Monday, January 31, 2011

Predicting the Super Bowl: Day One

We are coming quickly upon the Super Bowl this Sunday, and with neither team having Cheer-Babes, the Bohunk has no way of predicting a winner. Your Truly is (probably) undefeated at predicting foot ball contests by judging the tastelessness of Cheer-Babe uniforms (tasteless always wins) and their professionalism. Neither the Packers or the Steelers have Cheer-Babes, but for differing reasons. Green Bay could not convince women to grace the Frozen Tundra scantily clad, and Pittsburg couldn’t find any to be within 10 miles of Ben Roethislberger wearing little more than nothing. So, on the first day of of the week-or-so-long pitting of each team’s strengths and weaknesses as deemed by the Bohunk, I submit for your consideration, The Bohunk Large Vessel Prediction Formula (patent pending)

Input value #1: Facial Hair

Nothing says, “We Are The Champions” like a little man beard, just ask Freddie Mercury. Now that guy was a man. Sorry Cheese Craniums, this one isn’t even close. Big “Rapist” Ben Roethlisberger has been rocking the thickest, dreamiest, creepiest beard in the NFL for the better part of a month now. Each win (one per day) equates roughly to one touchdown, so as of Monday, the Super Bowl is 7-0 Thieves over Packers…

Come on back tomorrow for the second installment, Fan Paraphernalia, pitting the Packer Cheesehead against the Steeler Terrible Towel….

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