Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Super Bowl Predictions: Fan Paraphernalia

Do you know why the Bohunk hates elephants? Cause they always steal my schtick. Nobody else is making Super Bowl predictions right now, and the Bohunk was the first person to get it going just a week out from the big game. Which elephant tried to steal my thunder? Jenny the psychic elephant, a hefty female ‘phant who lives in Dallas. At the Zoo. Jenny had to choose between two watermelons, each painted either Green Bay yellow and the Steelers vaunted black. Jenny stomped the Thieves, picking the Pack to take the win.

Frankly, who listens to an elephant? Stick with the Bohunk, who, as you’ll see, relies only on the myriad factors that will ultimately result in domination. Some commentators discuss players, coaches and performance; that stuff has nothing to do with it. Without Cheer-Babes, the victory will come down to a series of criteria I have unearthed. Yesterday, the Facial Hair Input Factor (the first of five factors) gave the Steelers a 7-0 lead. Today, we focus on the fans….

The Steelers’ fans are famous for the waving of the “Terrible Towel”, a tradition that spans back into the late ‘60s and rouses the team to a fever pitch, something that Big Ben’s lawyers have tired to stop; no one needs to see Big Ben ‘roused’. The Towel has been around at every Super Bowl win for Pitt, and this time around, there is no reason to think this lucky charm will be a letdown…However….

Thieves fans root, root, root for the home squad…

Cheeseheads…Wisconsin is still in the late 80s…

It is facing perhaps the most iconic fan paraphernalia item in the history of professional sports. The Cheesehead, a Styrofoam yellow block of good ol’ Wisconson cheddar has led to many intimidators around the league and, indeed, the world of sports at large. The Packers are the symbol of Wisconsin, although almost on par with cheese. Nothing is more important to the state than the Packers, and to their plus-sized fans, nothing is more important than cheese. This round has to go to the Cheesehead and the Packers. So, with three days left, the Packers and Steelers are dead even at 7-7. Tomorrow, we look at the third factor in the Formula, we will decide who has the better uniforms; cause if you look good, you play good, but if you loo great, you win championships. 


  1. i no ur a fan of tmq but hes a joke. if he were a real contributor, then espn wouldn't put him on page 2. his points are a stretch that require a certain suspension of disbelief and many of his statistics are merely common sense.

  2. Hey, I'd put him right on the main site of ESPN. You'd have to read his article to GET to the site, if it were up to me. But its not (it should be)...I would remind you that you hold no obligation to read his column, though it can never hurt to learn some of the things mentioned in it. If you'd like to read some Easterbrook in his natural habitat, I would recommend "Sonic Boom" his book. Who would you advise my tens of readers to check out instead of Gregg?