Thursday, December 23, 2010

Foxes, Bush, Mbagbo and Two Immaculate Occasions…

Never before and most certainly never again shall we rise and face this day…Please behave accordingly.

Violence in the Ivory Coast has killed as many as 200 people. The country is in the midst of a violent and bloody disputed presidential election, where ex-President Mbagbo is refusing all calls and pressures to relinquish the office he lost in last months election. Mbagbo has been in office for ten years, and only holding election twice in the past six. Reports of kidnappings, torture and beatings have prompted France to urge all of its citizens to leave the country, while US representatives are trying to cajole the UN into taking some security measures to protect the innocent. More on this as it develops…

A car crashed onto ex-President George W. Bush’s front lawn. A single car was forced off the road and bounced onto the property of DubYah, causing security agents to overreact and surround the vehicle. It did not come close to the home, nor is any damage being reported, but the security officer in charge was quick to point out the potential danger. The Bohunk is quick to point out the obvious; it was just bad luck. The poor bastard driving the car, however, is being detained by the Secret Service. Happy Holidays, bub.

In amateur football news, the Boise State Broncos defeated the Utah Utes 26-3 in the best match-up of the first week of this very merry bowl season. What a disappointing bowl for Boise, however; until November 26th, when they lost on not one but two missed field goals against Nevada, they entertained hopes of not just a BCS bowl but a possible national championship. They spent the most of the 2010 season comfortably in third of fourth spot in the Robotic Poll, hoping for either Auburn or Oregon to slip up. That, of course, never happened, and it was the Broncos who fell. They went from a multi-million dollar bowl possibility (oh, and the prestige and whatnot) to the MAACO Las Vegas Bowl, a week from Christmas playing against a conference foe. For football enthusiasts, however, getting a match-up between two Top 20 squads three days before Christmas is a tastefully early birthday present.

The game was unspectacular, but the amateur Cheer-Babes looked professional.

In worrying new from Israel and Palestine, the two are continuing their commitment of being total jerks. Israel is celebrating Hanukkah by preparing a ground force to Gaza. Palestinians are reporting a heavier-than-usual prescience of Israeli forces and has confirmed that 2 Palestinians were killed by small arms fire. As is typical, the Israeli government has claimed that any operations undertaken by its military in Gaza is a direct and strong response to rockets being launched into Israel from the location. Just two years ago Israel attacked Gaza, leveling resistance and routing a small, fanatical band of Palestinians who stayed to fight. Roughly 1,400 Palestinians were killed. It also drove thousands from their homes and killed citizens caught in the crossfire. Again, Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukah.

In that shining bastion of hope and democracy in the Middle East, Iraq, church leaders around the nation are cancelling or altering holiday festivals after being threatened. Go FREEDOM! In many churches around Iraq, Christian churches have announced that Christmas Eve masses will not be held, and decorations, especially the uber-Western Santa Claus, will be left in storage. A pastor in Baghdad says that only a small minority of Christian groups are continuing with Christmas Day masses after receiving numerous threats from the extremist Muslim community. This past October a siege at Our Lady of Salvation Catholic Church killed 70 people, most of them Christians. A pastor in the city was quoted as, “When you have lost everything, you have only Jesus left.” Perhaps you can have Jesus in the safety of your own home. As much as the Bohunk dislikes organized religion, it is a shame people are killed for their beliefs, or forced to practice them under constant threat. Here’s a big, “Good luck, you’re gonna need it,” wish to the Christians in Iraq.

Barack Obama has left the building. The current President arrived in Hawaii for the holidays (though many crazy Republicans say he is only pretending to observe Christmas because he is a diabolical Muslim fanatic) to celebrate with family and rest up for the next year, where he will be surrounded and outnumbered by Bible-thumping right wingers. Word on the street is that Obama is very much intent on nothing in Hawaii; he is taking a much needed break after five weeks of lame duck Congressing and signing such landmarks as the START treaty and the repeal of ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’. It was a very tired looking President that arrived in Hawaii last evening, offering only a weary wave as he accepted a lei and crumpled into the awaiting car. He’s going to need the break…He has a long road ahead.

Merry Christmas, creep-middle-aged-women-who-find-Obama-handsome, there will be more photos like this one next week.

DNA from a 30,000 year old finger returned to show researchers that it belonged to neither early man nor Neanderthal. The species, heretofore unknown by scientists, is now referred to as Denisovan. Scientists believe that the Denisovans bred with early humans and that their genetic material is still apparent in the Melanesians, or the populations that inhabit Papa New Guinea. While this still does not present a ‘Missing Link’ that many creationists would like in order to ‘prove’ evolution, it shows that even our own development was a product of many competing species and eventually, the strongest and most efficient merged to create man as we know him today. (As an aside, the creationists who are looking for a ‘link’ won’t find one; the idea that evolution was a series of clean, distinct beings linked together is entirely opposed to the reality of evolution. Many things lived in competition with each other, and a small few survived. No intermediary need exist to connect one to another.)

On this very day in 1972, Franco Harris made the ‘Immaculate Reception’ to defeat the Oakland Raiders and put the Steelers into the AFC Conference. One of the most famous plays in NFL history, it almost didn’t count. The ball was tipped by Raiders safety Jack Tatum, officially, though many claimed it hit Steelers running back Frenchy “Named After A Grease Character” Fuqua. Had the latter been the case, Harris’ catch would have been illegal by the regulations of the day. The old rules stated that no two receivers can touch the ball on the same play; since the ball hit Tatum, Harris was eligible to catch the deflected pass and scoot along into the end zone. The Steelers went onto be roundly trounced by the team of destiny, the perfect undefeated Miami Dolphins. Alas, ye gods….

Tomorrow will be day; the Bohunk will dub the 2010 Fox of the Year. All 2 nominations came flooding in, and the Bohunk will continue to accept nominations until 8 pm tonight, cause I’ll probably be enjoying some football this evening, in addition to replays of the Best Night of Televison on NBC. (Do not, if you have any time to spare, miss the Community Claymation holiday episode. It is stupendous) The current nominees for Fox of the Year include Megan Fox (aptly named) Sienna Miller, Heather Irmiger, Gemma Arterton, and many more. Giada de Laurentiis and Natalie Portman are not eligible, because to include two immaculate angels amongst a bevy of mortal beauties would be unjust for both factions. As a treat, below is a photo of one of them.

Oh Giada, always cooking up something steamy…

Thanks for reading, and enjoy your Thursday. Do not stress yourself in any way over the coming holidays; they shall pass. Remember, you are celebrating family and kindness, not capitalism and social standing. It was the vaginal delivery of an immaculately conceived Messiah to a portion of the world; the rest could not give a rat’s ass. Bohunk out.


  1. Boise State and Utah aren't conference foes. While Boise State is joining the MWC, Utah is jumping ship for the new Pac 12

  2. You are quite right; they played this season as a past of a deal to try and gain points for playing ranked opponents. Who gets the better deal, Utah or Boise, in their new conferences? The Utes get to play USC, UCLA, Oregon, Oregon State, Arizona and Washington, just to name the bowlers...

  3. I would have said it's a draw between the two with maybe a slight nod to the Pac just because of Oregon and USC (once they're off probation), until TCU jumped ship for the Big East. Now it's clearly a better deal for Utah, since they'll have a chance at an automatic qualifier every year and a better chance for an at-large.