Monday, and a Monday which brings us unrivalled clarity in the BCS, NFL and even some other aspects of life, which, should you read on, may help you extraordinarily…
In the last big weekend of amateur football, the Auburn Tigers matched up against the South Carolina Gamecocks. The ‘Cocks, led by Darth Visor himself, Sir Steven Spurrier, were obvious underdogs against Cam “So Paid” Newton and Auburn, and unfortunately for Good and Justice, the ‘Cocks played like underdogs. The defense played in fear of Cam Newton, the safeties, at times, lurking far from the line of scrimmage and allowing the dinks and dunks of runs and short passes. Urged and cajoled forward, they then gave up a long TD pass, a long TD run, and were down by three scores going into the fourth quarter. For those who watched on CBS, the cameras were squarely on Newton for the last 15 minutes of play. It was unprofessional, one-sided, and revolting. Commentators spoke of Newton as though some divine bronzen Greek god, capable of anything and the delight of everyone. The camera almost missed plays while zooming in on Newton, who acted like a giddy third grader, even writing his name on a water bottle, dubbing it “Cammy Cam Juice.” First off, that is the stupidest thing ever witnessed since Jersey Shore. Second, the sideline reporter (whom I will leave nameless, because it was the most embarrassing thing her producer has ever made her do) took up the bottle and threw back a swig. She commented that it was a mixture of gatorade and water, but she “didn’t know exactly what was in it.” It’s Gatorade and water. You just said it. Unless Newton has some gin and vodka on the sideline (don’t put it past him) I hardly think it could be a martini. In a month or so, Auburn will probably have won a national championship only to have it taken away, along with all their wins, a Heisman for Newton, and the SEC Championship it won. Mark these very words…
And she thought her old job was the most degrading thing she’d ever put things in her mouth for… Poor form, CBS.
This is going to be embarrassing in a few months…Enjoy it while it
lasts…
In the Big 12, Nebraska turned over the ball 4 times in the first three quarters to politely bow out to rival Oklahoma, giving up a BCS bowl berth and to slink into the Big Ten next season. Up by 17, Taylor Martinez threw an interception in the end zone, and the Bohunk stated “Game Over” to the room at large. Martinez loses all confidence after a turnover; he threw scared and inaccurately for the remainder of the game. The back up, Cody Green, should have entered in the third quarter. The Huskers reliance on the Wild Cat, with Rex Burkhead at the helm, showed only that Martinez was ineffective on his bum ankle, and that his passing was not enough to keep him a threat on the field. A fourth quarter fumble by Burkhead handing off the Roy Helu, Jr. (who fumbled twice in addition to this) sealed the doom. Congrats to the Sooners, who now play TCU in the Fiesta Bowl.
A suicide bomb attack killed 50 and injured upwards on 120 people in a hotly disputed area of Pakistan. The region of Mohmand borders Afghanistan and serves as a hotbed of Taliban activity. Two bombers working in unison attacked a meeting of tribal elders who were working against Taliban influence in the region. Almost 300 people were inside the room as the one of the bombers detonated amongst them; his partner was being checked at the door. The second bomber detonated within seconds of the first explosion. The Mohmand region is one of several hideouts for Al-Qaeda and Taliban insurgents in Pakistan.
The gay marriage ban in California head back to the courts in San Francisco. Proposal 8, which passed on the ballot just over two years ago, was ruled as a violation of rights and has been bouncing around the legal system ever since. It is now up as high as a federal court, with a very likely chance of reaching the Supreme Court in some months, should they elect to hear it. Lower courts have ruled that marriage is a constitutional right and that banning it from any demographic of the American people violates that right. Voters in favor of the ban claim that this attitude neglects real intent of the Constitution and that gay marriage should not be protected. The Bohunk says to this, frankly, bull-feces. Taking away rights to any group is wrong, regardless of what others may (prejudicially) think of that demographic. To say gays cannot marry is no different, from a Constitutional vantage point, than saying woman cannot vote or that African-Americans cannot own land. And from a moral standpoint, it is unfair to ask others to suffer from your beliefs if they do not believe in it. For those saying that the Bible is against homosexuality, great; if that is what you believe, go for it, Bubbba. But if others do not share this belief, do not force it upon them. With any luck, this case will make the Supreme Court, and the ruling against the ban upheld.
The proposed buyout of Barnes and Noble by Borders is gaining steam. Mega-rich hedge fund manager and Slick Rick Bill Ackman says he will pull together the $900 million needed for the Borders, the smaller company of the two, to take control of Barnes and Noble Booksellers. Stocks of both companies soared, both up by roughly 16%. Both have reported losses for three consecutive quarters, though both expect much better business over the holiday season. Why is this important? Because the two combined create the largest book behemoth ever before seen to man; they would control more of the print market than any other seller, and could have a massive influence on the price of books for good or ill. That text book you need? They have it cheaper than the university bookstore. But will they sell it at the competitive price with much less competition? Time will invariably tell….
All this says is your Friday nights are lonely…
Are you, like the Bohunk, still a bit miffed by the unceremonious exit of Pluto from our solar system? I have been nearly sleepless since 2006 when Pluto was official voted out of our very select club, reducing the solar system from nine planets to eight, though it makes pick-up basketball easier, 4 on 4. However, the composition of our Club has changed dramatically. Like the universe and its known composition, our solar system changes frequently. A scientific journal from 1837 claims the existence of 11 planets, while by 1851 fifteen more were added to that total. The Kuiper Belt, the murky recesses where Pluto and these other pseudo-plants orbit, is home to uncountable entities of vastly varied size and composition. According to Mike Brown, author of How I Killed Pluto and Why It Had It Coming, scientists could either include other bodies from this region, get rid of Pluto, or do nothing at all. According to the Bohunk, the jackals obviously had nothing else to do, so they debated and eventually removed Pluto.
Tonight, on Monday Night Football, the New England Flying Elvii take on the New York Sonic Aviators. The winner takes the AFC East, and likely home field advantage for the play-offs. The loser should still get in on the wildcard road, but titles always are preferred, no doubt. Talking Heads on sports media are declaring the deciding factor will be the Jets’ ability to pressure Tom “Bieber” Brady. Thank you for stating that the Jets will try to tackle the quarterback on each down. They propose complicated blitzes and coverage schemes…Ah, but here they fall into a trap. Good quarterbacks love being blitzed! It makes their reads and throws easier, and makes for big plays! As the Best Team In The NFL, by my own declaration, the Pats will beat the Jets BECAUSE they try to blitz Brady, not in spite of it. Tune it to see….
Thanks for reading, enjoy MNF and come back tomorrow for another Update, still free…Because it is impossible to charge on a blog. Have a good one, folks…
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