Foxy Friday, Awesome Evolution, Acid and Cells…

It’s Foxy Friday, your favorite day of the week and, I assure you, mine as well. The week is done, you’re still giggling like an drunkard over NBC’s hit Thursday night line-up, and you know there will be a scantily clad but admirable woman nestled on some lucky spot on this page. Get started, and don’t worry, she’s in here somewhere…

Like it or not, we are as certain of evolution in the scientific community as we are of any ‘fact’ you may mention. The scientific method would allow that nothing can be absolutely certain because there is always some fact lagging behind to, potentially, if not foreseeably, falsify it. And this rule goes back billions of years, though we need not venture so far. New research shows that the tyrannosaurus rex gradually evolved from a pint size, adorable little meat-eater called Eodromaeus. It was just four feet long and no more than 15 pounds, but laid a foundation of survival for many branches of later dinos, including the T-Rex everyone imagines. The Eodromaeus was thought also to resemble the raptor, but it evolved from a different very small, four foot long creature as well. Scientists are now leaning toward the theory that all dinosaurs emerged from a species of that size and build and eventually branched off to hundreds and even thousands of species over hundreds of millions of years. And they had enough time; remember, dinosaurs lived for well over a hundred million years while we have only just joined the party, just about 20,000 years ago. If we survive our wars and environmental failures, who knows, we could develop into myriad new potential forms. We could live for a few hundred years, and women could look attractive well into their 100s…Well, we can only hope, for our children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s…..children’s children’s children’s sake….

“Cool, a T-Rex!” said the third grader. And the Bohunk.

It is a match up fans and TV execs are drooling over; Chicago Bears against the Green Bay Packers (imagine Chris Berman’s voice on that one) the oldest rivalry in professional football and undoubtedly the most organic, natural and raw. Unfortunately, both squads have to defeat another foe first; the Green Bowl Packers take on the Hotlanta Dirty Birds Saturday night, in prime time and in the Georgia Dome where Matt Ryan has only lost twice. Ever. A word of warning against the Pack; never doubt a man with two first names. Matt Ryan, a Pro Bowl pick over Green Bay’s Aaron Rodgers despite less gaudy numbers, just wins like Cris Carter used to just catch touchdowns. The Falcons just barely beat the Pack earlier this season, though it was touch and go throughout and the Bohunk was quite convinced Le Bay Verre should have won. Da Bears play the Seattle Seahawks, but that shouldn’t be hard, right? Ask Drew Brees and last year’s Super Bowl Hoisters, who were felled like a white pine just a week ago by the “bad” Seabirds who “shouldn’t be in the playoffs”…They are in, folks, and they won. Some expect a huge let down after overcoming the Martyrs last week, but the Bohunk would advise caution to Jay Cutti (Jay Cutler) and Da Bears; as crooked as Pete Carroll was at USC, imagine what malicious, foul evils he has conjured in the professional ranks. The Bohunk will take Bears over Seahawks, however, because I want to see the NFC North showdown in a week’s time. So, I’ll take Packer over Dirty Birds, Flying Elvii over jets (not capitalizing their nickname anymore; to Rex Ryan, “Yeah, it’s personal.” And the Ravens over the Steelers, because Big Ben is a Huge Ass…

Matt Ryan: Beware a man with two first names.

Time for the Fox of the Week, presented by (Somebody Pay Me For This). This week, the Bohunk presents very, very Danish tennis star Caroline Wozniacki. Caroline is the world #1 and has won twelve WTA singles titles. She comes from good stock; her mother was an Olympic volleyballer and her dad was a professional soccer player. Her parents moved to Denmark when her father, Piotr, signed with a Danish soccer squad, leaving their homeland of Poland. Caroline just began her 2011 season in a series of exhibition matches in Thailand. Go, Caroline, for thou doth have the world in love-love (two points for the easy tennis pun).

