernican Heliocentric Model, from the
16th century…Just in case you were in that 20%.

The Westboro Baptist Church, now infamous around the nation for travelling to areas and spouting their version of the gospel, will be on the grounds of East Lansing High School. The group is a strict Christian sect (people get so uncomfortable when their religion is called a sect) that has vocally advocated a burning hatred for gays, blacks, Mexicans, professional women and, in their own words here, “unnecessary equality”. Because apparently at some point equality is just too much. The church followers will protest gays and blacks in East Lansing; the group drove an hour and a half to protest other people in a different town. This is a group that thrives on hate; as The Lansing State Journal says, “Hate is their religion.” The Evil Bastards protesting in East Lansing today are a part of the same group that have gained notoriety by protesting at the funerals of slain servicemen and women. Here’s a good article on a town that fought back. 

Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it. Tune into the Best Evening of Television Around, NBC starting at 8. Have a great Thursday, and check out Foxy Friday tomorrow morning.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Exorcism, Four Loko Fallout and No Tainted Spanish Meat….

Usually, the sentence “I don’t want to insult religion” is followed by a derogatory and inflammatory comment that insults religion. I’ll skip that (but see how I didn’t really skip that?). A recent article in THE New York Times (I have been told the capitalize the ‘T’, so I’m going to take that a step further) stated that, for Catholics, interest in the practice in of exorcism has risen. While only a few priests in the US are trained (or, more accurately, '”trained”) in the exorcism arts, they are being overwhelmed by calls and pleas from believers who think they are being possessed by the Devil. Exorcism is as old as the Christian religion itself; it is cited as one of the proofs of Jesus’ divinity, with stories of the Son of Man casting out demons from those stricken with disease or madness. Exorcism is even present in the guiding text of the Catholic faith (no, not the Bible, silly) the catechism, so to say it is an integral part of the Catholic religion is no exaggeration. In fact, the Bohunk believes the Vatican, mired in rumor and guilt over its sexual abuse cases, might even be stressing this aspect of the religion to show how it differs from more secular institutions, the point of it stating, “We are don’t mess with little boys, we deal with angels and demons.” One supposes that it matters not what one thinks; only what one fears. Faith is a powerful force against reason. This emphasis on exorcism is really unsurprising when you consider that 57% of grown US citizens believe in ghosts. Also not hard to see why we know have a Republican House of Reps….

“Be gone, ye tool of Satan…Seriously, Ted Nugent, leave”

If the power of Christ didn’t compel you thus far, this should: Experts in Afghanistan warn that the planned withdrawal of NATO troops in 2014 could result in '”eye-watering” violence. Architects of the proposed plan admit that the transition could be messy, and that pockets of “residual insurgency” (the REALLY pissed off folks) could continue for many years after foreign armies punch their ticket home. Just as the violence in Iraq has not abated with a lessened US presence, so will the Afghan turmoil persist long after we “Bring Our Boys Home”.

In base ball, (I tend to use its original spelling) the NL Cy Young went to Roy “Doc” Halladay. The Phillies ace won the award unanimously after a stellar season in which he tossed both a perfect game and a no-hitter. And that just may be the last baseball mention until next August….

In the ongoing Case of Alberto Contador and the Tainted Spanish Meat, authorities have found not even a little shred of evidence to support El Pistolero’s story that his positive test in the Tour de France was a result of ingesting tainted Spanish meat. WADA (World Anti-Doping Agency) tested and probed into the Spanish meat industry to find any cases of contamination from the drug clenbuterol, the drug Contador was found to have in his system during the last rest day of this past Tour de France. Alberto also was found to have trace levels of plasticizers in his blood, which could and, now almost certainly, indicate illegal blood transfusions. If convicted of treachery, and doping, Contador would serve a two year ban and be stripped of his TdF title, becoming the second to sully the name of cycling’s biggest prize after American Floyd Landis’ positive test in 2006.

Say it ain’t so, Alberto. And also, say you’ll give my your wheels…

On this very date in 1869, well, you already know what happened…No? Really? Not off the top of your head? The Suez Canal opened! That is all.

As evidence that the World Is Going To Hell Via A Hand-basket, I submit the following article. A Connecticut man convicted of manslaughter is suing the aggrieved parents of the 14 year old boy he struck and killed while cruising along at over 80 mph in a 45 mph zone. The Bohunk puts forth the following solution; put the bastard on a ten speed and, should he be able to evade the child’s parents armed with a car speeding at 80 mph on the open road, let him walk. However, in no case should his argument be heard in court.

