Foxy Friday, Influential Polygons, Leopard-Trek and Nebulae…

It’s Foxy Friday, my dear readers, but we will put that aside for now to tackle some of the bigger issues of the day. No, not Snooki’s book, real, real, REAL news….

The Pentagon, the most influential polygon, says it plans to cut $100 billion in upcoming budgets. It says the Army and Marines will shrink by roughly 47,000 troops or about 6%, the first reduction in defense structure since before September 11, 2001. The troop shrink will hit full tilt but 2015, conveniently as all withdrawals are made in Iraq, and Afghan security forces are expected to take over all operations in their country. To completely look like a dick, Defense Secretary Robert Gates says the budget cuts were not motivated for a long-term push for peace; instead, he says the international recession is the major influence for the move, not, again, in the interest in peace or diplomacy. Only “extreme fiscal duress” could cause the Armed Forces to retract in size and scope. Heaven forbid we spend that sum on education, health care or social security. Gates, the ballsy son of a bitch, was quick to point out that further budget matters would be addressed by Congress and the President, and that the decreased size of the military may not be a permanent action, but a mere short term road block. Now, the Pentagon is itching to cut health care benefits to defense department retirees, which is a massive portion of the department’s budget. In five years it is expected to be well over $65 billion, a conservative number considering the tens of thousands of veterans from Iraq and Afghanistan that will still need long-term care, in addition to normal coverage. The Bohunk proposes: Make the Pentagon operate on the same budget as social security, or enlist the elderly. Or both. Then they wouldn’t be so quick to bomb brown people in the Middle East…

“Don’t worry, we will be back to our current capacity to murder and kill in a few years.
Taxpayers won’t pay for each other’s insurance, but they sure as heck enjoy spending
a million smackarooneys on a bomb that can kill hundreds. That, they’ll go for.”
~Robert Gates (Not really, but damn close)

Out in space, the Lagoon Nebula is looking good. New photos are out of the nebula, a region of budding stars four or five thousand light years away. The Visible and Infrared Survey Telescope at the European Southern Observatory (long ass name, huh?) in Chile snapped the pictures, some of the most detailed astronomical photos of the new millennium. The nebula is similar in many aspects to our own Milky Way and could reveal hints of how galaxies, star systems and even planets are formed. Look at how very far we have come; just a century before, many people were quite sure the Milky Way was the universe, and that the Earth was very much at the center of it. Then, we discovered some more galaxies, and now we imagine (because we have such limited technology we can’t prove a lick of what we know outside mathematical theorem) there to be billions of galaxies, and that our own little planet is really on the outer edge of a galaxy quite non-central in the universe. As Bill Bryson is quick to say, “We haven’t the foggiest idea.” We don’t know everything, we know almost nothing. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.

The Lagoon Nebula. Perhaps, therein lies some alien creature. Maybe. Just Maybe.

  In answer to my Dear Brother’s question from this morning, “Who the fuck is Michele Bachmann?”, I have gathered evidence enough to conclude the following: nobody. Bachmann is a (oh, you guessed it, didn’t you?) Republican Representative from Minnesota who is attractive, overly talkative and completely unqualified in any way whatsoever to hold the highest office in these United States. She will probably run for President, backed by tons of TeaBaggers and their money, though she is very actively not-denying that she has a potential interest in perhaps, should the conditions arise, maybe, run. This sort of wishy-washy non-commitment hogwash is the same tactic chicks used in high school to run for Prom Court. She says maybe, but inside, she is dreaming of puffy sleeves and a tiara. She is big on small government. She wants to ‘repeal’ the health care plan, and ‘repeal’ Obama in 2012. To note, you cannot repeal a person. That’s stupid. But essentially, she follows the GOP line and deviates only to pander to the Tea Party. What a ‘rogue’. So, in the interest of every American, please Bachmann, run. Because if America has to pick between you and Sarah Palin, Obama will win.

You’ve made it, kind sir (or madame) to the Fox of the Week. This installment features the wonderful Scarlett Johansson. She began her career in 1994 in North a picture some might remember but most didn’t see. Perhaps her biggest break came with the Great Bill Murray in Lost In Translation, which was best described to the Bohunk by my father, Joe (who looks and acts uncannily like Bill Murray, it should be noted) as a film which entailed, “A lot of staring out windows and looking bored or something artistic and shit.” However, people did see that movie and seemed to rather like it. The Bohunk’s personal favorite Johansson flick is The Prestige, also starring Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman, flanked by Michael Caine as well. If you haven’t seen it, do so immediately. To disappoint more than a few readers who are uninformed, Scarlett is married to Ryan Reynolds, who is more handsome and affluent than you are.