The Bohunk would like to congratulate Caroline, but, alas, I don’t speak Danish.

In the social networking world, former giant MySpace is looking to sell out, should the right offer come along. And that offer would be any offer, or so it appears. Owner Mike Jones (who?) says he is ready to part ways with MySpace, the original social networking giant to find widespread popularity before Facebook took over among people from pimply pre-teens to octogenarians. Just this week, MySpace dumped over 500 of its staff, roughly 47% of its employees. No serious offers are in place (one person offered $100, and, supposedly, has not yet been turned down) but the company will change hands soon, but for what price, we can only guess. If you pool your money with some friends, hey, maybe you could buy it! And then forget to check it because you were on Twitter and Facebook…

A massive barge carrying tons of sulfuric acid sunk in the busy Rhine river today in Germany. 2,400 tons of acid are in the river though still contained in the locked and sealed bays of the barge. Two of the crew, a German and a fellow Bohunk are missing, though authorities still have hope of locating the two men who may have been swept downstream. The barge may have struck the rocky bottom of the river, though no official version of the sinking has been proposed by authorities. The Bohunk points out that having 2,400 tons of sulfuric acid in the river, though not devastating, is probably not a safe idea. This opinion will no doubt create some immediate and sweeping response by authorities.

A quick plug for an outstanding book, The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot. It is the story of the famous HeLa cells, integral in numerous medical breakthroughs from cancer to AIDs, and the woman they belong to. Skloot takes us through the life and death of Henrietta Lacks, the woman responsible for the most prolific ‘immortal’ cells in history. From her humble beginnings, her childhood and adult life, we see the woman that gave science one of the most important gifts in the history of mankind. But Skloot shows us that Henrietta hardly knew what she gave, let alone what her treatment consisted over. Her family gained no financial compensation though Henrietta’s cells sold for $25-50 a vial. Skloot is an great writer and an honest participate in a story that is still unfolding. If you’d like to pick it up, check out Barnes and Noble here.

Thanks for reading, folks! The Bohunk will repost the week’s Top Post tomorrow and return Monday morning refreshed and invigorated. Enjoy the football, and read a book, too.

Thanks for all who supported and helped the BoScoots this week when she really need it. A sad tribute to the Bohunk’s trusted sedan, Stratty, a.k.a Stratina, Monday morning…

Denard Robinson: Transfer?, Mudslides, and Mormons…

Welcome to Thursday, and folks, it’s all down hill from here…Let’s just get started…

In the thundering emptiness that once was the Metropolis of Detroit, a serial rapist runs rampant (two points for alliteration) stalking women and forcing them at gunpoint into his car, taking them elsewhere to rape them. The targeted women are usually walking alone late and night or early in the morning when they are accosted, easy prey for sick SOBs like this guy. Some women were actually driving when the man stopped them at gunpoint and demanded they get out of their vehicle or be shot. Police have declined to announce how many women have come forward but the number is substantial enough to warrant a concentrated effort by the Detroit police (who usual lack effort of any kind, especially the concentrated sort) to find the man. Witnesses say he is late thirties, African-American and very thin with a mustache. So, for your safety, don’t walk around Detroit. Period.

Authorities compiled this sketch of the man. Looks a lot like
Antonio Cromartie, if you ask me….

Massive floods and mudslides claimed at least 270 people in Brazil yesterday after torrential rains and over flowing rivers and streams caused massive chucks of earth to dislodge from mountainsides. Over 250 were killed outside of Rio de Janeiro and 13 more outside of Sao Paolo. As much rain as Brazil averages in a month fell in just twenty four hours, breaking apart hills and over flowing the banks of nearly every body of water in the region. At least 60 are still missing, and the death toll is continuing to rise. Rescuers are focusing on locating and helping stranded survivors in the region before any attempt at retrieving bodies is attempted. Your thoughts are appreciated, and much more on this as news spreads. Same goes for the Australians suffering under floods around Brisbane, where many are dead and rescuers are still trying to locate the roughly 90 or so people still unaccounted for in the region….