After Michigan and other states passed bans of the popular caffeine and alcohol drink Four Loko, its manufacturers have announced plans to remove the caffeine, citing its commitment to “leaving in the good shit” to make the drink legal. Phusion Projects, Four Lokos’ owner, made the move after being handicapped by, you know, “regulations”. As covered in a previous Update (weeks before Grand Valley State’s newspaper, The Lanthorn, wrote about it) the drink combines a stimulant and depressant, which makes the consumer of the drinnk less aware of their intoxication. One side effect is that drunks are more willing to drive, though they are equally impaired as a person who drank scotch, whiskey or any other source of a-a-a-a-alcohol. Were you one of the sorority girls pissed by the pending ban? Watch this video, and learn a lesson. 

Thanks for reading, enjoy Modern Family tonight at 9 eastern on ABC. Two more days till the weekend, continue to work for it.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

The Beatles, A Lobbyist, Todd Wells and a Curious Chaser….

While watching the Egg Salad vs. Native American game on Monday Night, I took my eyes, carelessly, from the screen for 5 minutes and 34 seconds. When these eyes returned, the Egg Salads were winning by 14 points (2 TDs) and were frolicking into the red zone a la Jerome Harrison just moments later. At that point, I said “Game Over” because I tend to like make such predictions when a team is up by 3 TDs. It’s safer that way. Mike Vick, who commentator Ron Jaworski called, (and I’m serious) “dazzling”, does look pretty darn good, especially juxtaposed with Donovan McNabb, he is godawful- what? The ‘Skins just gave him $78 million over 5 years? Seriously? I’d take the guy who was in prison a few years ago…

As a huge Beatles fan, I am happy and relieved to say that Apple will now carry the full catalog of The Greatest Band In The History Of Man, possible as soon as you read this post. The Beatles have consistently been slow to move to new media; they didn’t have any of their albums available on CD until 1987, almost 6 years after the CD became the more popular format. Almost 39 years after the Beatles broke up (Damn you, Yoko) they still were the third best selling group in the US last year, selling 3.3 million copies of various albums and collections. Some other bands, such as AC/DC, Kid Rock and the great Bob Seger have yet to allow Apple have access to their work for sale on iTunes.

The Bohunk has had a Beatles sticker on my car since I was 17.

Bohunk Hall of Famer and “hardass” (my words) Todd Wells is a two time US champ in addition to being a very cool, down-to-earth guy. For these reasons and more, I am hesitant to post this next clip. At the U.S. Grand Prix of Cyclocross in Fort Collins, Colorado, Hot Todd took a tough spill bunny-hopping a barrier. For those not familiar with the sport, most mortals (like this guy ‘me’) can barely human-hop over barriers; only the pros can pull off this move consistently. This was the only race in Todd’s career that he did not finish, and the Bohunk wishes that it remains just that.

Hot Todd Wells’ Bunny Hop: Heal up, Todd. The world needs savin’…

In Michigan politics, Rick “The Nerd” Snyder is changing the way Lansing does business. The former Gateway boss (before the jobs went to China) is doing away with allowing lobbyists to linger around the capital, influencing and essentially buying bills and laws in the State. No, he is appointing them to his staff. This gets cuts down on interference, gives them easier access to state and gubernatorial assets and ensures their invitation to the parties and barbeques. Snyder appointed long-time lobbyist Dennis “I’ll buy Lansing” Muchmore (that really is his last name) as chief of staff yesterday. Muchmore hasn’t worked in a public office since being a Macomb county staffer in the 1970’s. Welcome to Lansing, Mr. Lobbyist!

There is nothing more magical than birth, especially when no one has seen it happen before. Beginning in 1979, astronomers found evidence of a massive explosion of a start believed to be 50 times the mass of our sun. The star, which is 50 million light years away, is thought to have gone super nova and begun to form a black hole-the strange, collapsing celestial entity and an infinite density. Never before have scientists been able to date the beginning of such a process and watch as the black hole develops, ages and, in a few million years, wither away. It is a huge step in understanding how rapidly the universe changes. As I might have said before; we don’t know everything, we know almost nothing. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.

On a rare personal note, I would like to contribute a strange event, witnessed live by the Bohunk just yesterday. While riding my bike, I was passed by the unlikely of creatures. I was making my way (at 15-17 mph, mind you) up a gradual hill just off of Wilson Ave. near Grand Rapids. I saw to my right a large, spacious and immaculately green lawn, perfectly manicured and almost plaited, so picturesque was this landscape. I noted an Invisible Fence flag in the corner of the yard, but seeing no dog, was unconcerned. Out of nowhere, a cat (yes, it’s a cat story) came flying out of nowhere, chasing me along the Invisible Fence. I am not an animal expert, but I did not think a cat was capable of running 15 mph, and it also gave my eye brows a good raisin’ to be chased by a feline. It stopped, the magnificent orange tabby-bastard, just at the flag, so it had obviously done some probing. Anyway, the Bohunk would just like you to be aware of this threat to cyclists.