Scarlett Johansson: Timeless beauty. God Bless Sweden.

Team Leopard-Trek was unveiled today, the Luxemburg Project that was spear headed by the Schleck Brothers, formerly of Saxo-Bank. The siblings pulled along the meat AND potatoes of their former squad, including Fabian “Spartacus” Cancellara, the world’s greatest time trialist  and Classics champ. The squad includes:

• Daniele Bennati (Ita), Liquigas-Doimo – sprinter, classics
• Fabian Cancellara (Swi), Saxo Bank – classics, TTs
• Stefan Denifl (Aut), Cervélo – climber, attacker
• Brice Feillu (Fra), Vacansoleil – climber, stage-hunter
• Jakob Fuglsang (Den), Saxo Bank – all-rounder
• Linus Gerdemann (Ger), Milram – all-rounder
• Dominic Klemme (Ger), Saxo Bank – worker, attacker
• Anders Lund (Den), Saxo Bank

The Bohunk casually predicts two Grand Tour wins (Giro and France) and the Roubaix and Milan-San Remo. Paris-Nice could go either way, depending on Contador’s suspension. The UCI recently ranked its teams, with Leopard-Trek taking the top spot over win-factories like HTC-Columbia, Rabobank and Garmin-Cervelo. The team has a ton of firepower and committed domestiques, a dangerous professional combination. The Bohunk is awaiting a contract offer…

Thanks for reading and enjoy a great weekend. The Bohunk will be checking in from the road, but back again on Monday with all new stuff, back in Allendale and the Grandest Valley State University. Chapeau!

Starbucks, Rich Rod, Holes and the N~Word…

It’s Thursday, you may notice, which is one day before Friday and then the weekend. The problem, or blessing depending on your view, is that upon the completion of the weekend, this cycle begins anew. Stave off the inevitable with the Update…

Jumping straight to the good stuff, we find ourselves in the heated debate of black holes. One of the most mysterious aspects of our universe is the black hole, long believed to be exaggerated by high speed collisions. The black hole devours all matter around it, and then, over the course of a few billion years, reemerges and develops, over a few more billion years, into a new galaxy or star system. Some black holes develop an inconstant rates, accelerating quickly at random intervals before slowing again. Many scientists had believed that this was a by product of cosmic collisions, celestial entities slamming at thousand of light years’ speed into the black hole and making its size ‘jump’. However, recent studies show that, over the past 8 billion years, collisions of this type have no influence on the size of a black hole, or its rate of growth. Then how does the gravitational force of a black hole change? How can it go against all the laws of physics and change its rate of growth and shift in overall size. We haven’t the foggiest. We don’t know everything, we know almost nothing. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.

Artist rendering of a black hole; if it was really this color, it would be called a ‘Trippy
Hole’.

In cycling news, Lance Armstrong says he is not concerned or bothered by the on-going federal investigation into his career. In an interview with the Sydney Morning Herald Lance says he has many concerns involving the future of the sport, but refused to speak at length on the US and Food and Drug Administration’s long investigation the United States Postal Service Cycling squad of the late ‘90s, Armstrong’s sponsor for six of his seven Tour de France wins.A grand jury in Los Angeles has been presented with evidence and testimonies for months after doper Floyd Landis presented a case against Armstrong. Armstrong’s final international cycling event will be in Australia’s Tour Down under this spring. Frankly, this is ruining the sport, especially in conjunction with Alberto Contador’s Case of the Tainted Spanish Beef still being deliberated in a Spanish court. The Bohunk smells something fishy in both situations…but that is relatively normal in cycling, unfortunately.

Lance Armstong vs Jan Ullrich: A battle for the ages. Both are suspected of being doped
to the gills throughout their Tour wins. (Ullrich won in 1997; Armstong 1999-2005)

Starbucks, the Best Smelling Store Around, changed it logo to celebrate its 40th anniversary, highlighting their traditional green siren but dropping the circle that heretofore surrounded her. People with nothing better to do commenced directly to bitching, saying it was dumb to remove the name of the company from the logo. Right, because no one knows who the Swish, Golden Arches or Eagle belong to…(Nike, McDonald’s and American Eagle, just in case) Obviously it is not a huge deal, and the Bohunk wonders if half the people complaining would have even noticed the difference if they weren’t told of it. You can decide for yourself, below.

