Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Contador’s Meat, Ginger Coach, and DubYah on Torture….

Just as I said the Cowboys can’t fire Wade Phillips, they do. Replacing him with Jason Garrett, the offensive coordinator, gives the Cowboys the opportunity to appear like they are changing something, but not really changing anything. Garrett will run the same system, with the same players, will the only real change coming in who is calling plays defensively. Unfortunately for Garrett, he is red-headed. He is also 1-7, without his starting quarterback Tony Romo, and has an unforgiving schedule ahead. They play the Giants, Redskins and Saints still this season, all on nationally televised time slots. So if you dislike the Cowboys, and we all do, enjoy this season. And you’ll be able to watch it!

Space is pretty big. In fact, it is so large that we lack the fundamental ability to truly see it, and so our research and, in turn, our understanding of it is limited. Now researchers have discovered a way to use phenomena in space, “gravitational lenses”, that magnify galaxies and celestial bodies that are millions of billions (read that again, millions of billions, that’s how old the universe is) older than galaxies around the Milky Way. This gives scientists the capability to study how the universe ages and to look for changes in the developments of galaxies or the universe itself. The Herschel space telescope, operated by the European Space Agency, detects the infrared tendencies of these gravitational lenses and can help scientists utilize them more effectively. This goes to show; we do not know everything, we know almost nothing. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.

In the ongoing investigation of Alberto Contador and his Tainted Spanish Meat, the UCI has announced that it will seek a ruling from Spain’ council on sport to decide what action to take on Contador. This is a long awaited step in a process which will ultimately decide if the two or three time champ will retain his 2010 title and avoid a two-year ban for doping. Contador has said that if handed the ban he would possibly retire. Spain’s governing body of sport will reach a decision and hand down to the UCI what essentially serves as a recommendation for punishment if found guilty, or as a vote of innocence. If the UCI does not agree with the decision, they can take their case to the International Arbitration of Sport to reverse the decision or adjust the punishment. This is not a verdict, but it does indicate that the UCI believes there is something fishy going on…
“Can you believe this guy? Tainted meat? Gimme a break.” ~Lance

The Pittsburgh Steelers defeated the Cincinnati Bengals to essentially end all hope for the Striped Cats. Ben “Touches Without Permission” Roethlisberger looks solid after his suspension and, in weeks past, has brushed off the rust and turned in some fine work. He is the best quarterback in the league to rape a woman. Go Ben!

In his recently released memoir, former President Bush defends waterboarding and other torture techniques…and Republicans will defend him for saying that. People, as a rule, seem to be all for torture until it’s them being drowned, even if it is “simulated.” The ever-eloquent Bush went onto say that, upon hearing of the 9/11 attacks, his “blood was boiling. We were going to find out who did this, and kick their ass.” THAT is the man who led our country for eight years. Sounds more like a hillbilly who had his beer stolen, not a sitting President in a time of extreme crisis.

In the Myanmar election mentioned yesterday in the Update, a major shocker! Hot off the press! The pro-military party won with over 80% of the vote! No way! The military, who forced some people from their homes to vote, claims it played no role in what it called a “historic moment.” No less than SIX (6) parties have already lodged complaints to the election commission of the country, citing obvious tampering and fraud. The commission, appointed by the military, will hear their case this week. And, probably do nothing at all.

In a quick note, Lions staff fear quarterback Matthew Stafford (he’s Matthew off the field, Matt while on it) may be lost for the season after reinjuring his right shoulder. As much potential as he has, he may never pan out if he can’t finish a season. He has missed a total of 12 games in two years, if you count games he started but failed to finish and add together those missed quarters.

Short Update today, and not a good one. Thank you for soldiering through. Enjoy “Funniest Home Videos” on ABC Family this evening.


  1. best quote of the day, "[bush] was more like a hillbilly who had his beer stolen, not a sitting President in a time of extreme crisis."

  2. That has to be the best book ever written...with a crayon.