Riots and protests (the Bohunk includes both, for it depends on your viewpoint; I prefer protests cause I prefer freedom) are raging in Tunisia, especially in the uninspired-named capital of Tunis. Lopping off the last part of your country’s name to name the capital is just lazy. Maybe that is why, in some small part, thousands are protesting against the Arab government in the country, similar to the protests in Sudan. Even the US is critical of the lack of freedom found in Tunisia, a very rare critique of the Arab-yet-pro-America government. It said that its attempted control of media, especially the Internet, endangers the freedoms of its citizens and the benefits of the Internet as a whole. Tunisian protesters have layered Tunis with spray painted “Freedom From 404”, a tagline playing on the 404, File Not Found response triggered by blocked or restricted sites. Bloggers and Internet journalists are piling on the Freedom Freeway, railing against the Tunisian government and have reposted images and videos from the protests, including the bodies of men shot and killed during protests just this very morning. Freedom, my friends, is not free; we need to hold it at all costs. More power to the Tunisian people, and we can only hope that they can find a more peaceful way of gaining their freedom of speech and expression…

Here are some depressing headlines I would include in the Update, but have chosen not to in order to prevent depression:

~Train shooting adds to Christian fears in Egypt
~Flood affects 1 million in Sri Lanka
~Mexico’s Grim Toll of Death In Drug War Hits New High

If you like the Mormons, and I know you don’t, today is the day they really got it started. In the wake of the Panic of 1837, Joseph Smith, yes, that Joseph Smith, led his little band of Latter Day Saints out of Ohio…fleeing from arrest. Smith claimed in 1823 that an angel visited him and told he was a prophet. In 1827, he happened upon some gold tablets (way cooler than Moses’ stone tablets, but not as cool as the Android Tablets) which he claimed was a new gospel. He released 5,000 copies of “The Book of Mormon”, outraging nearly everyone. Americans, historical easy to fool in religious matters (yep, looking right at you, Ghost of Billy Graham) and many flocked to the radical new make-believe story. After being driven out of New York, Ohio and Missouri, the Mormons ended up in Utah, though after Joseph Smith’s death. For an excellent look at the sheer balls of the man Smith, and of the incredible and literally unbelievable tale of the origin of a still thriving religion, check out Jon Krakauer’s “Under The Banner of Heaven”.

Denard Robinson takes flight; hopefully, he doth not fly too close to the sun…of Florida.

Quite quickly, the Bohunk’s Most Exciting Person of College Football, Denard Robinson, appears to be returning to the University of Michigan after his coach, Rich Rodriguez, was fired and then replaced by San Diego State coach Brady Hoke. Some speculated that the extremely gifted athlete would bolt to either Florida of the University of Central Florida if Rodriguez was fired, but the Dreadlocked Dodger says he would much prefer to stay in Ann Arbor. The new offensive coordinator, Al Borges, is reportedly very capable of adapting a spread offense to fit Robinson’s skillset, and that a meeting this morning between Robinson and Hoke would go a long way in determining Robinson’s future. The Bohunk thought RichRod should have been given one more year on the condition that he fired everyone even remotely related to the defensive side of the ball. Michigan’s defense, as the Bohonk has carefully and repeatedly noted, was just inconvenient to opposing offenses. They made scoring easy, and teams like Mississippi State hardly broke a bead while gallivanting up and down the field. But with Hoke, Michigan faces another 3 years of adjustment and tough times. And now, they have to play Nebraska….

A future Christmas celebration in Wisconsin…But remember, this
would be a bad thing environmentally…Don’t start trying to raise
the world’s temperature.