The first three are obviously Starbucks cups, but the last one, I have no idea what it
is used for or what corporation to associate it with. If only it said what do to with it somewhere…

Rich Rodriguez was fired by the University of Michigan. Anyone want the job?

(Crickets)

In another contribution to World Going To Hell Via Hand Basket, a new edition of “Adventures of Huckleberry Finn” will lack the word “nigger” and be replaced by the word “slave” which, in context, with neither make sense or illustrate the inhuman status African-Americans held during Twain’s time, an important lesson for youngsters to learn, appreciate and detest. All 219 uses of “nigger” are removed after Alan Gribben, a professor at Auburn University, said he felt uncomfortable saying the word aloud in class. The Bohunk kindly instructs him to grow up. The initial print of the sanitized version ran at 7,500 copies and should be finished by February. No schools have expressed interest in teaching with the new version. Kudos for taking the opportunity of the harsh, terrible language as a way to show the youth of America just how ugly man can be in the hopes of making a better society. Any high school student would argue that they hear worse language in the hallway at school on any given day than that found in “Huck Finn” or “Tom Sawyer” and a quick listen to rap music would show that 219 uses of the n-word would be the equivalent of two or three songs nowadays.

In the on-going check in on Haiti, which the Bohunk regrets has been lacking in recent weeks, we unfortunately find little positive. The new problem (as if existing ones were not completely and inhumanely sufficient) is rape. Amnesty International is reporting to news outlets that gangs of armed men are prowling the countryside and urban streets alike, attacking, molesting, raping and kidnapping women. The problem is especially rife in the squalid camps around Port-au-Prince, the nation’s beleaguered capital which has suffered from political strife, a massive earthquake and an outbreak of cholera, just to name the major plagues. Amnesty International claims that security in these refugee camps is completely invisible except near food drops, which, with tens of thousands of starving citizens close by, need constant guarding. The women have almost no protection; even in their dwellings, many are raped after men simply cut through the side of the tent with a knife or push the entire shack over. According to an official in Haiti, a Mr. Ducos, “most of these crimes go unpunished” because there is not enough police influence to track or prosecute a suspected rapist, even if he was seen in broad daylight by hundreds of people. Haiti is a terrible place for everyone, but the women and children of that country are experiencing a life that is riddled with loss, hate and misery. Be grateful for your own lot in this world, because you could be living in Haiti.

Sorry to end the Update on such a sour note. Quickly, note that the Schleck Brothers will be announcing their sponsor and kit this evening, 8 pm Paris time. The boys will finally have a name to the Best Team Ever Without A Name…Also, be sure to follow me on Twitter, @theflyingbohunk for quick Update access every morning and news throughout the day. Like what Snooki is up to…

Thanks for reading, enjoy NBC’s Thursday night line-up, it should be quite good. Chapeau!

Punjabis, Illicit Players, MOBY and Dark Energy….

Wednesday now, and the week is stretching on endlessly with the end in obvious sight but seemingly unreachable. Grab a nice long Update and burn a few minutes of a lingering day…

Following succinctly up on the piece from yesterday on the Consumer Electronics Show in Vegas, we find, to no real surprise, that tablets are the hottest item on the floor. One worth noting, especially to my college student readers (holla, folks) is the MOBY tablet. It is designed with students in mind, which means a bit of a trade-off; some things will have lower quality capacity and function (typically memory, camera and GB) but will retail for a much lower price and have the right software for scholarly pursuit, namely Facebook, YouTube and maybe some type of notepad for class. The MOBY most likely will emerge as a sub-$200 tablet next fall, but it means that the lower price point will be filled, and, with any luck, flooded with more competitors by the end of the year. (The Bohunk apologizes for nerding out a bit)