Thanks for reading, don’t worry, no cats stories next time, and the Bohunk apologizes for it. Enjoy anything but Glee, and read the Update tomorrow.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Murder Most Foul, Hall of Fame, and NFL Stuff….

Welcome to the Week before Thanksgiving, where many a teenage girl begins to starve herself before the gluttonous bounty that is Turkey Day itself….

A quick gesticulation to the –> right of your screen to bring your attention to the All-New Flying Bohunk Hall of Fame, chronicling famous folk who have made a visit to the blog since its meteoric rise to mediocrity. Illustrious names like Ted King, Todd Wells and Heather Irmiger grace the Hall, and the Bohunk will be bothering other Big Names to add to those ranks.

The fan favorite herself, Heather Irmiger. Note the number of riders
behind her….All of them. New HoF inductee.

The Detroit Lions lost to the heretofore winless Buffalo Ballcap Brims in a close but ugly, ugly football contest. The unsightly 12-14 score was indicative of the game itself. Detroit offered up 11 penalties to Ryan “I Graduate From Harvard, Pip, Pip” Fitzpatrick and the now 1-7 Bills. Fitzpatrick, an undrafted free agent who is now, statistically, one of the top ten quarterbacks in the league is this year’s Bohunk Breakout Player of the First Portion of the Season.

“A true Harvard chap will celebrate all wins by
investing in a long term CD and uttering a rousing,
’Pip, pip.’”

The Cowboys (not, mind you, cow-gentlemen) beat the New York Football Players Of Large Stature. They are now 2-7, but, as the head coach would point out, 1-0 under their new head coach, Jason Garrett. The Pokes overcame some ugly penalties and took advantage of Eli Manning’s distracted play (thinking about Oreos) to return a TD 101 yards off an interception. A good record for the remainder of the season might just allow the Red-Headed Garrett keep the job into next year, especially if a prolonged negotiation takes place as a new labor deal is discussed for the NFL.

In not-officially-paid-football, Auburn, Oregon, My Oregon and Boise State frolicked amongst the tulips, pushing aside some competition to remain undefeated. The truly interesting team at this point of the season is LSU; should the Purple Tigers (as I call them) win out, they just might have enough points to jump over either Boise or TCU to get into a BCS game. If that should happen, it would offer Boise and TCU opportunities to beat teams from automatic qualifier conferences and prove a point the Bohunk has repeatedly hammered into critics; if these non-automatic qualifier teams aren’t really any good, then why not let them play the Big Boys? The BCS has conveniently matched up the non-automatic qualifiers whenever possible since Boise upset Oklahoma in 2007. In the immortal words of Bobby Z., “I ain’t sayin’ nothin’, I’m just sayin’.”

Sad news from Haiti; the recent outbreak of cholera, which has since spread and thousands in the beleaguered nation, has claimed over 900 lives. Of the nation’s 10 provinces, 6 have confirmed deaths from cholera. Estimates place the number of people hospitalized at 14,000 since the outbreak began last month. The UN is now asking for $164 million to combat the disease. 121 people have died of cholera since Friday.

In technological news, Facebook has vowed to create a “Gmail-killer” with its new integrated email service. Reports of Facebook’s plan to create an email service have long been rumored though more concrete indications of the move surfaced last week. The Bohunk was going to include it, but, I was checking my Facebook. The company already has roughly 500 millions members (only 800 of which are are my friends (makes sad face and slumps shoulders)) that would be quick to adopt the new service. Quote from Gmail, Yahoo! and Hotmail: “Bring it on, bitches.”

Scientists from around the globe are exhuming the grave of famed astronomer Tycho Brahe, a Danish gentleman born in 1546 and who died in 1601 under mysterious circumstances. After a 1901 exhumation, scientists back then thought he died of a bladder infection; now, in a much cooler theory, some believe Brahe had abnormally and even lethal amounts of mercury in his blood system at the time of his death, leading some to believe he died of murder…murder most foul. Brahe died while in the Motherland (Prague, in what is now Czech Republic but has been and always will be the land of my people) at the invitation of Holy Roman Emperor Rudolph II after the Brahe’s dispute with the Danish king. Brahe is credited with collected the most accurate data of celestial bodies of any person in his lifetime

**Bonus Fact: Brahe was in a duel at some point in his life. The sword of a fellow nobleman reportedly cut off the end of his nose, which was replaced by a piece of metal. Scientists are hoping to find this piece of metal to determine what it was made of and if it could have been a reason for Brahe’s elevated mercury levels. 

Thanks for reading, hope you had an excellent weekend. Enjoy Monday Night Football this evening, Washington Native Americans against the Philadelphia “Boos When A Player Might Be Paralyzed” Eagles….Haven’t forgot about you, Colts WR Austin Collie… Stay strong, brother…