You should care about the environment. It is all around you and those you care about, and driving your Escalade to the river to dump out your used oil is no way to treat the most enveloping aspect of the nature world; again, it is all around all of us. Those who don’t believe in global warming, or, as it is more commonly and accurately known now, climate change, are flatly ignorant. And despite our knowledge of its effects, causes and potential consequences, the Global Community (that’s all of us, man) have failed to make any significant commitment to the future of our only planet. 2010 was the warmest year on record at 58.12 degrees on average, which is 1.12 degrees above the established average of the twentieth century. The idiot (or Republican) out there will say, “Yes, but that is but one degree! I shall retain my 12-cylinder Lamborghini!” The Bohunk will point out that, a few hundred years ago, the planet’s average temperature rose one degree after massive amounts of volcanic ash caused widespread greenhouse gases and heat retention. The result? It reversed a millions-of-years-old ice age, melting most glaciers, even one in North America that stretched from Hudson’s Bay in Canada, west to the Rockies, east to New York and south to Iowa…and was three miles thick. The world, as they say, has never been the same. And the change of temperature in that cause took a thousand years, not one hundred, which is essentially the 20th century till today. Can the earth shrug off out impact? Yes, absolutely. But it might shrug us off in the process, even if we survive wars over resources and water. 

Thanks for reading, see you again tomorrow for Foxy Friday, which might just feature the Oregon Ducks’ cheerleaders again, just for fun. Chapeau! 

Telescopes, Foot Fetishes, The Prolific Father, and Haiti

It's Wednesday, the Day of the Hump and Modern Family on ABC. Not the worst day of the week, if you don;t believe its nasty reputation. And it sure beats the piss out of Monday, without question....

A suicide bomber killed four in Afghanistan yesterday when he detonated his explosives just outside the nation's Parliament building. In a separate incident, a bomb killed four NATO soldiers while on patrol. Still three more were killed in a Taliban strike on a security depot near Kabul. The situation in Afghanistan is deteriorating and it will be up to the police and other security forces to respond in the face of rising tension and violence. With the US now firmly departing in the near future, with some units already being called home, the meager and provenly unreliable security forces will be the only defense against these types of attacks. They have little or no history of success, and, in fact, are more noted in Western media for thorough corruption, violence and a repeated reluctance to engage enemy forces. The Bohunk is not a military expert, though I watch a lot of History Channel, so I can predict that those forces are not very reassuring.

If you frequent hobby shops and the like, you may have noticed that telescopes are expensive. Europe, which is an entity with deeper pockets than thou, is showing of the Planck space telescope which has been giving astronomers some dazzling views of deep space that we have never witnessed before. The Planck space telescope has discovered over 15,000 new celestial objects and 30 all-new galaxy clusters. The telescope is 937,000 miles from earth but still orbiting in our atmosphere, scanning the universe and looking through a fog of microwaves that exist in the void. The fog is caused by the constant and impossibly numerous granules spinning around themselves and colliding with others at several billion times a second. These granules collide with themselves, fast moving atoms and particles, and packets of ultraviolet light. Now that we can 'see' (which, remember, we can't; we only see aspects of the waves of a very distant light, and only through a severely limited spectrum) these far and distant places, we can learn very much about our universe and its behavior. Is the universe accelerating in expansion equally in all directions? Might there be, in the far distance, aspects of the universe we have not discovered in our own galaxy? We don't know everything, we know almost nothing. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.

In the on-going case of Contador and the Tainted Spanish Beef, UCI President Pat McQuaid believes that Contador will not be able to resolve his doping issues and to compete in next year's Tour de France. The Spanish Federation regarding sports is handling the case, but even if it comes to a conclusion by the end of the month, an appeal by Contador or the UCI would drag the case on for even more time, almost certainly more than the few months left before the big race in July. While under suspension, Contador cannot participate in cycling events, making it nearly impossible to mimic race conditions and fitness. Frankly, the Pint-sized Pistolero from Pinto will not be involved in racing this season, and it will be very interesting, and no doubt a testament to his character, to see if he fulfills his vow to quit if he is found guilty. McQuaid believes his absence will fuel other riders to vie for the top step in Paris. The Bohunk says the Schlecks are going to extremely powerful, but do not count out Cadel Evans, one of my favorite riders and a man coming off a terrific and gritty 2010. Denis Menchov and Carlos Sastre from Geox could also be dangerous, especially in this climber's course.