The Bohunk noted this story yesterday, but waiting patiently for more details to…I do not intend to imitate Fox News by taking a report with almost no facts, making up facts, and then ignoring real information when it does not match up with the contrived report. On Tuesday, the governor of the Punjab Province in Pakistan was assassinated by his body guard in a busy market. The governor, Salman Taseer, had recently spoken out against the blasphemy law still on the books in Pakistan (and in Saudi Arabia, to note) a country that is, I am told, one of our biggest allies against terror in the Middle East. Taseer had been warned against using the guard, Malik Mumtaz Hussain Qadri, who had been investigated and found to hold ties with extremists as far back as 2004. Qadri had joined the police force in 2002, and was selected for “elite force course” in 2008, four years after experts warned of his religious ties. Qadri has confessed to killing the governor because “he did blasphemy of the Prophet Muhammed” by repeatedly referring to the blasphemy laws as “the black laws”. Qadri’s belief in a god caused him to put 26 bullets in the body of the man he had sworn to protect. For those unfamiliar, the blasphemy law in Pakistan forbids anyone from speaking ill of the Prophet Muhammed, the Qu’ran or the Islamic faith. A Christian woman, Asia Bibi, was executed (publicly, mind you) just this past November after being found guilty for insulting Islam in an argument with co workers in 2009. Obviously, there can be no more evil law than this. It is no different than being killed for speaking out against a political faction, and so, in a sense, is a sort of spiritual facism. Again, killing for your belief is like arguing who has the cooler imaginary friend, then murdering if the other person disagrees. A sad story, with more to come, but, my dear readers, we must not tarry here…

Salmon Taseer, the slain governor of the Punjab Province.

In the Ivory Coast, entrenched ex-President Laurent Gbagbo has announced that he will lift the blockade around political rival Alassane Ouattara, the new President-to-be. The softening of the embattled lingering Gbagbo may be to save his own skin. He wants to be sure he will not be prosecuted or, indeed, brutally murdered in the streets whenever it is he relinquishes power to the incoming President and his staff. Both men claim to be the winners of last month’s elections, though widespread fraud and foul play was reported by both camps. The runoff election, conducted on November 28th and confirmed December 2nd declared Ouattara the winner, but Gbagbo refuses to step down. Over 170 people have been killed in the ensuing violence. A recommendation by Billy Hanson, aged 4, from Nantucket, is to have a Rock, Papers, Scissors match, perhaps two out of three, then the loser should “sack it up and get lost, see?” No word on whether the advice will be taken.

In somewhat amateur football, the Illicit Five of Ohio State University beat the Arkansas Razorbacks in Le Sucre Bowl last evening. Five players from Ohio State, including Terrelle Pryor and Dan Herron, were found to have sold gear and rings for cash, in addition to accepting illegal benefits from a local tattoo parlor. All five players will miss the first five games of next season, but were allowed to play in Le Sucre Bowl…Why? For cash. Ratings with the five were higher than they would have been without. Head coach Jim Tressell reportedly man each player ‘pinky-promise’ to return next season in order to play, but just days before the game Terrell Pryor wavered, saying they promised their ‘intent’ to return, but no guarantee was written in stone. (The Bohunk thinks they should have been forced to tattoo the promise in a prominent place on their bodies, and at full price, too) The final score was 31-26, though it belies not the firm upper hand enjoyed by the Buckeyes most of the contest. They led 28-7 in the second quarter. Pryor, Herron and wide receiver Posey, all Illicit Players, scored for the Buckeyes…Take away their contributions, and Ohio State loses. The win did save the bowl season for the Large Dix, after other squads went a thudding 0-5 on New Years Day.

Not sure if this is pre or post Pinky Promise, but Pryor played in Le Sucre Bowl, nonetheless…

In space, dark energy is believed to be the factor behind the accelerated expansion of the universe. But NASA has put on hold a plan to build a craft designed to investigate dark energy and other stars and planets due to a massive lack of funds. The $1.6 billion budget needed to complete the James Webb Telescope is not popping up from behind anyone’s ear, and scientists believe it will be a decade or so until they have the money to continue preparation for the launch. The craft itself is still several years from completion, so the timetable is looking rather bleak. Twenty years ago, scientist found that the universe was expanding and an accelerating (accelerating, nor accelerated; it is not just faster,  but constantly getting faster and faster) which goes against most of the rules of gravity and physics. Einstein, in 1917, proposed a theory called the ‘cosmological constant’, which proposed that empty space serves as a sort of repulsive agent and causing things to push things apart. During his lifetime, the discovery that the universe was expanding at a constant rate (which we know now to be wrong) made the cosmological constant the most regretted thing of Einstein’s life, and even he admitted it. Now, however, he is proved correct, decades after his death and before he could have possibly had the materials and tools to even conduct research. Indeed, it seems Einstein simply thought his way to one of the most important scientific discoveries in history. Research now shows that things in the universe are moving apart 120 times faster than thought possible. We don’t know everything, we know almost nothing. The universe, my friends, is the greatest mystery.

Thanks for reading, and enjoy the return on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart all this week on Comedy Central.