Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Brett Favre, Fat Albert, Cyber Warriors and a Panda…

It’s Hump Day, a holiday actually first celebrated after the infamous Mutiny of the mid 1800’s wherein Indian forces rose up against Imperial British soldiers across India, from Peshawar to Mumbai. (Not really…)

A very quick nod to the memory of a very strong woman, Elizabeth Edwards. Edwards, 61, finally lost her battle to breast cancer after a long six-year fight. Her death comes just a day after her family announced that she would stop receiving chemotherapy and other treatments, deciding instead to spend her time at home with her family. Elizabeth was separated from her husband of thirty years, John Edwards, the former Democratic candidate nominee, after it was found that he had had an affair with a filmmaker during his campaign. The couple split in January of last year, with Elizabeth taking responsibility of the couples’ 12 and 10 year old children. Doctors say Elizabeth was never in pain in her last hours, nor did she lose consciousness. She was a strong woman, an entirely amazing mother, and a personality that will be sorely missed.

On February 27, 2009, the Washington Native Americans made Albert Haynesworth the most affluent person employed in professional football. Yesterday, they suspended this same player for the remainder of the season, without pay, after some embarrassing incidents in Sunday’s game against, including telling coaches that he preferred, should they find it feasible, to play only in passing situations, and to take running situations off. This was not going to sit well with Coach Shannahan, so he decided to remove the distraction. Haynesworth will appeal the suspension with the league; should it stand, Fat Albert will lose $847,059 in pay, though, fear not, he has already received roughly $35 million this season. He will be traded in the offseason, or released, with no cost to the Native Americans.

It must have been a passing down…

Hackers around the globe have vowed vengeance on those persecuting WikiLeaks, the online group responsible for numerous releases of sensitive or secret documents. Most recently, as noted last week, WikiLeaks released hundreds of thousands of diplomatic cables, highlighting the negotiations and impressions of diplomats around the globe, and embarrassing most of them. Computer nerds have launched a counterstrike of sorts, hacking MasterCard and freezing much its functions. MasterCard had just announced that it would refuse requests by its cardholders if they tried to donate to WikiLeaks, which is run almost entirely by the contributions of conspiracy nuts like you. According to many reports, the site is essentially paralyzed and employees of the company are refusing to comment.

Favre handing off to AP: An event so rare a computer simulation was needed to
show just what it might look like…

In the Minnesota Hyperboreans’ win against Buffalo Sunday, Brett Favre was knocked out of the game on his first pass attempt, which, the Bohunk notes, was intercepted. Tavaris Jackson stepped on to hand the ball of to Adrian Peterson, the Best Back In Football; Brett Favre does not do this. With the “Ol’ Gunslinger” in the game, coaches call plays that involve the forward pass much more frequently. The job of the coaching staff, and this includes coordinators, is to give the team the chance to win. Having Brett throw a league leading 18 interceptions is not the best way to get the all important ‘W’. Giving the ball to AP, however, is conducive to that end. But Favre, with his injury, will sound a hero in taking the field Sunday, and he will play very mediocrely, and he will get his 297th start. And (write this down) they will lose. As will always happen when the coaches put one player before the entire squad’s best interest.

   And to lose any respectability, I submit the following:


Much credit due to John ‘Chode’ for this little number…

Thanks for reading, much better effort tomorrow, enjoy Modern Family on ABC this evening, and, should you have the time, read a book, too.

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