Those New York Jets sure can talk, talk, talk. From "Hard Knocks" to the Spanish reporter incident to Rex Ryan foot fetish videos, they are rarely closed-mouth. Reporters pointed out that, while the Patriots routed the Jets 45-3, the Flying Elvii quarterback gesticulated toward the Jets' sidelines, seemingly taunting them. Jets cornerback Antonio Cromartie said that Brady "can't throw the ball" if he "beat(s) the s@#$ out of his receivers" a charge that is both accurate but, unfortunately, assault, not football. He must not have discovered such a tactic in their last meeting, as he gave up numerous chunks of yards and touchdowns. Cromartie was not hot last weekend against the Young Horses, giving up massive touchdowns to Pierre Garcon and looking, at times, quite bewildered. As a testament to his personality, note, my dear reader, that Cromartie has nine children with eight women in six different states. He also been named in five paternity suits in just the past two years, so it is entirely possible he has more kids. He famously, or infamously, failed to remember his kids' names in an episode of "Hard Knock" and, during that same time, received a $500,000 advance from the Jets to pay outstanding child support payments. As if I would doubt the Best Team In The NFL, I also needed no more reason to root against the Jets. On, ye Flying Elvii, and take that rounded orb across the plane of the End Zone!

The Haitian earthquake happened exactly one year ago today. Less than 5% of the country has been repaired, and no person escaped the event without the loss of a loved one. Over 250,000 people died when a 7.0 sized earthquake struck at 4.53 local time. Today, at that hour, the nation will observe a moment of silence for those lost and many will attend church services to honor the dead and to observe the plight of the 800,000 people still in temporary, make-shift shelters and camps. Former President Bill Clinton will be in the capital Port-au-Prince attending a church service and looking at reconstruction crews and Red Cross work around the capital. If you have a moment, think of the disaster and those affected by it.

That will have to be it for the Bohunk, as I am quite busy nursing my beloved after her car accident. Thanks for reading, everyone, and come on back tomorrow for more news and snide comments.

Oregon, My Oregon, Cheer-Babe Special and An Aged Red Wine…

It’s 1/11/11 today, and I have no doubt that I was the one thousandth person to point that out to you today. Tell other people, as many as you can, even make it your Facebook status; we don’t want people to live uninformed that today is, in fact, 1/11/11. Moving on…

It was the BCS National Championship game, and though it pains the Bohunk’s very soul and beating heart, we shall discuss portions. The Auburn Tigers, led by dubious Cam “So Paid” Newton beat Oregon, My Oregon 22-19. Two amazing, prolific offenses and few points; don’t be surprised, these defenses had a month to prepare for the power of Auburn and speed of Oregon. Darren Thomas, the leader and quarterback for the Quack Attack, tossed two interceptions in the first half, an uncharacteristic performance. LeMichael James had just 49 yards rushing to Michael Dyer of Auburn’s 143. Oregon without the run isn’t Oregon; the play action passes didn’t freeze the defense, the zone reads and option plays were attacked without hesitation, and Thomas missed more than a few reads throughout the game. Enjoy all the hype and fame, Auburn, for it shall soon crash down upon you like the hand of God….As I highlight for all Justice Guided Peoples, the only picture I shall post from that terrible evening so close and hurtful in our minds is of the Oregon Amateur Cheer-Babes….

Go Ducks! Go Ducks! Ignore the disaster on the field and just Go Ducks!

