Tuesday, November 30, 2010

WikiLeaks, Nice Gams, Horned Frogs and Fisticuffs….

Ever thought, nay, suspected that the US government might be a bit shady? Well, feast your eyes upon the following tidbits of ineptitude. As reported yesterday, WikiLeaks, an organization dedicated to releasing secret, classified documents has struck again, this time unearthing roughly 250,000 cables detailing communication between Washington DC and US diplomats around the globe. A main topic is Iran, with ambassadors both foreign and domestic appearing, frankly, stumped. North Korea, that (un)friendly little enigma, also appears to be confusing diplomats, even those who claim to back the nation, like China. The cables concerning North Korea in particular are “long on guesses and short on facts” according the the NY Times.

Oh, so that’s how they plan to take over the world; give some ladies with nice gams
some machine guns. Ingenious.

US and South Korean officials even started hashing out details of what each country would do should the North collapse amid economic and political crises. The US claims that it would enjoy being a “benign” benefactor to the entire peninsula (because now, trillions of dollars in debt and climbing, is a great time to get in the benefactin’ buisness) should South Korea be allowed to claim the entire peninsula. However, other cables suggest that China, North Korea’s big brother with the fancy ever-expanding-economy-that-also-happens-to-hold-the-majority-of-US-debt-a.k.a-our-testicles, would have to be placated, possibly even wanting a nice big chunk of property to house its gigantic population; a billion people; one hair cut. This WikiLeak bust is a massive ordeal for US security but it the Bohunk cannot decide which is worse; that the US is this crooked and sneaky, or that we are so incredibly bad at keeping or crookedness and sneakitude underwraps…

In much less important news, the conference hopping continues with the Horned Frogs (oh, you get it, right, hopping Horned Frogs) of TCU making plans to jump (there is is again) to the Big East starting in 2012. TCU has repeated been ripped off by the BCS because it was a member of a non-automatic qualifier conference, the Mountain West, which resulted in repeated crappy-bowl invitations until last season, when the Frogs were suspiciously paired against fellow non-automatic qualifier Boise State. The Bohunk smelled skunk when the BCS bigwigs announced the match-up that assured neither squad would get a chance at a national title and would knock one of the teams out of the top five. This year, with both teams stuck at 3 and 4 in the BCS poll (before Boise flopped against Nevada), the Bohunk again began to suspect conspiracy. Alas, the BCS got off easy because of the loss, but now must decide whether Oregon, My Oregon is better than Auburn for the top spot. The Bohunk roots for Oregon; you should too.

Students are being held hostage in Wisconsin, or were at the time I hit “Publish” on this baby. Marinette High School, which enrolls roughly 800 students, says that an armed student entered the building and took a classroom, locking the students and the teacher inside. No injuries have been reported, and authorities are trying to wear the gunman down. The Bohunk would like to take the opportunity to remind high school and college students of the importance of enrolling in a campus safety alert system. If something goes down, you get a text message. Very simple, easy, free, and it can safe your life. Also, don’t hold people hostage.

Former President George W. Bush (round here we call him ‘Dubyah’) talked with Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg on Facebook Chat yesterday, discussing his new book “Discussion Points”, an autobiography about Bush’s time in office and chronicling such events as the Iraq War, 9/11 and Hurricane Katrina. Dubya had two answers when queried on why he agreed on the social network: A) He claimed to want to show people his thinking (not much of that) and what it is like to be President. B) He admitted the obvious; “I’m shamelessly shelling some books,” he said, laughing and giggling like an oil tycoon who struck oil years ago and is now a massive part of its utilization and sales, which, as you should know, he is.

Instead of reading “Discussion Points”, the best book ever written with a crayon, why not pick up a copy of Life by Keith Richards. I give this accurate citation because the Bohunk believes it is, in fact, a more honest attempt at truth than Dubya has ever attempted in his life. Life is, perhaps, Richards' late-in-life tell all, recounting his youth, his obsession with Chuck Berry and Muddy Waters, the formation of the Stones and how he wrote some of the most famous guitar rifts in the great and illustrious history of rock’n’roll. Sure to be included are many scenes of wild intoxication and poignant realizations, I’m sure. Only $19.99 at Barnes and Nobles.

Finally, the Bohunk would like to address the fisticuffs engaged in by the Tennessee Flaming Thumbtacks’ Courtland Finnagan and the Houston Cowheads’ Andre Johnson. Late in the fourth quarter the two began brawling like a bad WWE match, throwing fists and ripping off each other’s helmets. Other parties quickly separated the two, but their good names had been sullied enough by the display. Both we ejected; the crowd gave Andre Johnson, the home fighter, a standing ovation as he strutted like a peacock to the dressing room. Embarrassing. But perhaps more disgusting is the NFL’s paltry $25,000 fine to each player. No suspension. Nothing. As you might recall, the Bohunk applauded the $75,000 fine on James Harrison after he repeated helmet to helmet hits. That fine was just denied appeal last night. So Harrison, though an obvious and blatant head hunter, gets $75,000 for violence that is, unexcusable but still, in the spirit of play, and these two get $25,000 for fighting after the whistle? Bad judgment, bad example and bad timing. Mr. Goodell, you are guilty of the Most Stupid Decision of the Year…So Far.

Cortland Finnegan vs. Andre Johnson. Finnegan is a known
instigator…He should know better than to take on a man almost
three times his pay-scale. Both should be suspended 3 games…

Thanks for reading, enjoy your Tuesday and come on back tomorrow. I’m using spell checker again!

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