While watching the game, the Bohunk could not believe the supporters of Auburn on social media. How, I wondered, could people root for someone they know tried to cheat, and in all likelihood is being paid for partaking in an amateur sport? A friend on Twitter commented “I wonder how much money Cam Newton will get for winning the National Championship?” Even the fact that he tried or is accepting money from Auburn is not enough. That is putting aside is known past; he was caught stealing computers while at the University of Florida, and he removed himself from that institution after being caught cheating in classes. His father shopped him around the SEC schools; to assume Cam Newton didn’t know is naïve and simple. Reggie Bush was guilty of accepting funds, a house and other privileges just a few months back, and he ‘didn’t know’, but he was declared ineligible and the wins taken away. How is Cam Newton’s situation any different? How do we know he did it? Last year, a week after Cam Newton signed to Auburn, his father Cecil Newton was driving a $72,000 Escalade. A week later still, and the pastor (yes, Cam’s dad is a man of the cloth BRIBING people and lying, Go Religion!) had enough funds to pay his local town board to remove the condemned ruling from his church and to begin repairs. Where did the money come from? You, my dear reader, tell me… 

*Bonus photo. I refuse to post another picture of Cam Newton. Go Ducks! Again!

Rare but inspiring good news from Haiti, a very important recurring article in the Update. It has almost exactly a year since an earthquake ripped apart the capital, Port-au-Prince, and only roughly 5% of the rubble that chokes the city’s streets has been removed. Now, before the National Palace, or the Champs de Mars plaza in front of the Palace are repaired, workers are putting the finishing touches on the Marche en Fer is nearly returned to it former glory. The 19th century building was actually constructed in France and intended to serve as a railway station in Cairo, Egypt. For reasons unknown, it landed in Haiti in 1891 and server as “the economic and cultural fulcrum of the city,” according to Irishman Denis O’Brien, a man who has invest millions into the restoration. O’Brien owns a cellphone market that thrived in Haiti, and his money has been used to hire “hundreds of workers, import materials and not flinch too much at cost overruns.” According to The New York Times, O’Brien has even filed his Haitian taxes a year early to help fund humanitarian efforts in the country. All praise and “props”, as the kids would say, to Mr. O’Brien and his efforts on behalf of the Haitian people. It might just get him into the Bohunk Hall of Fame, one day…

Jared L. Loughner, the man who shot and killed six in Tucson last Saturday, will not contest his detainment and forego any bail hearings. He has not made a plea, guilty or innocent, and is now under the counseling of a specialist lawyer, Judy Clarke. Clarke is a capital-defense lawyer who has been successful in getting death penalties reduced to life in prison for some shady characters like Theodore J. Kasczynski, Eric Rudoplh and Susan Smith. (Unabomber, Atlanta Olympics bomber, and drowned her toddlers, respectively) Her motivations for defended this criminals is her loathing of the death penalty, not, she says, only from a political standpoint, but also in her experiences with clients. After the Smith case, she returned to the State of South Carolina all $82,000 they had paid her as a public defendant and returned home, saying that defending life over death was reward enough. Her family tried to instill her with independent thinking, and they together rallied and organized a campaign to unseat Jesse Helms, a Republican Senator in the 1990s. Their actions were sparked by a letter from Helms, one Great Big Asshole, that Judy’s brother Mark had “played Russian roulette in his sexual activity” after Mark died of AIDS at the young age of 31. More on the Loughner case as it comes…

In tech an business news, Verizon is set to unveil the iPhone in their stores this Tuesday. The problem, however, is that a massive percentage of those who would like an iPhone already have them and are under contract with AT&T. In fact, AT&T sold about 15 million iPhones last year, though Verizon will surely sell a few million this year as well. The two are already taking shots at each other, most notably pointing out that Verizon’s iPhones will be markedly slowly because of their data format. Apple is reaping the benefits of the competition, however; shares in the company are up to an all-time high of $342.45. Apple’s market value is estimated at $314 billion, only behind Exxon-Mobil as the US’s richest company. All of that doesn’t matter; people just want to check Facebook compulsively and play “Angry Birds”…Imagine the heartlessness of those pigs stealing the birds’ eggs! I’d launch myself into any wild construction of ice and wood to break those pigs, too!

The world’s oldest vineyard ever was found. As you may have guessed, the Bohunk is a classy, debonair type gent, and has been known to be a discerning wine critic after years of working at a respected vineyard on the beautiful Old Mission Peninsula, Chateau Chantal. (I mostly carried cases of wine from the cellar to the tasting room) So imagine my interest (piqued, imagine it piqued) when scientists claimed to have found a winemaking operation roughly 6,100 years old. This would date the site during the Late Chalcolithic Period, the same age wherein the wheel was invented and the horse was domesticated, some pretty important parts of human history. The wine stuffs were found in a cave in Armenia by American, Armenian and Irish archeologists just this past week. The site had jarred seeds of grapes and other plants which will be studied for their DNA and to determine many aspects of daily ancient life. Botanists even want to plant some and to see if they bud, and what sort of fruit they would produce. Pretty cool, huh?

Thanks for reading folks, more and better effort tomorrow, as always. With any luck, you will find the strength to move on from the Oregon, My Oregon loss…

Rep. Giffords, the Pope’s Pockets, and the Martyrs Lose…

It’s Monday, and for some, the return to higher education, including Yours Truly. Stave off that knowledge that costs you thousands and indulge in some information that cost you nothing…For now.

First, the Bohunk must belatedly cover the tragic shooting in Tuscon. On Saturday, a 22 year old college dropout named Jared Lee Loughner opened fire that wounded 20 people, six of whom would succumb to their injuries at a nearby hospital. The target of the attack was Representative Gabrielle Giffords, a Democratic Congresswomen. Coverage of the shooting was almost instantaneous, with local media already filming when the man walked up and began firing at Rep. Giffords, hitting her in the head and back and point-blank range. Initially reports stated that the bullet went through Giffords’ skull and exited at a high point on her face. Six other victims died later from injuries received while Loughner sprayed bullets wildly. One victim was a nine-year-old boy. Evidence from a search of Loughner’s home included a letter that pointed to an long-planned attack, with Loughner purchasing a semi-automatic Glock on November 30th. Documents found at the site include a letter from the Representative thanking Loughner for his attendance at a 2007 event that Giffords at attended. Loughner also killed US District Judge John M. Roll and Congressional Aide Gabriel Zimmerman. The Bohunk believes in justice, but in the case of Loughner, he may not deserve it. More on this as things unfold….

You have to be Sudanese to vote, but feel free to have a sugar cookie for showing up.

In historic news for Democracy (which is 2-0 after defeating Monarchist and Communists in the 20th century) as Southern Sudanese vote on a measure that would allow for a massive geographic of the country to survive as an independent nation. Thousands of people flooded polling stations before they had even opening, with sights of joy and ‘national’ pride making the mood light and jolly, things the West rarely sees on the beleaguered African continent. Three quarters of the voters cannot read; the choices, secession or unity, were represented by a single and or two hand clasped together, respectively. After decades of civil war, starvation, oppression and pointed displacement, the African south of Sudan sees separation as an escape of Biblical proportions. The Sudanese government, thoroughly Arab and terribly racist, has burned down villages, killed civilians without consequence and even kidnapped thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, of African Sudanese and sold them into slavery in the northern portion of the country. Sudan gained its independence in 1956, but the urge to secede from the north already had roots in the south. If the measure passes, South Sudan will be one of the poorest nations in the world. However, the difficult parts of the split, including dividing revenues from the nation’s oil fields and negotiating the ownership of disputed territories could take months or years. If it means an end to generational genocide and civil war, then all the work is obviously worth it. (Don’t worry, George Clooney and Jimmy Carter are both in the country to help monitor; there’s no way that pair fails)

Pssst…The Seattle Seahawks beat the Saints. Holy crap, you say? Yes, quite; the Martyrs did nothing that resembles their squad that won the Large Dish last season. They ran inconsistently, passed short and dinky-like, and they couldn’t hit the onside kick. The Bohunk admits, I picked the Saints to win, but after seeing them come up short on 4th and 1 relatively early in the first half, doubt crept in like a sinful nun. Pete “Cheerleader” Carroll , who high tailed it out of USC just in time to avoid sanctions and the Reggie Bush scandal (they hugged after the game) led the aged Matt “Laying on My” Hasselback back to the future, looking like the Super Bowl squad that got beat by the Steelers fifteen years ago (seems like a long time, anyway). In the AFC, Peyton Manning drove 80 yards in under 2 minutes to allow Adam Vinateri to kick the game-winner. Unfortunately, Peyton started the drive with almost 3 and a half minutes, giving Mark “Fratboy” Sanchez a minute to counter. Antonio Cromartie, struggling against Pierre Garcon all day, redeemed himself by returning the kick-off to midfield with just under 60 seconds to go. The Colts kicked it deep with under a minute of game clock left….Kick it on the ground! Squib! Squib! And I don’t mean a non-magical member of the wizard community, a la Harry Potter. Knock it twenty yards on a nice slow roll to a fat tackle or linebacker who will be literally defecating in his pantaloons at the prospect of fielding the pigskin. As the ball sailed high, the Bohunk declared to the room, “I’d have squibbed it; I’m a squibber.” Cromartie made the fifty, and Sanchez dinked and dunked into field goal range. Enjoy the cold, ugly winter in America’s Asshole, Indiana. (Sorry Indianians, or whatever you’re called. Hoosiers, maybe?)

Look, Ma, one hand! One game! And we’re out!

And on the second day, the Football Gods gave us the Chefs and the Nevermores. Baltimore’s Flacco, a 1/4 back, played well but unspectacularly (remember Trent Dilfer? No? Same plan; just don’t let the quarterback lose it) to guide the BlackBirds past the Chefs. The Chief’s running back, Lamont Charles, who averaged over six yards per carry  all season, ran for 87 yards in the first half on just seven carries. It was not enough, and the Chefs are out. The Packers beat the Eagles, and are hoping to be the first six seed to win the Super Bowl from the NFC, ever. Sports Illustrated called it, and the Bohunk has them beating the Falcons next week, and then beating Da Bears to get tickets to Dallas. In the AFC, you should know exactly who the Bohunk has winning if you read occasionally. The Best Team In The NFL (that’s the Patriots, wise-ass) will represent the AFC, after schellacking the Jets and then, I predict, the Steelers. Write that down. I’m willing to put tens of dollars on it….

Party like a Rock (that the Church is built on), Party like a Rock, Party like a Rock Star…

In Pope news, Benedict XVI says atheists are the cause for global warming and the generally crappy outlook for the environment. The Pontiff said that,

“If the human creature's relationship with the Creator weakens, matter is reduced to egoistic possession, man becomes the ‘final authority,’ and the objective of existence is reduced to a feverish race to possess the most possible.”

So, if man doesn’t believe in God, politicians and corporations are going to capitalize on the material resources of the earth for economic gain and run amok. Thank God that hasn’t happened yet, my goodness! The Bohunk would like to thank the Vatican for collecting as much money as they can, so businesses and godless corporations like Chase, General Motors, General Electric, and TWA get it all. Oh, what’s that Your Holiest? You own millions of shares in those US companies? And the dioceses of the US alone are worth over $500 million? You are way ahead in this wealth/resource gathering than I thought! The Top Banana in the Tree Upstairs must have tipped you off.

Thanks for reading, more hard-hitting news and heretical statements tomorrow! Enjoy Monda~ Oh crap, there’s no football on….(Just kidding, Go Ducks!)